₦airaland Forum

The comment section is wild.

The above are just the figments of the imagination of the writer.

No such kids exist anywhere in Nigeria

NLCreator:
Ever wonder why Tinubu has been spending more time in France than Nigeria lately? Turns out, it wasn’t for diplomatic business—it was for survival! Apparently, he’s been on the run from these "criminal masterminds"—a gang of children plotting to overthrow his government! Now that they’ve been apprehended, experts believe Tinubu finally has the safe environment he needs to deliver on his Renewed Hope agenda.

Let’s meet the "ringleaders" of the "coup" to dethrone Nigeria’s "greatest" president.

1. Auta Ibrahim

This 5-year-old genius from Kano masterminded a coup with all the finesse of a Saturday morning cartoon villain. His grand plan? Ambush President Tinubu at a fuel station queue, challenge him to a one-on-one duel, and, upon inevitable victory, crown himself President of Nigeria. Rumor has it he spent weeks rehearsing his presidential wave on the playground, blowing kisses to an adoring crowd of kindergartners. If the coup had succeeded, Auta Ibrahim would’ve not only become the youngest president in the world but also the first to sign bills during snack time and hold press conferences on the monkey bars.

2. Tanko Abubakar

This sweet-looking 9-year-old, affectionately dubbed the “Mogul of Kano Streets,” was the financier behind the coup. After raking in a whopping 500 naira from his almajiri begging business, Tanko decided to take a stand against the rising cost of toys. Out of economic outrage, he plotted to overthrow Tinubu and crash the prices of toys.

He was accused of tossing his hard-earned 500 naira around, enticing other kids to join his rebellion against Tinubu with promises of ice cream and biscuits.

Little did he know, his generous spending spree sent the naira into a tailspin, causing inflation to skyrocket and sending Nigeria’s economy into the bottomless pit, according to self-proclaimed economic experts among Tinubu’s supporters.

"Look what one sweet-faced beggar has done!” the experts lamented. “He’s single-handedly ruined our economy just to fund a coup, all while plotting to become Finance Minister and make toys cheaper!"

3. Tanoma Muhammad

This 5-year-old mastermind was the brains behind the entire mutiny. He skillfully convinced the other kids to believe there was “hunger in Nigeria,” a wildly false claim that sent shockwaves through the kindergarten playground and rallied his followers to plot Tinubu’s downfall.

At one point, he even led a brigade of two-year-olds in a fierce protest against "hardship" (mainly the rising price of ice cream and biscuits).

According to experts, his real agenda was to destabilize Tinubu’s government and swoop in as the Minister of Information under Auta's regime. With his knack for spreading fake news about the snack shortage, he’s already shown he has the perfect qualifications.

4. Adamu Adamu

Though this 6-year-old insists he had nothing to do with the coup, his downfall came when a spy overheard him boldly singing, “Parents, listen to your children, we are the leaders of tomorrow…” Horrified, the informant promptly reported him to authorities, citing the song as undeniable proof of an insidious plot to overthrow Tinubu and seize power by tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Tinubu’s supporters took to the streets in jubilant celebration over the capture of the “infant insurgents.”

Ayo Adenuga passionately claimed that these children were the very reason Tinubu hadn’t yet delivered on his “Renewed Hope” promise. “How could he?” she cried. “The poor man was fleeing Nigeria every other week to dodge their capture attempts! Now, finally, with these little rebels behind bars, Tinubu can safely stay home and start delivering—beginning with that Renewed Hope we were all promised!”

Dominique Olumide went even further, condemning the children for their reckless spending. “These infant plotters dumped their vast almajiri fortunes into our economy, and now look at us!” she exclaimed, holding up a single grain of rice as if it were a diamond. “The price of a bag of rice shot up from 10,000 to 100,000 naira, all because these ambitious little tycoons couldn’t resist throwing their 500-naira fortunes around!”

Aint you feeling guilty for not adding Peter Obi's name?.

A rudderless country,led by a traceless beast.

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

keep supporting evil, ur judgement day will surely come.

Forkthiefnubu:
God why did u not let Abacha finish this ppl then ?

Honestly, America for truly step aside and allow Abacha truly help us wipe the baaaastards out

Linkzlikz:
All of a sudden these ones have become messiahs that were going to rescue Nigerians... 😂 The same kids are the ones you'll tagged 22yrs old kids in election era... Una dey mad! I wonder why igbo people are crying more than the bereaved... They were caught in act and some on camera destroying govt properties and also looting private citizens... na una send them abi? Tons of kids being killed in Gaza and Lebanon today which the igbos have been on the Israeli armies side but today the humanitarian spirit of theirs have all of sudden awoken... 😂 werey ni gbogbo yin...

They are hypocrites and they don't even try to hide it.

Tinubu should release all these kids

helinues:
Bro as you can see, they have started crying more than the bereaved while neglecting issues affecting them at their own backyard.

Emotional pettiness at play

Bros don't be offended oo . But I really want to know are you a human being or a beast

😂😂😂😂

NLCreator:
Ever wonder why Tinubu has been spending more time in France than Nigeria lately? Turns out, it wasn’t for diplomatic business—it was for survival! Apparently, he’s been on the run from these "criminal masterminds"—a gang of children plotting to overthrow his government! Now that they’ve been apprehended, experts believe Tinubu finally has the safe environment he needs to deliver on his Renewed Hope agenda.

Let’s meet the "ringleaders" of the "coup" to dethrone Nigeria’s "greatest" president.

1. Auta Ibrahim

This 5-year-old genius from Kano masterminded a coup with all the finesse of a Saturday morning cartoon villain. His grand plan? Ambush President Tinubu at a fuel station queue, challenge him to a one-on-one duel, and, upon inevitable victory, crown himself President of Nigeria. Rumor has it he spent weeks rehearsing his presidential wave on the playground, blowing kisses to an adoring crowd of kindergartners. If the coup had succeeded, Auta Ibrahim would’ve not only become the youngest president in the world but also the first to sign bills during snack time and hold press conferences on the monkey bars.

2. Tanko Abubakar

This sweet-looking 9-year-old, affectionately dubbed the “Mogul of Kano Streets,” was the financier behind the coup. After raking in a whopping 500 naira from his almajiri begging business, Tanko decided to take a stand against the rising cost of toys. Out of economic outrage, he plotted to overthrow Tinubu and crash the prices of toys.

He was accused of tossing his hard-earned 500 naira around, enticing other kids to join his rebellion against Tinubu with promises of ice cream and biscuits.

Little did he know, his generous spending spree sent the naira into a tailspin, causing inflation to skyrocket and sending Nigeria’s economy into the bottomless pit, according to self-proclaimed economic experts among Tinubu’s supporters.

"Look what one sweet-faced beggar has done!” the experts lamented. “He’s single-handedly ruined our economy just to fund a coup, all while plotting to become Finance Minister and make toys cheaper!"

3. Tanoma Muhammad

This 5-year-old mastermind was the brains behind the entire mutiny. He skillfully convinced the other kids to believe there was “hunger in Nigeria,” a wildly false claim that sent shockwaves through the kindergarten playground and rallied his followers to plot Tinubu’s downfall.

At one point, he even led a brigade of two-year-olds in a fierce protest against "hardship" (mainly the rising price of ice cream and biscuits).

According to experts, his real agenda was to destabilize Tinubu’s government and swoop in as the Minister of Information under Auta's regime. With his knack for spreading fake news about the snack shortage, he’s already shown he has the perfect qualifications.

4. Adamu Adamu

Though this 6-year-old insists he had nothing to do with the coup, his downfall came when a spy overheard him boldly singing, “Parents, listen to your children, we are the leaders of tomorrow…” Horrified, the informant promptly reported him to authorities, citing the song as undeniable proof of an insidious plot to overthrow Tinubu and seize power by tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Tinubu’s supporters took to the streets in jubilant celebration over the capture of the “infant insurgents.”

Ayo Adenuga passionately claimed that these children were the very reason Tinubu hadn’t yet delivered on his “Renewed Hope” promise. “How could he?” she cried. “The poor man was fleeing Nigeria every other week to dodge their capture attempts! Now, finally, with these little rebels behind bars, Tinubu can safely stay home and start delivering—beginning with that Renewed Hope we were all promised!”

Dominique Olumide went even further, condemning the children for their reckless spending. “These infant plotters dumped their vast almajiri fortunes into our economy, and now look at us!” she exclaimed, holding up a single grain of rice as if it were a diamond. “The price of a bag of rice shot up from 10,000 to 100,000 naira, all because these ambitious little tycoons couldn’t resist throwing their 500-naira fortunes around!”

Chaii See child Abuse by BAT and his APC government.

Forkthiefnubu:
God why did u not let Abacha finish this ppl then ?

Which of your people Abacha wanted to finish?

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

God bless you. Let them face the consequence of their action. I watched how they looted and vandalized popular pharmacy store in kano, u will pity the owner, because i dont know where the man want to start from again. If you also watch vandaluzation of traffick light, u wont believe they are underage. Let them face the music and dance to it. Shikenah. Meanwhile Tpaun policies is unfriendly to masses.

helinues:
The same heartless people who incited those minors to go and protest are still the same trying to form innocent as if it's not their handiwork causing the detention of the minors

Being in opposition don't mean you should be opposing any government moves or just condemning without proffering any solution

Eish

people like u dont plan on having children, u are already a disgrace to ursef

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

Only simpletons take your comments serious. Pele. How much you don earn today.

helinues:
We have a listening government. Most of the major issues that have been raised, this government has been responding in one way or the other

Also they have been communicating regularly about their policies which should be the guidelines in terms of economic situation

leave them... I have only come to realize that Nigerians only cry when it doesn't favor them personally.. Goodluck Jonathan was there... what did he do? We have seen many issues in this renewed hope been tackled faster.. this kids could be boko haram. We have seen even younger ones. The north will be nothing without the south. They are kids right? Kids that also stoned the Christian girl to death.. 10m or rot in jail pls

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

Looting during protest according to you... And charged for treason by T-Pain. Is it not evidently clear that something is wrong with you and your master T-Pain The Wicked

Wailers doing what they do best.

NLCreator:
Ever wonder why Tinubu has been spending more time in France than Nigeria lately? Turns out, it wasn’t for diplomatic business—it was for survival! Apparently, he’s been on the run from these "criminal masterminds"—a gang of children plotting to overthrow his government! Now that they’ve been apprehended, experts believe Tinubu finally has the safe environment he needs to deliver on his Renewed Hope agenda.

Let’s meet the "ringleaders" of the "coup" to dethrone Nigeria’s "greatest" president.

1. Auta Ibrahim

This 5-year-old genius from Kano masterminded a coup with all the finesse of a Saturday morning cartoon villain. His grand plan? Ambush President Tinubu at a fuel station queue, challenge him to a one-on-one duel, and, upon inevitable victory, crown himself President of Nigeria. Rumor has it he spent weeks rehearsing his presidential wave on the playground, blowing kisses to an adoring crowd of kindergartners. If the coup had succeeded, Auta Ibrahim would’ve not only become the youngest president in the world but also the first to sign bills during snack time and hold press conferences on the monkey bars.

2. Tanko Abubakar

This sweet-looking 9-year-old, affectionately dubbed the “Mogul of Kano Streets,” was the financier behind the coup. After raking in a whopping 500 naira from his almajiri begging business, Tanko decided to take a stand against the rising cost of toys. Out of economic outrage, he plotted to overthrow Tinubu and crash the prices of toys.

He was accused of tossing his hard-earned 500 naira around, enticing other kids to join his rebellion against Tinubu with promises of ice cream and biscuits.

Little did he know, his generous spending spree sent the naira into a tailspin, causing inflation to skyrocket and sending Nigeria’s economy into the bottomless pit, according to self-proclaimed economic experts among Tinubu’s supporters.

"Look what one sweet-faced beggar has done!” the experts lamented. “He’s single-handedly ruined our economy just to fund a coup, all while plotting to become Finance Minister and make toys cheaper!"

3. Tanoma Muhammad

This 5-year-old mastermind was the brains behind the entire mutiny. He skillfully convinced the other kids to believe there was “hunger in Nigeria,” a wildly false claim that sent shockwaves through the kindergarten playground and rallied his followers to plot Tinubu’s downfall.

At one point, he even led a brigade of two-year-olds in a fierce protest against "hardship" (mainly the rising price of ice cream and biscuits).

According to experts, his real agenda was to destabilize Tinubu’s government and swoop in as the Minister of Information under Auta's regime. With his knack for spreading fake news about the snack shortage, he’s already shown he has the perfect qualifications.

4. Adamu Adamu

Though this 6-year-old insists he had nothing to do with the coup, his downfall came when a spy overheard him boldly singing, “Parents, listen to your children, we are the leaders of tomorrow…” Horrified, the informant promptly reported him to authorities, citing the song as undeniable proof of an insidious plot to overthrow Tinubu and seize power by tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Tinubu’s supporters took to the streets in jubilant celebration over the capture of the “infant insurgents.”

Ayo Adenuga passionately claimed that these children were the very reason Tinubu hadn’t yet delivered on his “Renewed Hope” promise. “How could he?” she cried. “The poor man was fleeing Nigeria every other week to dodge their capture attempts! Now, finally, with these little rebels behind bars, Tinubu can safely stay home and start delivering—beginning with that Renewed Hope we were all promised!”

Dominique Olumide went even further, condemning the children for their reckless spending. “These infant plotters dumped their vast almajiri fortunes into our economy, and now look at us!” she exclaimed, holding up a single grain of rice as if it were a diamond. “The price of a bag of rice shot up from 10,000 to 100,000 naira, all because these ambitious little tycoons couldn’t resist throwing their 500-naira fortunes around!”

OP you can do better. Make wuna stop dey drool over this matter.

You've nailed it.

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

helinues:
You people should stop being petty.

Are those not the underage voters in North? They are not kids when voting but now kids when arrested for looting during protest

Some of you are just so confused far more than weather

You hid behind your keyboards inciting people to go for the protest you won't be part of. How devilish can some people be.

When you were advising them to go to Abuja, do this do that, you did not consider the consequences of una advise

These under aged voters yen yen yen is meant to anger who? To whose advantage was their underaged voting if not evil APC.
Tell the despotic drug pusher to release those children to their parents without futher delay.





I know the sight of those irritated even the stupidest batshit, but blind support of your fellow mooslim won't allow say the truth in public.

Max24:
Be deceiving yourself. You think Tinubu is Jonathan ? Keep on gaslighting more of them while you hide behind your keyboard.

Tinubu can never be Jonathan. Jonathan is not a drug ring leader

WizardOfNG:
Don't mind them. Accentuating what they wish to spin as bad news is their strength. Will you see them on the thread below where something really worth celebrating has now been delivered for ordinary Nigerians?

https://www.nairaland.com/8256169/contactless-renewal-nigerian-international-passport

After convulsing, be ready to sue CNN because the story of how 29minors face death sentence in Nigeria for protesting against hunger is already headlines

This is what happens when a narcotic offender is the face of a country. Shame really!

NLCreator:
Ever wonder why Tinubu has been spending more time in France than Nigeria lately? Turns out, it wasn’t for diplomatic business—it was for survival! Apparently, he’s been on the run from these "criminal masterminds"—a gang of children plotting to overthrow his government! Now that they’ve been apprehended, experts believe Tinubu finally has the safe environment he needs to deliver on his Renewed Hope agenda.

Let’s meet the "ringleaders" of the "coup" to dethrone Nigeria’s "greatest" president.

1. Auta Ibrahim

This 5-year-old genius from Kano masterminded a coup with all the finesse of a Saturday morning cartoon villain. His grand plan? Ambush President Tinubu at a fuel station queue, challenge him to a one-on-one duel, and, upon inevitable victory, crown himself President of Nigeria. Rumor has it he spent weeks rehearsing his presidential wave on the playground, blowing kisses to an adoring crowd of kindergartners. If the coup had succeeded, Auta Ibrahim would’ve not only become the youngest president in the world but also the first to sign bills during snack time and hold press conferences on the monkey bars.

2. Tanko Abubakar

This sweet-looking 9-year-old, affectionately dubbed the “Mogul of Kano Streets,” was the financier behind the coup. After raking in a whopping 500 naira from his almajiri begging business, Tanko decided to take a stand against the rising cost of toys. Out of economic outrage, he plotted to overthrow Tinubu and crash the prices of toys.

He was accused of tossing his hard-earned 500 naira around, enticing other kids to join his rebellion against Tinubu with promises of ice cream and biscuits.

Little did he know, his generous spending spree sent the naira into a tailspin, causing inflation to skyrocket and sending Nigeria’s economy into the bottomless pit, according to self-proclaimed economic experts among Tinubu’s supporters.

"Look what one sweet-faced beggar has done!” the experts lamented. “He’s single-handedly ruined our economy just to fund a coup, all while plotting to become Finance Minister and make toys cheaper!"

3. Tanoma Muhammad

This 5-year-old mastermind was the brains behind the entire mutiny. He skillfully convinced the other kids to believe there was “hunger in Nigeria,” a wildly false claim that sent shockwaves through the kindergarten playground and rallied his followers to plot Tinubu’s downfall.

At one point, he even led a brigade of two-year-olds in a fierce protest against "hardship" (mainly the rising price of ice cream and biscuits).

According to experts, his real agenda was to destabilize Tinubu’s government and swoop in as the Minister of Information under Auta's regime. With his knack for spreading fake news about the snack shortage, he’s already shown he has the perfect qualifications.

4. Adamu Adamu

Though this 6-year-old insists he had nothing to do with the coup, his downfall came when a spy overheard him boldly singing, “Parents, listen to your children, we are the leaders of tomorrow…” Horrified, the informant promptly reported him to authorities, citing the song as undeniable proof of an insidious plot to overthrow Tinubu and seize power by tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Tinubu’s supporters took to the streets in jubilant celebration over the capture of the “infant insurgents.”

Ayo Adenuga passionately claimed that these children were the very reason Tinubu hadn’t yet delivered on his “Renewed Hope” promise. “How could he?” she cried. “The poor man was fleeing Nigeria every other week to dodge their capture attempts! Now, finally, with these little rebels behind bars, Tinubu can safely stay home and start delivering—beginning with that Renewed Hope we were all promised!”

Dominique Olumide went even further, condemning the children for their reckless spending. “These infant plotters dumped their vast almajiri fortunes into our economy, and now look at us!” she exclaimed, holding up a single grain of rice as if it were a diamond. “The price of a bag of rice shot up from 10,000 to 100,000 naira, all because these ambitious little tycoons couldn’t resist throwing their 500-naira fortunes around!”

So these are the faces of the coup plotters who wants to dethrone the microphone licking urinating machine? WOW 😃

BeardedMeat:
After convulsing, be ready to sue CNN because the story of how 29minors face death sentence in Nigeria for protesting against hunger is already headlines

This is what happens when a narcotic offender is the face of a country. Shame really!

Lol. Continue your delusional exaggeration ala "Buhari dead and replaced Jubrin from Sudan". All Nigerians know there is no threat of death hanging over the head of these kids.

You Igbos are always free to play toxic and opportunist politics though. It is what has made you the pariah of Nigeria politics you are today because you cannot reason expansively and long term.

WizardOfNG:
Lol. Continue your delusional exaggeration ala "Buhari dead and replaced Jubrin from Sudan". All Nigerians know there is no threat of death hanging over the head of these kids.

You Igbos are always free to play toxic and opportunist politics though. It is what has made you the pariah of Nigeria politics you are today because you cannot reason expansively and long term.

That jubrin something was designed to make you go dancing naked in the streets and it worked. Now swerve with your cursed mandate.

BeardedMeat:
That jubrin something was designed to make you go dancing naked in the streets and it worked.

Now swerve with your cursed mandate.

You lot are so dullardly. See how you have now admitted Igbos lie, fabricate and sell fake news deliberately?

Is this not what is behind una criminal mentality?

Max24:
Be deceiving yourself. You think Tinubu is Jonathan ? Keep on gaslighting more of them while you hide behind your keyboard.

You are right, Tinubu is not Jonathan. Tinubu is a notorious narcotics drug trafficker, certificate forger, buccaneering power grabber engaging in criminal state capture

JagabanB:
They didn't threaten the president, they dèstróyed pubIic property, they are being deaIth with because of the hand that backed them and u are being spinned by same hand.

So destruction of property is treaso? Awolowo will be turning in his grave right now. Free education failed his pipo.

BeardedMeat:
Tinubu can never be Jonathan. Jonathan is not a drug ring leader

The joke is on you. If Tinubu were to be a drug ring leader he wouldn't have retained Buba Marwa at NDLEA. The current NDLEA is the most effective going by the number of arrests daily. Facts don't lie. Go and find out from NDLEA.

Bobloco:
You are right, Tinubu is not Jonathan. Tinubu is a notorious narcotics drug trafficker, certificate forger, buccaneering power grabber engaging in criminal state capture

not a drug ring leader
The joke is on you. If Tinubu were to be a drug trafficker he wouldn't have retained Buba Marwa at NDLEA. The current NDLEA is the most effective going by the number of arrests daily. Facts don't lie. Go and find out from NDLEA. Keep wailing !

WizardOfNG:
You lot are so dullardly. See how you have now admitted Igbos lie, fabricate and sell fake news deliberately?

Is this not what is behind una criminal mentality?

Whatever you call it was designed for compound idiots in your village, it worked!
Now, stop bleating up on my mention.