₦airaland Forum

Afodot0022:
You are deluded. Am not at loss and will never be, am a man and if I want kids now, I will get another. She is the one that will loss cos with all her stress on those kids, when they grow older, they will look for their father and by then, the truth will be waiting for them, it will be all her loss. Am doing all these cos am a responsible man and want to do what am expected to do as a father to my kids. Most men won't even bothered about them and will move on, but am doing this cos I want to do the right thing. With what she did, it's enough reason for me to abandon those kids and move on but despite that, am still looking back and not considering her stupidity.

Don't get deluded by that...they will look for you later in life because you are Dangote they need to inherit from?

Why would they look for you when you have declined and probably with your second family, that has your wife and their half-siblings. You are banking on a Generation Alpha to sit down with you to listen to "the truth that will be waiting for them"

Build loving relationships with your children now as they are heading towards adolescenthood where developmentally, separation-individuation would set in and they will become less interested in attachment with you, forming their own distinct personality and this is not about the present parent bad-mouthing the absent parent.

Connect positively with your children while they are still small, ego would ruin things.

Afodot0022:
Thank you.. I believe they are still sensible people here and not those that think with their anus. If he is a good father, he would have advice his daughter to call me before bringing the kids down to him. He has no right over my kids and can't make decisions over them. He is just a useless grandfather. Which grandfather ask for refunds on money he spent on his grand kids. That family I married from are cursed and I regretted I married from such unfortunate family

wow ! you said these people are your Ex and you still carry so much entitlement or should i say " expectation" ... stop having high expectation from people, definitely not an EX

She owes you nothing talkless of her dad, how wil the man even know ? what if he ask and the daughter shrugs it off ?? naa adult naw


Between a father that abandoned his children cos an Ex bruised his ego and a grandfather that raised a cheating wife/mother who sounds useless beko

A man you said has no right over your kids, deserves a refund, yes naw ! e be like you are just clouded in your own reasoning you dont weigh things back n forth

i get you are upset and hurt from the cheating to the divorce, if you like heal if you like continuing venting But kindly note your Ex & her family no owe you anything asides your children's location, around people working with low expectations would better you
Oga make an arrangement and get closer to your kids. all that Me vs dem las las una go dey alright

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

nigga stop all these garbage lies for attention

Reconcile with her pending when the kids are grown up to university level, then sack her because she will never change

Afodot0022:
We married through the traditional way and we have not done any legal divorce, just separated for now and it's almost two years now. I feel she never expected I will move on so easily after all what I went through in the marriage and she feels better and regret now, so her best bet is to use the kids as bargain chip. Pls lawyers, how is divorce proceeding done for people that got married traditional without court.

Pls mod, help push to FP for wider audience

You don’t need any lawyer as long as it’s a traditional marriage.
Just go and collect the bride price back from them. The father is a shameless man.

What do u expect from a woman who is from a dysfunctional home and her father who could not manage his home.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Take your family to meet them then discuss the matter, but if wife parent wants payment of the expenses they have spend so far then, let them call the amount they think they have spend so far, if is what you can afford then as you there give them the money then carry your children. If you did not stop giving them money for the children upkeep before they would not see anything to hold you back. When you are giving the money mention witness are there and also you there present to carry the children immediately. Don't leave children with them after giving them the money but if they insist you must leave the children after the payment ask for refund immediately or file lawsuits against them for children custody and kidnapping, because you have pay for their release and they refuse to release the children. That my own opinion.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

you're a weak man to have gotten yourself in this position


But also only weak men come online to help complain about their homes or relationships.

And in all place like Nairaland?

Oga, some men will be glad they can move on without the stress of looking after kids from previous marriages, of course taking care of responsibilities though. If kids stay with grandparents willing to accommodate them is that not better than staying in a broken home with just 1 parent? Is that not more stable for them?
Bros, women plenty, it is your choice if you wanna have more kids though if na pikins to take care of de hungry you.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

you go marry igbo woman! What did you expect

My broda,u wil need to be very patient.first....shift ur stand and don't be too rigid..2....consult a female and good lawyer to view her opinion....3..try and be seeing ur kids once in a while....4 buy things differently for them,they won't forget u easily....5...come what may,ur kids are ur kids..they wil surely not forget u.....6 try and forgive ur ex wife.(don't take her back o)..but forgive her...ire oooo

I stopped reading when you mentioned that you stopped giving support because your wife took your kids to your in-laws' house without your permission. So, you're boiling inside, right? You want to engage in tit-for-tat behavior, drawing innocent children into a conflict between two adults who should be acting maturely. You're not helping the situation. As someone who is supposed to lead with emotional intelligence and generosity, you're acting immaturely. That’s very boyish, and you’re not stepping up as a man.

So, if you take her to court, who do you think will win? Instead of calming down and acting like a mature adult, you’re letting your inner child dictate your actions, and you're only making things worse.

What else do you think people will say? The fact is, you didn’t take care of your children. It's not too late. Step up and be a man. Support your children and their mother. Yes, she cheated, but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to take care of your kids—after all, she is not your mother.

I will be certain that your actions might have pushed your wife to cheat.

MAN UP!!!

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

what I could understand from your story is you still love your wife, go and take her and the kids back, na me dey tell you, trust me if you waste all these money on case and troubles, you will still bring her back

Neptunium:
You want to sue her or they want to sue you? You're owing her a year or so of child support.

child support dey work for Nigeria? Dey play

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

see this one oh!
Do you think it's also easy as a single mum to take care of two daughters alone

No wonder these generation of vipers naija women are popping out causing havoc.

Apply common sense sometimes

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Serves you right with what u going through

Seeing ur previous post you are an irresponsible person


The only thing u pist about is women and sex

descarado:
The guy ticked all bad.
He is owing child support.
Kids are with their grandparents
He don't even call or visit them ani he don't know the way to the grandparents house.
If he has gone there and they pursue him, now, he has a case but as it is, he is digging his own grave.

If he is abroad, he will be in a very hot soup.

See lawyers everywhere lol

Chidl support as in how?

Can you read?

They are not dirvorced legally and never married in the court. Only traditional marriage.

What the OP should do is inform his family and ask them to inform her family that the bride price is about to be returned. Whatever the woman didn't bring to the marriage is not for her to possess (This include the children she abandoned at her father's place).

Meaning she's not also fit to care for the children if her father claims to have paid the fees in the last 6 months that she dumped them there.

What kind of a human being will say he will not release his grand children except the money he spent on them is refunded ? The man is very senseless! How can you be asking for refunds for catering to your own grand children? People pray to live long and be able to see their grandchildren for Gods sake! Your father in law is an agbaya!

Olu1000:
What kind of a human being will say he will not release his grand children except the money he spent on them is refunded ? The man is very senseless! How can you be asking for refunds for catering to your own grand children? People pray to live long and be able to see their grandchildren for Gods sake! Your father in law is an agbaya!

Bro, e shock me. As a man, I am ashamed to see the kind of men marrying these days. Instead of leading their families to a place of victory, they destroy it with their entire hands. They now blame everyone, except themselves. Sad!

He thinks if he does all the rubbish he is doing, it means he is strong. He doesn't know he is displaying his weakness. The guy should look for an healthy man to coach him so he doesn't destroy things any further

Afodot0022:
You are deluded. Am not at loss and will never be, am a man and if I want kids now, I will get another. She is the one that will loss cos with all her stress on those kids, when they grow older, they will look for their father and by then, the truth will be waiting for them, it will be all her loss. Am doing all these cos am a responsible man and want to do what am expected to do as a father to my kids. Most men won't even bothered about them and will move on, but am doing this cos I want to do the right thing. With what she did, it's enough reason for me to abandon those kids and move on but despite that, am still looking back and not considering her stupidity.

You came for advice,yet fighting everyone that drops both sensible and senseless posts especially the females here.

Inform your parents you want to return the bride price and let them inform her parents since no marriage certificate (registry) is involved here.

The children would be given to you because it's clear that she can't take care of them without you financially and otherwise.

Have you heard this common saying...cutting the nose to spite the face?
Or this one " throwing the baby and the bath water?"

Because your wife did not inform you that she was taking "YOUR KIDS" to her father's house, you felt JUSTIFIED TO ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO STARVE AND STOP SCHOOL?

And this continued for months.

This is called abandonment. The court is not going to excuse your abandonment of the kids because your wife disrespected you.

And you have the guts to demand for your kids. Someone fed and took care of them during the period. The FIL is justified in demanding to be reimbursed. Your kids are not his responsibility but yours.

If you are a responsible man, you should have just reimbursed your FIL and your kids would have released to you.

Step up man and be there for your kids so that tomorrow your kids won't say they had an absent dad.

Those kids are the bonds btw u both..so dnt go for divorce or make she return any bride price....you told us your own side of the story, what about own side?
Pls seek ways to reconcile with her for the sake of those kids...i beg you.

Mom007:
Ogbeni shut it with your bla bla bla talk. If e too pain you, go and collect your kids and take care of them yourself. And make sure you don't take them to your own parents while you go to work o... and don't get a nanny. You must bathe them, cook and clean up after them, wash their clothes, do school run etc all while you hold your 9 to 5 job. Sauce for the goose must be sauce for the gander after all!Failure to do all these things means you shut up and keep sending money for your children's upkeep.
Yen yen yen, na she go suffer am! Dead beat dad's like you have only one card to play which is withholding money. E too pain you say after you played your last card, she refused to be bothered that's why you came here to cry.
No one said you should go back to a cheating wife but if you can't play your part in raising your children, the only part which anyone really expects from a double standard hypocrite like you than shut up abeg and watch their grandpa be a better father to them than you will ever be.

From the way this man talks i sincerely think he is lying that his wife cheated. His statements has shown who was the problem in the marriage. Abeg leave the idiot. He is pained his wife is living a good life without him. He wants to saddle her with the responsibility of taking care of the children without any help. Lol

Dogalmighty17:
OP. Your wife cheated on you brazenly. Which respect do you say you are looking for again? You mentioned that you wanted to reconcile with her. You wanted to reconcile with a woman who stepped out of her marriage and got good dicked. I need you to hear yourself.

It is no surprise she disrespects you.

OP na d biggest fool i don see online this month

Play your card bro. Your wife wants to ground you! Don't fight again, take care of yourself, your in-laws and the kids. Very good care of yourself. Visit your in- law with some money and some packages alone. After sometime visit with a cleaner car and some nice dresses with a beautiful girlfriend. Drop the package and let your girlfriend greet her step kids. Magic

Mom007:
You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

Op, am beginning to suspect this is your wife fa! I think your wife is on nairaland oo

AmalaAtiEwedu:
OP na d biggest fool i don see online this month

I believe he's weak.

Anyone that cheats in a marriage should be the one begging to see the children and not the other way round if the OP knows what he's doing.

stevups:
Play your card bro. Your wife wants to ground you! Don't fight again, take care of yourself, your in-laws and the kids. Very good care of yourself. Visit your in- law with some money and some packages alone. After sometime visit with a cleaner car and some nice dresses with a beautiful girlfriend. Drop the package and let your girlfriend greet her step kids. Magic

All these for the parents of a cheating wife?

MyMouth:
Op, am beginning to suspect this is your wife fa! I think your wife is on nairaland oo

God will not have allowed me to marry someone like this op. Wicked husband and cheating wife. Them fit themselves.

Afodot0022:
If she wants to have the kids, let her have them. Na she go suffer am

If she wants to have the kids, bla bla bla.........

But na you first rush come nairaland to request help on how to sue your baby mama and in-law for kidnap...
Typical definition of a confused narcissist..

Afodot0022:
You are a woman so you will never understand my point. Am not trying to take custody of the kids, but they should stay with either the mom or dad. I won't pay any money to the father cos I never approved or permit her taking them there .. I won't want her to push me to forget about those kids and move on. I will count my loss and move on

The mother right now has said due to some reason she can't fully physically cater for them unless you are ready to take those kids in please leave them with their grandparents