₦airaland Forum

OP,

Write a letter to the chief Registrar asking to verify the authenticity of the decree nisi that was made absolute. Make sure you attach a copy of the certificate that contains the suit number. Trust me that decree is fake with a capital F.

Matrimonial proceedings especially in Lagos takes years. I have never seen where a petition for divorce was filed in March and dispensed with in June. In this Lagos where I dey so. Lori Iro!!!!!!

Also find out the lawyer who filed that petition as well. As well as the judge who presided over the case. They will come in handy in the next steps you want to take.

folake4u:
Hi Ma'am.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

You can message Teespice, she's a good Divorce lawyer.

Cheers.

Okay thanks for the reference. I have done that. Please send me an email on ejirodetermined01@gmail.com so I can forward the documents to you to look through please

Advision:
Were issues around the upkeep of your child sorted?

It is his responsibility to contribute significantly towards her upkeep even if he is not interested in being physically present.

Other than that, please move on with your life and find happiness in someone else or something else. Your best revenge is in being successful notwithstanding the divorce

The only upkeep he has been sending is 20k per month, for feeding, medical bills, everything. I've been telling him to increase it but he refused. But he's always wearing new clothes and feeding well and now looks far better than before. It's now looking like it was me that deprived him from progressing, he always tells me that. That's not my concern. He should pay a substantial amount of money for his daughter but he is blatantly refusing.

Teespice:
OP,

Write an letter to the chief Registrar asking to verify the authenticity of the decree nisi that was made absolute. Make sure you attach a copy of the certificate that contains the suit number. Trust me that decree is fake with a capital F.

Matrimonial proceedings especially in Lagos takes years. I have never seen where a petition for divorce was filed in March and dispensed with in June. In this Lagos where I dey so. Lori Iro!!!!!!

Also find out the lawyer who filed that petition as well. As well as the judge who presided over the case. They will come in handy in the next steps you want to take.

Sure, will work on that as soon as possible. Please can you send me an email via ejirodetermined01@gmail.com so I can send you the divorce documents to go through? Please I will be expecting to hear from you.

Ok

Onegai:
Eh?

Eh?




JESUS BE PRAISED!

GIRLLLLL!!!!!

WHOM THE GODS WANT TO DESTROY, THEY FIRST RUN MAD.

You are NOT divorced.

However, your Not-An-Ex-Husband is in trouble. Like in, "How long do you want him to be arrested for and how much do you want him to settle at Police station" trouble.

The Law of Marriage Dissolution in Nigeria is clear and absolute.

1. Neither Party to the Marriage can file before a Separation of 2 years has been completed. No ifs, no buts, nothing.

2. The Petitioner must serve papers to the Respondent notifying them of the legal process.

No judge in Nigeria will sit and pass a decree of Dissolution on a marriage where the respondent had no idea. That's begging to be disbarred. My cousin's wife abandoned him years ago to the US and she still had to be notified via email of the process. You have to show up in court because Nigeria doesn't do No-Fault Divorce, both of you must accuse each other of something, anything.

3. No court sits that fast in Nigeria. And in Marriage Dissolution, there must be a Decree Nisi given and then 3 MONTHS after if there is no change, a Decree Absolute. Only when you get that Decree Absolute does it mean you are legally divorced.

Unless you did only Traditional Marriage o, but if you did Court Wedding those are the steps to end a marriage. Even Customary Court has their own steps and do it with Magistrate. And you didn't get married under Islamic law.

What that Id.iot did was what a lot of FOOLISH NIGERIAN MEN have been doing for a while now:

He paid a clerk at court to fake divorce documents and get a corrupt judge to fake-stamp it.

IT IS ILLEGAL.

YOU ARE NOT DIVORCED, YOU ARE VERY MUCH MARRIED.

Don't believe me, ask any Lawyer. Google it!

These foolish men are banking on the fact that Nigerians tend to be ignorant of how Nigerian laws work.


So, in my next post, amma tell you what to do.

[i][/i]3. No court sits that fast in Nigeria. And in Marriage Dissolution, there must be a Decree Nisi given and then 3 MONTHS after if there is no change, a Decree Absolute. Only when you get that Decree Absolute does it mean you are legally divorced.
The above should happen after the two years separation NOT before, right?
And I married both in court and traditionally. I have been very disturbed since I got those papers.

Maeve7:
100 likes! I hope she is strong enough to resist him because he will try to change her mind along the way when sh*t hits the fan.

I won't honestly. He maltreats me without compassion.

Onegai:
Alright, here's what you're gonna do!

(If this was a movie, there'd be upbeat tempo music cued here )

Step 1: DOWNLOAD THAT FAKE DOCUMENT, SAVE IT AND SAY NOTHING TO THE I.DIOT. No reply, nothing. Don't tell the enemy your plan.

Step 2: get the best wig you can muster, get your nails done, get makeup did, get 3 perfect outfits, I don't want to see ankara, go and find out what May Edochie, Anita Okoye is wearing. Be inspired! You need to take 3 different pictures and upload it like it was different days, on your Facebook page. Your captions should be light and airy, you must look like you're living your best life. Post one with your little sweetheart, make sure her hair is done and she looks amazing.

Why? Because when this shi.t blows up, people will rush to your page to check you out. You have to come correct, so they can shout "Ah Ahnnn, see the lovely family this man threw away, he is useless!!"

Step 3: go to Twitter/X and post this story and that document there. Mention his govt name, Mention the fact that this started because your child got defiled. Tag the popular female accounts there. Ask for a lawyer.

All the so-called "Angry, Bitter" Feminists will get pissed and retweet it. And everyone will go and look for his FB page to drag him.

Step 4: get the most serious lawyer you can. Not charge and bail, which is why I said Twitter. Run a Twitter search with the word "Divorce in Nigeria", look up who posts on it and make sure you tag them all to your thread.

They see this kind of fake documents a lot and will tell you that it is a criminal offence. The clerks who do this tend to get in trouble and get reported.

The only reason it keeps happening is that Nigerians don't know the law and don't Google or speak to a lawyer, even the educated ones.


Make sure you keep this copy of a fake divorce. You will need it in court after the 2 years have passed and your filing (you're going to be the Petitioner) because you're going to go after his job for child support and custody. He committed a crime, he can't get joint custody, you're filing for sole custody. This will allow you make plans such as japa and anything serious without waiting for his input.

But yes, you will allow him visit his child. Why? Because you're a good person and you want your child to see for herself that her father is useless, don't tell her, let her see it for herself.

Oh and one last thing: Once a lawyer is involved and you may have gotten a document from the court stating that his fake marriage dissolution paper doesn't exist, attach both documents and email it, plus a short explanation and full govt name, to all the embassies of countries that Nigerians tend to japa to: UK, USA, Germany, Canada etc. If you have a copy of his passport dat page, add it as well.

Also, have someone monitor his page and that of the babe. In case they're daft enough to attempt to get married, you need evidence of Bigamy. Which yes, you should inform the church he attends of and yes, that is a criminal offence under the Penal Code of Nigeria. You can even get police to harass him on his fake wedding day in front of the guests (you should )

You're doing that for fun

Step 1 done. Step 2, on it. I dey go Twitter straight. To think I already mentally accepted that it was done. Honestly I don't wish to go back to such evil man because a man that can act this way without human compassion can kill. But I want to make him pay. For emotional damages through the years, all the sleepless nights, my sacrifices, physical, financial, mental and emotional investments I made for him, he must pay for it all. I'm going to Twitter. Thanks ma'am, you are a gem.

MsJackson:
Step 1 done. Step 2, on it. I dey go Twitter straight. To think I already mentally accepted that it was done. Honestly I don't wish to go back to such evil man because a man that can act this way without human compassion can kill. But I want to make him pay. For emotional damages through the years, all the sleepless nights, my sacrifices, physical, financial, mental and emotional investments I made for him, he must pay for it all. I'm going to Twitter. Thanks ma'am, you are a gem.

Emotional investment? So emotions are an investment?

Well, I'll urge you to carefully chose the advise you read online.

[quote author=MsJackson post=132108073]I won't honestly. He maltreats me without compassion. [/quot
Easy to say, hard to do

MsJackson:
Sure, will work on that as soon as possible. Please can you send me an email via ejirodetermined01@gmail.com so I can send you the divorce documents to go through? Please I will be expecting to hear from you.

I have replied your mail.

MsJackson:
The only upkeep he has been sending is 20k per month, for feeding, medical bills, everything. I've been telling him to increase it but he refused. But he's always wearing new clothes and feeding well and now looks far better than before. It's now looking like it was me that deprived him from progressing, he always tells me that. That's not my concern. He should pay a substantial amount of money for his daughter but he is blatantly refusing.

Not a lawyer, but I would expect child upkeep to be a part of what should be agreed before divorce.

If you think he is not baring a fair load in child upkeep, make a balanced proposal detailing what needs to be covered and start engaging him. Escalate to family and if not resolved fairly, please take him to court and let his employer be aware he has a child he is not adequately cartering for.

While it may be a bitter episode and you may feel unfairly treated, be objective in making a case for him to contribute more to child upkeep so it is dismissed as a vindictive quest to get back at your ex husband.

Teespice:
I have replied your mail.

The email address I used to register this account on nairaland has become dormant, so I can't access messages in there. Please use this : ejirodetermined01@gmail.com. I'll be expecting to hear from you, thank you

Teespice:
OP,

Write an letter to the chief Registrar asking to verify the authenticity of the decree nisi that was made absolute. Make sure you attach a copy of the certificate that contains the suit number. Trust me that decree is fake with a capital F.

Matrimonial proceedings especially in Lagos takes years. I have never seen where a petition for divorce was filed in March and dispensed with in June. In this Lagos where I dey so. Lori Iro!!!!!!

Also find out the lawyer who filed that petition as well. As well as the judge who presided over the case. They will come in handy in the next steps you want to take.

And that's on period!!!!🙂✅💯

MsJackson:
Okay thanks for the reference. I have done that. Please send me an email on ejirodetermined01@gmail.com so I can forward the documents to you to look through please

Hi Ma'am.

You've got mail from me.

folake4u:
Hi Ma'am.

You've got mail from me.

Hello ma'am, I have responded

JovialJune:
Then let him be and find your own way, unfortunately Nigerian laws doesn't favour women, take that as your cross and do better for yourself.

Doesn’t favor women as in how? What do you want the law to do for women then? Split the mans property into two just as it’s done in the western world and render the man wretched?
Na wa o

Slimdan360:
Doesn’t favor women as in how? What do you want the law to do for women then? Split the mans property into two just as it’s done in the western world and render the man wretched?
Na wa o

Which one is the man‘s property? Women don’t work and pay for the mortgage?

Slimdan360:
Doesn’t favor women as in how? What do you want the law to do for women then? Split the mans property into two just as it’s done in the western world and render the man wretched?
Na wa o

So if your father's property was split into two and half was given to your mother just like it is done in the west, will that make your father wretched?

JovialJune:
So if your father's property was split into two and half was given to your mother just like it is done in the west, will that make your father wretched?

So if your father is stripped of all he has and left to live a wretched life, with everything going to your mother and the new man she choose to remarry, that will make you happy right?
Keep feigning ignorance like you don’t know what happens in the west.

Maeve7:
Which one is the man‘s property? Women don’t work and pay for the mortgage?

Imagine two people working to pay for mortgage and one is made to claim the house after a divorce, what then do you call that?

Slimdan360:
Imagine two people working to pay for mortgage and one is made to claim the house after a divorce, what then do you call that?

Now the wife claims the entire house and not half of the property like you said before? Do you even know what country and law you are talking about?

Onegai:
OP

Right now, you need to get a pretty good job. Ensure your accommodation is very good too (if you need to move in with your parents, stay there). If you have your family's support, do so.

Accept any amount he sends for upkeep without a murmur, document all your conversation with him (no calls, just texts or emails).

Make sure you never badmouth him to his kid. The few, infrequent times he will attempt to play at Daddy and visit his kid, ensure you allow her meet her father without complaints to him. Show him a calm demeanor and a beautiful exterior. Document every visit.

You have 2 years from Separation to Divorce. That's the Law. You can't file until then, neither can he. Go to a lawyer for more information.

Most courts will NOT award custody of a girl child to a single father, they will favour the mother. Unless he remarries and then you have to prove that your home is a safe place and you're more than capable of caring for your child.

Get a cheap phone, give him the no and politely tell them that should he ever wish to speak to his daughter, he can either call you or use that line. (He won't call it more than once).

Take your eyes completely off him. Your mind will be harder. Try and go for counselling, to heal and to reflect upon your own mistakes. So you don't repeat them again.

I wish you the best.

Now, let me face that oloriburuku you married.

He's an as.shole, he and his family knew what they were doing. They are willing to destroy your marriage because he never valued you and they want to protect their se.xually abusive niece. That girl he's dating, oh boy she's in trouble. Her chi isn't working, if it was she would never have fallen inside calamity. He's not going to marry her, she's the first of numerous girlfriends. If he marries her, then she doesn't have a praying mother. You will see him looking happier than you've ever see him flaunting his new gf/wife, his family full of praise for her, loving her like they never loved you.

Cry into your pillow, show a stoic face, dress well, smell delicious and give them no quarter. Go out and date.

In about 3-5 years' time, that rat bas.tard will start sniffing around you again under the pretext of checking on his child. YOU MUST NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. If you do, Amadioha will laugh and know he can destroy you. You serve a Living God, He removed them from your life neatly.

They'll notice that the stability you gave him in his life is not there (married or not). Even if he looks happy, he's not really happy. So he's acting for the world to see, so that nobody says "I told you so".

Second marriages tend to be worse because the useless party involved in the first marriage rarely ever learns from their mistakes, so they repeat it. Only that the "Peerless Queen" 2nd wife is usually ready to deal shege with him and his family. So trust me, his family will grumble that "this one is not even as tolerant as the one we pursued out".

He'll repent and regret in leisure. No, he'll never admit it (his ego is too big). He will want you back (no, he still won't have learnt his lessons). Which is why he will suddenly become a "Good Father", checking on his kid frequently. No dear, he's keeping tabs on you and also trying to audition for you, that he's a great guy and your issues before were just "silly little misunderstandings".

You will probably never get an apology. Don't wait for one. He will definitely express regret, but never to you. Only a very brave and strong man will look you in the eye and admit his fukup.

Which is why you should move on with a vengeance. The best revenge is a Life well lived.

I'm saying all of this because this sort of story is as common as pure water. And it always plays out like this, rarely does it deviate. The only deviation is that sometimes, the wife take the husband back.

The Bible is the book of Life because if you read the Old Testament, you'll see humanity's innate desire to constantly self-destruct from time to time (think the Israelites or the prodigal son). We can't help it, we can only ask God to give us the strength to overcome the need to use our own hands to destroy our lives. I've self-destructed, everyone has (made mistakes that derailed us for such a long time, we hold regrets forever). You have self-destructed, now this is your ex-husband's time to self-destruct.

But you shouldn't. Because he was willing to side with his family against his own child.

I wish you the best.

Beautiful piece/ rant , the bold very well said.

@OP: you have the antecedents of women left like this who picked up and are doing extremely well in their middle ages.

I don't know your tribe, however Onegai's picture is a very common one in Yoruba land and almost every time, the woman comes out tops if she can re-direct her focus to building herself.

It would be rough, lonely, sex starved, filled with 'I coulda shoulda', however, you have the spirit backing thousands of women who have faced the same fate and succeeded.

Some with new husbands, some alone.

Onegai:
I swear, Humanity is such a foolish race than God must shake His head in disbelief at our foolishness.

The way we needlessly destroy our lives is amazing. We spend our old age full of regrets because Time has shown us our foolishness.

Which is why I would never allow my sons to ever complain about their wives to me. If it is not proven Domestic Violence, I don't wanna hear shi.t. Go and tell her mother. Your wife can come and complain about you to me, too.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is validate or influence their son to hurt their grandchildren.

There's no amount of prayer and forgiveness that will stop God's wrath on falling on you when you do so. You must face the consequences.

That's why Prosperity Gospel is so annoying, we need to be preaching the Old Testament so you'll see how God kept dealing with people who mess up. You reap what you sow. God is a God of Righteousness and Justice, nobody gets away with anything no matter how it looks from the outside.

I've got far too many male relatives spending their 60s/70s in regret to allow myself come between my son and his wife. Even the ones that remarried will tell you that if they had emotional maturity, they'd never have divorced.

There's a reason God hates divorce in the Bible, go and read up Malachi 2: 13-17. There's a reason God literally told men "I hate divorce, don't leave the wife of your youth". How incredible it is that our Heavenly Father addressed His remarks on Divorce TO MEN! Even Jesus said "your hearts are hardened but whomever divorces his wife and remarries commits Adultery", HE WAS TALKING TO MEN!!

Wives are supposed to keep their homes, but Husbands are supposed to keep their marriages. Because you can't be the Dangote in your marriage and expect the Chinese engineers to secure the NNPC deal or let the Nigerian staff find crude oil to refine, that's your job, you're the Head of the House, the buck stops on your table. Everyone's (your wife and kids) job is to follow your leadership, Dangote.

Nigerian men are so effed up because they keep breaking this covenant with God and thinking it will work out well, ogbeni...
IT NEVER DOES! YOU'LL BE 65 WITH SILENT REGRETS, TRUST ME!!

They need to take the mic from these banger boys podcasters, red pillers and Pastors and give it to 70 year old men. Because when you're done seeing their lives, you'll be terrified as a man and delete all your side chics and spend your days researching how to love your wife and bring the spark back into your marriage.

Do you know what it is to be 70 and making yourself uncomfortable following your wife to omugwo, because you know you messed up all your marriage and are scared she'll leave? Do you know what it is to have adult kids who don't talk to you, your wife has spent years of resentment and is now living her life separately so you're always indoors or walking alone on the street, lonely? Do you know how common and silent male depression is? Do you know how many men have died on top of their side chics, their last moments in fright, not surrounded by love and grief from people who care, because the side chics always panic and protect themselves, they'll be screaming upandan inside of cradling your head, showing you love and sorrow as you leave this life.

Why are your Pastors not preaching this??


/rant over

Oh! They know the end is regrets however in their usual self-deceit have told themselves is because 'a man is not appreciated despite his labour so he needs to stack up wealth'.

Like the wealth would care for him in old age

I wish the women left than chaining themselves with bitterness till old age.

That's a miserable wasted life and God forbid I waste a whole lifetime in misery.

Onegai:
Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

Mbok open a church

Slimdan360:
So if your father is stripped of all he has and left to live a wretched life, with everything going to your mother and the new man she choose to remarry, that will make you happy right?
Keep feigning ignorance like you don’t know what happens in the west.

What is this one saying? We are talking about Nigeria you are talking about the west, is Op in the west? Where has it ever happened in Nigeria that the husband's wealth is split 50/50?

MatrixReloaded:
There is no need to read your story, in marriage divorce ground in Nigeria does not have any weight in court of law. You only have the right to your kid and apparently if you are unemployed and have no means of survival, then the child will be willed to the parent whom is capable of taking care of the child. In that case you will be the one visiting for checkup et el.
Incase of property, you will not get anything from the man simply because he's still alive and you didn't work for any of his property. I'm only saying this based on the civil side. Move on, there are many fishes in the ocean. Find the bigger fish and feed on your appetite.
Bon voyage

What tribe are you so I could send out a PSA to avoid your plot of land for husbands. I'd hate to be connected to such a hateful, vengeful,and blood hungry people 😂.

You're doing too much bro!

MsJackson:
Thank you for your wise words sir. I read all you said and will do it

I hope you did it since! My sister we had to walk this up.

OP can I have your email? I think this matter needs the input of professionals versed in handling issues like this.

Dogalmighty17:
OP can I have your email? I think this matter needs the input of professionals versed in handling issues like this.

Good evening. Sorry I'm just seeing this, logged out for a long time. My email address is ejirodetermined01@gmail.com.

correctyourself:
✓ The whole story is sad and things are not supposed to go this way, however, i have a strong feeling that, if the husband narrate his own side of this issue the whole narrative would change, becuase no woman that coorperate with her husband, the family would experience what both of them is going through.
✓ For your in-law to asked her to leave, its a sign of so many cases involving her (frequently reporting matters to inlaws) in other words they are tired of her reporting matters always. I am not judging her, but its just my thought.

Nonsense! 😒

2. You aren't judging yet that's exactly what you blindly did? Make up your mind before you comment next time. 🙄🙄🙄

francisbarrack:
Get engaged with work n be more closer to your God but dont go n b seeing one pastor. Take it as ur challenges. May God see you through.

Why? For what purpose? Which God ?