₦airaland Forum

BlindAngel:
And millions of guys that got women pregnant and left them as baby mama's?? What would you say about them? I'm I the first to get a woman I'm not in anyway attracted to pregnant??

Just listen to yourself

BlindAngel:
I understand your points, but me doing the right thing by getting married to their daughter and removing shame from her eye's now seems like a crime. The one's that got their daughter pregnant and didn't do anything on their head, not even an introduction are on the safer side right now. No single expense was calculated for them, I have always regretted this marriage right from the very first day, but this recent development just made me regret it 10x more than I already did.

Oga, walk out of the marriage nothing will happen. Explain to your people and convince them why you need to leave.

For your own safety and peace of mind, leave. This life is too short to be wasted on an unhappy home.

If walking out is a big deal for you, get a second wife. Now, make sure it's with someone your truly love.

Never make the second mistake of falling into the wrong hands.

If you are a christian, your pastor will oppose the, don't mind them. Your peace of mind is more important.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I don't blame you for shouting on your in-laws. I understand it's emotion.

The only two issues I have you with you is disgracing your wife publicly. You should have kept that secret and take it to your grave. It won't make you less a man.

Again, marrying someone you don't love.

My parent tried that, I refused and insisted on marrying who I love. Today, peace of mind everywhere, unprecedented progress, lovely children, and several good things.

Today, those who were against the marriage and praising me for the courage to go for what I wanted.

Oga, go for your peace of mind. But carry your family along, especially, if you have an elder sister.

My brother you need to be a man and man up your responsibility. How will you accuse the lady of forcing you into the marriage? When you were sleeping with the lady without protection what was playing in your mind? Abeg goansitdown.

stainzvill:
You're not attracted to her physically but u burst nuts inside her ...That aside, u nor handle the situation maturedly

Very childish handling i swear. shame catch me for the guy.
maybe he is on colos, can't be normal.

You will still go back and beg the family and confess how wrong you were. I remember your story here on NL and I remember telling you the consequence of your action should you forge ahead with the "forced" marriage. Now she's threatening you with regret and slow death and you are stil asking what to do? Just go back to them and prostrate and confess how wrong and regretful you are over your actions. I won't prophecy evil but I just don't see the marriage going anywhere, I also fear for your life.

DON’T EVER!!! IN YOUR LIFE TELL A WOMAN HOW WRONG YOU were TO MARRY HER unless you don't plan to live long. Be a man!, stand your ground.

You acted in a childish manner and very wrong, those that impregnated those girls are not inlaws yet but you that have paid the dowry. Come on man, stop this vituperations and act as a matured human.

Go back and apologize, you just disgrace your wife and they will use this against her anytime there is a little quarrel.

The issue between your wife is you is that, you want to be free, you can't be YOUNGIE forever, try as much as possible to love her and make a better home for your children I beg of you

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

Prophetkelly:
Baba, your outburst at your In-law place wasn't necessary and a very hurtful one to your wife. If she has any dignity, this should be the deal breaker and everyone should go on their own.

I can only imagine the kind of trauma your child will be going through everyday seeing that his/her parents are always quarrelling to the extent of beating eachother; holding shirt/slapping.

If you pack out of the house and never return, will she hold you like you're claiming? If you're not longer interested..pack out of the house, notify her people to return bride price and if they don't, that's their problem.

Because what is this? You people are now disgracing Una sef for outside.

His outbursts should tell you that he's in the wrong family.

If he wasn't seen as a meal ticket, they would have asked for their daughter to return home but because they know they're the ones gaining from the so called marriage, they saw it as nothing.

Someone insulted the whole family showing how displeased he's to all that partains to the family, yet they are still expecting him to bring whatever they want from him, is that a family with anything like dignity?

Angelawhite:
I’m sorry but Wetin carry you go family full of baby mamas ?

You have two choices, quit the marriage or foot the expenses. As long as you are married, you are still entitled to some expenses by tradition

Entitled according to what tradition?

Baba you have been scammed but all the same you have a gain in a child from her., my advice is for you to be calm and negotiate the billings with them, the one you have the power to do , do it. Don't let anyone impose anything on you. S3x any lady you know you can marry not just any woman. The law of marriage for men.

Prettychild:
Oga you did wrong. First of all, I don’t believe that a woman would force you into marrying her. If you don’t want her, never date her so you won’t accuse her of forcing you into marriage. Your in-laws can’t bill the baby fathers cos those children are traditionally not theirs. You are the legitimate in-laws and so would receive billing which is normal. It’s you that would use your discretion to decide which one you would prefer to do in the list

What kind of "normal" are you talking about?

Name just 3 ethnic group that it's normal for their inlaws to foot burial expenses.

Just 3

I'm waiting.

idahme:
Why una dey always talk trash? Is he more of a child than the children of the deceased? The man has plethora of children but an outsider (in-law) will be the one to carry more load than the children that's absurd, if I am in his shoes I won't for a single second.

If it comes to liabilities they know a man is an in-law to share with the liabilities but if it comes to assets (property sharing) the man is never invited. Children should have the responsibility of taking care of their parents in health and in death inlaws can assist but that's not their primary responsibilities.

I have two in-laws married to my sisters, we only informed them that mum will be going under knife, the information was to give them that respect of been in the know but the expenses has been borne already by us the children. If they decide to help that's fine but it's an error for we the children to give them the lion share of the bills never and I will also reject anyone who ever does that to me.

We should learn to take accountability and responsibilities for ourselves and family and not shift it to others because they got married to someone in the family.

.

Foolish people too plenty for this thread I swear.

Just imagine what that one posted.

BlindAngel:
As I'm talking to you right now, they are saying all manners of words, that I disrespected them and the they won't pity me with the list they'd give me.

That aside, to be brutally honest with you, I didn't mean to disrespect them, I have tried all manner of ways to walk out of this marriage but I don't see that happening. Maybe this will be the deal breaker, I won't do any of what they mentioned, absolutely none. I believe it'd make them hate me and by God's grace I pray and I'm praying hard for them to talk about returning my bride price to me.

I have never seen a SIMP man like you before.
Like are you okay? How can a woman force and trapped you into marriage because of pregnancy when you could have simply made her a single mother and go your way? She wasn't even a virgin! I am sure that unborn child isn't yours.

Dude, when you are tired of simping u know what to do.

Fvcking be a man and walk out of that marriage if you're god-damned tired. Stop ranting like a little boy

BlindAngel:
Thank you so very much sir, your wisdom will never run dry. Please permit me to copy this response to my notepad, I'd be needing it for future reference. Most especially the part that you stated in laws are only known as an in law when it comes to liabilities. Thank you so very much sir, may thy Lord God Almighty shower his unending blessings upon your life and that of your household, thank you so very much, I really do appreciate, thank you.

You are welcome. You are free to do that .

Overmars36:
You acted childish honestly. You dare not try that with my sister. You didn't only insult your wife but her entire lineage. You goofed big time!
Nothing wrong in you refusing to be pressured into doing what u wouldn't want to do. But to say it in that manner particularly in the public, means u are a kid. Nobody forced u into marriage. Nobody.
I pity that innocent lady. She didn't choose the family she came from. Nobody ever chose the family they come from cos we don't have such right by nature. It wasn't her fault that the dad had several concubines and perhaps lived an irresponsible Life. You're a disgrace honestly. You had better go your separate ways since u don't love her. By now I am sure you are already cheating on that innocent beautiful lady.

Shouldn't a family with respect take back their daughter (which he wants) after the so called embarrassment?

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

You are not mature enough to marry

Dear sender .
Your wife's family are not being reasonable at all.
Kindly donate whatever is your capacity towards the burial.
Now, i want to urge you join a community on X with John doe(agba) about relationship and marriage you will learn alot.especially on tbis your marriage issue.
Thank you so much.

SlayQueenSlayer:
How you manage impregnate a woman you are not attracted to? You better accept your wife and take care of your family.

But people sleep with prostitutes they have nothing for.

Asking the above question is not logical.

Alot of men can sleep with whatever as long as he's in the mood and the whatever is available and a female

Twoclans:
Heavens knows I have no problem with you or your outbursts,my headache is with the woman calling herself your wife.

I can't even imagine the trauma of been around a man who doesn't want me .It is enough trouble been with a man let alone the one who despises you.This is automatic mental breakdown.

Africa and nonsense,must the man be buried with goats ? Can't we just bury and mourn the dead peacefully without all this sherere .

The family is with no shame, leaving their daughter with a man who clearly showed he's not interested in her.

It's a failed family looking for meal tickets.

Just imagine

Someone acts this way to your own daughter

You blasted her
You deflated her
You detest her
You think she forced herself on you
You disrespected her

I'm sore sad

If you have a daughter
And
A man did all these to her
Will you be ever happy on her behalf

Women have their short comings
But, you are man and wiser
Learn to keep those hurtful words away

I can't imagine everyday you tell my daughter, you hate her and she forced herself on you.

Better honorably divorce her,
She has gone through alot
No wonder she will reply you harshly

Let me tell you
No matter what she says to you
If you are sick today, the only one that will be by your bed is your wife, all those side chicks will run.

Pls give what you can, and if you don't have
Humbly tell them.
Start respecting your wife, your family will be blessed

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law[color=#990000][/color].

African culture, exploiting women since the time of Caesar. They counted for you as inlaw when it's convenient for them, but count against you when sharing goodies like property and material things.
Igbo culture will ask intending husbands to pay for all the expenses spent on their daughters before marrying or owning her, but after marriage will still ask the husband to help train their other siblings, build house for wife's parents and help with medical and other expenses of the parents. Meanwhile, the daughters have no share of the family inheritance after the demise of the parents.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, gret right now.

It is their father not your father. They are responsible for their own father.

If they need support and you feel you can assist, all well and good but it is not in your place as an inlaw to bury their father

DEXTROVERT:
Just imagine

Someone acts this way to your own daughter

You blasted her
You deflated her
You detest her
You think she forced herself on you
You disrespected her

I'm sore sad

If you have a daughter
And
A man did all these to her
Will you be ever happy on her behalf

Women have their short comings
But, you are man and wiser
Learn to keep those hurtful words away

I can't imagine everyday you tell my daughter, you hate her and she forced herself on you.

Better honorably divorce her,
She has gone through alot
No wonder she will reply you harshly

Let me tell you
No matter what she says to you
If you are sick today, the only one that will be by your bed is your wife, all those side chicks will run.

Pls give what you can, and if you don't have
Humbly tell them.
Start respecting your wife, your family will be blessed

Obviously, the OP did wrong by disgracing his wife in front of her family. No one put a gun by his head to marry the woman. He should take responsibility for his decisions.

But you found nothing wrong in forcing the man to pay for the casket and other burial expenses of his wife's father, despite him having close to 2 dozen children.

Na wa oooo! You impregnated someone and you are talking as if you are innocent.

If you were told to buy something or do something concerning the burial, that's the tradition. Oga, do your responsibility if you have the power or politely inform your wife's family if you are not financially buoyant.

Remember, if you chase the girl out now, you will still get married to another girl and you won't escape from this responsibility for life.

please, which state and local government is your wife from, because that tradition resemble a local government in Akwa Ibom State

BlindAngel:
Thank you, no wahala, I'm a monster. They should give me back my bride price, I'd gladly accept it.

You think I'd have acted in such rude way and manner if my mind is still in the marriage?? And not minding the consequences?? I pray and I hope that this will be the deal breaker for me getting back my bride price and finally leaving this marriage.

Shut up there abeg ..why the hell didn't you think about this when you were banging her and getting her pregnant! Now you wanna ruin her life and leave her alone....

Obviouslyblunt:
trash.

Right....

Kids don't get sense easily.

rolams:
Na wa oooo! You impregnated someone and you are talking as if you are innocent.

If you were told to buy something or do something concerning the burial, that's the tradition. Oga, do your responsibility if you have the power or politely inform your wife's family if you are not financially buoyant.

Remember, if you chase the girl out now, you will still get married to another girl and you won't escape from this responsibility for life.

Which kind yeye tradition is that? Did you ask if that is also his tradition? Or is your own tradition superior to his own?
Did you tell him or sign a pre nuptial agreement before marriage, that he will be responsible for the burial of the wife's family when any of them pass on?

wirinet:
Obviously, the OP did wrong by disgracing his wife in front of her family. No one put a gun by his head to marry the woman. He should take responsibility for his decisions.

But you found nothing wrong in forcing the man to pay for the casket and other burial expenses of his wife's father, despite him having close to 2 dozen children.

Nobody put a gun on his head to pay the mortuary or burial expenses.

They asked him, he should have told them he doesn't have instead of dragging his poor wife into the quagmire.

See, the money you have is what you give out, nobody manufactures money.

wirinet:
African culture, exploiting women since the time of Caesar. They counted for you as inlaw when it's convenient for them, but count against you when sharing goodies like property and material things.
Igbo culture will ask intending husbands to pay for all the expenses spent on their daughters before marrying or owning her, but after marriage will still ask the husband to help train their other siblings, build house for wife's parents and help with medical and other expenses of the parents. Meanwhile, the daughters have no share of the family inheritance after the demise of the parents.

Which igbo culture?
If such happens around you,then you are scammed and you and yours nutured the scamming.
No umunna constitution will request for that.
Did you or yours ever ask for the original lists of what should be done by in-laws or you just go ahead with whatever a hungry family tells you?
Always ask your woman to get a copy of the original lists of to do from the sec of the umunna or you move.
She will do the needful unless you belong to the group that want to impress or show money is not your problem by your actions.

But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them

Probably since they did not come to do the right thing that's why they are not recognized in the family yet. So reminding your wife every time una fight that she forced you into married is killing her gradually. So fix it bro and as for your inlaws you might need to apologize to the mama, they never knew that their daughter was never a virgin as they thought hence you spending likely 4m for a wedding of a camouflage virgin..

maasoap:
You don't force people to remain in a loveless marriage, otherwise it will end in tragedy one day. He should man up and do what he wants before someone decide to murder him while sleeping or poison him.
This is why I like white people, they walk out of marriage the moment they don't feel that love anymore

i guess you are not married nor in any long term commitment, if everyone should walk out of marriage the moment they don't feel love nobody will remain in marriage, everybody go don divorce
In every marriage there will be that time the love go just collapse like national grid, naa commitment, understanding and communication go just help una scale through

When it comes to marriage i see the whites as inferior and low thinkers, a life run solely on "feelings" can never have a direction

BlindAngel:
We quarrel, we fight, she normally holds my shirt and slack and wide my shirt neck which I hates and it's extremely painful to me to my bone marrow, but I don't think it'd be possible for us to hurt ourselves deeply. Only once has she carried knife and threatened to stab me, we were still dating then and haven't married, that day she destroyed my qasa standing fan and nearly broke my TV, since then until date such level of anger and destruction hasn't erupt, until date.

Recently she only holds my shirt and never letting go and challenge me to beat her. Which sometimes I loose myself and sometimes I don't. Recently she told her mom and my mom that I normally beats her, and I asked her if she has ever gotten a swollen eye or bleeding nose that some men normally beats their wife to such extend which I haven't ever gone to such length.

You need no advice. You sound like a drunken local champion.

Your submissions are petty and dumb.