₦airaland Forum

Successtube:
We have no kids yet. I have asked her so many times what she uses her money for, but all I get is silence.

Ever thought of cloning her WhatsApp to see whom she's in communication with

ruggedtimi:
i remember when i first met one of my friend with his current wife, then they were dating and i was like "Guy na your mother be this?"..She is actually younger but looks older than him.
....Fast forward to three months they got married,omo when i got to the wedding venue i say "guy where you get this money from"...two weeks into marriage my guy dey drive lexus Es350 2020 model. Later i found out the chubby wife is from a wealthy family and his father inlaw bought the car for him and secured a well paying job of 800k for my guy and his wife. Na so my friend life change. No dey allow us rest for whatsapp status steady balling every weekend.

na so life supposed be, na person wey no get sense go dey suffer for life.

How on earth will you as a man take all the loads of responsibility on your head as a man without breaking down?

Yugoslavia247:
Firstly, your struggles might be due to infidelity from your wife that is if it exists. Check that first
Secondly, no woman will help you are down.

Thirdly, she never loved you.

You just did not see it. If she loves someone else. Oyo is your case.

Truly, many women hate sex.
Like they can do without sex for months or years.
That is biology. But a woman who loves you will consider you and make herself availabe as much as she can.

Men contribute to this. Some don’t make it enjoyable for their wives. They just remove underwear boom, it does not work like that. It’s a two way thing, she needs to be comfortable and also aroused. That’s way she will be eager to do it when you come

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

This is my fear like this. A lot of pretentious ladies these days who just want to appear they don’t like money. One of the easiest way to catch men which is really scary for me

idahme:
Successful marriage has nothing to do with the length of dating, I'm sure your parents didn't date up to that time. The problem is that the OP didn't ask the right questions during dating let me give you an example. My last relationship was just months into when I I called my partner to ask her some sailent questions that will make or mar the relationship, the reason I asked these questions was because I wanted to push the relationship further. It came to the section of finance and her response was worst than that of the OP's wife mind you this is a lady my earning potential is 30 times hers (though not fully aware because I wanted to check the gold digging innate in her to see through her character). I asked her again I will be the one to open a business for you from start to finish and you say that money from the business I opened won't be channeled into the family if I get broke? She replied it's your responsibility my money is my money and your money is our money that was it.

Even other sections of questioning she was average but the selfishness in the finance section was all I needed to know her selfishness and self centeredness , God forbid I lay my life for such humans.

I can assure you the OP never had finance discussion with his wife and then he becomes surprised after sacrificing his life to make her better, most ladies are selfish so it's the duty of the man to detect the selfish ones and trash them in the bin, they deserve no place in marriage.

Please what questions did you ask? I’ll love to know

idahme:
Not every time you exude fuulishness in the public, if you got nothing to say just take a walk. Accountability is something you all don't ever like you are not an exception

Put a sock in it.

1Sharon:
When all the hard work is done and they're no longer dependants shey?

I believe you are female, that is why you said that, I would like you to do some introspection, would you allow your brother live with a narcissistic woman for the rest of his life? pls before you answer do a lil google research on how draining and eventually NO SOLUTION in changing a narcissistic woman.
Have you seen divorced couples fighting over custody of children? it is dirtiest 'civil war' I know, my advice is always for the man to avoid the fight, Afterall study has shown that once narcissistic woman cannot find a victim they turn their own children, so sooner than later the children will experience what their father was trying to endure.

johnog4sure:
I believe you are female, that is why you said that, I would like you to do some introspection, would you allow your brother live with a narcissistic woman for the rest of his life? pls before you answer do a lil google research on how draining and eventually NO SOLUTION in changing a narcissistic woman.
Have you seen divorced couples fighting over custody of children? it is dirtiest 'civil war' I know, my advice is always for the man to avoid the fight, Afterall study has shown that once narcissistic woman cannot find a victim they turn their own children, so sooner than later the children will experience what their father was trying to endure.

More women are choosing to give up custody to the fathers, so no worry.

idahme:
And after he does all of these the wife will then love him and run to him? Let's say he starts earning more like a million nàira monthly after then the wife starts professing love to him and then he accepts him back? This is why it's risky to marry a woman who is struggling financially because you never know her intentions, she can fake to be caring because in her mind you are doing better than her. I loathe selfish people, they can never see my money not even a kobo.

Lol. It's the sad reality of life. His wife loving him or not shouldn't be his concern as that is out of his control. What is in his control is improving himself so that when opportunity comes in any form(divorce, new job etc.), he is prepared.

But come to think of it, I have a feeling that the OP used the 50k his wife offered for a treat for him and his side chick in one of his escapades lol.

Now he wants to rush and marry the side chick who may obviously be more broke than him and he doesn't think the side chick would not only starve him of sex and treat him even more badly than his current wife after she gets commitment.

So like I said, he is making same mistake twice. He should rather focus on improving himself for now and forget about the two of them.

xammax:
Please what questions did you ask? I’ll love to know

The deal breaker came through the section of financial responsibilities, these are the questions that came to my mind

These are some of the questions I asked her

1. What do you think about being an adult? Is it worthwhile been an adult?

2. Do you think been an adult should comes with a great responsibility? What are the upsides and downsides of you been an adult?

3. Do you think everyone should be a responsible adult in the society? If yes do you agree to been financially responsible as an adult?

I then moved it to relationships and finance, mind you so far I haven't had any reason to benefit financially from her even when I portray myself as been in her financial bracket. Invariably to her we are in same situation so hypergamy was checkmated by me to see her real life scenario experiences devoid of any lies while communicating.

4) What's your view on marriage? Are you interested in marriage? If yes when do you desire to get married?

5) How did your parents foot their bills while been married? (New she was a product of broken marriage when we started dating but I give people benefit of the doubt) Do you subscribe to that? (According to her the mum suffered financially during the pendency of their marriage but this looked not interesting to me because she already told me the dad is a an senior police officer and discovered the man only built one house and that house he gave to the wife and went to rent outside)

6) Do you think married couples should work together financially? She asked work how? I reiterated both of them ensuring that the home front is taken care of jointly? That what belongs to the man belongs to the woman and what belongs to the woman belongs to the man she answered, I don't think so and I inquired why do you say so? She said and I quote " my money belongs to me and me alone while your money belongs to all of us" that it's my responsibility as her boyfriend and husband to take care of all her responsibilities and that should never think otherwise.

7) I asked should I invest and open up a business enterprise for the family and mandate you to be the CEO of the business how will our family benefit from the business? She looked at me and said I hope you are not thinking that the money that will be gotten from my business will be used to run the house? The essence of asking these questions wasn't really to discard her but to make sure both of us were in same boat while heading forward into the relationship. She went further to say my business money is money is not for the house it's for me and I will determine what I will use it for but certainly not for the home because it's the responsibility of the man to take care of me and my children.

8 What if the man who has spent his hard earned money to open the business and becomes financially incapacitated? Who then runs the home financially? She replied why would you even think that way? He should be ready to bounce back because he has a lot of responsibility to cater for.

That was it, I had to remove any little freebie she was getting and then called for another heart to heart session with seeing if I could talk to her on this issue but she was even seeing me as someone who shouldn't be saying this, then I called it quit but allowed her to break it up herself after one month of nonchalant attitude towards the relationship.

I also delved into other areas like family history , childhood trauma etc and I can say I was glad to prove into the hidden realities in order to make an informed decision. I can say before we had this talk we have no major issues but those issues were ahead of us waiting to pop up, the level of selfishness and self centeredness was second to non and was glad to move out.

My hand don pain me I go collect one billion from you.

1Sharon:
More women are choosing to give up custody to the fathers, so no worry.

That is BLISS! my friend won custody of 3 out of 4 of his kids, he is one the most fulfilling/accomplished fathers I know(2 of the kids are in India about to graduate, and already making their own money legitimately with the help of their Dad, the last daddy's boy is in ss2 going to ss3 now), the only one that chose to stay with her mum, is rubbishing herself on tiktok, to the point videos were sent to her dad(it was heartbreaking).

Therefore many good men are ready to take FULL responsibilities and they are good at it.

why not try monogamy

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back.

When we tell you these antiquated gender roles you strictly enforce will come back to bite y’all in the balls you call us evil home wrecking feminists. Come back when you’re ready to evolve.

Until then, cry about it because you’ll refuse the solution even when it’s staring you in the face.

idahme:
My hand don pain me I go collect one billion from you.

Bros, you really tried o.

That girl na person wey focused man should never marry.

She would ruin you and jump to the next ship.

Thank God you guys are no longer together.

No time, but if i were you. I’d remain single for life after such incident. The one you run go meet sef na same same.

Lifemanage:
Major reason marriages fail is because such men behave like simps. A man should take charge of his wife as an authority not an equal partner. Anything aside that, bear the consequences

My brother no mind these useless fools Dem go cry tire...
My woman is under me and I control even where she goes..
I am the Lord in my house....

Sometimes I wonder where this Nigerian men come from.. No Moral to take charge of their homes...
My wife remits 70% of her salary to me monthly and I use it to run the family coupled with my own money ...
Imagine a woman earning and refuse to contribute to o the family... I would beat her black and blue before sending her away from my house sns ending the marriage...

Even the one I had 1 full friendship with and 4 good years of dating with 10 years marriage down line still dey bring up new new attitude, me I don carry my cross already, marriage is a different institution and @OP if there's no child yet ... Please divorce her and find true love, most Nigerians women only want wedding and not marriage.

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

funny enough this is the common thing with most women, time heal when you both get to some stage in life. Your ex isn't different my brother, just focus and build your home. I'm telling you from experience. Marriage only get better when u clocked 6 years so don't move from frypan to fire.

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.
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I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

What do you want us to do about your CONTEMPLATION

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

There is nothing like study your partner thoroughly in marriage. It's either you are fortunate to be with a great person or not. Couples often succumb to marriage pressures and even now that things are tougher. We are all going through challenges my brother.
In summary, you might have to adjust to whatever situation you find yourself, cheating and going out of line will only bring more problems than solution.

ABANGWABOI:
My brother no mind these useless fools Dem go cry tire...
My woman is under me and I control even where she goes..
I am the Lord in my house....

Sometimes I wonder where this Nigerian men come from.. No Moral to take charge of their homes...
My wife remits 70% of her salary to me monthly and I use it to run the family coupled with my own money ...
Imagine a woman earning and refuse to contribute to o the family... I would beat her black and blue before sending her away from my house sns ending the marriage...

A good rule, but abeg no beat Ur wife o..make her understand Ur point of view till she decides to be selfless to U as much as U are to her. But I repeat no beat grown up lady U married as a wife

ABANGWABOI:
My brother no mind these useless fools Dem go cry tire...
My woman is under me and I control even where she goes..
I am the Lord in my house....

Sometimes I wonder where this Nigerian men come from.. No Moral to take charge of their homes...
My wife remits 70% of her salary to me monthly and I use it to run the family coupled with my own money ...
Imagine a woman earning and refuse to contribute to o the family... I would beat her black and blue before sending her away from my house sns ending the marriage...

Well, I agree with you, but this your strategy works in Nigeria. You cant do all these in a western Country

Brother, pls face your marriage until death do you and your wife apart.
To even think of it, what makes you think your ex won't change if you succeed in marrying her?

No problem with that as long as the man is not trying to claim odogwu-unchallenged-alpha-meil-dictator-of-the-family whose wife doesn’t get a say. This is the new age.

Equal contribution, equal respect and equal responsibility. Note that I didn’t say they have to be the same. Being the Same is not synonymous with being equal. They can be different and equal partners in the marriage. Not lord and servant types of marriage that Nigerian men tend to want. Can’t do that with a weak pocket. I don’t know what woman would want to provide for the man, do all the home keeping and child raising and still serve him.

franchasng:
Dear Nigerian men, if you are not rich and very financially successful when you are about to marry, please be a gold digger; go for ladies that can help you financially, there are plenty of them in Nigeria and abroad. Make use of the internet social media for good, there are plenty financially buoyant single ladies in Nigeria and abroad looking for a serious man to settle down with.



Learn to be a gold digger as a single guy. Stop marrying for love, romantic love does not exist.


Marrying for love alone is a mistake in this current world we live in, marry for companionship, compatibility, financial stability and career growth. With stable income, you will never feel miserable in any marriage as a man, but being broke and married to a bad woman is worst than being sentenced to death penalty.


If you are poor or financially average as a guy, don't marry for love, marry for financial stability and compatibility.

Someone else|is fucing her

Please where them dey i beg, i dey find one. Once u get connect to one holla me

Women wey dey change like season

Zonefree:
Side chicks are for men not serious with their lives.

Get yourself a godly woman with a heart of gold and enjoy life with her.

She’s providing for you and you’re still the lord in your house.

And you’ll beat her if she realizes to give you money? Okay na

ABANGWABOI:
My brother no mind these useless fools Dem go cry tire...
My woman is under me and I control even where she goes..
I am the Lord in my house....

Sometimes I wonder where this Nigerian men come from.. No Moral to take charge of their homes...
My wife remits 70% of her salary to me monthly and I use it to run the family coupled with my own money ...
Imagine a woman earning and refuse to contribute to o the family... I would beat her black and blue before sending her away from my house sns ending the marriage...

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

Good thing you don't have a child with her yet. RUN!!!!!!!!!. You were not her first option. Oga you was her back up plan

Zonefree:
My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

Lmao

It's often like that. Don't let it bother you

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

"We are one" indeed.
Where's the "oneness" now?

Never believe the words of a Nigerian woman.

In this life, especially in this psrt of the world always look out for yourself.if you can and heve the means marry more than one wife.