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Good day everyone, pls I really need advice on this issue that has been eating me up since this year, I will try as much as possible to make this writeup brief.
I am a young man in my late twenties, my parent gave birth to three children, I am the only son and the last born, My dad is late though.
Late last year, I lost my Sister to the cold hands of death, this my sister lived a reckless life, she doesn't listen to people's advice including that of her immediate family members, she keeps jumping from one man to another, running away from home everytime, in fact while growing up, I didn't see her often, it's the children she gave birth to that my mum has been taking care of, in fact the two boys took the last born position from me, but that didn't bother me because I needed younger brothers. Fast forward to last year that she died of complications, and it was Same last year that I finished my NYSC, her sickness took all my savings, in fact it rendered us penny less before she died, leaving 3 small boys for us, apart from the two that has been living with us, when she died, my Uncles, stood beside my mum with full support to fight for the custody of the 3boys, their father is still alive but truth be told, the safety of those 3 kids can not be guaranteed under the custody of the man. He is wayward just like my late sister.
But now the issue is that, all those people that promise heaven and earth after her demise to help train the kids are no where to be found, even my own sister, our first born no longer pick my mum's call, accusing my mum of supporting my late sister for giving birth every now and then, which is not true, this Same sister of mine is working with state government since the time I was in SS 2, but there is nothing to show for it, she doesn't assist the family at all. my mum takes home less than 40k as salary as a Prophetess in CAC. The whole responsibilities now rest on my shoulders, I am a hard working young man though not yet employed but I make sure she doesn't lack anything, I live in another state where I hustle, though still hunting for Job but since I don't have anybody at the helm of affairs to give me an edge, I decided to go into business in one of the Northern state that I served, now the problem is that since everybody has turned their back on my mum, I am the only one that picks her call, I send money to them every week from the little business I started, sometimes twice in a week. At some point, my business collapsed and I started staying at home, yet I still send money back home, this morning she called me that they don't have anything to eat, that my sister didn't pick her call, I was frustrated, I had to tell her to give out those children to people looking for someone to live with, but she reminded me of my experience when I lived with my Aunt, it was a terrible one though, I still recall but thank God for life. According to her, she doesn't want to make that mistake again, and me on my side, I am no longer getting younger, how do I save for my future, how do I start my own Family, I cannot live her like that because I know how we have suffered in life. I am currently unemployed, and the little money I get from my business, I spend on them, I no longer take care of my self, I told her that she should learn how to manage, because if I am left with nothing, nobody will send me money, nobody will help me, I have been striving alone right from childhood and I don't know anybody here in the North. I no longer think straight anymore pls I need advice, sometimes I feel used, I bbelieve we have people with vast wealth of experience and knowledge in this forum, pls advice me, I can't hide it any more, all this is true and verifiable, I am losing it... Pls forgive my long post.

Brother this is not brief...


Anyways

Your mother get mind... Harbouring three boys asin three soon to be wayward arrogant delinquent boys...

She better go give them to their dad... Iron sharpeneth iron bah.. since their dad is wayward let him have his soon to be wayward sons

Shikena
Make your mum no go die of hypertension/stroke/hbp cos it won't be funny

Rip to your sis..
Allah ya baka iko yanke hukunsi daidai

Double wahala. The summary is that things are tight.

this Same sister of mine is working with state government since the time I was in SS 2, but there is nothing to show for it, she doesn't assist the family at all

Oh well, your sister is wise.
How much do you think she earns as a civil servant? You made it look like she is working in an IOC or something. She saw where this unending black tax was headed to and quickly cut herself loose on time.


This weight you want to carry is the leading cause of poverty amongst Nigerian youths. It would affect you, and affect your relationship - maybe marriage.

There is always one person like you in every family that takes the fall for the bad moral and financial decisions of the others.

I wish you strength!

Carndidlaydid:
Brother this is not brief...


Anyways

Your mother get mind... Harbouring three boys asin three soon to be wayward arrogant delinquent boys...

She better go give them to their dad... Iron sharpeneth iron bah.. since their dad is wayward let him have his soon to be wayward sons

Shikena
Make your mum no go die of hypertension/stroke/hbp cos it won't be funny

Rip to your sis..
Allah ya baka iko yanke hukunsi daidai

Well said. Soon enough one or all of those boys will exhibit traits that would let him know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. This is based on experience with my cousins (late uncle's kids). 3 boys and 1 girl. They are all as wild as lions.

The next set of calls he would be getting won't be financial. They would be high bp inducing calls of their actions. Thank God his mum is a prophetess. She should look into the future and tell us what she sees.

pocohantas:
Oh well, your sister is wise.
How much do you think she earns as a civil servant? You made it look like she is working in an IOC or something. She saw where this unending black tax was headed to and quickly cut herself lose on time.


This weight you want to carry is the leading cause of poverty amongst Nigerian youths. It would affect you, and affect your relationship - maybe marriage.

There is always one person like you in every family that takes the fall for the bad moral and financial decisions of the others.

I wish you strength!

Thanks for your input bro, the whole thing is driving me crazy, I don't know what to do

pocohantas:
Well said. Soon enough one or all of those boys will exhibit traits that would let him know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. This is basrd on experience with my cousins (late uncle's kids). 3 boys and 1 girl. They are all as wild as lions.

The next set of calls he would be getting won't be financial. They would be high bp inducing calls of their actions. Thank God his mum is a prophetess. She should look into the future and tell us what she sees.

What do you suggest I do?

Godwins4:
Thanks for your input bro, the whole thing is driving me crazy, I don't know what to do

You know what to do.
You don't have mind to do it.

Godwins4:
What do you suggest I do?

Give those kids to their father. He is their dad. Why do we keep excusing men from childcare? He is their dad, not a dragon. If they are old enough to talk and relay information accurately, let him have them. Visit and check on them. If he can't do it, he should give you guys the smallest and his family should hold the first 2.

pocohantas:
You know what to do.
You don't have mind to do it.

Give those kids to their father. He is their dad. Why do we keep excusing men from childcare? He is their dad, not a dragon. If they are old enough to talk and relay information accurately, let him have them. Visit and check on them. If he can't do it, he should give you guys the smallest and his family should hold the first 2.

Even though I don't subscribe to the idea of the man taking the kids, though I doubt if my mum will allow that because the man in question might even kill those children or his numerous wayward friends will do that, my issue is that I haven't stand on my feet yet due to the money I send all the time from my little savings, I really want to take one of them to live with me, but the rate they call me for money is frustrating me, She is my mother and I can't allow her suffer alone.

Godwins4:
Even though I don't subscribe to the idea of the man taking the kids, though I doubt if my mum will allow that because the man in question might even kill those children or his numerous wayward friends will do that, my issue is that I haven't stand on my feet yet due to the money I send all the time from my little savings, I really want to take one of them to live with me, but the rate they call me for money is frustrating me

Nawa o. Is he an armed robber? How can a man be that terrible yet your sister gave him 3 kids.

They won't stop calling you. Since you can't give them to their father, nothing we would say here can help you. Just do your best to hustle and take care of your 3 sons. You can do it until you are about 45 years before thinking about starting your own family.😊

pocohantas:
Nawa o. Is he an armed robber? How can a man be that terrible yet your sister gave him 3 kids.

They won't stop calling you. Since you can't give them to their father, nothing we would say here can help you. Just do your best to hustle and take care of your 3 sons. You can do it until you are about 45 years before thinking about starting your own family.😊

Thanks for your input.

You cannot kill yourself or ruin your future because of your late sisters mistakes in life. Give your mother only 20percent of your income monthly, send it to her once a month, if she calls to ask for more, tell her briefly that you don't have money, don't go into long discussions with her, then cut the call. You can get a second phone number for your job/business, so that you can sometimes switch off the other number if they disturb you with calls.

You said there are three children, there are people who would be interested in adopting those children, but your mom will not want to give them out, so let her keep one of the boys with her, and then send the other ones to their fathers. If she doesn't want to send them to their fathers, then let her give them out as house helps. We still have good people in the world who would take good care of those children. Give her those three options, if she rejects all, then that's her cross to carry.

LilMissFavvy:
You cannot kill yourself or ruin your future because of your late sisters mistakes in life. Give your mother only 20percent of your income monthly, send it to her once a month, if she calls to ask for more, tell her briefly that you don't have money, don't go into long discussions with her, then cut the call. You can get a second phone number for your job/business, so that you can sometimes switch off the other number if they disturb you with calls.

You said there are three children, there are people who would be interested in adopting those children, but your mom will not want to give them out, so let her keep one of the boys with her, and then send the other ones to their fathers. If she doesn't want to send them to their fathers, then let her give them out as house helps. We still have good people in the world who would take good care of those children. Give her those three options, if she rejects all, then that's her cross to carry.

Thanks, I really appreciate this response.

A woman can't train a man to be a man it's how nature or God made it.

The boys will begin to hate your mum you go get the call... they'd be disrespectful to her.

Let the boys go to their father period.

Here's why.

You don't have the funds to train them.

Your sister is wise she is the prophetess not your mum she saw it's foolish holding unto something that's not yours.

Give the man the kids or give to his family the man has families abi?

Keeping the boys will endangering the health of your mum.

I get it she's emotional like many parents.

Padi you don't have cash it takes cash now to train kids especially boys.

Help your mum now why you can


Good speed

So pathetic. I am lost for words honestly !

I understand your older sister's stance and I am peeved that your late sister lived a wayward lifestyle, which unfortunately you guys are paying for now.

But as it is, you have two choices: keep hustling to train those kids or let their dad have them. In my opinion, since they are boys, they can manage with their father and you guys will just keep checking up on them. How old are they?

We4all:
I understand your older sister's stance and I am peeved that your late sister lived a wayward lifestyle, which unfortunately you guys are paying for now.

But as it is, you have two choices: keep hustling to train those kids or let their dad have them. In my opinion, since they are boys, they can manage with their father and you guys will just keep checking up on them. How old are they?

the eldest is 6yrs old, second 4yrs and the last is 2years old, the other two are an integral part of the family already, I am planning on how to bring one of them here to stay with me.

Did u say u guys fought for the custody of those children...?

That was a wrong fight honestly. See,u are too young to find yourself in this mess. I bet u,u will never make it if u continue to shoulder a costly responsibility when the father of those children is still alive and balling.

I have an uncle who has been disturbing me for money,but I refused to pick his calls,because he has children who are far older than me and refused to help him,he has six adult men whose last born is even older than me...but I refused to pick his calls.

I don't want to start what I can't finish...at this age,u can see the effect of carrying an over load.

Your sister is the wisest among all of u,u had better toe her foot steps now or never.

Good luck to u.

People have said indirectly or even directly what you need to do but you are not getting the message. See, you need to cut down on your commitment to them for now.

If you miss the opportunity to help yourself stand on your feet now, you will greatly regret it later and it may be the reason why you may be unable to change your social and financial status in your life time. You can't truly help others well when you have not been able to help yourself. This is the reason why rich business people only become more of a philanthropist after they have truly secured their financial base and about to retire from active business life.

You will be helping yourself and them in the long run if you can reduce your commitment to them now and focus on establishing yourself. Once your case is settled, you can start doing more for them again.

For now, limit your help to monthly allowance and it should be according to your capacity within each month.

If the first two boys are of age, tell your mum to enroll them for skills/handwork. That will help them to be creatively engaged while acquiring a life saving skill that can serve as a source of income to them in no distance time.

Godwins4:
Even though I don't subscribe to the idea of the man taking the kids, though I doubt if my mum will allow that because the man in question might even kill those children or his numerous wayward friends will do that, my issue is that I haven't stand on my feet yet due to the money I send all the time from my little savings, I really want to take one of them to live with me, but the rate they call me for money is frustrating me, She is my mother and I can't allow her suffer alone.

Then you're likely to be broke until she passes on.


And I pray God blesses her with long life.



Here is a piece of advice.

A man who doesn't listen to his mother will regret bitterly in the future, also; a man who does everything his mother says will not follow his mates.

Stevenbright:
People have said indirectly or even directly what you need to do but you are not getting the message. See, you need to cut down on your commitment to them for now.

If you miss the opportunity to help yourself stand on your feet now, you will greatly regret it later and it may be the reason why you may be unable to change your social and financial status in your life time. You can't truly help others well when you have not been able to help yourself. This is the reason why rich business people only become more of a philanthropist after they have truly secured their financial base and about to retire from active business life.

You will be helping yourself and them in the long run if you can reduce your commitment to them now and focus on establishing yourself. Once your case is settled, you can start doing more for them again.

For now, limit your help to the to monthly allowance and it should be according to your capacity within each month.

If the first two boys are of age, tell your mum to enroll them for skills/handwork. That will help them to be creatively engaged while acquiring a life saving skill that can serve as a source of income to them in no distance time.

Noted, I will focus on myself now before I run mad with family responsibilities,I can only assist if I start doing well, I feel relieved bringing this here.

OP, do you want to be poor because of your sister's children?
You and your mum need to have mind.
How did you guys fight for custody without having wherewithal?
Even the Bible said who builds a house without first counting the cost.
You guys enabled your sister's behavior to birth up to 3 children. It's embedded in your write up.
Give them back to the dad but involve the relevant authorities.
You're too young for this. Focus and grow, when you are buoyant, go and fight for custody.
Raising 3 boys by aging grandma.....una wan kill am.
Aunty Poco and others have advised you but kindness that'll become RAGE and FRUSTRATION in the future is beclouding your sense of reasoning.

Tallesty1:
Then you're likely to be broke until she passes on.


And I pray God blesses her with long life.



Here is a piece of advice.

A man who doesn't listen to his mother will regret bitterly in the future, also; a man who does everything his mother says will not follow his mates.

oga why you come dey confuse us now, which one we won follow now

Esthered:
OP, do you want to be poor because of your sister's children?
You and your mum need to have mind.
How did you guys fight for custody without having wherewithal?
Even the Bible said who builds a house without first counting the cost.
You guys enabled your sister's behavior to birth up to 3 children. It's embedded in your write up.
Give them back to the dad but involve the relevant authorities.
You're too young for this. Focus and grow, when you are buoyant, go and fight for custody.
Raising 3 boys by aging grandma.....una wan kill am.
Aunty Poco and others have advised you but kindness that'll become RAGE and FRUSTRATION in the future is beclouding your sense of reasoning.

I will do as you said, thanks for your advice 🙏 .

Godwins4:
the eldest is 6yrs old, second 4yrs and the last is 2years old, the other two are an integral part of the family already, I am planning on how to bring one of them here to stay with me.

Damn! They are very young. Who was the last one staying with before your sister's demise? Does their dad check up on them and what does he do for a living?

As for bringing one of them to stay with you, I don't think it's a good idea. It would have been cool if there was a teenager among them. Keep sending the little you have and motivate your mom to diversify her income streams.

My advice is this : No do pass yourself!!!

For example, if you have 20k to give in a month. Tell her you have 15k to give, because you know most likely she will call later that same month to still ask for money. When she now calls again you give the remaining 5k. You can delay a bit before sending the 5k so that you don’t overstretch yourself.

You need to know that people have the innate ability to sort themselves out, so don’t overstretch yourself trying to please others. Everybody go Dey alright las las.

pocohantas:
Nawa o. Is he an armed robber? How can a man be that terrible yet your sister gave him 3 kids.

They won't stop calling you. Since you can't give them to their father, nothing we would say here can help you. Just do your best to hustle and take care of your 3 sons. You can do it until you are about 45 years before thinking about starting your own family.😊

Choose a day and carry out an investigation among ladies across different agw ranges and social status.

Start a topic about relationships and pretend that touts turn you on, they in turn will open up to you. You will be shocked to know what most prefer.

We4all:
Damn! They are very young. Who was the last one staying with before your sister's demise? Does their dad check up on them and what does he do for a living?

As for bringing one of them to stay with you, I don't think it's a good idea. It would have been cool if there was a teenager among them. Keep sending the little you have and motivate your mom to diversify her income streams.

My sister was staying with the 3 younger ones before she became sick, now my mother has to continue taking care of them, but the other grown up boys, they are teenagers now, they are the ones living with us right from childhood.

eniolorunfe:
My advice is this : No do pass yourself!!!

For example, if you have 20k to give in a month. Tell her you have 15k to give, because you know most likely she will call later that same month to still ask for money. When she now calls again you give the remaining 5k. You can delay a bit before sending the 5k so that you don’t overstretch yourself.

You need to know that people have the innate ability to sort themselves out, so don’t overstretch yourself trying to please others. Everybody go Dey alright las las.

Thanks, I appreciate your advice.

online4business:
A woman can't train a man to be a man it's how nature or God made it

The boys will begin to hate your mum you go get the call... they'd be disrespectful to her.

Let the boys go to their father period.

Here's why.

You don't have the funds to train them.

Your sister is wise she is the prophetess not your mum she saw it's foolish holding unto something that's not yours.

Give the man the kids or give to his family the man has families abi?

Keeping the boys will endangering the health of your mum.

I get it she's emotional like many parents.

Padi you don't have cash it takes cash now to train kids especially boys.

Help your mum now why you can


Good speed

Men like you are one of the reason islap senses in elderly men without an iota of remorse

Just imagine the trash you wrote up there...
Ihave seen and read bout boys turn to great men who were raised by their mum... Lots sef...

Read about an SA rapper called Proverb.. you'd understand.. listen to a jam of his tittled MOTher

Op please send those boys to their mother like Aunt Pocohantas said.. those boys will drain you then kill your mother.. since this dead gender of thing called online4business thinks men can raise men better.. delusional thing

Godwins4:
My sister was staying with the 3 younger ones before she became sick, now my mother has to continue taking care of them, but the other grown up boys, they are teenagers now, they are the ones living with us right from childhood.

I suspected this from your original post even though it was not too clear.

It therefore means that she gave birth to 5 children, all of which are now you guys responsibility!!

See, use your head. I know a few families with the husband and wife available and trying their best but still finding it difficult because of having four or five children to Carter for. In you guys case, the irresponsible parents are no more..... one dead and the other is a deadbeat....

Those two older ones should go and learn skills/handwork. So that in no distance time, they can become resourceful and lessen the burden of taking care of them off your mum.

Godwins4:
My sister was staying with the 3 younger ones before she became sick, now my mother has to continue taking care of them, but the other grown up boys, they are teenagers now, they are the ones living with us right from childhood.

Dude, you just ended up confusing me. You only mentioned 3 kids under 7 years. Which other ones are teenagers? How many kids did your sister have?

Modified... I had to read the post again and I understand everything now. Your sister had 5 kids. My question is, do the kids belong to one man? What about the father of the teenage boys, is he also a dead beat?