₦airaland Forum

I’ve seen many hot takes here already... lol!!! None of them are married to your wife, you are! Na u sabi am. That decision that you’re cautiously trying to avoid taking might be a life saving decision for you. You need zero validation from people who have zero knowledge of what your day - day life is like. In all you do to each other, show kindness and accept only kindness. Anything short of this, it’s not worth it!

capnies:
I AM MARRIED WITH CHILDREN, DON'T ALLOW THAT, I REPEAT DON'T ALLOW THAT. WHO IS A PASTOR.
IF YOUR PARENTS ARE ALIVE GET THEM TO NAME THE CHILD.
YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED HERE FIRST BEFORE ACCEPTING HER MANIPULATION.
ALL MY THREE CHILDREN ARE THROUGH CS.
FIRST YOU'RE TO GIVE THE NAME OF THE CHILD TO THE CHURCH: DON'T GIVE ANY NAME, DON'T ATTAIN THE CHURCH, IF THEY ARE COMING TO YOUR HOUSE WALK AWAY, PROPOSE YOUR OWN NAME FOR THE CHILD, IF YOU CAN'T BE MAN ENOUGH TO STOP HER GRIP ON YOUR JUGULAR, AFTER THE WHOLE RUBBISH, START CALLING YOUR SON YOUR PROPOSED NAME. IF THE MONEY IS THERE QUICKLY PERFORM A DNA TEST.
FINALLY I AM TELLING YOU TO TELL HER YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR MIND ON WHAT YOU SAID. AT THE WORSE LET THERE BE NO CEREMONY, INTACT WAIT FOR SATURDAY TO PASS THEN START CALLING YOUR CHILD YOUR PROPOSED NAME.
DON'T GIVE IN TO HER MANIPULATIONS, THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES STARTS WITH A STEP.
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN
DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN......

Is this a counsel or an order ?

BlindAngel:
I'm the one paying the bills of course, yesterday I was angry and told her to buy all the maltina and meat pie then she can call her pastor to officiate the naming. She went silent and started calling me wicked, and heartless. I spent almost 400k on her CS spent 73k on the naming but it's time to make a decision and she want to make it.

During our marriage, her mother refused to appear in the church because I said I won't do court marriage, I saw it on my wife chat with her elder sister, she said her mom said she won't come because I'm thinking rubbish by not doing court marriage. And truly she didn't come.

Why refuse court marriage? If you married a good woman, she will not cart away with your money unjustly. Even if she does, then it will not be painful because she was good.
My dad always says that if he and my mum divorce, without court order he will give her everything because she deserves it

The day a woman knows that she can manipulate you with tears or anything for that matter, you're a goner.

BlindAngel:
Worst of it all I have already started hearing storing flying around that she's controlling me, all because I gave in for her to allow her pastor officiate the wedding.

I refused and she told me that my mom is controlling me, even though my mom has absolutely nothing to do for me wanting our pastor to do the naming. I, my mom and all my siblings are attending same church, so that's the manipulating word she used for me and I agreed for her pastor to officiate it, I agreed because if another ear should hear such word, It'd spread out and people might believe it's true.

As for she answering my surname, I have already promised myself not to confront her about it, because I expect her to do that immediately after our marriage. But until this very moment she's still answering her father's name.

If you don't tell her she might not take it as a big deal ,like me,I don't just send but the day I want it changed I will tell my wife and she must change it,tell her bro,but never agree on her doing the naming ilby her pastor,who does that

BlindAngel:
That's the church she was attending before we got married, so I don't want to stop her in order for it not to seems like I'm wicked and for her not to call me names.

Yesterday she reminded me that after our marriage my family forced her to do thanks giving at our church. She has been saying this for long, but stopped, until yesterday.

I told her that doing thanks giving at our church is now a bad thing or something that's forceful?

She cried a lot yesterday because of our argument of this naming.

Same tears she used in forcing me into getting married to her when I wasn't in anyway ready.

I don't usually comment on topics like this, but with this I can't hold it.
Thanksgiving after wedding is to be done in the Husband's church for Christ sake, what's she saying!!!. Accordingly she's to leave her church and join yours. But since you permitted her to attend her church, it's fine. But you are the father of the child and should decide where the child is to be named. Above all, all these are premarital discussions. God help you

Don't let yourself be blackmail into what you don't want to do. Do what is right let people say what they want to say

BlindAngel:
We both have agreed on the name, she suggested it and i agreed, though it pains me that I wasn't the one that came up with the name fully, but we've already agreed and changing my mind right now will lead to an heavy quarrel and lot's of endless crying from her. That I'm wicked and heartless that after we've both agreed, I changed things.

Obviously u are still very young and (as ur moniker says), blind ie naive.

If u like buy a lamborghini Urus worth $350,000 (#530 million naira) for the average woman, e go do u like film trick to know she'll spread her legs for the carpenter with husky voice/broad shoulders.

It is men that 'quantify' loyalty; a woman does not! So don't think that the 473,000 naira ($320) u spent on her can buy her loyalty.

Men reason with logic, women reason with their (warped) emotions.

BlindAngel:
I'm the one paying the bills of course, yesterday I was angry and told her to buy all the maltina and meat pie then she can call her pastor to officiate the naming. She went silent and started calling me wicked, and heartless. I spent almost 400k on her CS spent 73k on the naming but it's time to make a decision and she want to make it.

During our marriage, her mother refused to appear in the church because I said I won't do court marriage, I saw it on my wife chat with her elder sister, she said her mom said she won't come because I'm thinking rubbish by not doing court marriage. And truly she didn't come.

BlindAngel:
If only you know the daily cry, you would understand why I bowed to the pressure of getting married to her, which I'm still regretting until date everytime I think that I'm married to someone that I don't love, and worst still not sexually attracted to, it hurts me a lot everytime I think about it, our marriage is just 4 months and I have already started regretting everytime I think that I'm married and I don't have 1% love for who I'm married to, it would still be good if I'm sexually attracted to her, but I'm not. I'm so deeply hurt.

how did pregnancy now enter since you are not sexually attracted to her? Abi it was a one night stand? Probably one of those prostitutes you do patronize abi? You got married in her church but you said you don't know her pastor. This your story sef na series o

BlindAngel:
If only you know the daily cry, you would understand why I bowed to the pressure of getting married to her, which I'm still regretting until date everytime I think that I'm married to someone that I don't love, and worst still not sexually attracted to, it hurts me a lot everytime I think about it, our marriage is just 4 months and I have already started regretting everytime I think that I'm married and I don't have 1% love for who I'm married to, it would still be good if I'm sexually attracted to her, but I'm not. I'm so deeply hurt.

Bro,tye thing has happen ,just be man enough to take decision in your house,you are the man

GboyegaD:
Either find a neutral pastor for the sake of peace or do it by yourself. This shouldn't create any trouble in the home whatsoever.

Oga, on the authority part, rest ooo. There are ways to own the authority of the home than letting issues such as this get to you. You chose to be manipulated and this is not a case of challenging your authority. One question is what were you guys discussing during courtship?

You both have some growing up to do on the bolded. Why is your family dictating things in your home? This is a good time to settle the church thing otherwise, you should expect so much of unnecessary tantrums. My suggestion would be to move to a neutral church as it is obvious a logical conclusion wasn't reached before marriage.

My family are not dictating things in our home, I have insisted that my pastor must officiate the naming, but when my family heard that she said it's her pastor that must do it, they joined me in insisting that it must be done by our pastor.

Dear business minded men and women, do you know one of the best businesses to go
into now? Just go dey produce a cream or
soap to tighten vagina and thank me later,
you go see as all these loosed babes go dey
rush am. The good thing be say they can't
return it even if it doesn't work because of shame
What do I even know sef aside enlightening
my fellow men nationwide with the good
news.
Oga if you no meet your wife as a virgin, oga
go for DNA test oooooo because boreholes aka non-virgins can't be trusted atall

GboyegaD:
Don't let social media break your home ooo. There is need to apply wisdom in handling issues as this. You both failed not to reach conclusions while dating and you just need apply wisdom in handling this.

That said, why did you not ask your name be imprinted on the receipt when you made payment? DO NOT blame her for your insufficiencies abeg. On the change of name, what was discussed during courtship? Like they say, yours is a typical example of if love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

My advice will be bring up the things you feel you want corrected and handle it with care. Gra gra wouldn't solve it and as much as you can, do not bring up the sister changing her name to the baby daddy's name as that is disrespectful and not your business in any way. Deal with your own family in the ways that is best understood by you and your wife.

We didn't discussed anything regarding name change during courtship, If I told her to change her name today, she'd do it. But she's supposed to know that I don't need to remind her and change it already, that's my pain.

BlindAngel:
That's the church she was attending before we got married, so I don't want to stop her in order for it not to seems like I'm wicked and for her not to call me names.

Yesterday she reminded me that after our marriage my family forced her to do thanks giving at our church. She has been saying this for long, but stopped, until yesterday.

I told her that doing thanks giving at our church is now a bad thing or something that's forceful?

She cried a lot yesterday because of our argument of this naming.

Same tears she used in forcing me into getting married to her when I wasn't in anyway ready.

Rubbish cry from ur write up u did nothing wrong.......that ur wife should be checked and watched

BlindAngel:
That's the church she was attending before we got married, so I don't want to stop her in order for it not to seems like I'm wicked and for her not to call me names.

Yesterday she reminded me that after our marriage my family forced her to do thanks giving at our church. She has been saying this for long, but stopped, until yesterday.

I told her that doing thanks giving at our church is now a bad thing or something that's forceful?

She cried a lot yesterday because of our argument of this naming.

Same tears she used in forcing me into getting married to her when I wasn't in anyway ready.

The bold part is where the mistake started. If you don't put your feet on the ground and damn the tears, then you will continue to be a tool in her hand. She will do something wrong, then cry, you will take the blame and apologize. Get a book or article on how to resist manipulations.

Hehehehe....which kind yeye tears?
It's the same wailing tactics children use on their parents nau.

There's a way u will look at that about-to-cry kid/woman dt she will know that that weeping tactics nor go work.

Dey play.

BlindAngel:
If only you know the daily cry, you would understand why I bowed to the pressure of getting married to her, which I'm still regretting until date everytime I think that I'm married to someone that I don't love, and worst still not sexually attracted to, it hurts me a lot everytime I think about it, our marriage is just 4 months and I have already started regretting everytime I think that I'm married and I don't have 1% love for who I'm married to, it would still be good if I'm sexually attracted to her, but I'm not. I'm so deeply hurt.

BlindAngel:
Good afternoon Nairalanders, my wife gave birth last week which was Saturday July 13th, that day was also my birthday, she gave birth through CS, this is our first child, and it's a boy.


This week Saturday is our baby's naming ceremony but my wife is insisting that her pastor must be the one officiate the naming the child, we've been disagreeing over this for some couple of days now,

she has called me all sorts of names, insulted me that I'm a very wicked man that I have no conscience, that after she pain and tearing she went through and still going through, I can't make this as a sacrifice for her, that I choose my family over her. She said so because my family also insist too that the naming must be done by our pastor.

But she's keying on the fact that she won't agree for the naming to be done in my church that it must be done by her pastor, she has cried and insulted me regarding this. Yesterday when we were arguing about this same particular issue she starting crying endlessly and calling me a wicked man.

I have finally agreed for her to use her pastor to do the naming, although I don't know her pastor and haven't seen him before, but I only agreed because of the CS operation she did while giving birth, her endless crying might affect her, if not there's absolutely no way possible I'd have agreed.

I must say that she doesn't know the repercussions of what sha has done by challenging my authority and always wanting to have her way with tears all the time. But time sha tell, I'm in so much rage right now, and I'm trying my possible best to control myself and not to loose my anger over this.

I'm not married but I'm reasonable so I'll just tell you to talk to her.

Wait hold up...

First of all do DNA test and when it confirms it's your child, then burn the DNA test results


Then talk to her, and let her know that she hurt you by all the name calling she did. I mean she's ur wife and if u want to spend the rest of ur life with her, u have a duty to forgive her for this and for other things she will do.

When I see two old people, I imagine how many times they must have forgiven each other and swallowed their pride or let go of their ego because of the other.

Buh let her know that trying to hurt u by words and abuses just to have her way is one of the characteristics of a narcissist and if you will or will not put up with it

BlindAngel:
We both have agreed on the name, she suggested it and i agreed, though it pains me that I wasn't the one that came up with the name fully, but we've already agreed and changing my mind right now will lead to an heavy quarrel and lot's of endless crying from her. That I'm wicked and heartless that after we've both agreed, I changed things.

oga which dirty crying do u keep emphasising on cry ....cry she will cry ...what's wrong with u.did u marry a kid? U can't even take decision in ur house bcus ur manipulative kid u married as a wife will cry......see this kind of woman will deal with u knowing how to work with ur emotional intelligence u will succumb to her .....

Oga, to be asking this. You never reach to marry

BlindAngel:
We both have agreed on the name, she suggested it and i agreed, though it pains me that I wasn't the one that came up with the name fully, but we've already agreed and changing my mind right now will lead to an heavy quarrel and lot's of endless crying from her. That I'm wicked and heartless that after we've both agreed, I changed things.

Seems many things pains you so bad but you find a way to circumvent yourself.

Well continue getting married and living married against your wish. Continue been manipulated with tears against your stand. Just continue cause even if am not strong enough all the time as a Man to say No to my woman, I know when am been manipulated.


I did not name my first child it was also suggested by the mother and I know how disconnected I am to live with that. Hope you stand firm and find a way for her to live mostly on your terms and direction.

Let her crying River she will not dead we all read it here sometimes ago when one woman open up that the three children they has are for her Pastor not her husband , stand on your feet 🐾🐾🐾🐾 that is your Pastor or nobody else or she is the husband and you the wife ?

Gr8mind07:
Bro,it's obvious you have been a victim of her manipulating tactics since courtship .

Whatever the background church of a lady, it is expected the she bids the church bye - bye at the wedding ceremony and follows her husband to his church. *This is the reason that marriage is conducted in the lady's church* and thanksgiving at the Man's church.

Even her so called Pastor knows this.

Please is this true?
If I want to marry, the wedding ceremony will be at the bride's church?

Please nairalanders throw more light

Ode ni e.

BlindAngel:
My family are not dictating things in our home, I have insisted that my pastor must officiate the naming, but when my family heard that she said it's her pastor that must do it, they joined me in insisting that it must be done by our pastor.

You have good family and in your write up you did not know the pastor sef what of if the man is her ex boyfriend or man friend tell her is your Pastor and what of her own family too ?what do they say about it

BlindAngel:
We both have agreed on the name, she suggested it and i agreed, though it pains me that I wasn't the one that came up with the name fully, but we've already agreed and changing my mind right now will lead to an heavy quarrel and lot's of endless crying from her. That I'm wicked and heartless that after we've both agreed, I changed things.

Her manipulation didn't start today on you.

Praise202:
Please is this true?
If I want to marry, the wedding ceremony will be at the bride's church?

Please nairalanders throw more light

Yes but if both of you are members of the same church too

BlindAngel:
We both have agreed on the name, she suggested it and i agreed, though it pains me that I wasn't the one that came up with the name fully, but we've already agreed and changing my mind right now will lead to an heavy quarrel and lot's of endless crying from her. That I'm wicked and heartless that after we've both agreed, I changed things.

This woman don use juju for u bro. I was in this shit four to five years ago . This woman of yours is obviously fucking that pastor. Take it or leave it

BlindAngel:
This is what I intend doing, thanks for your advise, I will do as you advised as it's the absolutely best thing to do right now. Although I have already given in on letting her pastor officiate the naming because of her CS operation, for her cry not to affect her.

But after everything, she won't go to that church again and I swear to God that if she refused she will pack her load and go, after all the love isn't there and I'm not sexually attracted to her. Same tears she used in manipulating me in getting married to her is same tears she's still using in getting her way after every little misunderstanding. I will stop her from going to that church, I have had enough already.

.

Wande22:
Don't mind the mumuni that called himself BlindAngel... Indeed he is BLIND

BlindAngel, until when she use tears change the name on your house Documents (Mr. & Mrs.) to her maiden name, I think that time your eyes go clear




I pray you don't learn from experience that turned me a landlord in Ibadan to a squatter/floater in Lagos

Holdup my advice was based on this current story. I'm seeing sm1else u quoted narrating awhole different storyline that's beyond shocking. I hope it's not thesame couple we are talking about cos that will be unacceptable.

STOP BEING STOOOPID. YOU ARE NOT A MAN.

BlindAngel:
That's the church she was attending before we got married, so I don't want to stop her in order for it not to seems like I'm wicked and for her not to call me names.

Yesterday she reminded me that after our marriage my family forced her to do thanks giving at our church. She has been saying this for long, but stopped, until yesterday.

I told her that doing thanks giving at our church is now a bad thing or something that's forceful?

She cried a lot yesterday because of our argument of this naming.

Same tears she used in forcing me into getting married to her when I wasn't in anyway ready.

this show that she forces herself on you but wise up now because of the baby