₦airaland Forum

Op wants to leave but he doesn't want to be implicated in any way as the bad guy. He may also be scared of his wife and his wife's family, and what they can do to him 'spiritually'.

He wants his freedom but doesn't want the title of the 'bad man', hence pushing the in-laws and wife indirectly to get frustrated and let him go.

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

Depending on how people and their culture stipulates, an In-law is not allowed to be part of a burial preparations especially on Finance where he married from, rather he receives information from his wife about the preparation and it is left for him to decide where to support from before finally preparing for the burial ...

If you say he should do the rightful thing which is what the family counted for him, hope you will also support the family to give him share of the man's property before he died?

Hope the deceased put him in his will since he knew he will give him a proper burial out of rights ?

because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically.
Imagine, you not to her physically, but your dick attracted to her spiritually, you are not serious honestly, tell another story abeg

Omo, no be small thing ohh
Anyway, nothing wrong in showing your feeling and where you stand. Why should you be among those running bill for the man's burial, does he not have his kids?

Stevenbright:
And he is stylishly trying to blackmail the son-in-laws into doing it!

He want to play d fast one. But he has no shame. Even if someone willingly offered to provide d casket, won't he refused such offer? Because same can backfire on him in d nearest future.

My guy!! Na man you be....

Normally that senior son when dey share yeye bills to you and your co-inlaw is actually the one who's to buy the casket and the goat.

Bro, normally you have no financial obligation to perform as long as that burial is concerned, your only stance is to give financial support to your wife based on the amount them ask her to contribute for the burial. On your part, you only have to go with few of your folks on the burial day to greet as in-law and nothing more...

If your wife wishes to have her own canopy and refreshments for her invited guests, that's where you come in to support her financially.

Again too, since you've tried all available options to quit the marriage and it's not working, just try and make the marriage work. Learn to love your wife. Be careful of the things you say to her, make she nor go poison you and her one day... Say if she can't have you, then no other woman will have you.. Women dey act before them think o...

Just try apologize to your wife... But you see that mumu list, no accept am at all, else na you go chest the full burial expenses...

Senior son when dey dodge responsibility... E dey craze well well... If them no get money for funfare, make them bury their papa like that without anything... Yeye children

BlindAngel:
As I'm talking to you right now, they are saying all manners of words, that I disrespected them and the they won't pity me with the list they'd give me.

That aside, to be brutally honest with you, I didn't mean to disrespect them, I have tried all manner of ways to walk out of this marriage but I don't see that happening. Maybe this will be the deal breaker, I won't do any of what they mentioned, absolutely none. I believe it'd make them hate me and by God's grace I pray and I'm praying hard for them to talk about returning my bride price to me.

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

You started well then ended up poorly. So, you should shift the responsibility of burying your dad to me because I married your sister right? You are sick.

Asking him to support would've been a different story but giving him a list or mandating him to do certain things doesn't make sense. Every child should be ready to bury their parent.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

I do not think the woman is your problem.
The problem is just you. In short, you are your own problem.
You are complicating things.
You cant make a firm decision.

What is the point of marrying someone you dont like.

It means you dont know the meaning of marriage/husband and wife. You ppl just make rash decisions instead of asking questions.

At this stage. Ogbeni, focus on your life. Ask questions,
Starting from the begining.

Am I really the father of the child. If yes, then

What is my gain in this marriage.
Am I really happy.
Am I just a money dispenser to some ppl
Is there an alternative to solve my problem predicament
What are the implications of divorce if i take this step.
What would happen after divorce. Etc.


Am I really the father of the child. If no.
Game over.

Disclaimer: its just my viewpoint. My viewpoint may be wrong but i dont care. It is not an advice or a suggestion.
If anyone feels offended, please settle it with yourself. Thank you.

Mr man go and settle ur responsibility asap. Do u need to be told before showing support to ur in-law? All this kids way dey rush into marriage thing it's all about sex and satisfying ones personal needs. Oga stop disturbing us for here. How can u open ur mouth and says you regret marrying the mother of ur child? She force herself on u? If the lady in question happened to be ur sister and someone chooses to treat her in this manner will u be happy? Selfish fellow, if u don't know it not too late, marriage is not a bed of roses and it for mature men not for boys like u.

You claiming your wife forced you into marriage is stupid n senseless. If you rae either happy or foolish enough to sleep with her n get her pregnant it's all on you n I will advice you stop saying or claiming that. You alone is responsible for that 100% plus it is your fault you let anyone force you pay a dowry. You can get her pregnant, accept the baby n still not marry her. Never let a girl woman lady you dating make life changing decisions for you except it tallies to your desires n goal. How you react not necessary idle but it did get your message across in the right way you owe nobody any apology on that nor do you owe they a dime for the burial except you can afford it n it comes from your heart.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders,

Ginaz:
You should have respected her a bit, the outbursts are not needed in this critical time that her dad is dead. She needs you for comfort and peace , you can tell the family the extent you can assist financially without degrading her worth before her people.

You did wrong. Despite you don't love her , she's a human with feelings. I can't imagine being reminded how I'm not needed constantly by my husband, she's going through a lot.

Be kind or rather seek a divorce if you can't stand the marriage anymore.

True talk

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

The senseless no-do-good in-laws are here. They see you as their life saver because you happen to marry their daughter.

Just make sure you don't eat her food or sleep with her again until such a time as you get a legal divorce if indeed that is what u want cus those people will just poison u or jazz you. That's all I can advice as what is said cannot be unsaid.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

I don't even know whether to pity you or not

Shit! Fuck_ that! Truth is, I don't pity you at all

You failed in making the necessary decisions at the right time

How could you allow a woman that you don't find physically attractive force you into marriage?

I cannot even begin to understand how that occured

But do you know the biggest reason why I don't really pity you?

How could you have sex with a woman you are not married to without a condom?

That's quite ridiculous, I must say!

You woefully failed as a man in asking maturely, now you're acting so immature!

You claim to have gone for condolence, but you only ended up making yourself and your wife too, into some sort of caricature!

I'm assuming you married into an Igbo family?

Well if that is the case, just know that in Igbo tradition, in-laws also contribute in such burials

Well, be that as it may, I am glad that you are finally stepping up by telling them that you cannot continue to take their shit, something you should have done a long time ago!

Stevenbright:
My question is if you and the other in-law are to pay for the mortuary expenses and the buying of the casket, what will all the man's uncountable children do!

The reward for being responsible is more responsibilities till the person dies

BlindAngel:
My wife has been the one holding me back, she's not ready to let go. I told her that she should at least get some dignity, someone doesn't want you but you're forcing yourself on him. That most women in her shoes would have walkes away without blinking an eye, due to the constant humiliation and disrespect, but still she isn't in anyway ready to let go.

She told me that she's ready for me to return the bride price but we'd still be together, which I plainly rejected.

I think you are her cashcow, that's why she don't want to let go. When she is done milking you or when she finds someone financially ok she will kick you
goodbye.But you have the decision to make , stop making excuses be a man.

Daniiel:
Guy which kind family sef you go marry from ..... Naso her puna take sweet ni ..... You for take ur stand say you no go marry ...... I support ur actions bro .... Much amount shouldn't go on burial this trying times .... Who don die sef him no get worries where him dey

I won't have been married to her if not for her endless threats, problems and troubles she gave me during the period that she founded out newly that she was pregnant. Until this very moment I'm still blaming myself for not been able to stand my ground as a man by not bowing to such pressure in making such important life decision. It's really not about the punna.

Crafteck1:
R u dumb, cant you walk away? Who are you trying to impress, no matter your effort humans would still say ur bad laslas u better do whats in your heart and be d bad person

You really don't understand, she won't let me go. She says she's sticking with me forever that she has already given birth, that she already has a scar when giving birth through CS, that I should make her whole the way she was before I met her that it's the only condition that would make her go.

I told her that there are women out that have given birth to 3 or 4 children through same CS that's she's hyping and today they are no more with their partners due to the fact that things didn't worked out. But she always insist that that's their own that she isn't going anywhere.

Forkthiefnubu:
Simp, you were forced into a marriage and u stayed there . God forbid bad thing

I'm not a simp boss, u really don't know what I went through during those period when she newly found out that she was pregnant. I saw hell and didn't know exactly when I later bowed to the pressure.

Free2Fly:
Your approach was wrong, but don't allow them force anything on you.
It's thèir responsibility to bury their father; you as an inlaw can voluntarily donate any amount you have or assist your wife complete whatever amount they shared to her.
You're not under any compulsion to contribute to the burial.
Just try and give them something can afford willingly

In Islam the father will be resting by now not all these nonsense ceremony and I believe the man even died in pain when they left him lonely and sick

Nonsense religious practice

promami:
You did well. Maintain your stance. You're a man.
Don't allow anyone manipulate you.
Ditch the woman you call wife since you're not attracted to her. This life is too short to spend it with the wrong person.
Avoid the woman too. This women dey overdo. She fit wan plan something wey go pain you...... including death. Just dey careful.

Thank you, I will be careful. She called me this morning and started talking about how I embarrassed her in front of her family and friends, then she hanged up. I went home this evening and I didn't see her at home, I've called everyone close to her and until now her whereabouts is unknown, her numbers isn't going through and her WhatsApp profile picture has turned white.

Nevertheless, I'd find out tomorrow what's really going on.

You for ask the Elder bro that is sharing List to inlaws what he himself will bring to the table.

It is not done anywhere that an in-law will be corced into contributing to the funeral of his father in-law. You only bring what you have to help out.

airsaylongcome:
You don eff o! You eff up. I can understand not wanting to bear the burden of the funeral, but to go cast your wife? Na big eff be that.


Plus which one is she forced you to marry her. Did she hold your hand to sign? Did she compel you to go see her parents? You see say her siblings dey born outside without drama from the dad and you decide to "born inside" when "I was not ready?". Na free bride price? Abi the bride price na installments you dey pay am?

She didn't forced me to sign but she 101% compelled me to go see her parents, still feels like yesterday, I can remember the endless daily troubles she gave me back then back then, those period was totally hell for me.

SeriouslySense:
its okay to let them know you cannot be a scape goat for billings. Don't let them fustrate your life.

Simple, thank you. 🙏

Prophetkelly:
Baba, your outburst at your In-law place wasn't necessary and a very hurtful one to your wife. If she has any dignity, this should be the deal breaker and everyone should go on their own.

I can only imagine the kind of trauma your child will be going through everyday seeing that his/her parents are always quarrelling to the extent of beating eachother; holding shirt/slapping.

If you pack out of the house and never return, will she hold you like you're claiming? If you're not longer interested..pack out of the house, notify her people to return bride price and if they don't, that's their problem.

Because what is this? You people are now disgracing Una sef for outside.

The house is mine, I've been having difficulty moving out. Nevertheless I'm currently in contact with some agents, I'm looking for somewhere to rent. Surely it'd be the end of this month and I'd be out of the house.

Regarding our child, he's still very young, just 4 months old. So he still doesn't know what's happening.

Regarding her dignity, she will never ever leave no matter the humiliation. Never.

salem1996:
Force you to marry how?

You wanted to get her pregnant and leave the responsibility to another man then later call her a whoring single mother in the future right?

We want to enjoy the pleasure of flying from a plane down to the ground, yet blame the ground for making us feel the pain...

Leave the responsibility to another man how? I'd have surely taken care of any responsibility in this world regarding the child, I'd never ever have dodged any of his responsibilities.

Angelawhite:
I’m sorry but Wetin carry you go family full of baby mamas ?

You have two choices, quit the marriage or foot the expenses. As long as you are married, you are still entitled to some expenses by tradition

Please enlighten me so I would know what to do and not acting out of ignorance. Is the list or goat compulsory? Because a friend told me that the only thing in laws are mandated to take care of is the digging of the grave. I really wish to know if the list or goat is compulsory, most especially the list because only heaven knows what they intend heaping on it for me to buy.

U would have calmly told them that the billing is too much, that you have so many pressing debts to pay at the moment,.... Yoruba burial no dey expensive reach igbo people burial....

Sleekfingers:
You said, you were forced to marry her. That's a terrible mistake from your end.

If you don't mind me asking you.,. How old are you?

In my opinion, they see as a weak person and their milking Cow . You better end the marriage, before it is too late .

I'm 30, I got married to her 9 months ago, I was 29 then.

It'd be difficult and nearly impossible for me to end the marriage, she isn't in any way ready to let go. The only condition she has accepted for the marriage to come to an end is the fact that we'd both still be fully together after returning her bride price which I rejected, anything short of this she'd become a tigress whenever I talks about the discontinuation of the marriage.

ObalendeCMS:
Damn!

Your in law is one big nasty family.

I'd suggest you find a way out of that family & leave their "USED" daughter for them

I guess you are from that other side.

I'm trying to leave this marriage, it's really not easy, I'm trying all I can but no single positive hope in sight yet. Absolutely none.

Lekan239:
lol. Can u imagine I clean over 3 sentences I have written only bcus I think with wat u write up there, u don't deserve my response. U be mumu

Please type them, I'd really loved to know your opinion regarding this. Please.

Obviouslyblunt:
returning to that family is him killing himself.

no be lie na why I say make him guide himself ...