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How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? - Family - Nairaland

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How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by slimyem: 12:06pm On Apr 09, 2012
i've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and i'm sure they feel the same way towards me so i can't really magine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they dont ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nobody: 12:36pm On Apr 09, 2012

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by taryour(f): 1:08pm On Apr 09, 2012
I dont tink its only in polygamous families o,cos Two of my aunts are not frnds n dey aint from poly families,same mum n dad.also seen a lot os siblings falling apart,amazes me

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by slimyem: 1:10pm On Apr 09, 2012
@chaircover...i can understand the rivalry and all for polygamous families...
The cases i mentioned above however are peeps from monogamous families-same parents-same upbringing!
That's what's baffling me!

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nobody: 1:22pm On Apr 09, 2012
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by victorian(f): 1:43pm On Apr 09, 2012
it happens,very sad and its due to envy and another strange reason too, is if a girl is the eldest and a boy the next. Some boys that are naturally evil and control freak, would wish they are the one before the girl, instead of the other way round. Forgeting that God has a reason, he brought the girl first into this world. Its a terrible and heartbreaking experience, u wont wish anyone to go through but its real.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by cowgurl: 2:12pm On Apr 09, 2012
Op. I go wit Victorian on Envy. One of my aunt 4rm my mum's side is at loggerheads wit al er siblings, why? Cos 4rm d first 2 d 7th child, they'v all gat issues(kids) but not her. She even blames them all 4 er plight n also extends it to us her nieces n nephews, I js don't get it. Me 'v stopped callin n visitin er o, cos she js rain insults @ u...it's plain crazy n unbelievable!
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by bigsean(m): 2:38pm On Apr 09, 2012
Great topic!
Seen alot of siblings fall apart.
like u said, i too love my family to death, and cant imagine they don't have the same love for me, i can not foresee anything that would make us become sworn enemies. But then again this is life, "money is the root of all . . . "
Sometimes you never know, people act differently.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nobody: 2:40pm On Apr 09, 2012
In most cases, it is caused by greed and jealousy which are both nourished by lies and anger.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Reference(m): 2:40pm On Apr 09, 2012
Poor parenting.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by rman: 2:42pm On Apr 09, 2012
As we all grow up and become more matured and the realities of life set in, it is bound to happen.
Unless they all live in the same environment and have interest in exactly the same stuffs, growing apart is pretty normal.
Another major reason is if what is holding them together like parents or grandparents pass away, the need to see one another wil surely reduce.

Some don't fight or hate one another, they just grow up.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by ronkebp(f): 2:42pm On Apr 09, 2012
it depends on the foundation the parents have laid down in the house.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Commander12: 2:43pm On Apr 09, 2012
Its really sad, sometimes they cant even pinpoint what exacty caused the rift.[img]http://www.demama.info/hjk[/img]
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Bluetooth2: 2:45pm On Apr 09, 2012
Reference: Poor parenting.

how can poor parenting be a factor ? Mind explaining more on this ?
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by asoebi(m): 2:48pm On Apr 09, 2012
My senior brother who happens to be the first son in our family of 4(3 boy and 1 girl), but he is always wanting we brothers to always come begging him for any thing we need, He is a sworn enemy of my daddy and he neither want to see him or hear anything from him, infact it got so hard that he never want to see any of we the male ones except my sister simply because she has submitted herself totally to him.

So to me I think its just hate jealousy and the fact that he never want any of us to compete with him in terms of assets.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by http(m): 2:50pm On Apr 09, 2012
This happen irrespective of either poly or monogamy families.I am a living proof of this, Am the last in the family of 8, i know some of my elder brother are not in good term, i figure that its the fault of our parent, they tend to like and invest heavily in the eldest son n first child to the detriment of others, at the end of the day, they get nothing back.

The problem arise when the eldest became over bearing and kinda dragging us back, he is not up to the task, cos he doesn't give a poo about his siblings, its a long story but it come to to someone not being able to accommodate, help his sibling when in need and even wanting other to do things for him just cos he is the OLORI EBI (Head of the Family).

Parent should give equal love, care, investment in all their kids, no special treatment.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by emsquare(m): 2:50pm On Apr 09, 2012
ItsModella: In most cases, it is caused by greed and jealousy which are both nourished by lies and anger.

True!!!

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nobody: 2:52pm On Apr 09, 2012
I'm an only kid, so Yay me!
But if I've got a brother, I know, a hundred percent, that I'm not gonna lift a finger, bear a grudge, or have an unhealthy competition against him.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by sallybonne(f): 2:52pm On Apr 09, 2012
sometimes its unnecessary jealousy dt starts 2 build up and b4 u no it cos mayb d oda party ignores it grows and bcomes an issue.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by faithobodogulo(f): 2:54pm On Apr 09, 2012
THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER. IT IS MAINLY CAUSED BY JEALOUSY. MY HUSBAND IS EXPERIENCIN IT RIGHT NW 4RM IS ELDER BROTHERS WHO HAVE DECIDED 2 BE USELESS 2 D FAMILY. BUT I TNK GOD 4 HE HAS ALWAYS BEING THERE 4 US.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nobody: 2:56pm On Apr 09, 2012
But really, @ChickWith7Siblings, what the hell drove your 'rents to having that absurd number of kids? I mean really! One is enough. Two is even stretching it.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by ifyalways(f): 3:00pm On Apr 09, 2012
@topic, I think most times, siblings rivalry is caused by bad parenting, things parents take for granted. Examples are:
A particular child getting the biggest candy each day, one gets the best dress consistently or who gets the ice cream bowl.

Name calling. Some children can be emotional, having the whole family call a child a name s/he resents either as a means of corection or teasing might lead to sibling hate.

Siblings punishing the others. As much as possible especially at tender years, parents should not designate the job of punishment to the elder kids. No elder child should supervise the young one while s/he is frog jumping, doing the dishes(as punishment or corection) or whatever. Disciplinary or correction roles are for the parents.

There are exceptions though, some people are born naturally as sadists and unhappy with life. In such cases, the parents knees would remain buried in prayers and hope for the best.

Love conquers all.. . Even sibling rivalry!

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by freecocoa(f): 3:10pm On Apr 09, 2012
SimonAndal: But really, @ChickWith7Siblings, what the hell drove your 'rents to having that absurd number of kids? I mean really! One is enough. Two is even stretching it.
one is enough because you are only kid abi? I wonder how my life would have been without my siblings now.smiley


@Topic,This is a very serious issue indeed,like I've said sometime ago on another thread,I almost became a victim of this if not for my angelic mum who noticed it on time and salvaged the situation.

I think parents showing more love to a particular kid can be a factor cos that's the case with mine,again some people are naturally evil and wicked,they just derive joy in seeing others hurt,so they just carry on like that and nobody is exempted from their bitterness,siblings included.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by phadat(m): 3:12pm On Apr 09, 2012
My elder sister always complain about our my mum showering much love on me nd my kid sister ever since my mum passed on she has made us understand that we her nt her family but having grown up I now see why mum was so she is d aggressive type always taking offense at any slight thing then it became obvious when her spouse started complaining of her always nagging hence I made a decision to keep my distance
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Redman44(m): 3:17pm On Apr 09, 2012
Hmn. I don't even know where to start. I believe siblings fall apart for a number of reasons. Envy is one of these reasons. We should all realize that though siblings come out of the birth canal of the same Mother, their destinies are different. The eldest child might not be the most successful child. In a family of 7 children, the 5th born might become richer than the other children due to reasons best known to God and hardwork. Sometimes, strife among siblings is caused by the Father or Mother who openly love one child than the others. The other children will notice this as they grow up and resentment and hate for the favored child sets in. Naturally, there will be competition among siblings but the behaviour of Parents also lead to disharmony among siblings later in life. So when the 4th born starts prospering than his senior brothers and sisters, strife sets in. I have also observed that wives and husbands of siblings also contribute to them falling apart. Women are naturally very competitive and they can wreck havoc on the love between two brothers. I know what I am saying because I have experienced this directly. The wife of an elder brother might not be too happy seeing her husband's junior brother doing well than him. So jealousy sets in and we all know what can happen.

In Europe and North America, there is little love between siblings because of the pressure to see who makes it big first. We have this absurd belief in Africa that the first born must do well than his junior siblings and that they must look up to him all the time. I have since thrown this belief into the dustbin and I've focused on my future with a view to doing well in life. Jay Jay Okocha's brother started playing football before him. Emmanuel Okocha played for the Super Eagles one or two times but Austin Okocha became a legend in the Nigerian National Team. It was even Emmanuel that took Austin Okocha to Germany. Jay Jay played for Clubs in Europe that his elder brother could only dream of. Yet they are still close to one another without any acrimony between them. Same obtains between Emmanuel and Celestine Babayaro. So I believe siblings should love one another and realize that our destinies are different because it is God that has the final answer as to what we will become in life. Cheers.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by okpurukata(f): 3:21pm On Apr 09, 2012
Rivalry, envy and intolerance starts whenever siblings start to marry. That was d situation in my own case. Beign the first wife in a family of five boys and four girls, it was difficult gaining d acceptance of his siblings. This gradually snow balled into disagreements and open quarrel. It is so unfortunate but it happens
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Blackteeth(m): 3:23pm On Apr 09, 2012
Well, am currently having issues with my younger sister now. Not about greed or envy. But she always bad mouth me behind my back. Thats the genesis of the whole rift.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by GboyegaD(m): 3:56pm On Apr 09, 2012
I truly cannot place what but I think often times, it is selfishness that leads to the break up. No matter how loving a family could be, if each child is not taught how to live a selfless life, there is bound to be rift in the future because often times, once the selfish one is not attended to the way he wants, you discover he starts beefing those who are more successful than he is and before you say Jack, he starts generating unnecessary enemity with siblings.
Also, another cause of rift among siblings in my opinion is when we forget that A not making it despite his hardwork and B making it is a result of grace and not just by hardwork. Siblings should learn to help one another in times of need. I understand people grow up and have their families nonetheless, there is need to show some kind of understanding. An example is a sister who despite being a graduate is not having a good job and a brother who is very successful and when his sister comes to him claims he is not okay for now and yet chooses to change the car of his wife or child. This often times is not a good idea and as kith and kin, we should strive to ensure we all make it so as to reduce all forms of strife that may want to arise amongst us.
Like the FECA anthem, although I am not so sure how they sing it cos I only heard it once but one part I like is "We shall keep the feeble knees that stoops to fall". When we all live with the conciousness of "Life being Vanity", we would learn to show love even when we seem hurt.

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Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by dasparrow: 3:57pm On Apr 09, 2012
@Post

Siblings fall apart as a result of unnecessary jealousy and envy. Another reason is poor parenting. It is never advisable for parents to show favoritism to one child over the other children. For instance, in my family my mother shows favoritism to the first born and the last born. She allowed the two older ones to purnish the two younger ones. There is also envy because 2 children where born abroad and two were born in Nigeria. I feel that if parents especially mothers bring up their kids by showing equal love to all whilst encouraging love amongst all their offsprings, there will be no sibling rivalry today. Anyways, that's life.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Nickydrake(m): 3:57pm On Apr 09, 2012
This thread and the responses reminds me of a Dean Koontz novel; The Husband.

There was this guy who appeared to be the ideal big brother; rich, supportive, and willing to make outrageous sacrifices for the benefit of his three siblings.

Benevolent though he appeared, it turned out he was seething inside with rage and resentment towards both parents and all the other children, and for no
logical reason.

It wasn't envy, since he was their parents favourite and they openly declared him to be their pride, often goading the other children with his success.
It couldn't have been the result of any sort of competition either, as he was by far the wealthiest of the children, with a seven-figure net worth.

The guy was just plain mad, clinically speaking.
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by Idowuogbo(f): 3:58pm On Apr 09, 2012
ItsModella: In most cases, it is caused by greed and jealousy which are both nourished by lies and anger.
Word!
Re: How & Why Do Siblings Fall Apart? by HenryJosephs(m): 3:59pm On Apr 09, 2012
Great topic! It happens virtually in all homes where children xceeds 1.
D principal cause is Envy. This gives birth to jealousy, malice,hatred which if it is nt resolved,can carry on to adulthood.I am nt an exemption,I once had a rift with My immediate sibling bro nd ths lasted fr 8 months.we neither wanted to c or talk to each other despite d fact tht we were sleeping nd waking under dsame roof nd strange enof, we could nt decipher d cause of our rift. Sometimes, I would wanna make peace bt I could nt bring myself to it. But I thnk God, tht we resolved our differences nd till date, neghbours say we r lyk car nd fuel.

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