₦airaland Forum

Lordbinsmar:
Honestly, you did the right thing. I would have done the same, if I was in your shoes.

All I will say is that he deserves it. The man took care of you from infancy. Provided everything you needed. Take care of him now regardless.

Please, give your father whatever he wants if you have . Remember he raised you from baby to adult .

What is the problem in the story?

My own disappointment is in the multitude of men on this thread who yelled at him to cut off his support. They forgot that the dad took care of him from birth but because he refused to send him to Ukraine and USA(he still gave 400k), then he shouldn't be taken care of. I'm ashamed for you men or you simps. Because y'all reasoning with emotions,not logic....typical womanish traits. You lots have been typically brainwashed by your moms to see your dad in a bad light and yet y'all would say kids don't take care of their fathers at old age. You lots are doing the exact same thing.
Some of the girls saw that too and pointed it out. Kindly
get your heads out of your asses

OP... Take care of your father ..buy him a car and do what you can afford for him. Simple.

YemyTemmy:
How do you expect to prosper when u despice ur father like this... Shebi u be man, u will understand soon

I am more prosperous than you. Dey play

mrvitalis:
He never housed you
Feed you
Paid your school fees
Bought you even if it's sweet?

Never did anything for me.

Maeve7:
Did I say he never supported him? He supported him but refused to support him when his son had the opportunity to move abroad because his new wife was more important to him. His mother, on the other hand, sold what she had because her son was more important than anything else. See the difference.

Accordingly, the son still supports his father. And like his father, he also has the right to say no when he wants.

I would rather cut off my own hand than give my father a car so that he can drive around his new wife. His wife is my mother, anyone else is not welcome into the family. If they happen to have children, I won’t even meet them.

You reap what you sow.

Lol..bitter soul.

1Sharon:
Well well well.

Another alienated offspring from a polygamous home, what else is new?

"Men are polygamous in nature"

Ride on !

Shût it, mgbeke

tensazangetsu20:
Never did anything for me.

So he was never in your life u never lived with him

If you can afford it pls do it for him.

Never play with your father and mothers blessing.

That is why the Bible says honour thy father and mother....it did state any condition

amazinghands:
I appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions. Just to provide more context: I have only one sibling, and I am of the opinion that he should be able to do more, given how flamboyant he has been with his spending. The main reason I believe he asked for the car is that my mum recently celebrated a lavish birthday (and he likely suspects I was the one who funded it).

When he asked me for the car, I arranged a meeting with him and my brother to discuss his finances (specifically how he manages and collects rent from his properties). Based on what I knew about his financial situation before I left Nigeria, I honestly don’t believe he’s in a bad position. However, he couldn’t give me a clear answer during the conversation and ended up breaking down in tears.

The real issue is that I can only afford to buy one car, and that will undoubtedly go to my mum. I am aware that this decision will likely further strain our relationship.

I understand you.

But I still maintain my stand. You can give your mum a car but find the money and buy your dad one too. That man provided for you when you knew nothing. All I see from your posts are emotions about what he didn't do. What about what he has DONE FOR YOU.
Anyways...it's your money. Have fun

abracadabra24:
You go know how the shoe be when you wear am

You don't seem to understand me, the dude I responded to insinuated that the OP father is useless which I strongly object to, he didn't do his best yes but useless nope.

I come from a family where my parents will go all out including taking loans and pushing us to the limits and I have never been in a situation of lack(food shelter and education ) . I experienced lack in other areas like clothing, good shelter, 3 square meals etc. I never got once did I take 3 square meals all through my secondary and university, never for once was I given more than 5k cash for pocket money, if I describe it for you its horrifying but all of these never made me have any ill feelings.

I get OP dad didn't do 100% what he should have done but it's high time you move on from your past experiences.

Acekidc4:
The Op is a very stupid useless pikin. Very ungrateful and idiotic...........am sure na the mama dey confuse and control am

I was waiting for this useless comment once it gets to front page and I wasn't disappointe

Too many idiots on nairaland

Beremx:
correct pikin!

Your mum needs the car more. You can't buy car for your father and another woman will be enjoying it. God forbid!! If your father needs a car desperately, he should sell his properties to buy one.

Nonsense

See this bitterleaf and her long mouth!!

E pain am well

idahme:
Read through his article you would understand that his father is the reason he is even in this position, some of you are so entitled that the little deeds of fathers are neglected because he didn't do what is in your head but rather what he thought at the time to be the best even if it wasn't.

His dad sponsored his welfare, education to undergraduate level and if his father's decision while he is pursuing his postgraduate education affected him does it mean all the goods his dad did from zero age till he graduated from school is nullity?

Some of you guys who make this statement have never been responsible or accountable for anyone in your life. A typical entitled man who will vilify his dad when he doesn't have his own children and gets to understand when he is married with children. I also see dudes who also throw shades at uncles and then they become an uncle and can't do to the nephews what they expect their uncles do for them a typical case of do for me what I can't do for others.

Maybe you should take your rant to the irresponsible and entitled. I know a portion of my salary that goes to my siblings per month. I don't even have to do it but I know I have to because they are my blood. I also know how much I have designated from the salary I have not even received. They are not my children o.

It's why I absolutely hate it when I see dads who can't sacrifice their comfort temporarily for their children that did not asked to be born.

As an uncle, I have done more than all my uncles combined and I am just starting.

If you think training your own child to university level deserves an accolade. Then okay.

Man! Take this your negative energy away.

mrvitalis:
So he was never in your life u never lived with him

It's as good as he was never there as he never did anything

seunjungle1:
I don't know why most fathers do Bleep up....I think women(mothers) believe in the future of their children than all these fathers.
You always find this kind of story everywhere....my father too did just like this.
You get luck that your mother is still alive.

Just do for him according to your mind, bro.
May God forgive us if there's any misconduct towards our fathers' past did.


God help and enabling me to do for my children as I want.

May God help all true fathers and mothers of the world.

How did the father bleeped up,the only thing he did not do was to send him abroad to further his studies..
Plus in the OP story the man started the whole abroad process with him before opting out due to reason best to him,yet the father kept supporting him up to a point of giving him 400k to support him for him masters and I'm sure the man never ceeded his support during his early days in the overseas..
From the OP narration,his mom selling her land and jewelry is greater than everything his dad ever did for him... even if his dad has done everything he wanted,one act of sacrifice from his mom would be seen a greater effort, because he feels his dad is doing is basic responsibilities and nothing more
OP knows best at heart that's why he's bringing out this topic,not to talk of the man having to support his other sibling ooo...
We will all grow to be a father,the truth awaits us

Klass99:
Modified to add: Your father did not significantly harm you in any way. That he refused to send you to obodo, should not cancel all of the good things he did or got right.

Not buying him a car won't significantly hurt his father either too..he already gives him money monthly which is also a good thing like u are claiming the father did...
.. U are just guilt trippin the guy to do more than he doesn't have to do...it's not like he's a billionaire because he lives abroad .....

Karleb:
Maybe you should take your rant to the irresponsible and entitled. I know a portion of my salary that goes to my siblings per month. I don't even have to do it but I know I have to because they are my blood. I also know how much I have designated from the salary I have not even received. They are not my children o.

It's why I absolutely hate it when I see dads who can't sacrifice their comfort temporarily for their children that did not asked to be born.

As an uncle, I have done more than all my uncles combined and I am just starting.

If you think training your own child to university level deserves an accolade. Then okay.

Man! Take this your negative energy away.

Shût ya ass up. You are a bitter soul. You came with all the negative energy and yet you blaming others for shiit

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

All has been said by others. Some fathers are even worse off. I'm not excusing his shot comings. But do remember the little he did especially when you were younger. Some fathers did next to nothing.
I will repeat what others have said. If you can do it for him and you will not be negatively be impacted, just do it. However, after that, do a serious conversation with him and tell him about his short comings... peace

advanceDNA:
Not buying him a car won't significantly hurt his father either too..he already gives him money monthly which is also a good thing like u are claiming the father did...
.. U are just guilt trippin the guy to do more than he doesn't have to do...it's not like he's a billionaire because he lives abroad .....

I find it funny that it's people that give so little that demand the most. I am sure that the mum would never ask him to buy her a car.

On God, what I hate most in this world is irresponsibility.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Many people reading your complain wish they have somebody to call “father” or “Daddy”. They have never spoken that word to a human being in their entire life especially to one who would even reluctantly contribute N400,000 to their education. I noticed you never mentioned he was not in support of your education in Nigeria. It’s just that he considered your sponsorship abroad as way beyond is Nigerian finance…the lifestyle you mentioned he lived can be relative in the sense that he is not spending dollars for his enjoyment but it is naira he was spending.

I have experienced that many people look rich driving big cars and wearing expensive clothes but their bank balance is red on reserve mode. Such is business certain business. I don’t know your dad character. I am just saying you may not have known the true nature of his finance cash flow at that time unless he told you.

Also You did not mention that your mom was independent of your dad’s finance. It may be that the land she sold and jewellery she sold came from him or is one way connected to his money unless otherwise. Maybe your dad gifted it to her and she sold it for your sake. Moreover, your dad may have still been paying her rent and taking good care of you guys so his finance may have been spread thin by committing to further expenses with high exchange rate.

I can not tell you if you are wrong or right, but what I can say is that it is not easy to be a real man. Real men don’t get heard sometimes.

My conclusion: if you can easily afford buying a car for your father without feeling it or breaking the bank, then be the pride of your father and don’t rob him of that fatherly pride. Many adults would kill to do same if they ever had someone to call father. You are a lucky person. Personal Vendetta ain’t worth it.

tensazangetsu20:
It's as good as he was never there as he never did anything

Ok..we have heard you...no go away and go eat bitterleaf soup..because you clearly have daddy issues

Karleb:
I find it funny that it's people that give so little that demand the most. I am sure that the mum would never ask him to buy her a car.

On God, what I hate most in this world is irresponsibility.

Karleb if you don't shût it right now ..I will...😡

luminouz:
Shût ya ass up. You are a bitter soul. You came with all the negative energy and yet you blaming others for shiit

Suspect is an irresponsible male that cannot sacrifice his comfort temporarily for the better good of his own child.

luminouz:
Karleb if you don't shût it right now ..I will...😡

Go fuccc.k yourself!

tensazangetsu20:
It's as good as he was never there as he never did anything

You can't tell me a man lived with his child and never did one good thing for that child it's impossible

Karleb:
Suspect is an irresponsible male that cannot sacrifice his comfort temporarily for the better good of his own child.

So you are blind to all he did for his child since birth? 400k for USA trip nko?

The jewellery and land the mum sold, where did you think the money came from?

The girls here called it right on you guys...you will blame kids who don't take care of their dads in old age yet you forget that's what you doing right now.

I hope you don't have kids sha

Karleb:
Go fuccc.k yourself!

Karleb....don't annoy me today...I'm warning you..I will..😡

idahme:
His dad sponsored his welfare, education to undergraduate level and if his father's decision while he is pursuing his postgraduate education affected him does it mean all the goods his dad did from zero age till he graduated from school is nullity?

U are just using double standard....

The father ddnt support him when he need more studies abroad.... you are claiming that's okay because the father already supported him for bachelors....

But now it's not okay that the son pays him monthly allowance...why should the son do unnecessary extra.....the father should be okay with monthly salary just as he expected his son to be okay with bachelors...

Lamasta:
This is where you and the OP judgment is from, so all the sacrifice that man has been doing on the OP head is null and void and decleared unsupportive but this one captured once is the real and ultimate support

I rest my case at this point

Na him mama pay for hospital bed when dem born am dey play
Na him mama pay for hospital bill when him dey sick when him small
Dey play
The fk his daddy has is not having sense to manage money if not his son opinion would still b trash to him now .
Imagine if papa still has 50m for aza
He go send u
Just dey play na condition come make u dey wage war against ur own blood .
Omor ur life don spoil
Like ur papa
Even my enemy I go send am money

Don't buy him a car yet, give him a 10% raise on the amount you have been given him before now

However, before you do that, walk down memory lane with him in discussion and remind him how badly he treated you when you needed him most, in the end let him know that you don't hate him but that you are not happy with him

If he ask for forgiveness, tell him you have forgiven him and have moved on

But still only give him a 10% raise and no car for now