₦airaland Forum

BlindAngel:
I will do better next time, I expected her mom to caution their elder brother when he was billing me, but she did nothing and was completely silent, this allowed my emotions and anger to get the better part of me, nevertheless I will try to do better next time. Tank's

Supreme Court has rule that women have entitlement just like men in the sharing of a man's wealth and so they should also be included in taking family responsibility. A responsible leader in that family which happens to be the brother would have allocated funds to everyone in such a way no one bears the burden of the family majorly but he didn't do so. People should act better no one came to this world to bear the burden of others

The family sounds like a wayward one

Ginaz:
You should have respected her a bit, the outbursts are not needed in this critical time that her dad is dead. She needs you for comfort and peace , you can tell the family the extent you can assist financially without degrading her worth before her people.

You did wrong. Despite you don't love her , she's a human with feelings. I can't imagine being reminded how I'm not needed constantly by my husband, she's going through a lot.

Be kind or rather seek a divorce if you can't stand the marriage anymore.

You're right, he could have even say he has no money and walk away by the time he's calm he can just give part of the money, I'm sure they would find away for the balance.

To round up, some of these inlaws would ask for so much money when you ask their daughter's hand in marriage as if you committed a crime wanting to marry

They would forget that, there is a day like this, i hope those parents with such habit learnt a lesson from this

You have married and so play your role as a good Inlaw. The people you are comparing yourself with are just baby daddies and from the look of things,until they dowry their wives they don't belong. In some tribes,they won't be able to claim to claim ownership of those children

Rubbish post.

You're just shouting force this force that, she hold your placenta?
All this unnecessary shout up and down just to prove what?
In law oo or call them whatever name you want to call them, after all she forced you into marrying her.
I can't afford all this, I'll do the best I can.

Simple, he just dey rant like small pikin dey embarrass himself up and down.

Rubbish.

Maeve7:
I have just read half your post and I really have to force myself not to go ballistic on you.

She forced me into marriage. Did she hold a gun against your head?

She got pregnant even though I wasn’t ready. She impregnated herself? She stole your semen?

I want out but she won’t let me go. Did she lock you up in a cell?

Stop playing the victim card. You brought all of this upon yourself. Nobody forced you to shoot your semen into her.

dude doesn't want to take responsibility at all for his own actions.

BlindAngel:
We quarrel, we fight, she normally holds my shirt and slack and wide my shirt neck which I hates and it's extremely painful to me to my bone marrow, but I don't think it'd be possible for us to hurt ourselves deeply. Only once has she carried knife and threatened to stab me, we were still dating then and haven't married, that day she destroyed my qasa standing fan and nearly broke my TV, since then until date such level of anger and destruction hasn't erupt, until date.

Recently she only holds my shirt and never letting go and challenge me to beat her. Which sometimes I loose myself and sometimes I don't. Recently she told her mom and my mom that I normally beats her, and I asked her if she has ever gotten a swollen eye or bleeding nose that some men normally beats their wife to such extend which I haven't ever gone to such length.

Since you haven't gotten to that extent it means the beating hasn't started, right ?

What will the biological children be doing if its the inlaw that will bear burial expense.
This is not fair. Its good as u stood ur ground. Normally burial expense is shared among the working or matured siblings and whatever your wife gets is what you take care of.
Will they share the man's property to you if he has any? Even at that burial expense is shared accordingly among the siblings. Inlaw can contribute as a gift to support. The only mandate is taking care of what share of the expense your wife got. Aside that, anything you give is willingly and not by force as they are presenting it. No gree for anybody

My spiritual leader told me, man find a wife, love will come later, na so I take get one pikin and I go still close eye get another one, God willing. I have said it time without numbers on this forum, that marriage in Nigeria is a business venture, hold your running capital. You will start hearing things like " This is the first daughter from a royal home". That equals Royal billing. Oga carry your cross. Lapo still the give loan the last time I checked. But on a more serious note, you should have controlled yourself in the presence of the family, when you get home, you should have boarded night bus and come back 3 months later with stories like Jonah in the Bible. A big fish swallowed me for 3 months.

BlindAngel:
I understand your points, but me doing the right thing by getting married to their daughter and removing shame from her eye's now seems like a crime. The one's that got their daughter pregnant and didn't do anything on their head, not even an introduction are on the safer side right now. No single expense was calculated for them, I have always regretted this marriage right from the very first day, but this recent development just made me regret it 10x more than I already did.

It's okay. Let me let you into one truth today. 95% of men regret their marriage and wish they married someone else.

You have to take responsibility for your actions. Nobody forced you to sleep with her maybe you were tipsy when you did. But you got to own your actions.

She is the mother of your child and that is something that you can't change and you have to ensure that the relationship is healthy. If not your child is gonna be dealing with some serious emotional baggage that will prevent him from amounting to anything meaningful in life.

I know you are angry, but you have to apologize to your wife for humiliating her like that in public. Try and make it up to her by doing stuff for the burial if you have the means. That will help her save face a little.

She is already a broken woman based on the damage that her father already did to her. You don't have to do the same. She will just kill you and herself one day. Her desperation to marry you was because she saw you as a beacon of love or ray of sunshine in a life that has been devoid of love for her since childhood.

It is not her fault that she is not physically attractive and rubbing it in her face is killing her everyday and perhaps that is why she us wishing you too a slow and painful death.

Don't think she cannot poison you one day. You are really pushing her to the limit.

Manage the situation better brotherly, for your own good. What is destroyed is hard to fix.

Even if she no dey physically attractive, that is not what you will tell a woman to discharge her...na you carry yourself ho meet am and in the spiritual courts she go win you hands down ooo.

Spiritual justice no be by who sabi pray pass ooo. All that one about her other sisters and their baby daddies will not count if she judge your matter.

Na case by case. You need to seriously appease her for your own good. If not it is guaranteed that you will be cut off slowly as she said. Funny thing is, she is actually describing the pain you are giving her all the time by your harsh and insensitive words...you are killing her slowly and painfully. No be her fault sey she no fine.

Manage this thing with wisdom of manhood. No be sey you dey fear.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

You are totally careless

What did your wife has to do with all this?

You should have work way from the family

But stupidly acted so childish as to rubbish your wife

Anger lives in heart of fools

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself?

People get each other pregnant and have kids and they don't end up marrying each other, from Nigeria to USA. Suicide threat is a bollock, dude should walk away any time he's ready. Na by force to remain in a loveless marriage? Mtcheeew!

The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

If he refuses to turn up or drop money, the children should allow their father's corpse to rot.

BlindAngel:
Ilaje, from Ondo state.

If in IIaje Ondo state the in laws bury their in-laws, who will bury your own parents ?


Is there provisions for them to reciprocate ?

Or in-laws bury in-laws while Children just assign roles and amount to be paid ?

U are insensitive

I just dey look you dey laugh... Ikale people juju strong pass rock. They are so mean, stubborn and rugged. If you enter their farm go steal something, wetin your eyes go see you no go fit talk am finish.

BlindAngel:
I won't apologize.

Nevertheless, she's Ilaje by tribe from. "Ikale" local Govt area, (don't know if I got that correctly) ondo state.

Earthkumy:
You are totally careless

What did your wife has to do with all this?

You should have work way from the family

But stupidly acted so childish as to rubbish your wife

Anger lives in heart of fools

You still haven't got it. He doesn't see her as his wife, he probably never will

Honestly speaking the guy is the victim here. But I blamed him he should not have married her if he did not want to take responsibility of the entire family. Just like he said his sin is that he married her and refused to leave her in ruins.

Stevenbright:
My question is if you and the other in-law are to pay for the mortuary expenses and the buying of the casket, what will all the man's uncountable children do!

Stil can't get this scenario, but when it comes to Sharing properties they won't invite the in-law to join them. Pathetic

BlindAngel:
We quarrel, we fight, she normally holds my shirt and slack and wide my shirt neck which I hates and it's extremely painful to me to my bone marrow, but I don't think it'd be possible for us to hurt ourselves deeply. Only once has she carried knife and threatened to stab me, we were still dating then and haven't married, that day she destroyed my qasa standing fan and nearly broke my TV, since then until date such level of anger and destruction hasn't erupt, until date.

Recently she only holds my shirt and never letting go and challenge me to beat her. Which sometimes I loose myself and sometimes I don't. Recently she told her mom and my mom that I normally beats her, and I asked her if she has ever gotten a swollen eye or bleeding nose that some men normally beats their wife to such extend which I haven't ever gone to such length.

Mehn you're such a terrible person, I felt really cold inside reading how you treat your wife. The way you disgraced your wife is totally unforgivable.

I really feel sad for her that she met someone like you. My advice to you is to end the marriage before you drink pepper soup, I honestly won't blame her

it is better to be single than marry nonesense and be doing lamentations everyday. Women are the most deceptive creatures u have to be smarter when dealing with them. They believe in their small minds they can decieve u and get away with it.

I have no advice for u. I will not advise anything to completely nonsensical scenario to tolerate absolute nonsense. Anyway u are tired and serious about it u know exactly what to do.

Guy you talk like a child. The list they gave you was correct. As an in-law you must bring goat or cow for the burial right of your in-laws. Do you want to tell us you don't have customs in you're own town or you fall from the sky? Does it mean you don't have umunnah or family members?. Poverty is a curse. Some In-laws single handedly bury their in-laws. The family did the right thing by not giving those men who got those your ladies in-laws pregnant because the family of your wife did not recognize the as in-laws because those men have not done the needful.
At least for now, you are an in-law to that family. It is you duty to take that family as part of your own family than coming here on nairaland to rant like some one who never suck her mothers breasts.

She has plans of poisining you later in life

Mark my words ]

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

Which right thing as in-law.
The only fault of the guy na his stupidity in claiming that the girl forced him into marriage. Like he's a toddler.
As for the list for burial, dig hole and put their papa and if them want make it big, they shouldn't stress others. A fool that didn't plan for his burial should be buried like a goat

Why get ANGRY when u should ACTIVATE GHOST MODE/DISAPPEAR

otipoju:
It's okay. Let me let you into one truth today. 95% of men regret their marriage and wish they married someone else.

You have to take responsibility for your actions. Nobody forced you to sleep with her maybe you were tipsy when you did. But you got to own your actions.

She is the mother of your child and that is something that you can't change abd you have to ensure that the relationship is healthy. If not your child is gonna be dealing with some serious emotional baggage that will prevent him from amounting to anything meaningful in life.

I know you are angry, but you have to apologize to your wife for humiliating her like that in public. Try and make it up to her by doing stuff for the burial if you have the means

She is already a broken woman based on the damage that her father already dud to her, you don't have to do the same. She will just kill you and herself one day.

It is not her fault that she us not physically attractive and rubbing it in her face us killing her everyday and perhaps that is why she us wishing you a slow and painful death.

Don't think she cannot poison you one day. You are really pushing her to the limit.

Manage the situation better brotherly, for your own good. What is destroyed is hard to fix.

Even if she no dey physically attractive, that is not what you will tell a woman to discharge her...na you carry yourself ho meet am and in the spiritual courts she go win you hands down ooo.

Spiritual justice no be by who sabi pray pass ooo. All that one about her other sisters and their baby daddies will not count if she judge your matter.

Na case by case. You need to seriously appease her for your own good. If not it is guaranteed that you will be cut off slowly as she said...she is actually describing the pain you are giving her by your harsh and insensitive words...you are killing her slowly and painfully.

Manage this thing with wisdom of manhood. No be sey you dey fear.

You don't force people to remain in a loveless marriage, otherwise it will end in tragedy one day. He should man up and do what he wants before someone decide to murder him while sleeping or poison him.
This is why I like white people, they walk out of marriage the moment they don't feel that love anymore

BlindAngel:
Money dey my hand that time, after everything I was left with 130k. And on the morning of the marriage I went and hurried to get extra drinks, because they drank lots of drinks I bought for reception on the day of the traditional marriage. Back to the fact, I was left work just 9k after buying the drinks. If u see frustration and regret after the marriage?? Thank God say I later bounced back.

Omo no man should follow your footsteps as regards to this spending, how e for be if u no bounce back? A lot of men never bounce back from that mistake.. You spent everything you had for marriage na God save you no be small.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

You're in a godawful mess

im curious as to how a grown man was forced into marriage that and he ended up spending whooping 4million naira, its okay if u are tired and u want to go your way but i see nothing to be proud of here. sounds like u dont want to be responsible for her and more like u dont want to even responsible at all. i for pity the poor girl but she self no get sense dey follow irresponsible man

To me, every other turning down of bill was a lil relief and perfect,but trying to create a scene and humiliating your wife was not a good idea, even though she forced you, you guys have a kid together and moreso she's in a state of loosing someone close... you should have rejected politely.....

One more question ❓ what tribe does that kind of in-law paying for motuary bill and goat 🐐.... that's not acceptable...I only heard of paying for the casket, buying clothes and digging the grave... and not in all cases of u don't have d capacity they free u..

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

Easier said than done, you fit still run him some transfer make he add up buy the things on the list.

Social Media is a leveller

BlindAngel:
We quarrel, we fight, she normally holds my shirt and slack and wide my shirt neck which I hates and it's extremely painful to me to my bone marrow, but I don't think it'd be possible for us to hurt ourselves deeply. Only once has she carried knife and threatened to stab me, we were still dating then and haven't married, that day she destroyed my qasa standing fan and nearly broke my TV, since then until date such level of anger and destruction hasn't erupt, until date.

Recently she only holds my shirt and never letting go and challenge me to beat her. Which sometimes I loose myself and sometimes I don't. Recently she told her mom and my mom that I normally beats her, and I asked her if she has ever gotten a swollen eye or bleeding nose that some men normally beats their wife to such extend which I haven't ever gone to such length.

You are a fool!

She tried stabbing you and even destroyed your properties in anger yet you married her.

You beat her but justify it because she doesn't have mark.

Now see where free sex has brought you.

We continue to Praise Allah for Islam.

The community would have even bear the responsibility, something not up to 30k


Though, you should have just politely refuse to bears the burden!