₦airaland Forum

Procashtips:
I believe he's weak.

Anyone that cheats in a marriage should be the one begging to see the children and not the other way round if the OP knows what he's doing.

d guy na fool

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

first no court would give you custody of those child have that at the back of your mind......
best thing is to keep providing for the kids and paying thier bills.....
when your wife cheated you would have used that opportunity to throw her out and then take the kids to your own parent or your sisters...
now as it stands she is already stronger and you can do nothing to her or even control her.....
provide for your kids and visit and dont even think of taking the kids.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

In whatever you do or whatever decision you take, MAKE SURE YOU NEVER EVER TAKE THAT ADULTERESS WHÕRE BACK.

Your kids will be fine so far you don't take your eyes off of them and you take responsibility on them as much as possible.
Don't take a cheat back for whatever reason, YOU'LL FOREVER REGRET IT

First, have a DNA test done for your daughters. If the results are positive, you can continue to care for them without needing them to live with you. Take them on outings and invite them over on weekends. If your wife and her family are distancing themselves from you, involve your own family to help resolve the situation amicably. This way, you can provide your daughters with the love they need, which is essential. Many single mothers can negatively influence their children’s perceptions of their ex-partners, which can harm the kids psychologically in the long run. It's important for both of you to agree on co-parenting and for you to consistently show up in their lives, encouraging them to visit you for vacations and similar activities.

You don't have any excuse for not taking care of those children irrespective of who they are living with. Don you think it is easy for the mother to care for two children all by herself? Na wa ooo..

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Never forgive or take back a woman you have caught cheating
Unless you want to die

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

Na man way give a shìt una fit use pikin tie down or manipulate. Person like me, na you go tire, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE ANY CHILD, I CAN NEVER ALLOW ANY USELESS AND IRRESPONSIBLE MOTHER TO USE THEM TO MANIPULATE OR GET TO ME.
I'll just make sure that I have my solid evidence why we have misunderstanding or the effort I made to take responsibilities..
Everyone will know the two sides of the story. If you cheat and I catch you, I'll never hide it. THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW.

Na person wey give a fūçk dem dey fūçk up...

Are you sure you are the biological father of those kids? Don assume o.

VeryWickedBro:
OP all these happened because they know you are weak by giving birth to girls in the first place.

But you know you wrote trash!

cococandy:
They’re not going to look for you.

oh sorry they will... especially girls or if the father is rich .

Your marriage is messed up and you have not moved on. Your ex seems to have moved on already

Your in-law is wrong morally to have requested a pay back before releasing the kids, they are his grand kids and whatever he spent on them should be seen as spending on his children. Let your ex beg his father to release the kids to her.

I suggest you state a reasonable amount you will be paying for the kids' monthly upkeep and stick to it. always send that amount to the mother irrespective of where the kids are kept. You should always call to speak with them at least once weekly

Lastly don't bring back a woman that cheated, if you do, she will do it again and blame you for it

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

Life is not a man versus woman warfare. It is rather an agreed partnership adventure between both. The father is there yet she took them to her own father. Is her father the father of the kids?
The way tou guys reason atimes shows the devilish mindset you people carry.

1Sharon:
When you create a broken family, what outcome are you expecting?

it's well thanks for your own concern, I never wish to av a broken family in my life and I beleif most of people who have broken family s not also there wish, but sometime life happen in a way we don't unstd.

OP , don't give that Grandpa a dime of your money ,but at the samw time I will blame you for not sending upkeep money in those period no matter where they are it's your responsibility,not only that I can't phantom not talking to my kids once in a weak talkless of not talking for months and be comfortable... immediately I don't hear from my kids in a week I don't care who or what can be holding them away from me even if am 6000 miles away i will cause so much trouble the thought of something like that from any woman will be imposicant.since you could reach your father inlaw you should have called and know wassup or callee your ex..June till now is over 4 months.

BigYash:
Them the so called grandpa should not complain of the money he spent on the kids,since the kids doesn't belong to him alone. The so called grandpa telling him to pay for taking care of his grandkids show the kind of greedy and stupid home or family op married from. Make una dey run deep check before una marry ,una go say no. See the home of devils you married from now.. I pray your kids doesn't end up with the kind of mind their grandpa and mother possess.

What if the grandpa just said that as a tactic to keep the children with himself knowing fully well that the kids will suffer if they're with the OP. I'm not saying OP would make the kids suffer, but you know the grandpa knows the OP better than us.

pocohantas:
Gbam! No matter how you explain CHILD SUPPORT to them, they INTENTIONALLY refuse to get it. All because they have no access to the mum. Even primary custody, when they fight for the kids, it is to PUNISH the mum. This OP intended fighting for custody - go check his threads. He clearly stated he would handover the upbringing to his mum and sister. It is right there in his past thread! It is always one woman or the other. He can't do it alone either. Yet they open mouth waaa to ask what women bring to the table.

Esthered
cococandy

He is now a deadbeat, accepted. but d wife who turned her pucci to community property n didn't think about d implications on her marriage n children shd b given a free pass. Did you not check d stats that children raised solely by their moms turn out worse in life? When I taught at a university, even if they r grown, I can still tell a student who has a father from the ones who don't. She condemned those children herself d day she started taking other prickks.

Child support goes both ways. How many of you have asked a man in talking stage to wear cloth that you will buy him a cone of ice cream over a hangout? If we talk now you will say you earn 100x of minimum wage, n you could have afforded the entire ice cream company. Is it the same you that can't buy a man a bowl of ice cream that will now pay child support to a man??

If you know men this much then why r you not married?
If you r so critical of everything a man does, n that men have it easy in life, then why not kuku marry your own gender?

Spend another 10 years to decipher everything about a man, I am sure you will will finally understand men in your 40s.

Mom007:
You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

I blame the man sha i don't blame , me ask for pikin. Anyhow woman like make she do ...

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

Wat kind of useless grad pa requesting money for his grand kids .

Looks funny ur kids dey will refund u upkeep money all tvses hungry men... ur own kids means he c dem as stranger..

Stopping to send money for your kids' welfare proved what exactly?

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

The bitter, hateful, miserable and toxic feminists have arrive the thread

Damburoba.. OP go hear am from these toxic group

RealTrump:
He is now a deadbeat, accepted. but d wife who turned her pucci to community property n didn't think about d implications on her marriage n children shd b given a free pass. Did you not check d stats that children raised solely by their moms turn out worse in life? When I taught at a university, even if they r grown, I can still tell a student who has a father from the ones who don't. She condemned those children herself d day she started taking other prickks

Then he should move on. EOD!

Am indeed surprised at all the responses regarding this issue. No one even deem it fit to condemned an act of infidelity on the part of the ex wife? It is very shameful.

My advise to the man is to first and foremost conduct a DNA test on those children to confirm their paternity status because women these days doesn’t respect their marriages. An Edo will not condole this nonsense.

I don't advise that you take the law into your hands in this matter.

Please take the case to the social welfare office.

You deserve unrestrained access to your kids and your ex wife's argument that she cannot combine the care of the kids with her job is valid.

Only the courts can settle this case.

Since you're in Lagos state, just go to DSVA office.

Mom007:
You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

Idiot

masseratti:
oh sorry they will... especially girls or if the father is rich .

Not especially if they’re girls

And OP isn’t rich

On point

Jevica:
Am indeed surprised at all the responses regarding this issue. No one even deem it fit to condemned an act of infidelity on the part of the ex wife? It is very shameful.

My advise to the man is to first and foremost conduct a DNA test on those children to confirm their paternity status because women these days doesn’t respect their marriages. An Edo will not condole this nonsense.

Oga she is not bitter that you've moved on. She completely ignored you because she has moved on. You are the one that sounds bitter lol.
You stopped taking care of your kids and she stood up to the responsibility. Now how is she using the kids against you?
You are immature and I advice you consult elders in your family for help. She is working and cannot cope with two young kids alone. Abi don't you want her to work and make a living for herself?
Call your in-laws and make peace, buy things in bulk and take to them. Visit your kids from time to time. Nairaland will not do that for you

Ur emotionally wretched..bro imagine u were thinking of making up with the woman that Bleep another man,pls forget the cover up for the kids
.........calm down and leave law ...involve the police....... involving legal system will deep more holes into ur pocket.......

This ur ex will never regard or like u ....never in this life....so better get ur self an emotional head gear......baba say them so respect am to even tell am say them wan take the kids to ground parents...........ur a funny man and a very simple minded fellow......did this woman consult u before she committed adultery abi infidelity?....so why the sudden request for respect from her........she don't regard or respect u ....perhaps ur small .....

Jevica:
Am indeed surprised at all the responses regarding this issue. No one even deem it fit to condemned an act of infidelity on the part of the ex wife? It is very shameful.

My advise to the man is to first and foremost conduct a DNA test on those children to confirm their paternity status because women these days doesn’t respect their marriages. An Edo will not condole this nonsense.

What concerns Nairalanders with his ex-wife's infidelity, she is already his ex-wife and has moved on, just as OP moved on with another relationship, he posted about here on Nairaland!

How does condemning the ex-wife’s infidelity provide for the kids? The infidelity has already been condemned in the very fact that they got divorced. There’s no other outcomes to be expected than them getting divorced.

Now that they went their separate ways, him not caring for his children (who didn’t cheat on him) is entirely his doing and has no bearing on the mom’s actions. I personally can’t justify not doing my best for my kids because their father wronged me. That’s why I stated CORRECTLY that you guys’ love for your children is directly related to how much love you have for their moms. And you’re proving me right.

I agree child support should go both ways. Let him take the kids and she’ll pay for their financial support. In fact I think more women should go this route. Is that what you call a free pass?

RealTrump:
He is now a deadbeat, accepted. but d wife who turned her pucci to community property n didn't think about d implications on her marriage n children shd b given a free pass. Did you not check d stats that children raised solely by their moms turn out worse in life? When I taught at a university, even if they r grown, I can still tell a student who has a father from the ones who don't. She condemned those children herself d day she started taking other prickks.

Child support goes both ways. How many of you have asked a man in talking stage to wear cloth that you will buy him a cone of ice cream over a hangout? If we talk now you will say you earn 100x of minimum wage, n you could have afforded the entire ice cream company. Is it the same you that can't buy a man a bowl of ice cream that will now pay child support to a man??

If you know men this much then why r you not married?
If you r so critical of everything a man does, n that men have it easy in life, then why not kuku marry your own gender?

Spend another 10 years to decipher everything about a man, I am sure you will will finally understand men in your 40s.

cococandy:
Not especially if they’re girls

And OP isn’t rich

lolzzz they will ,they always will and how do you know the OP is not rich or going to be rich .

Jevica:
Am indeed surprised at all the responses regarding this issue. No one even deem it fit to condemned an act of infidelity on the part of the ex wife? It is very shameful.

My advise to the man is to first and foremost conduct a DNA test on those children to confirm their paternity status because women these days doesn’t respect their marriages. An Edo will not condole this nonsense.

DNA is not a bad idea actually. If he can afford it, he should go for it. At least he won’t pay for kids that aren’t his.