₦airaland Forum

My dad was the cornerstone of our lives. I watched helplessly as the man who had once seemed invincible became increasingly burdened by life's struggles. He was a steadfast figure, the one who ensured we had everything we needed and offered unwavering support. I promised myself that one day I would repay his sacrifices.

But life had other plans. Despite my best efforts, I struggled to find a job that could offer the financial stability I needed. Each rejection letter and missed opportunity felt like a blow to my resolve.

As the months turned into years, the financial strain on our family deepened. My dad’s health began to decline, and the pressure to support him became more urgent. I could only watch in despair as his condition worsened, knowing that I wasn’t able to provide the care he deserved.
In the end, I lost my dad not to a specific event but to the quiet, persistent failure to be the support he needed in his final years. His memory now serves as a painful reminder of my shortcomings. RIP dad 😭

My condolences.

May God strengthen and console you.

May his soul rest in peace.

Time heals.

I guess you are still at the peak of the event. Your dad just died recently I guess?

Regardless, seek solace in the fact that you did your best. You can do everything right and he will still pass away.

May his soul rest in perfect peace. Amen.

RIP sir

My deepest condolences. Don't blame yourself, you were in a position where circumstances are beyond your control.

That's the "gift" of being born in the middle-income class In Nigeria. Don't give up.. May ways open for you.

DevIbk:
My dad was the cornerstone of our lives. I watched helplessly as the man who had once seemed invincible became increasingly burdened by life's struggles. He was a steadfast figure, the one who ensured we had everything we needed and offered unwavering support. I promised myself that one day I would repay his sacrifices.

But life had other plans. Despite my best efforts, I struggled to find a job that could offer the financial stability I needed. Each rejection letter and missed opportunity felt like a blow to my resolve.

As the months turned into years, the financial strain on our family deepened. My dad’s health began to decline, and the pressure to support him became more urgent. I could only watch in despair as his condition worsened, knowing that I wasn’t able to provide the care he deserved.
In the end, I lost my dad not to a specific event but to the quiet, persistent failure to be the support he needed in his final years. His memory now serves as a painful reminder of my shortcomings. RIP dad 😭

It's not your fault....I lost my dad too under similar circumstances. I know you'd rather that he went to rest than continue to suffer. Please take heart and rest in the fact that he has gone to rest!

I'm so sorry for your loss, don't blame yourself for something that was totally out of your control.

May God grant him total peace and console u and the rest of your family

LordIsaac:
It's not your fault....I lost my dad too under similar circumstances. I know you'd rather that he went to rest than continue to suffer. Please take heart and rest in the fact that he has gone to rest!

Thanks brother

Oizee:
I'm so sorry for your loss, don't blame yourself for something that was totally out of your control.

May God grant him total peace and console u and the rest of your family

Thanks

TheWinterBird:
My condolences.

May God strengthen and console you.

May his soul rest in peace.

Amen..thanks

RIP to your dad.

Stop beating up yourself because it was not your duty to help your dad carry his burdens.

I know it sounds very harsh but that is reality on ground and I am a pragmatic dude who faces realities. If you become successful, I won't discourage you from helping out but in the greater scheme of things, it was your dads duty to plan for himself and family.
To never bring a child into the world if it would increase the net stress and burden on his life. He had the options to choose; his career, business, wife, number of kids and lots of things way before you were even born.

Children are not meant to serve as retirement pensions for parents, that would be planning to fail.

Now you must look back and learn from your father's shortcomings and ensure you never repeat similar mistakes. Experience, they say, is the best teacher but it does not have to be your own experience as we can learn from others.

Once again, RIP to your dad.

Dear Poster,

listen to me

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
do not beat yourself over what is beyond your power.
you did the best that you can and your father is proud of you still..
he wouldn't want to see you so sad as this
I pray the good Lord comfort you
take care of yourself.
e hugs
you'll be fine okay?

nairalander095:
Dear Poster,

listen to me

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
do not beat yourself over what is beyond your power.
you did the best that you can and your father is proud of you still..
he wouldn't want to see you so sad as this
I pray the good Lord comfort you
take care of yourself.
e hugs
you'll be fine okay?

Thanks brother

DevIbk:
My dad was the cornerstone of our lives. I watched helplessly as the man who had once seemed invincible became increasingly burdened by life's struggles. He was a steadfast figure, the one who ensured we had everything we needed and offered unwavering support. I promised myself that one day I would repay his sacrifices.

But life had other plans. Despite my best efforts, I struggled to find a job that could offer the financial stability I needed. Each rejection letter and missed opportunity felt like a blow to my resolve.

As the months turned into years, the financial strain on our family deepened. My dad’s health began to decline, and the pressure to support him became more urgent. I could only watch in despair as his condition worsened, knowing that I wasn’t able to provide the care he deserved.
In the end, I lost my dad not to a specific event but to the quiet, persistent failure to be the support he needed in his final years. His memory now serves as a painful reminder of my shortcomings. RIP dad 😭

we are in the same boat boss.
I almost committed suicide few days back.
My dad sacrificed everything and supported me while I was in school till I messed up and dropped out of the University cos I didn't take my academics serious.
Dad supported me again till I enrolled back, got admission, started afresh and graduated finally only to come back home and met him on ill health, struggled to get a meagre paying job and when it was time to take care of him, he passed to the great beyond.
Everyday I've been living with regrets and wished I could turn back the hands of time

Sapasenator:
RIP to your dad.

Stop beating up yourself because it was not your duty to help your dad carry his burdens.

I know it sounds very harsh but that is reality on ground and I am a pragmatic dude who faces realities. If you become successful, I won't discourage you from helping out but in the greater scheme of things, it was your dads duty to plan for himself and family.
To never bring a child into the world if it would increase the net stress and burden on his life. He had the options to choose; his career, business, wife, number of kids and lots of things way before you were even born.

Children are not meant to serve as retirement pensions for parents, that would be planning to fail.

Now you must look back and learn from your father's shortcomings and ensure you never repeat similar mistakes. Experience, they say, is the best teacher but it does not have to be your own experience as we can learn from others.

Once again, RIP to your dad.

you're very stupid for this rubbish you posted.
God punish your generations.
Idiot.
Ogun kill you papa
Oloriburuku oponu oshi jatijati.
It shall not be well with you for this post

Vickho:
you're very stupid for this rubbish you posted.
God punish your generations.
Idiot.
Ogun kill you papa

Calm down Musibau, you are still very angry and I honestly do not know your motivations. Me and Ogun na paid and he can do me nothing.
Go back and slowly read what I wrote and come back to thank me later. Don't listen to me and you will regret 30yrs down the lane. Now take a deep breadth.

Vickho:
you're very stupid for this rubbish you posted.
God punish your generations.
Idiot.
Ogun kill you papa
Oloriburuku oponu oshi jatijati.
It shall not be well with you for this post

I just dey look the guy
He think to be successful in Nigeria na jokes
My dad was very hardworking man have ever seen but Nigeria happened to him not to be rich... Well everything happens for a reason 😢

Vickho:
we are in the same boat boss.
I almost committed suicide few days back.
My dad sacrificed everything and supported me while I was in school till I messed up and dropped out of the University cos I didn't take my academics serious.
Dad supported me again till I enrolled back, got admission, started afresh and graduated finally only to come back home and met him on ill health, struggled to get a meagre paying job and when it was time to take care of him, he passed to the great beyond.
Everyday I've been living with regrets and wished I could turn back the hands of time

Thanks brother
RIP to your dad
Isn't easy

DevIbk:
I just dey look the guy
He think to be successful in Nigeria na jokes
My dad was very hardworking man have ever seen but Nigeria happened to him not to be rich... Well everything happens for a reason 😢

I am not mocking or trying to put you down but merely an attempt at education. When a father takes care of his children, he is not sacrificing anything by doing what was his duty in the first place.

Kudos to your dad for being hardworking and taking care of his family, that was the minimum expectation from him as a father.

It is a very hard job to be an adult and particularly harder when we have to bring children into this world. The kids were never involved in the decision to have sex, get pregnant and bring them into the world and the minimum expectation of every father is to take care of their responsibilities. When your father feed you, put clothes on your back, roof on your head and sends you to school, he is not sacrificing anything but the basic responsibilities required of him as a birth giver. He could simply avoid such responsibilities by refraining from having kids.

I know this sound wierd to us in Africa and particularly in Nigeria but we have to cha ge the way we think about adulthood and responsibilities.

The story you have made up in your mind isn’t the true story. You want to punish yourself so you’ve distorted reality. Maybe the injustice of life is harder to stomach so you’ve decided that you have some blame in order to control the narrative.

It feels easier to grasp for some order when life gets messy but in the long run this narrative you’ve created may cause you more damage than accepting that life is unfair, good people die, and dreams go unfulfilled.

Morn your loss but don’t centre yourself in the story. None of us are that important! In the kindest way possible; get over yourself. You have no real impact in the grand scheme of things.

We are all destined to die. We dream of having some grand peaceful ending where we are comfortable in our beds surrounded by all our loved ones with all our affair’s tied up but many people don’t get that happy ending.

I’m sorry for your loss and in time the pain will subside. Just take each day as it comes and get to the end of the day.

Sapasenator:
I am not mocking or trying to put you down but merely an attempt at education. When a father takes care of his children, he is not sacrificing anything by doing what was his duty in the first place.

Kudos to your dad for being hardworking and taking care of his family, that was the minimum expectation from him as a father.

It is a very hard job to be an adult and particularly harder when we have to bring children into this world. The kids were never involved in the decision to have sex, get pregnant and bring them into the world and the minimum expectation of every father is to take care of their responsibilities. When your father feed you, put clothes on your back, roof on your head and sends you to school, he is not sacrificing anything but the basic responsibilities required of him as a birth giver. He could simply avoid such responsibilities by refraining from having kids.

I know this sound wierd to us in Africa and particularly in Nigeria but we have to cha ge the way we think about adulthood and responsibilities.

Do you know how entitled you sound?

So a parent taking responsibility for a child isn’t sacrifice?

Do you know that some fathers abandon their pregnant partners and never take responsibility?

Some Mothers throw their children in the bush and never look back?

If there’s no sacrifice required then why would anyone bother to recreate?

How would humanity move forward if people had your warped “woke” mentality.

What our parents did for us is a sacrifice and in time we all dream of being there for them in their time of need even though we could never pay them back for their sacrifices.

That’s why we become parents to give back to our children what our parents gave us. It’s a beautiful cycle.

Double0h7:
Do you know how entitled you sound?

So a parent taking responsibility for a child isn’t sacrifice?

Do you know that some fathers abandon their pregnant partners and never take responsibility?

Some Mothers throw their children in the bush and never look back?

If there’s no sacrifice required then why would anyone bother to recreate?

How would humanity move forward if people had your warped “woke” mentality.

What our parents did for us is a sacrifice and in time we all dream of being there for them in their time of need even though we could never pay them back for their sacrifices.

That’s why we become parents to give back to our children what our parents gave us. It’s a beautiful cycle.

My dear, our parents are only doing their duties. I know there are irresponsible parents out there who neglect their children but we are not to use them as yardstick.
Having kids is a big responsibility everyone should take seriously. The father decides to have se*x with his wife unprotected leading to pregnancy and somehow he is supposedly doing the child favours.

Remember the child never asked to be born in the first place and because we do not think properly in Nigeria and Africa, we tend to mix these things up.
I bought a car and built a house for for father before I was 26, found schools and paid for university tuition for my siblings. I was carrying a heavy burden in my early 20ies which did not belong to me but my father.
You see where I am coming from. It is morally wrong for a man to burden the children with his responsibilities.

Sapasenator:
My dear, our parents are only doing their duties. I know there are irresponsible parents out there who neglect their children but we are not to use them as yardstick.
Having kids is a big responsibility everyone should take seriously. The father decides to have se*x with his wife unprotected leading to pregnancy and somehow he is supposedly doing the child favours.

Remember the child never asked to be born in the first place and because we do not think properly in Nigeria and Africa, we tend to mix these things up.
I bought a car and built a house for for father before I was 26, found schools and paid for university tuition for my siblings. I was carrying a heavy burden in my early 20ies which did not belong to me but my father.
You see where I am coming from. It is morally wrong for a man to burden the children with his responsibilities.

You’re really condescending! You’re not teaching anything new. Your parents didn’t ask to be born, Adam didn’t ask to be created so that argument is silly to make. Nobody asked to be born! You call it duties and responsibilities, I call it love and sacrifice. To each their own but you don’t have some superior knowledge so cut it out!

Double0h7:
You’re really condescending! You’re not teaching anything new. Your parents didn’t ask to be born, Adam didn’t ask to be created so that argument is silly to make. Nobody asked to be born! You call it duties and responsibilities, I call it love and sacrifice. To each their own but you don’t have some superior knowledge so cut it out!

I do and your argument is the reason why we have generational poverty in Nigeria today. Reason why adults never plan and invest for their future and hoping to burden a young child who is just starting out in life.

Your child is not your meal ticket and I will never burden my kids the way it is done in Nigeria. It is morally wrong and you have no leg to stand on your argument. I have had this discussion more that a dozen time in the past and have never been wrong.

Both the husband wife have enough time to work, plan and invest before the arrival of the kids. That is how it is done here with the whites and I have carefully observed of success it works for them. You don't have to accept my conclusions, please, never plan for your retirements and future, wait for the children to be your pension and see how it works out for you. My last response to you.

Your dad knew what he was taking Himself into when he decided to marry and bring you guys into this world, I will never count it as a failure to my kids if they never supported me at my old age, why? Because I never sought their opinion before sucking their mum to have them, if your dad died in penury, you shouldn't blame yourself, to a greater fair, blame Nigeria, yoruba muslims and muslims at large.
Nigeria happened to you too.
If you are a muslim, hmm! I am sorry for you.
Imagine palestinians that Kuwait absorbed into their population, gave them citizenship, do you know what they did when Saddam hussein invaded, go read it up. That is the arabs the Nigerian muslims are threatening to kill us for, whereas the highest palestinian yasser Arafat is an egyptian arab because egyptians ain't arabs forsee, so you see muslims ruined this world and part of your blames should go to them, and if your father is a muslim then 4k him too.

Since independence they are the ones ruining this country.

DLifeless1:
Your dad knew what he was taking Himself into when he decided to marry and bring you guys into this world, I will never count it as a failure to my kids if they never supported me at my old age, why? Because I never sought their opinion before sucking their mum to have them, if your dad died in penury, you shouldn't blame yourself, to a greater fair, blame Nigeria, yoru

This is very basic and rudimentary knowledge and I honestly wonder why adults find it difficult to understand they are responsible for bringing a child into the world not the other way round. We need a urgent paradigm shift in the way we think about responsibilities of parents to their kids.

In good societies, a father who abandon his children will be made to take responsibility by the law. You look at issues based on the background you grew up in. Even in same Nigeria, making contacts with the right authorities can make a man pay for child support.

Double0h7:
Do you know how entitled you sound?

So a parent taking responsibility for a child isn’t sacrifice?

Do you know that some fathers abandon their pregnant partners and never take responsibility?

Some Mothers throw their children in the bush and never look back?

If there’s no sacrifice required then why would anyone bother to recreate?

How would humanity move forward if people had your warped “woke” mentality.

What our parents did for us is a sacrifice and in time we all dream of being there for them in their time of need even though we could never pay them back for their sacrifices.

That’s why we become parents to give back to our children what our parents gave us. It’s a beautiful cycle.

Not due to your failure. Life can be a struggle. He was a great father. That can be challenging. Be thankful you had him. He has gone to rest. Be resolute to come out strong and successful in every way and when you have the opportunity, immortalise his name in some way. Also be there for your children at all times. May his soul rest in peace.

Sapasenator:
I do and your argument is the reason why we have generational poverty in Nigeria today. Reason why adults never plan and invest for their future and hoping to burden a young child who is just starting out in life.

Your child is not your meal ticket and I will never burden my kids the way it is done in Nigeria. It is morally wrong and you have no leg to stand on your argument. I have had this discussion more that a dozen time in the past and have never been wrong.

Both the husband wife have enough time to work, plan and invest before the arrival of the kids. That is how it is done here with the whites and I have carefully observed of success it works for them. You don't have to accept my conclusions, please, never plan for your retirements and future, wait for the children to be your pension and see how it works out for you. My last response to you.

You are quite right bro, that is why I still look at fellas giving birth to more than 4 kids and laugh. Probably a civil servant or a struggling businessman. A lot of evil befalling the society is a result of this. Hookups everywhere, secondary school kids into internet fraud, is a result of poor parenting. Like u said earlier if a couples make proper future plans before giving birth, it definitely cannot result to the feelings that the OP has now. But then the message is, give birth to children you can COMFORTABLY take care of, as such that you have more savings to take care of yourself in your old age. Don't live a life to be a burden to your children in future.

xrucifix05:
You are quite right bro, that is why I still look at fellas giving birth to more than 4 kids and laugh. Probably a civil servant or a struggling businessman. A lot of evil befalling the society is a result of this. Hookups everywhere, secondary school kids into internet fraud, is a result of poor parenting. Like u said earlier if a couples make proper future plans before giving birth, it definitely cannot result to the feelings that the OP has now. But then the message is, give birth to children you can COMFORTABLY take care of, as such that you have more savings to take care of yourself in your old age. Don't live a life to be a burden to your children in future.

Thank you. I have carefully studied our society and observed what we are doing wrongly. I have lived all over the world for more than 16years and carefully observed what the whites are doing better than us.

They never into marriage blindly and they plan 20years ahead. That is why the richest group in Noryh America are the baby boomers who have had time to work, save, invest and retired.
Most of fathers never planned for the future and it is not disrespectful to call them out. I have a neighbor who has been married for more than 4 years and still on family planning without any child. They just bought their second home and the guy is 28. They are carefully planning for the future of the kids and both have good careers. We can't be doing same thing over while expecting a different results. Ig is not wise to gamble with our finances and create unnecessary burden for the first child.

There's something you all are forgetting, do you know that things can be going well for someone and all of a sudden things go bad, omoh life is just unexplainably sad.

Bobage16:
There's something you all are forgetting, do you know that things can be going well for someone and all of a sudden things go bad, omoh life is just unexplainably sad.

Yawn!

I have heard this excuse a thousand times. Things going wrong is an exception not the rule. Always prepare for the rule and not the exceptions.