₦airaland Forum

Nor be me and nurse lai lai.

press9jatv:
Hope for the Single Parent: How to Overcome Your Biggest Challenges

If you are a single parent, you may need to know something: you have the hardest job in the world. You have to meet all the needs of your kid, over many years, without the help of a spouse. Some of my closest friends are single parents, and my heart breaks with theirs when they encounter the rough years of parenting. Single parenting can sometimes be brutal and overwhelming. That's why it's important to discuss boundaries for single parents.

Many of my friends have also found the balance and resources they need, and they are experiencing success as parents. Their children and teens are doing well and are maturing at the right rate. So there is hope for you as well.

Let's look at some of the biggest struggles single parents face and explore what you can do to meet those challenges:

Single Parent Challenge #1 - Not Enough of You

Single parents have to do the work of two parents, yet they have more limited resources than two-parent families, both in quantity and in ability. This limitation becomes more of a challenge when your kids are teenagers. They push against your authority and limits and assert their freedom in a million ways.

Parents who have a spouse can hand off their teen to the other parent when they are feeling worn out. My wife and I do this all the time. But you can't do this as a single parent. If your teen doesn't let up on you, you don't get a chance to rest and regroup. This can be exhausting, and it's easy to feel you don't have any strength left inside to resist your kid's resistance.

What can you do? The answer isn't trying harder, or using your will power. Instead, realize that you don't have what you don't have. You will need to get from the outside what you don't possess on the inside. You need to do this for your kid, and for yourself as well. Call a safe and sane friend and get your emotional tank filled, and then enter the ring again and resolve the issue.

It's tempting for single parents to think, I am so tired. I just don't have it in me to spend a lot of time talking with my kid. Besides, he's almost an adult anyway, so he probably doesn't even need a lot of me. While your teen is almost an adult, he still needs bonding time with you in order for him to feel safe and loved and to help him sort out the vagaries of teen life. So get some strength from others, so that you can stay attached to your teen.

Keep in mind that you may need to ask another adult, such as a mature friend, youth pastor, or counselor, to intervene. Your teen may be able to hear things from this other person that he refuses to hear from you. Regardless, get connected.

Single Parent Challenge #2 - Rescuing Your Kids From Failure

I recently asked a single mom who is a good friend of mine, "What do you think is the biggest mistake single parents make?" Without hesitating, she said, "Not allowing their kids to fail."

My friend was talking about rescuing young kids and teens from experiencing their consequences. Parents who rescue their adolescents often do so out of guilt. They already feel bad about their kid's situation, and often feel partially responsible that their child doesn't have two parents in the home.

As a result, single parents often indulge their teen and don't enforce the consequences that should come with attitude and behavior violations. They think, My teen already has a strike against her. I'll make it up to her a little by being easy on her. However, this "solution" doesn't solve the problem; it merely creates a second problem. Not only does the teen have to struggle with a broken home, it's likely she will never develop any self-control. Kids from a single-parent family need limits just as much as any kid does.

Surround yourself with guilt-busters—that is, friends who will support you when your emotions tell you you're being too mean. Cry on their shoulder, allow them to give you a reality check, and let them encourage you to love your teen and still hold the line.

I have a single-parent friend who always felt guilty whenever she grounded or took privileges away from her teens. But her kids have grown up, and they have come back to her and said, "Thanks for being strict, Mom. That's why I can keep my own marriage and job together."

Single Parent Challenge #3 - Parenting Differences With Your Ex

Many divorced parents differ in their parenting values. Often, a parent will notice that the child has a bad attitude or misbehaves after she has spent some time with the other parent. You can attribute some of that to the teen trying to adjust and transition between two worlds, and she needs your support and patience on that. But it may also be that your ex is not providing enough structure and consistent limits.

If this is your situation, do all you can to get your ex to agree to put your kid first and to come to an agreement on parenting values and styles. If your teen's well-being is in jeopardy, you may even have to go the legal route for his protection.

If you see some negative effects when your teen spends time with your ex, but they aren't serious enough for you to take legal action, then be the best parent you can be. Be balanced and integrated with love and boundaries. If your ex is a Disneyland parent, don't be the hardnose, hoping to compensate. Your teen needs to be around someone whom she can take inside of herself, who is a picture of maturity, grace, and truth. Don't try to get even with your ex. Get healthy.

Single Parent Challenge #4 - Asking for Help

Finally, don't try to be strong and go it alone. Ask for help from your kid's school, your church, and your friends. Single parents need more help, and they should get more.

God has a special place for you and your children. In Psalm 68:5, King David wrote about how much God wants to provide for kids who don't have both parents around: "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Ask God for help, and He will give it to you.



Taken from Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend. In his book, you will find a lot more information for single parents, including a separate chapter dedicated to step-parenting.


https://www.boundariesbooks.com/blogs/boundaries-blog/hope-for-the-single-parent-how-to-overcome-your-biggest-challenges

You see women. They will have enough but to have their husband with them is a problem due to arrogance and the need to be the head since they are providing something

The only way out of this nonsense that has led to different social immorality such a LGBTQ and other nonsense. The only way is shariah, a woman should be under the guidance and care of man even if she is getting 1 billion dollars daily. If humanity continue this useless trend we will use our ego of hatred towards Islam to destroy human race to irreparable point

Who cares?! I don't freaking care!!!!

CommonSense1967:
Texas is not rich? That's news to me.
A lot of the divorce are due to Nigerian men bringing these ladies to the US as financial security.
You will see a guy with very poor paying job go to Nigeria, bring a lady and push her into the nursing field. Later the lady will realize that she's worth a lot more than the guy driving cab ot Uber.
Women don't respect men that are of less worth than they are. Few ones don't mind but most women don't simply by nature.
Any little disagreement can lead to divorce.
Some women don't care. My sister has been the family main source of income in her household for decades and they are happily married. Most of the young ones now are the opposite.

You mean a man would bring a woman who is a pauper in Nigeria to US, give her confidence, support her, and suddenly she becomes too big for him?

Is this what Indians and Koreans do too?

Lalami3232:
In Nigeria, 95% of our women are single mothers. It's either they're single mothers of living children or single mothers to dead children (abortions). I'm in a good mood today and patriotic, hence I'm saying 95%, but we know the actual figure. If you didn't meet her as a virgin, there's 98% chances that she's a mother to one of the aforementioned categories.
What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news

go back and continue smoking the rubbish

Helpfromabove1:
Let me japa and see my side it’s better to be a single mother in Texas than married in this tinubu economy

There would be no help from above for you.

APOPTOSIS:
She nailed it.
Same story, Same people Always!
Of all the states, Avoid Texas if you want your marriage to work in the USA, even the Police will warn you to avoid Texas.
Texas Nigerian women will make your wife feel like you guys are not doing fine.
Meanwhile Texas is not a flamboyantly Rich state in America, yet we no go hear word.

Most marriage related deaths occur in Texas.
Atlanta is doing tutorials in the hands of Texas.
Even Pastors have barred some of these women from Holy communion. It's easier to sleep with women of every category in the United States as a Jobless man and get paid than sleep with same women in Nigeria as an employed man.

It's in the US, you will see a woman completely divorce her husband to end up a sidechic to another married man for years.

No sex for jobless person.

How can you be jobless in America but want a Nigerian woman to sleep with? That's racist of you because you think they will be cheapest.

Golan007:
You mean a man would bring a woman who is a pauper in Nigeria to US, give her confidence, support her, and suddenly she becomes too bing for him?

Is this what Indians and Koreans do too?

Well, a lot of men will not disclose to these women that they are barely surviving in the US. When these women gets to the US then their eyes opens up.
The Indians also bring their women over but in most cases, the man is also making good income from IT jobs unlike Nigerian men doing cabbie or even unemployed. At the end of the day, most of these women will lose respect when they start to make way more than their men. Especially when they feel deceived.

press9jatv:
95% keee. That one no true. You can say 50% of women in Nigeria 🇳🇬 today and single mums

Oga U had better listen and heed to advice

Many of Dem na open eye dey worry dem

ednut1:
In the 90s Nigerians used to mock Jamaicans and black Americans for being single mothers. Today we have become like them. God abeg

This is just the beginning.

In Chicago, once a Nigerian woman divorces her husband, other divorced women that formed an association will send her a message saying “welcome to freedom, you are now a real woman “

That is the level of degeneration it had gotten to right now. May God have mercy on us.

CommonSense1967:
Well, a lot of men will not disclose to these women that they are barely surviving in the US. When these women gets to the US then their eyes opens up.
The Indians also bring their women over but in most cases, the man is also making good income from IT jobs unlike Nigerian men doing cabbie or even unemployed. At the end of the day, most of these women will lose respect when they start to make way more than their men. Especially when they feel deceived.

Hypergamy is more prominent in the black woman.

Obakoolex:
What of single fathers

Note :

Men never file for divorce aside his spouse is then later can lead to single father .

discusant:
No sex for jobless person.

How can you be jobless in America but want a Nigerian woman to sleep with? That's racist of you because you think they will be cheapest.

Don't be surprised she's still giving her cookies tl Pookie.

By the way, it is rare to find a jobless Nigerian man.

Golan007:
Hypergamy is more prominent in the black woman.

True..

The institution of Marriage in itself has massively declined in the last decade...!

Just a matter of time before most young men permanently stop bothering themselves with such commitments.


No wonder there is so much decadence and disarray in today's society.


Healthy marriages promote healthy societies, and help reduce crimes.

CommonSense1967:
Texas is not rich? That's news to me.
A lot of the divorce are due to Nigerian men bringing these ladies to the US as financial security.
You will see a guy with very poor paying job go to Nigeria, bring a lady and push her into the nursing field. Later the lady will realize that she's worth a lot more than the guy driving cab ot Uber.
Women don't respect men that are of less worth than they are. Few ones don't mind but most women don't simply by nature.
Any little disagreement can lead to divorce.
Some women don't care. My sister has been the family main source of income in her household for decades and they are happily married. Most of the young ones now are the opposite.

@bolded - this is the same sinister excuse most of these useless women and you try so hard to make us believe. You and these ungrateful women can go to any length to vilify your benefactor, once you feel they're no longer of any use - YOU GUYS ARE FVCKN USERS!

How quickly you guys overlook the benevolence of your benefactor is what reeks of a false entitlement. What do you actually mean by 'Nigerian men bringing these ladies to the US as financial security'? Has the man not already conducted himself as a financial security for the lady in the first instance?

Are you implying that the man now stops working immediately the woman qualifies as a nurse, or are they not supposed to be one family?

What is actually wrong with you fvckn black africans, what's wrong with you greedy & ungrateful people?

Mtcheew! 😒

saphiere:
.There are a lot of single mums I agree.
But this only got to prove how irresponsible Nigerian men are.
Or were these women impregnated by their fellow women?

Lol... ...

We no too dey hear single father
Na single mother offend God

APOPTOSIS:
She nailed it.
Same story, Same people Always!
Of all the states, Avoid Texas if you want your marriage to work in the USA, even the Police will warn you to avoid Texas.
Texas Nigerian women will make your wife feel like you guys are not doing fine.
Meanwhile Texas is not a flamboyantly Rich state in America, yet we no go hear word.

Most marriage related deaths occur in Texas.
Atlanta is doing tutorials in the hands of Texas.
Even Pastors have barred some of these women from Holy communion. It's easier to sleep with women of every category in the United States as a Jobless man and get paid than sleep with same women in Nigeria as an employed man.

It's in the US, you will see a woman completely divorce her husband to end up a sidechic to another married man for years.

Where are you people getting your fake stories from. Nigeria Nurses are all over the states in the US doing well with their spouses. And of course am a nurse from Nigeria living in the state of Texas with my family too.

NothingDoMe:
Nor be me and nurse lai lai.

Wetin nurse do you?

omooba969:
@bolded - this is the same sinister excuse most of these useless women and you try so hard to make us believe. You and these ungrateful women can go to any length to vilify your benefactor, once you feel they're no longer of any use - YOU GUYS ARE FVCKN USERS!

How quickly you guys overlook the benevolence of your benefactor is what reeks of a false entitlement. What do you actually mean by 'Nigerian men bringing these ladies to the US as financial security'? Has the man not already conducted himself as a financial security for the lady in the first instance?

Are you implying that the man now stops working immediately the woman qualifies as a nurse, or are they not supposed to be one family?

What is actually wrong with you fvckn black africans, what's wrong with you greedy people?

Mtcheew! 😒

Don't be mad at me bro. I'm a guy. I'm just telling you reality of things. I never said if it's right or wrong. Just stating the obvious facts from many years of experience.

Lungs:
Oga U had better listen and heed to advice

which advice here, you are very funny no be small 😷😷😷😷

CommonSense1967:
Well, a lot of men will not disclose to these women that they are barely surviving in the US. When these women gets to the US then their eyes opens up.
The Indians also bring their women over but in most cases, the man is also making good income from IT jobs unlike Nigerian men doing cabbie or even unemployed. At the end of the day, most of these women will lose respect when they start to make way more than their men. Especially when they feel deceived.

Guy, I have been reading your comments here but I must say you're not making sense. You make it seem like a greater percentage of Asians men who bring their women to the States have IT jobs. Are you implying that there are more blacks than Asians doing menial jobs?

You're really trying your best to turn a blind eye from the real issues of uncontrollable women here.

Nigga, get updated or you GTFO!

Hussein035:
You see women. They will have enough but to have their husband with them is a problem due to arrogance and the need to be the head since they are providing something

The only way out of this nonsense that has led to different social immorality such a LGBTQ and other nonsense. The only way is shariah, a woman should be under the guidance and care of man even if she is getting 1 billion dollars daily. If humanity continue this useless trend we will use our ego of hatred towards Islam to destroy human race to irreparable point

you are very right here seriously

Even in Nigeria here the rate of single mothers is getting worrisome by the day

CommonSense1967:
Texas is not rich? That's news to me.
A lot of the divorce are due to Nigerian men bringing these ladies to the US as financial security.
You will see a guy with very poor paying job go to Nigeria, bring a lady and push her into the nursing field. Later the lady will realize that she's worth a lot more than the guy driving cab ot Uber.
Women don't respect men that are of less worth than they are. Few ones don't mind but most women don't simply by nature.
Any little disagreement can lead to divorce.
Some women don't care. My sister has been the family main source of income in her household for decades and they are happily married. Most of the young ones now are the opposite.

Is marriage and love supposed to b about income..? Ur mentality in is sickening...go get Ur head examined....

If ur theory is correct that mean bill gates divorced wife will have only a few men on earth to marry...since she is worth billions of dollars which almost 99% of men in the world can't worth.....

Shame on Ur ideology

Nursing profession doesn't guarantee a happy long lasting home especially in USA.

Instead of marrying a Nurse, marry a TEACHER.

A Teacher is an Educator.

Teachers are the best.

Teachers are more Disciplined, Family oriented and Well trained.

Even Americans especially Black American's both male and female prefer Teachers to Nurses because most of them have seen the reality of life.

Am proud to be a Male Teacher.

Eriokanmi:
True. I know a number of them. You can never know the real character of your wife until after she relocates with you overseas. Many of them copy the western ladies who don't even have a culture, those who have children like dogs for several men. They always don't enjoy a happy home.

No single mum I met ever told me they're living happily as single mums. There's one of them, whose children always say they miss their dad and they'd like to see him. She always got angry hearing this. One day she agreed to take them to a meeting point with her ex. On getting to that place, she kept a distance and asked the children to go see their dad briefly and come back. She actually timed the meeting. When the time was almost up, she faced the wall and started crying uncontrollably cos of the bond between the children and their dad. They were gisting, cracking jokes and laughing aloud. Instead of 2 hours, these children spent 5 good hours with their dad. They didn't feel like leaving.

I told her to reconcile and seek a reunion but she's still doing shakara. She's a very successful nurse in a major hospital on 3rd avenue in NY. I won't mention the hospital. Whoever knows that place would know the hospital I'm talking about, built with red bricks with many floors. The man had moved on. As an aeronautical engineer, he's not doing badly too at Boeing. He got that job 1 year after the woman chased him out and took custody of the children. Amazingly, he's still single. I guess he's taking his time cos of the horrible experience

A whole lot of guys are learning from experiences of older guys that have suffered miserably in the hands of women, it’s so sad that even marrying a Nigerian girl who is supposedly meant to be better is even worse.
Those girls will look so harmless and all sweet before marriage, once they get married and get the kids, they become tigers…
That’s why whenever I notice the slightest sign of feminism in a girl, I dust my shoes and run for my life. It’s so surprising that a girl that’s meant to be Nigerian brought-up gets to the us and start swallowing dumb western ideologies of single parenting and divorce…. We have Indians, Chinese and others in America too faa and they respect their culture home and abroad, who do African girls with this shameless lack of identity and always wanting to copy everything, it’s total lack of self esteem

CommonSense1967:
Don't be mad at me bro. I'm a guy. I'm just telling you reality of things. I never said if it's right or wrong. Just stating the obvious facts from many years of experience.

It's not a question of being mad at you but comments like yours just make me sick. If any of the victims of this kind of manipulation were your brother, I strongly believe that your views would be different.

Do you mean that women who bring their men to the States don't also see them as a financial security (going by your word)? Shall we also disparage our women for this and send them packing?

Nonsense!

ednut1:
In the 90s Nigerians used to mock Jamaicans and black Americans for being single mothers. Today we have become like them. God abeg

Some of our people say it is good as it involves "healthy co-parenting".

The after-effects would be interesting to watch. We kuku no get money or a responsive government like African Americans.