Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 11:25am On Feb 26, 2021 |
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria. Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth. If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same. They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef. I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious. My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her. But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense? I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot. Sad 34 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Fixey: 11:31am On Feb 26, 2021 |
You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil
Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life. 96 Likes 9 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 11:34am On Feb 26, 2021 |
Fixey: You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil
Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life. Thank you sir. I will adjust 58 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Romanoff(f): 11:41am On Feb 26, 2021 |
It's your wife you have to talk to.
Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.
Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.
Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.
Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house. 166 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 11:43am On Feb 26, 2021 |
Your problem is solved already from your write-up. I'm here to give advice to future husbands. Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky. I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.
And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace 417 Likes 34 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 11:45am On Feb 26, 2021 |
Romanoff: It's your wife you have to talk to.
Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.
Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.
Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.
Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house.
Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without them knowing, but they always get mad because they always miss the opportunity to influence their dad to tell him what to demand. So she's woken up. 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Romanoff(f): 11:54am On Feb 26, 2021 |
badmusatari:
Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up. Good. She has to stay woke o. Life na per head. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Mikester: 12:20pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
MejiLoyon: Your problem is solved already from your write-up. I'm here to give advice to future husbands. Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky. I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.
And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace Thanks for the heads up. It's beneficial to me 29 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 12:41pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
MejiLoyon: Your problem is solved already from your write-up. I'm here to give advice to future husbands. Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky. I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.
And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace God bless your wisdom brother. 38 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Richy4(m): 1:00pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
MejiLoyon: Your problem is solved already from your write-up. I'm here to give advice to future husbands. Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky. I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.
And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.
You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support? 73 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Mide3367: 1:10pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
You no get family ni? |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 1:13pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.
You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support? You're also correct. 26 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by GIANTPLUSHUB: 1:18pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.
You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support? Hmmmm. Try and read his message again. He never said they should be totally ignored. He said no too overdo. You get it now? 79 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nobody: 5:28pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home 44 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by kc4christ(m): 5:30pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
greetings....
bros Weldon u try
marriage is not for children,you need to calm down and apply wisdom in all you do when it comes to in-laws.
finally don't forget to invest in your children's future. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Angelacruz: 9:35pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
Keep dem at arms length...always be broke.Ur family shld be your own priority[img] 2 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by mutter(f): 10:59pm On Feb 26, 2021 |
Nothing wrong in people asking. If you can't give say no. 5 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Yusufisraelj(m): 12:38am On Feb 27, 2021 |
mutter: Nothing wrong in people asking. If you can't give say no. badmusarati this point above may look brief but much wisdom in it, for me the priority is your immediate family not extended, yes you can help to the limits of your ability that's even the petty cash in your budget, once exhausted no more giving. Simple Equally never allow any soul bully your wife emotionally, psychologically or even physically, end that communication channel, no matter who the person is. It will suffice to say that prayers be made for your sister's brother, a mindset or spirit is what influences repeated cycles of bad behavior in people. You don't attend to the latter cause with words, a superior force is needed to bring him back to his senses of responsibility. God speed. badmusatari:
Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by jesmond3945: 12:59am On Feb 27, 2021 |
badmusatari: I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1
I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.
Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.
If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.
They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef. I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious. My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her. But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?
I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.
Sad what of your parents,? How much have you sent to them? Won't you save for your kids school in harvard? Won't you want to drive the latest tesla? Won't you want to have a mansion in banana island? What if you loose your job, what would you fall back on? What of your siblings, won't you give them money. Entitlement mentality is demonic and can destroy your peace of mind. 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Richy4(m): 3:20am On Feb 27, 2021 |
GIANTPLUSHUB:
Hmmmm. Try and read his message again. He never said they should be totally ignored. He said no too overdo. You get it now? I think I Know the meaning of an arms length ... and the gentleman I quoted understands what I was talking about... so what is your deal....? |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Boss13: 4:14am On Feb 27, 2021 |
badmusatari:
Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up. Your communication skills is really horrible and it makes your post a difficult read. 8 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Ishilove: 6:12am On Feb 27, 2021 |
Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.
You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support? You have spoken well. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Sijo01(f): 9:16am On Feb 27, 2021 |
Change your phone numbers(s) and cut them off for the time being.
Whenever you decide to establish communication with them again, be brief and precise. 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by cooooooks(m): 11:04am On Feb 27, 2021 |
Conjure up the courage to cut contact. I heard that people abroad use banks to build houses. If in PH, I could link you up. I'm not yet married but I hope even after that, this won't be a problem. I don't mind cutting contact with toxic people. Thankfully, my parents aren't this way. Also, no curse will work. Tell that dad that if he curses anybody, he curses himself. badmusatari: I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1
I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.
Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.
If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.
They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef. I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious. My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her. But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?
I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.
Sad 5 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by cooooooks(m): 11:04am On Feb 27, 2021 |
Stop reporting yourself. Read to understand, not to feel triggered. mutter: Nothing wrong in people asking. If you can't give say no. 4 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by cooooooks(m): 11:06am On Feb 27, 2021 |
Lots of spaces, little content. kc4christ: greetings....
bros Weldon u try
marriage is not for children,you need to calm down and apply wisdom in all you do when it comes to in-laws.
finally don't forget to invest in your children's future. 2 Likes |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by pozehnani(f): 1:34pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
How about telling the old man to collect his ATM card from the guy and be handling the cash himself or better still open a new account where you can send the money directly to.
One thing you should know is, apart from your bother in-law, the old man does not have entitlement mentality but it is his right to enjoy the fruits of his labour. So, give him whenever he requests "if" you have, except you don't have. 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by ImaIma1(f): 6:40pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
Romanoff: It's your wife you have to talk to.
Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.
Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.
Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.
Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house.
I don't believe it's his job to send monthly stipend to his father inlaw. He can send him money as a gift once in a while.The man has his own children who are meant to do that. And I guess the op has parents too. 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Romanoff(f): 7:49pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
ImaIma1:
I don't believe it's his job to send monthly stipend to his father inlaw. He can send him money as a gift once in a while.The man has his own children who are meant to do that. And I guess the op has parents too.
Your parents in law become your parents as well and there's nothing wrong with sending them monthly stipends. If you're buoyant enough to do it, there's absolutely nothing wrong in it. I just don't believe it should be an obligation or that the in laws should feel entitled to it. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by slawormiir: 9:03pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
Damnnnnn niggarrr Isoright |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Nairalandwizerd(m): 9:03pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
Oh |
Re: Save Me From Entitled Inlaws by Evilgenuis: 9:04pm On Feb 27, 2021 |
17 Likes 2 Shares |