₦airaland Forum

RealityKings:
Yes he is the lord and saviour of the world and those in heaven. I believe in him with all my heart

Jesus is king 🪓🪓

Why you come dey zuzu

I'll give you the same advice men tend to give women that complain about bad relationships:

You should have chosen better.

This op won’t learn. Who tell you women love men without money? You’re rushing back to your ex thinking you have found love😒I pity you. The only problem is you won’t come back here to tell us the gist.

All these love you are getting from your ex might be because she is not married and she needed a man to call her own. Wait till you wed her and see.

You should be contemplating divorce if you have exhausted all options of peaceful dialogue. You should discuss separation with your wife first and watch her reactions then you can now decides which way.

Thank goodness, no kids yet. All the best bro.

[/b]If you don’t want to lack love as a man, please make sure your purse never run dry[b]

The only female that will love you with or without your money is your mother!

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

PJtech:
Why you come dey zuzu

Rent due... 42,000
Light bill due.... 700
Job.... non
Money..... 179.17kobo

Yet life is short..
The suffer and wahala too much

RealityKings:
Rent due... 40,000
Light bill due.... 700
Job.... non
Money..... 179.17kobo

Yet life is short..
The suffer and wahala too much

Nah why you dey blaspheme?

PJtech:
Nah why you dey blaspheme?

What blaspheme?
Those are questions

What if your ex changes too after the marriage

johnog4sure:
Maybe I didn't put it rightly, you can't success drag children with women in breakups, just let them grow to certain stage before asking for costudy, once you start dragging children with women they will use it as a bargaining tool

When all the hard work is done and they're no longer dependants shey?

RealityKings:
What blaspheme?
Those are questions

Your questions are blasphemous

RealityKings:
How can someone that couldn't save him self from his cross die for me?

Our God is a merciful God.. This your statement here ehn

You're lucky God no be man

PJtech:
Your questions are blasphemous

So if I use my Brain to evaluate things that are questionable, that means it's blasphemous?
So why was I given a brain?

PJtech:
Your questions are blasphemous
Our God is a merciful God.. This your statement here ehn

You're lucky God no be man

Guy rest. I know better than you

franchasng:
Dear Nigerian men, if you are not rich and very financially successful when you are about to marry, please be a gold digger; go for ladies that can help you financially, there are plenty of them in Nigeria and abroad. Make use of the internet social media for good, there are plenty financially buoyant single ladies in Nigeria and abroad looking for a serious man to settle down with.



Learn to be a gold digger as a single guy. Stop marrying for love, romantic love does not exist.


Marrying for love alone is a mistake in this current world we live in, marry for companionship, compatibility, financial stability and career growth. With stable income, you will never feel miserable in any marriage as a man, but being broke and married to a bad woman is worst than being sentenced to death penalty.


If you are poor or financially average as a guy, don't marry for love, marry for financial stability and compatibility.

i remember when i first met one of my friend with his current wife, then they were dating and i was like "Guy na your mother be this?"..She is actually younger but looks older than him.
....Fast forward to three months they got married,omo when i got to the wedding venue i say "guy where you get this money from"...two weeks into marriage my guy dey drive lexus Es350 2020 model. Later i found out the chubby wife is from a wealthy family and his father inlaw bought the car for him and secured a well paying job of 800k for my guy and his wife. Na so my friend life change. No dey allow us rest for whatsapp status steady balling every weekend.

RealityKings:
Guy rest. I know better than you

You know nothing

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

At that moment you thought you found a gem

Drella:
When yours happen, you'll understand.

If I will ever have marital problem, the last place I would post it is on NL.

Why would I talk about my marriage online when I hardly share about relationships here.

You guys are clowns. Rather than doing the hard works, you'd come online after making terrible decisions so people can tell you you are right and the other person is wrong.

Karleb:


If I will ever have marital problem, the last place I would post it is on NL.

Why would I talk about my marriage online when I hardly share about relationships here.

You guys are clowns. Rather than doing the hard works, you'd come online after making terrible decisions so people can tell you you are right and the other person is wrong.

I'm not referring to posting it here or not. You claim people make rubbish decisions as if they deliberately did that.
You can marry an angel-on-earth and she will go lucifer on you the moment you marry her. Will you regard marrying a then-angel-on-earth a rubbish decision?

.

Drella:
I'm not referring to posting it here or not. You claim people make rubbish decisions as if they deliberately did that.
You can marry an angel-on-earth and she will go lucifer on you the moment you marry her. Will you regard marrying a then-angel-on-earth a rubbish decision?

People hardly change in marriage. The analogy you gave is false. A lot of men and women in nigeria clamoring for marriage are not fit for marriage. You people cannot not vet to save your life.

For the men, all they do is throw around money, and as long as they are getting sex, they are okay.
For women, they throw around their bodies and as long as money is coming, the relationship is a success.

People hardly change in marriage. As long as you don't consider it important to put in the works to find and attract a good partner, this would keep happening.

PS: I am not in any way saying having a great body, sex or money is a bad thing.

Zonefree:
My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

I swear

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

I will never advise u to stay in a loveless relationship. Let her know you want to divorce her and give her reasons. Move out of the house while the divorce process is on and enjoy your life. No kids so it’s very very easy.

Cc
Successtube


I can't believe I'm saying this. I believe you married wrongly. It is okay to seek divorce if your partner is not supportive and forthcoming, but do well to exhaust all options at mending the cracks on the wall before towing this path. And for your ex, do not be hasty in tying the knot with her. I want to believe your current wife gave you great warmth whilst you two were dating, yet your marriage is where it is now. As a man, you should know the stunts to pull to check if her feelings would be thesame through all weather.

All the best!

Yugoslavia247:
Firstly, your struggles might be due to infidelity from your wife that is if it exists. Check that first
Secondly, no woman will help you are down.

Thirdly, she never loved you.

You just did not see it. If she loves someone else. Oyo is your case.

Truly, many women hate sex.
Like they can do without sex for months or years.
That is biology. But a woman who loves you will consider you and make herself availabe as much as she can.

That is the biggest lie I've ever heard this year lmfao 😆
80% of women love sex more than men but when the sex is awful they make it a duty. And those who make it a duty are either getting what they actually want elsewhere or helping themselves out with toys instead of Ur weak bedmatics. You will only believe so because U haven't unlocked the freak in her. The remaining 20% might be frigid because they probably haven't met someone to show them how it's done. Don't be fooled women are the most freaks lol if only U know what goes on in their minds U will never assume that many women hate sex 😁😅😆
That's why it's always better to mindfuck Ur woman before U do it physically with her that way U get the best out of both worlds.

Karleb:
People hardly change in marriage. The analogy you gave is false. A lot of men and women in nigeria clamoring for marriage are not fit for marriage. You people cannot not vet to save your life.

For the men, all they do is throw around money, and as long as they are getting sex, they are okay.
For women, they throw around their bodies and as long as money is coming, the relationship is a success.

People hardly change in marriage. As long as you don't consider it important to put in the works to find and attract a good partner, this would keep happening.

PS: I am not in any way saying having a great body, sex or money is a bad thing.

People hardly change in marriage you say?
There's a higher chance that you'll change in marriage than there is that you wouldn't.
Have you forgotten the popular saying "change is the only constant"?

Responsibilities, peer and reference groups, social media, unfavorable circumstances(e.g staggering finances), and even religious centers are part of the causal factors of negative changes in people.

Spend more time around married people...

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

Baba leave all those niceties. Between me and U I know that there were leaked signs that God showed U in her but U refused to acknowledge them and decided to stick to her smokescreen abracadabra she was playing. No matter how a person pretends there are always give away signs that throws the equation off balance. It may be once or twice but they will be very significant for U not to miss as a mentally and spiritually sensitive man but most times some of us choose to ignore them for wtv reasons.

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

I am not a proponent of divorce except for physical abuse. But there a couple of things you have mentioned which raise a red flag.
I’ll start with the money issue - what is yours should be hers and vice versa. Offering 50k out of her N500,000 doesn’t make sense. After paying each other 10% of what you make, the rest of your salaries should collectively go towards paying your bills and savings ( investments) .
Your comment that it is a man’s responsibility to cater for a family doesn’t show love but that rather something is fundamentally broken in the marriage.
Now for the sex part - most women give that excuse . Why ? We don’t know but usually it comes from them not feeling appreciated by you or loved or that they aren’t attractive to you any more ( love language issues )

I would say take this to an elder or if you got married in a church to a pastor that has a counselling practice. Not someone who will pray things away. Marriage is a job and you both need constructive criticism and feedback.

Best of luck

dkidd:
That is the biggest lie I've ever heard this year lmfao 😆
80% of women love sex more than men but when the sex is awful they make it a duty. And those who make it a duty are either getting what they actually want elsewhere or helping themselves out with toys instead of Ur weak bedmatics. You will only believe so because U haven't unlocked the freak in her. The remaining 20% might be frigid because they probably haven't met someone to show them how it's done. Don't be fooled women are the most freaks lol if only U know what goes on in their minds U will never assume that many women hate sex 😁😅😆
That's why it's always better to mindfuck Ur woman before U do it physically with her that way U get the best out of both worlds.

Keep living in wonderland

ItisWell22:
After a year and three months of dating.

It’s well.

Successful marriage has nothing to do with the length of dating, I'm sure your parents didn't date up to that time. The problem is that the OP didn't ask the right questions during dating let me give you an example. My last relationship was just months into when I I called my partner to ask her some sailent questions that will make or mar the relationship, the reason I asked these questions was because I wanted to push the relationship further. It came to the section of finance and her response was worst than that of the OP's wife mind you this is a lady my earning potential is 30 times hers (though not fully aware because I wanted to check the gold digging innate in her to see through her character). I asked her again I will be the one to open a business for you from start to finish and you say that money from the business I opened won't be channeled into the family if I get broke? She replied it's your responsibility my money is my money and your money is our money that was it.

Even other sections of questioning she was average but the selfishness in the finance section was all I needed to know her selfishness and self centeredness , God forbid I lay my life for such humans.

I can assure you the OP never had finance discussion with his wife and then he becomes surprised after sacrificing his life to make her better, most ladies are selfish so it's the duty of the man to detect the selfish ones and trash them in the bin, they deserve no place in marriage.

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

Omo this is total deception, them scam you . What then happened when she started seeing little change of 300k? That means if them pay her 2m monthly wahala dey.. God help you

imustsaymymindo:
Here you go advising people not to rush and you are failing in your own advise the second time rushing to want to get married to an ex.

What I am certain of is that your ex would deal with you more than your wife.

Why don't you use this period of pain to build and upgrade yourself? Cut off your ex. Stay away from sex from your wife and her money. Use the time to learn as much skills as you can and own your life. Choose yourself. Live like you are single and do the things you love that'd make you stay off sex(it's just for a while till you become a man who is perceived to have options). Sports, gym, chill with your other male friends, network, get updated.

From my experience, "people love those who love themselves". And that is why your wife doesn't love you.

And after he does all of these the wife will then love him and run to him? Let's say he starts earning more like a million nàira monthly after then the wife starts professing love to him and then he accepts him back? This is why it's risky to marry a woman who is struggling financially because you never know her intentions, she can fake to be caring because in her mind you are doing better than her. I loathe selfish people, they can never see my money not even a kobo.

Sunmolar:
I don't know men can be deluded by emotions.
So, if he married his ex because of immediate solution to financial needs from her... All marital problem solved?

You are not smart to know that the guy is sarcastically taunting women who usually say that line, it's ladies who usually make that statement whenever they want to ditch a man , so the dude is joining them in echoing it . You are the one showing emotions from your response and not the dude who is sarcastic

RealityKings:
Games women play

The dude never stretched that game by testing her in real time, those who fake it will fail like park of cards.

1Sharon:
I'll give you the same advice men tend to give women that complain about bad relationships:

You should have chosen better.

Not every time you exude fuulishness in the public, if you got nothing to say just take a walk. Accountability is something you all don't ever like you are not an exception