₦airaland Forum

johnog4sure:
Thank you, your story really helped me, I am also contemplating divorce right now, and my story is similar to yours, I invested heavily in my wife's business yet she looked into my eyes and said "YOUR MONEY IS NOT IN MY SHOP" I dated her for 5 years married her and had a kid, yet this happened, my friend in London I just spoke to is having similar problem, your advice won't work, and yes people change even in science it is believed that every 7 years you are no longer the same person you used to be seven years earlier.

My own advice is that MEN BE SELFISH(put yourself first and sometimes yourself alone, ignore wife ignore children they all will be fine even without you) I know it is hard for good men to take this advice, even me I am struggling to take my own advice

Sunmolar:
A man's challenges is equal to his size.... So what happened to him cannot locate me. If you covet it you can have it on yourself.

Farfalla:
Mr. Man, if you want to ignore your wife or walk out on her go right ahead. Na you sabi. But your children are your responsibility regardless of how you feel about their mother. You don't bring children into this world just to "ignore" them because you need to prove a point.

Your anger is valid but your children should not be punished as a result.

Nonexisting1:
Brother, highest people will talk about your divorce is two weeks and everyone will move on to other issues. Go find your happiness before you die miserably. I would have suggesed you find a way to assist yourself sexually if your wife isn't a sex freak and you are. The main problem is that she is selfish, wicked and inconsiderate. Brother leave the marriage now. Any woman that can stand by and watch her husband sell landed property to foot family bills when she could have done something tangibly to mitigate that is a witch and should never be under any man's roof.

2Radii:
Don't rejoice too much,, ur breakfast is on the fire, u will soon be fed

RealityKings:
Frustrate her before you leave the marriage bro. Just don't leave in peace because she fooled you and wasted your time and resources.

I have a well drafted plan to achieve the frustration master plan If you are interested

Pharaoh4rin:
Goddammit! This is one of the most hard-core sh1t I've raed on this platform this year. You sound experienced.

But bro make I ask this question: for a man who doesn't have a loving heart towards women, is it OK to marry at all?

imustsaymymindo:
Here you go advising people not to rush and you are failing in your own advise the second time rushing to want to get married to an ex.

What I am certain of is that your ex would deal with you more than your wife.

Why don't you use this period of pain to build and upgrade yourself? Cut off your ex. Stay away from sex from your wife and her money. Use the time to learn as much skills as you can and own your life. Choose yourself. Live like you are single and do the things you love that'd make you stay off sex(it's just for a while till you become a man who is perceived to have options). Sports, gym, chill with your other male friends, network, get updated.

From my experience, "people love those who love themselves". And that is why your wife doesn't love you.

PJtech:
See someone that Jesus died for🤔😳

cococandy:
No


I don’t know what woman would want to provide for the man, do all the home keeping and child raising and still serve him.

Sunmolar:
When you wish I'll to others....you reap what you sow.... it's natural

Yugoslavia247:
Firstly, your struggles might be due to infidelity from your wife that is if it exists. Check that first. Secondly, no woman will help you are down. Thirdly, she never loved you.You just did not see it. If she loves someone else. Oyo is your case.

Truly, many women hate sex.
Like they can do without sex for months or years.
That is biology. But a woman who loves you will consider you and make herself availabe as much as she can.

johnog4sure:
Thank you, your story really helped me, I am also contemplating divorce right now, and my story is similar to yours, I invested heavily in my wife's business yet she looked into my eyes and said "YOUR MONEY IS NOT IN MY SHOP" I dated her for 5 years married her and had a kid, yet this happened, my friend in London I just spoke to is having similar problem, your advice won't work, and yes people change even in science it is believed that every 7 years you are no longer the same person you used to be seven years earlier.

My own advice is that MEN BE SELFISH(put yourself first and sometimes yourself alone, ignore wife ignore children they all will be fine even without you) I know it is hard for good men to take this advice, even me I am struggling to take my own advice

franchasng:
If all you wrote are true, then you won't be judged badly if you end the marriage with her and remarry your ex.

You are lucky your nice ex is still single, so run back to her fast and never look back.


But I hope you and your wife don't have any child yet? I won't be happy if children are involved, if no child, please divorce her asap and never look back, that's if all you narrated are true

nams77:
Put your self first, invest in your self but don't ignore your children pls.

RealityKings:
What about hunger and lack?
Does he have power over that too?

RealityKings:
Nonsense! what do you mean by you not being rich? Don't you have wealth and mansions stored in heaven?

As a matter of fact, why should you be bothered about earthly wealth?
Leave the earthly wealth and struggles to me. Go home....

PJtech:
Why you come dey zuzu

2Radii:
Nope, life doesn't operate like that.


The guy is bleeding, but u re here giving submissions like a pro on women matter, don't worry, we will see how u handle it when the storm hit u hard. We would like to learn tru ur experience and not from mere words.

Just like the op, as he said, he was once a keyboard warrior questioning those having problems in marriage, now hin don dey eat breakfast steady and I am happy for him..so urs will soon come

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

franchasng:
Dear Nigerian men, if you are not rich and very financially successful when you are about to marry, please be a gold digger; go for ladies that can help you financially, there are plenty of them in Nigeria and abroad. Make use of the internet social media for good, there are plenty financially buoyant single ladies in Nigeria and abroad looking for a serious man to settle down with.



Learn to be a gold digger as a single guy. Stop marrying for love, romantic love does not exist.


Marrying for love alone is a mistake in this current world we live in, marry for companionship, compatibility, financial stability and career growth. With stable income, you will never feel miserable in any marriage as a man, but being broke and married to a bad woman is worst than being sentenced to death penalty.


If you are poor or financially average as a guy, don't marry for love, marry for financial stability and compatibility.

tosine90:
A lot of advice I read read here is not encouraging. There is no smooth marriage and I am talking from experience.

tosine90:
Your wife not helping your finances is not good thing but there maybe reason why it is so because couples should be there for each other and no matter what divorce shouldn't be an option in such case except for infidelity.
Is she the firstborn or breadwinner in her family?

tosine90:
Now one thing you should know is this: you should accept is that in general women doesn't dash out free money to men except for few cases. And in women's perspective their husbands money is our money but their own money is her own

tosine90:
. Though that is selfishness it their way of thinking but as man of the house u have to be smart by collecting money from your wife by borrowing. And that's what I always do. If u borrow 10 naira, pay back 5 naira and scope her u will always refund her later until she forgets or let go of it then repeat it again. But u having that mindset of getting free money from your wife doesn't work like that in women.

tosine90:
In terms of she denying u sex. It always expected to be so. Once women get married they tend to lose interest in sex because it no longer a priority to them unlike wen they are dating.

tosine90:
It like winning an election. U don't campaign after winning an election.

tosine90:
. All women are weird the same. The differences among them are just a little

advanceDNA:
It's free to jump into conclusions.... So carry on with ur fallacy

ruggedtimi:
What if your ex changes too after the marriage