₦airaland Forum

puremaker7:
You said everything the way it is supposed to be, the day I formed job lost was the day I saw the true color of my fiancee..
imagine I later married to that werey

Wow......can u imagine....

Most ladies marry who is ready and available not whom dey love. Then go back to enjoy fun with whom their heart is with. This they can do for as long as possible.

Successtube:
Imagine this was someone during our dating days I would give money when she visits me and is about to leave, but she will refuse to collect it. She will be coming to my house then, she will buy foodstuffs for me with her money and when I want to refund her, she will tell me I should forget that we are one.

Why don't you confront her openly and remind her all these things she did before marriage was it to deceive you into marrying her?seems you are too soft on her o,omoh you better take charge and let her know you are VERY OPEN to divorce,confront her and see her response..she feels she has a 300k job so you mean very little to her and I also suspect she is having an affair so be sensitive and do your deep investigation,start detaching yourself from her o,that lady is evil.

geoworldedu:
Yes, that's life. There's nobody that has not made one rubbish decision or the other.

Getting married is a decision that should be taken carefully. It's not something you do without proper plan, start disturbing us and responding with this your comment.

It just shows a high level of irresponsibility.

Sunmolar:
A man's challenges is equal to is size.... He's the head of his house. When he got the woman the job and she started earning... He was comfortable with her selfishness before financial challenges of paying bills struck him.... As a man you have to be in control of your house.... Not until unexpected happens..

So if I may ask sir(that is if u re ready to answer me). What would he have done differently to avert this calamity of a thing?

cococandy:
No problem with that as long as the man is not trying to claim odogwu-unchallenged-alpha-meil-dictator-of-the-family whose wife doesn’t get a say. This is the new age.

Equal contribution, equal respect and equal responsibility. Note that I didn’t say they have to be the same. Being the Same is not synonymous with being equal. They can be different and equal partners in the marriage. Not lord and servant types of marriage that Nigerian men tend to want. Can’t do that with a weak pocket. I don’t know what woman would want to provide for the man, do all the home keeping and child raising and still serve him.

The way you ladies portray Nigerian men most times, it makes me wonder if me and many friends and brothers I know deep are from Mars.

My sister, by the grace of God I am an odogwu financially, I earn what qualifies most people to call themselves rich even though I don't classify myself as one based on the people I am looking up to who are billionaires, but I am not doing badly for myself and still I bathe my kids, in fact my son doesn't like any other person bathing him till date unless I am not around. I spoon feed my son anytime I am at home, I feed my daughter and also bathe her sometimes.


I hate dirt, we have domestic helps but I still do some, nobody cleans my room, I do it most times myself. I won't lie I haven't cooked since I got married but I have never bothered my wife or anybody about food cos I am not a food lover and if I feel hungry I can order food or drive to any choice restaurant to eat.


Nobody washes my cars, I take them to car wash, I don't even fancy people who aren't car wash workers washing my car cos I will feel they didn't wash it properly.


Aside cooking, I do everything I need whenever I am in the house, I don't even like stressing anybody; be it my wife or anybody, I love everybody around me being happy and enjoying life. And I take care of my entire family's finances to the last kobo, I can swear with my life that my wife don't contribute anything and I don't hold anything against her. I told her she can always use her income to invest for her kids, help her family members both extended and help people she knows need help. And I don't see it as a big deal cos I derive joy being in charge of my family financial bills, it was something I prayed for as a young growing single man and God have been helping me.


And most friends and siblings I know are doing same or even more, including those living in USA, their spouses contribute willingly not as an obligation. I have friends in the US sponsoring their wives in school 100% and catering for the family without complain and still do chores whenever time permits them without complain.


So I wonder where and how you ladies meet all these yeye men who lord over their wives because they are the breadwinners of their family which is their default role anyway

torqque7:
Why don't you confront her openly and remind her all these things she did before marriage was it to deceive you into marrying her?seems you are too soft on her o,omoh you better take charge and let her know you are VERY OPEN to divorce,confront her and see her response..she feels she has a 300k job so you mean very little to her and I also suspect she is having an affair so be sensitive and do your deep investigation,start detaching yourself from her o,that lady is evil.

If all the op narrated is true, he doesn't need to confront her since they don't have kids yet, he should plan a divorce and go remarry his ex girlfriend who will also help him come out of his current financial predicament that his wife refused to assist simple

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

Have you discussed this with family members? From your narration you moved from 2nd stage of divorce to 6th stage.
Your wife is not a nice person and I doubt if she ever loved you, though we didn't hear her own side of the story.
Don't let her catch you cheating even though I have reasons to suspect she is cheating on you already.
The good thing for you is that the union has not given birth yet so I advice you quickly and quietly sort yourself out because bad wife or bad marriage is the most expressway to men early grave.

Everyone makes mistakes but don't let it determine your happiness, growth and success.

Divorce that thing snatching your life from you and go to the person who makes you feel how you be treated.

She prolly used you as an escape route from singlehood due to family pressure and not necessarily interested in marrying you.
Now you know, kick her out of your life and move on.
E sure me say she dey cheat on you, but you won't know. Women loves sex more than men. Not giving it to you means she's getting it elsewhere.

Don't play with your happiness bro.

Successtube:
We have no kids yet. I have asked her so many times what she uses her money for, but all I get is silence.

You want to ask a woman what she does with her money, you don't have sisters? It's the way of ladies, once they are not emotionally connected, you suffering is just an amusement.

There are signs when you were dating that you overlooked.

Ok

Lifemanage:
Take charge by voice of words or by explanation...or by with-holding Ur benevolences While explaining what U intend t achieve wirb Ur actions. Behave like a loving boss to an employee. That's the attitude of marriage. Even a disrespectful boss will be resisted. Behave like a respectful and good boss to Ur wife. That's the attitude

Pharaoh4rin:
Gonatured will care and probably takes care of them. War happens, children survive
Natural disaster occurs, children survive. What will be will ne

Children survive, yes. But they remain the responsibility of the parents. You just can't wish them away, hoping that the universe will take care of them.

2Radii:
Our responsibilities not mine alone...gbana!!

I did not imply that the responsibility is his alone. I was responding to his earlier post encouraging men to be selfish even if it means ignoring both wife and children.

Successtube:
I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

Sorry about your plight. May God help you solve am.

There are men who join women to say something like "na unserious or lazy men dey put eye for a woman money." What a joke! Probably to look good before ladies. If you're one of such men, then I guess this probably serves you right.

I'm not really in support of a man being too inquisitive about a woman's finances. But I believe in people being responsible and empathetic. You don't say a man should continue to foot all bills when you're earning an income as well. Without being asked, you should be able to step in when you see the struggle of your man. Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? 🤨

And, as for studying your potential partner very well before marriage, that's not just about how long. It's about praying God to guide you and you being attentive to hints (body language and other cues) in a relationship.

Just my two cents sha. I have never been married after all, so what do I know?

RealityKings:
How can someone that couldn't save him self from his cross die for me?

Even someone that was begging God to come save him on the cross o

You wonder where we ladies see such yeye men we describe ? Do you ever take time to read what your fellow men post? Or observe the men in your Nigerian society? If you don’t, I encourage you to. You’re not a representation of most men. This information and impression is not coming from a void.

Don’t use men in the USA and their wives who willingly contribute as example. That’s the norm over here. And we have partnerships as the default relationship setting. In fact if we’re to ask a typical Nigerian what they think of these USA men you just described, they’ll say they’re weak, emasculated bla bla bla. So don’t ask me where I saw the yeye men. Ask your country men why they go about on the internet creating the impression that they’re yeye man. Not my fault.

I’m talking about what a typical Nigerian man who lives in Nigeria sees marriage roles as.

franchasng:
The way you ladies portray Nigerian men most times, it makes me wonder if me and many friends and brothers I know deep are from Mars.

My sister, by the grace of God I am an odogwu financially, I earn what qualifies most people to call themselves rich even though I don't classify myself as one based on the people I am looking up to who are billionaires, but I am not doing badly for myself and still I bathe my kids, in fact my son doesn't like any other person bathing him till date unless I am not around. I spoon feed my son anytime I am at home, I feed my daughter and also bathe her sometimes.


I hate dirt, we have domestic helps but I still do some, nobody cleans my room, I do it most times myself. I won't lie I haven't cooked since I got married but I have never bothered my wife or anybody about food cos I am not a food lover and if I feel hungry I can order food or drive to any choice restaurant to eat.


Nobody washes my cars, I take them to car wash, I don't even fancy people who aren't car wash workers washing my car cos I will feel they didn't wash it properly.


Aside cooking, I do everything I need whenever I am in the house, I don't even like stressing anybody; be it my wife or anybody, I love everybody around me being happy and enjoying life. And I take care of my entire family's finances to the last kobo, I can swear with my life that my wife don't contribute anything and I don't hold anything against her. I told her she can always use her income to invest for her kids, help her family members both extended and help people she knows need help. And I don't see it as a big deal cos I derive joy being in charge of my family financial bills, it was something I prayed for as a young growing single man and God have been helping me.


And most friends and siblings I know are doing same or even more, including those living in USA, their spouses contribute willingly not as an obligation. I have friends in the US sponsoring their wives in school 100% and catering for the family without complain and still do chores whenever time permits them without complain.


So I wonder where and how you ladies meet all these yeye men who lord over their wives because they are the breadwinners of their family which is their default role anyway

Oga, better move in with your ex. Don't nack your wife again even if she offers so she does not tie you down with belle.

2Radii:
So if I may ask sir(that is if u re ready to answer me). What would he have done differently to avert this calamity of a thing?

The man should be in control of the woman since sun rise... What a man allows from her wife will be seen as her right on the long run. What's the need for getting her a job?...he should have made it clear to her what percentage of the money should be for savings for the family. A man should be able to project that challenges will arise no matter what job you're doing. Apart from challenges, you will have in mind the need to buy or build a house for the family, pay children's school fees, health etc.... If you don't plan with the woman... She may spend on frivolities from the money you gave her talkless of the money she earned... And the blame will come to the man.. It's shouldnt have been conceived from her the essence of the companionship.... You complement one another

Karleb:
Getting married is a decision that should be taken carefully. It's not something you do without proper plan, start disturbing us and responding with this your comment.

It just shows a high level of irresponsibility.

Many people took a careful decision before getting married, but they eventually still broke up. There's nobody above marriage mistake, no matter how careful you are. This is because people change after marriage.

geoworldedu:
Many people took a careful decision before getting married, but they eventually still broke up. There's nobody above marriage mistake, no matter how careful you are. This is because people change after marriage.

Not true. Many people did not. People hardly change after marriage.

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

It is your fault. When we tell you guys that a woman must contribute…lol you guys tell us that it is not a must but rather she should only contribute when ever she likes….lol. Do not divorce go and continue with your foolishness…useless Nigerian men

Karleb:
Not true. Many people did not. People hardly change after marriage.

People even change after childbirth. Especially ladies, because of postnatal chemical changes in their bodies. People change at any point in time. Even you have changed in the last five years

And how do you know this other girl is not pretending, the fact that she agreed to be a side chick to a married man is already a red flag, I feel you are just trying to take the easy way out and about to still make the same mistake again... Leave your marriage for your own peace of mind and not cause you want to marry someone else and before you do that, make sure you have done everything you can including talking to both families and seeking marriage counselling too. Another option is separating from her for the time being, not divorce o... just moving out for like 2months and see how that goes.

Gerrard59:
cc: haybhi1🤷🏿‍♂️

---

So why do the same women whine when men have side chicks?

Noted, not acknowledged.

Farfalla:
I did not imply that the responsibility is his alone. I was responding to his earlier post encouraging men to be selfish even if it means ignoring both wife and children.

He made a mistake..

Me I can ignore the wife but u see my children eehn...I can kill for them

geoworldedu:
People even change after childbirth. Especially ladies, because of postnatal chemical changes in their bodies. People change at any point in time. Even you have changed in the last five years

Believe what you want sha.

Sunmolar:
The man should be in control of the woman since sun rise... What a man allows from her wife will be seen as her right on the long run. What's the need for getting her a job?...he should have made it clear to her what percentage of the money should be for savings for the family. A man should be able to project that challenges will arise no matter what job you're doing. Apart from challenges, you will have in mind the need to buy or build a house for the family, pay children's school fees, health etc.... If you don't plan with the woman... She may spend on frivolities from the money you gave her talkless of the money she earned... And the blame will come to the man.. It's shouldnt have been conceived from her the essence of the companionship.... You complement one another

U re right, bit since he's now suffering from his folly(which could be anyone no matter how perfect u re) let him suffer in peace, and if he like let him keel himself, we will be here to type the normal...R!P

One after the other, we will all learn our lessons

cococandy:
You wonder where we ladies see such yeye men we describe ? Do you ever take time to read what your fellow men post? Or observe the men in your Nigerian society? If you don’t, I encourage you to. You’re not a representation of most men. This information and impression is not coming from a void.

Don’t use men in the USA and their wives who willingly contribute as example. That’s the norm over here. And we have partnerships as the default relationship setting. In fact if we’re to ask a typical Nigerian what they think of these USA men you just described, they’ll say they’re weak, emasculated bla bla bla. So don’t ask me where I saw the yeye men. Ask your country men why they go about on the internet creating the impression that they’re yeye man. Not my fault.

I’m talking about what a typical Nigerian man who lives in Nigeria sees marriage roles as.

I understand your point but then, over time, I have come to realize that what people say on the internet most times is entirely different from what they do in real life, especially when it comes to relationship and romance.


Some guys will come online to claim they hate ladies but offline they are dying to get one small girl's attention. Some guys will come online to claim they don't spend on girls because they are redpillers but offline they spend lavishly on girls to just get laid or to please some chicks they fancy lol.


Some ladies will come online forming men hater but offline they are begging for a man to love them, etc, etc.


My point? Don't base your judgment of who most Nigerian men are based on the yeye stories you read from guys online.


In Nigeria, more than 90% of families are being solely catered for by the husband/father/sons, and even same pattern applies to Nigerian families abroad but online women claim they are the breadwinners of their families but in reality we hardly see the big moneys our Naija women earn both in Naija and abroad, some of them when they want to spend, they spend it mostly on their siblings and parents leaving their husbands struggling to cater for the family alone. These are some of the realities, I maybe wrong with my percentage but I am only trying to show you how high the percentage is.


The few Nigerian guys being mean to women in real life were once mugus used by ladies in the past, but by default, every Nigerian man love to cater for his family solely and even spoil his wife.

You are playing with everlasting roasting and roaring screams in Hell Fire.
Confess your infidelity to your wife.
Commit your life to Jesus Christ.
Choose a good holiness church to attend.
Converse with a godly pastor or mentor.
Ask people your wife respect to talk to her.
Cease to see your Ex.
There is hope for your marriage/family.
Shalom.

Till eternity, she won't obliged that info.
You can do some underground check.

Successtube:
We have no kids yet. I have asked her so many times what she uses her money for, but all I get is silence.

Guy many men today are in the same situation as you are, my advice is before divorcing her, make sure you terminate that job you find for her

A friend of mine is already dying slowly because he keeps thinking about his children.
Very weak as a man, and his wife or should I say knife is just after his life, we don advice the werey tire, yet him just want die there.

johnog4sure:
Thank you, your story really helped me, I am also contemplating divorce right now, and my story is similar to yours, I invested heavily in my wife's business yet she looked into my eyes and said "YOUR MONEY IS NOT IN MY SHOP" I dated her for 5 years married her and had a kid, yet this happened, my friend in London I just spoke to is having similar problem, your advice won't work, and yes people change even in science it is believed that every 7 years you are no longer the same person you used to be seven years earlier.

My own advice is that MEN BE SELFISH(put yourself first and sometimes yourself alone, ignore wife ignore children they all will be fine even without you) I know it is hard for good men to take this advice, even me I am struggling to take my own advice