₦airaland Forum

Brother. This is normal in Africa. You can find a way to manage this situation. Her family is equally yours. If you keep seeing her family different from yours, then you're sure to arrive at your conclusion.
This will fade away. Try and bear a little more.
Family over everything. You will still make more money over time, but if you ruin this relationship, it will cost you much more than the money you intend to save.
It takes wisdom to keep a woman.

This are the people I have problem with[b] her elder brother and sister and sometimes they stay up to a week.[/b]are they still single?elder brother and sister a week in their younger sister famliy house what of the father too ? Talk to your wife to find a way to tell them your house is not motherless home

NwaliE01:
Brother. This is normal in Africa. You can find a way to manage this situation. Her family is equally yours. If you keep seeing her family different from yours, then you're sure to arrive at your conclusion.
This will fade away. Try and bear a little more.
Family over everything. You will still make more money over time, but if you ruin this relationship, it will cost you much more than the money you intend to save.
It takes wisdom to keep a woman.

Bros this is not Normal at all only jobless people do that my question is this for you can you do that too in your younger sister house not elder sister oooo

Lalami3232:
While others are advising you rightly and wrongly, let me use this medium to enlighten my fellow men nationwide with the good news. OP did you meet her as a virgin? If NO, then the sentence below is also for you.

Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall atall

This boy again Kai woman don show u shege for this life

MarketDispatch:
Suggestion
If your wife was working, the simplest way to handle this issue is by having a discussion. Let your wife take care of only feeding (foodstuffs ) in the house, whilst you take care of bulk (rent, car purchase, school fees, baby items etc and sundry (dstv, internet, PHCN, drinks) payments.

With your wife taking care of feeding, you won't worry about extra mouths you are complaining of

Good idea, but for Christ's sakes, shouldn't the couple and baby have privacy for themselves?

The MIL should know she's overstayed her welcome. Or is she there so as couple will not resume intimacy until she approves?
All the wife's siblings should be told to keep away by any means necessary.
Wife should be proactive about it. Generousity has become a license for abuse abi?
It just takes reasoning. OP should discuss with his wife, no one owes the in-laws favours as large as a state budget.
MIL should go and take care of her own husband, wife's siblings should go and work to earn a living and marry!

eazzzy1:
You should have planned it before she came. You would have told her to come bond with the baby for 4 months after which your mom would come for 4 months. That way the duration of their stay isn’t subjective.

As it stands now the only way to codedly chase her is to invite your mother to move in too.

You missed his point, he doesnt mind the mother in law staying, its the other siblings of the wife who tagging along to come and stay. Therefore he has extra mouth to feed on top of the mother -in -law

mmadu5:
are you the man of the house or the woman of the house . like WTF . You cant even make decision on your own without coming to NL .. look mr Man. tell them to leave your house. that you married their daughter and not them..unless you didnt pay the pride price. then i can understands. grow some balls mr man i hate weaklings

teenager using phone don talk

NwaliE01:
Brother. This is normal in Africa. You can find a way to manage this situation. Her family is equally yours. If you keep seeing her family different from yours, then you're sure to arrive at your conclusion.
This will fade away. Try and bear a little more.
Family over everything. You will still make more money over time, but if you ruin this relationship, it will cost you much more than the money you intend to save.
It takes wisdom to keep a woman.

yes thata true in terms of simple family relationship, but as per true responsibility he is not responsible for them, therefore they should limit visits and number of people.

Do you know that if it was the other way round, whereby the man's mothers and two other siblings, the wife will end up crying that she is ever busy cooking for them etc. So please in laws, let new weds or newly parents have space

Osgilliat:
They are still there because your pots are still active. Starve everyone including yourself(except for the baby) for a whole week and watch them run away.
Don’t give your wife or anyone money to cook, tell her you are broke and watch drama.

Once they hear broke, afraid will first catch madam, she will sneeze and her Mom and siblings will catch cold ....na to find way be that!

Wakatumbit:
My wife gave birth and her mom has been staying with us for the past 3 months, we have dedicated our baby already and my wife has even learnt to bath the baby and do things by herself when it comes to the baby.

I don't have an issue with the mom staying with us but ever since she came my wife's siblings has been coming to the house, her elder brother and sister and sometimes they stay up to a week.

With the two of them that makes us five in the house and feeding five people in this economy is not easy. I just looked at my bank statement this evening and in the last 2 weeks I've spent over 250k on expenses, from feeding to fuel, to baby food. If it's just me and my wife we won't be spending that much.


I'm thinking of telling my wife to tell her brother and sister to go leaving only they mom and they shouldn't be coming at all, they can visit but they shouldn't stay.

My family doesn't come around a lot and when they do visit, they don't even stay the night.

But I don't want to make it look like I'm a bad person, so how do I chase them away codedly

I only have issue with your wife elder brother and sister visiting for weeks. I guess they probably don't have what keeps them busy

MarketDispatch:
Suggestion
If your wife was working, the simplest way to handle this issue is by having a discussion. Let your wife take care of only feeding (foodstuffs ) in the house, whilst you take care of bulk (rent, car purchase, school fees, baby items etc and sundry (dstv, internet, PHCN, drinks) payments.

With your wife taking care of feeding, you won't worry about extra mouths you are complaining of

Who gave you my strategy guy man
Women are naturally wasteful, so this strategy is the only way to curb their excesses.

If you try my suggestion and they refuse to go. Go buy a rottweiler dog wet sabi chase person.

ZIMDRILL:
yes thata true in terms of simple family relationship, but as per true responsibility he is not responsible for them, therefore they should limit visits and number of people.

Do you know that if it was the other way round, whereby the man's mothers and two other siblings, the wife will end up crying that she is ever busy booking for them etc. So please in laws, let new weds or newly parents have space

I quite agree with you.

Villa12:
teenager using phone don talk

na your papa be teenager . ogun go kill ur papa

mmadu5:
na your papa be teenager . ogun go kill ur papa

go read ya book

Wakatumbit:
My wife gave birth and her mom has been staying with us for the past 3 months, we have dedicated our baby already and my wife has even learnt to bath the baby and do things by herself when it comes to the baby.

I don't have an issue with the mom staying with us but ever since she came my wife's siblings has been coming to the house, her elder brother and sister and sometimes they stay up to a week.

With the two of them that makes us five in the house and feeding five people in this economy is not easy. I just looked at my bank statement this evening and in the last 2 weeks I've spent over 250k on expenses, from feeding to fuel, to baby food. If it's just me and my wife we won't be spending that much.


I'm thinking of telling my wife to tell her brother and sister to go leaving only they mom and they shouldn't be coming at all, they can visit but they shouldn't stay.

My family doesn't come around a lot and when they do visit, they don't even stay the night.

But I don't want to make it look like I'm a bad person, so how do I chase them away codedly

Where did you marry from?
If na Edo or Delta, they see it as a right to stay in their inlaws house as much as possible. Denying them makes you a topic of their family meeting. I advise you talk to the most matured member of the family - the mother or father.

idahme:
Interestingly 80% if ladies won't even understand this I hope his will be amongst the 20%. I don't still understand the reason why some inlaws behave this way no thought process about expenditure they only think the man that married their daughter is a superman and he can do all things.

This is why every man must put factors like how educated the family is, how financially independent they are and if they are able to use common Sense in decision making before venturing.

I wish him good luck, it's not easy to take care of a household all by yourself in this economy

The bolded can not be over-emphasised. If the family is educated wise, they should know that they are abusing overstaying their welcome and should apologise and take their leave in peace, if aproached by the OP.

But we all know the reverse could be the case, if not properly handled by the OP.

Men, look before you leap. listen to @bolded, prevention is better than cure. #Irestmycase

Osgilliat:
They are still there because your pots are still active. Starve everyone including yourself(except for the baby) for a whole week and watch them run away.
Don’t give your wife or anyone money to cook, tell her you are broke and watch drama.

OP,
Here is the best advice so far... works everytime 💯
no loose guard

Do you even need to talk to your wife before she realizes that feeding her family will be a great burden on your finances?
If she fails to understand, when you talk to her, then you haven't gotten yourself a good partner..

That's just my opinion.
Personally I hate selfish people...they do my head in.

@OP Someone mentioned it earlier...

Women would not put themselves in disadvantageous situations and keep quiet. If na your in-laws she'd be pestering you by now - now imagine she was the one providing for them..

I understand you don't want to look like a bad person (women won't have this issue if the tables were turned) but I know you also don't enjoy suffering in silence.

Don't enable parasitism. Don't shine your teeth. Tell your wife (don't talk to her, tell her) how it is. Chances are she won't be comfortable because it's her family but she'll ignore your own discomfort - at that point the ball is in your court.

Your wife no be your blood ooo hmmm, if ship sink them go abort omo country hard even e no hard na una daughter i marry no be una.

Use broom pursue them

Zubeezanga:
Your wife no be your blood ooo hmmm, if ship sink them go abort omo country hard even e no hard na una daughter i marry no be una.

Asking stupid questions .SMH.
At your age u don't know how to chase a person out
Their are billions of ways to chase a person out but am going to give you just three
1.THE EMOTIONAL MOVE:
by crying and biting yourself, eventually when the time comes you take a plank or belt and do the needful
2.THE SMART MOVE:
by walking left and right and when the time comes you take a bucket and do the neeful
3.(my best move)THE CELEB MOVE : by walking to the person and telling the person get lost

so simple
(YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL)
»JH«

Villa12:
go read ya book

BULLYING A CHILD IS STRICTLY AGAINST NAIRALAND LAW
If you are being caught again u will be given a life ban ((TRUE WORDS))
»JH«

mmadu5:
na your papa be teenager . ogun go kill ur papa

Mr mmadu5, we are sorry for the insult, we have warned villa12 or whatever he calls himself, that if he ever insult any kid again, he will recieve life ban ((TRUE WORDS))
CELEB IS ALWAYS THE NICEST
»JH«

Wakatumbit:
My wife gave birth and her mom has been staying with us for the past 3 months, we have dedicated our baby already and my wife has even learnt to bath the baby and do things by herself when it comes to the baby.

I don't have an issue with the mom staying with us but ever since she came my wife's siblings has been coming to the house, her elder brother and sister and sometimes they stay up to a week.

With the two of them that makes us five in the house and feeding five people in this economy is not easy. I just looked at my bank statement this evening and in the last 2 weeks I've spent over 250k on expenses, from feeding to fuel, to baby food. If it's just me and my wife we won't be spending that much.


I'm thinking of telling my wife to tell her brother and sister to go leaving only they mom and they shouldn't be coming at all, they can visit but they shouldn't stay.

My family doesn't come around a lot and when they do visit, they don't even stay the night.

But I don't want to make it look like I'm a bad person, so how do I chase them away codedly

Them force you go marry. Deal with your problems.

If you are working, apply for a leave and organize a trip with your wife, it might be a two days outing, just anything that will clear the house and you lock your doors for at least a day

Compulsory job vacation
Religious program
Post natal check up in a specialist hospital outside the state
Anniversary (honeymoon) trip
Trip to see your people after the birth

Just anything that will clear the house. Insist that they can't wait for you to come back (week long trip)

Inform them a week prior

If they eventually leave, no need to spend money, just sleep one night in a hotel and go back home

I still never understand why they needed to come. What happened to video conference .
Don’t they work ?
My advice, discuss with wifey. She has to be the one to tell them to leave. Mum can stay as she will help with house keeping , cooking and you can still make your runs . But you eventually also need to discuss when she should leave

This same wife of yours will not allow your own family members stay up to 2days in your house. Yet, you are lacking the balls to kick her family out of your house.

If you want them to leave, invite your own family members to stay in the same house for up to 3days and watch as your wife changes it for them. Then you can now ask everybody to leave.

OP apply sense to this case as I have advised you. People saying that a woman will not tolerate your own family for long time, of course, it is what it is. Women grew up with their families before they married you. They will never be comfortable living with in laws compared to their own family they have lived with since birth. It's common sense, manage in laws carefully. You need them and they will solve things you alone cannot. They should not take advantage of you but also take a look at what they are doing and it will help you. If you go abroad, to have family scarce so manage what you have. Is there something the siblings are doing that mama cannot? There may be some family things you do not understand that they are doing to help her that you cannot see but it is only the food part you are looking at.

Manage them carefully.

papyjaypaul:
OP apply sense to this case as I have advised you. People saying that a woman will not tolerate your own family for long time, of course, it is what it is. Women grew up with their families before they married you. They will never be comfortable living with in laws compared to their own family they have lived with since birth. It's common sense, manage in laws carefully. You need them and they will solve things you alone cannot. They should not take advantage of you but also take a look at what they are doing and it will help you. If you go abroad, to have family scarce so manage what you have. Is there something the siblings are doing that mama cannot? There may be some family things you do not understand that they are doing to help her that you cannot see but it is only the food part you are looking at.

Manage them carefully.

You just forgot that the man himself grew up with his own family and more comfortable with them! Does that means he should invite his mom and two of his siblings to come and join them right now?

You guys should learn to balance your views when commenting on issues like this.

Op should just greatly reduce the amount of provisions he makes available at home with the complain that he is low of funds and have even taken loans at his work place and hence the next salary will be half of what he normally earns and this applies to next five months salaries. And watch the said in-laws find their way.

Stevenbright:
You just forgot that the man himself grew up with his own family and more comfortable with them! Does that means he should invite his mom and two of his siblings to come and join them right now?

You guys should learn to balance your views when commenting on issues like this.

Op should just greatly reduce the amount of provisions he makes available at home with the complain that he is low of funds and have even taken loans at his work place and hence the next salary will be half of what he normally earns and this applies to next five months salaries. And watch the said in-laws find their way.

This one is not matter of fight, life is not fair to men but we need to know how to mange the female species. When I was younger, papa used to tell me about women, then I was clinging on to women because women will always be partial. As a man, I can now see what he said. You have to handle women in their game.

This people will not stay there forever but let me tell you one thing, the moment you say one thing, that is what they will never forget and remember you for. They will not remember all the free feeding he was doing.

Are you saying that my family is hungry

Are we bothering you

Okay i will use my money.

The thing can turn anyhow. Imagine the family now buying their things or the guy sending them out claiming tough guy. I have had guys who did that, they sent family away, it never ends well. In laws are like boardroom politics, let him manage them well. They know themselves better than he thinks he knows them. A man must draw boundaries but in drawing boundaries, he should remember he still needs them in the future. This is just the first pregnancy.