₦airaland Forum

Top of the day to you all and compliment of the season.We will all witness the new year coming. pls house, I need advice and opinion especially from single fathers either divorced, widowed. I have been separated from my wife for 2 years now and my two daughters age 8 and 7yrs had been with my ex wife ever since. It has gotten to the stage that she is now using the kids to get back at me by denying me access to them and also manipulate me, the greatest mistake I made was letting her took my kids away cos at that time I was emotionally down due to what lead to us separating and couldn't make a sound judgement at the moment.

Now my decision now is that I want to take custody of my daughters, for now I have my mom with me and also myself to take care of them while they are with me, all I just need is what are the prons and cons of being a single father and taking care of your kids as the man alone. what challenging's will I face in doing this so I can prepare my mind mentally and psychologically for the challenge ahead. Though I prefer the kids being with their mom and I take responsibility but the fact that she is using them to get back at me is annoying and frustrating reason why I want to make this move now so am going to be free from her manipulation.

Pls experienced single fathers raising their kids alone, which is better, letting the kids be with her while she use them as bait to get back at me or I should take their custody and raise them myself. I want them to finish up this school term and make the move. Your input and advice will be valuable and appreciated and pls if you don't have anything valuable to say or to criticize as some does here, kindly ignore and move. Pls mod, kindly move to FP for wider view and inputs

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You are very likely not to get full custody of the children, the family court judge would prioritizes the welfare of the children you share with your now separated wife, time the children will spend with each parent, visitations, their school fees, medical bills, feeding, clothing etc.

Prepare your mind for a healthy co-parenting, not your mother taking over as their birth mother when their mother is still alive and not clinically proven to be mentally incapacitated.

This family issues with your wife isn't ending soon.
Na wa o!

Leave those children with their mother, every girl child needs her mother more than anything.

You can instead fight for a joint custody of them and they can come to your place on weekends while they spend weekdays with their mother.

Because chances are if you get full custody of them, you will also use them to get back at their mother while most of the time you will be leaving them with their grandmother as if they don't have a mother.

What makes you believe that she will release the children to you.

Na to open a new thread every other day, despite advice people have given you. Tomorrow, you will open another thread again, ignoring people's advices in this one. You stopped paying their school fees and upkeep since January out of anger, and her parents have asked you to pay them and you refuse. They better not release them to you.

when most men say they are taking custody of children, what really happens is they outsource the children to other people to take care of. this is especially the case in the nigerian environment

the best that will happen is an already old and aged and tired mother will be saddled with taking care of grandchildren she resents

the worst is where it get very ugly and the children are passed around different friends and relative who will turn them into househelp, sexually abuse them and generally mess them up for life

the op himself had previously casually moved on, and wants the children the way a dog chases a car - with no clearcut plan for what to do once he has the children

GloriousGbola:
when most men say they are taking custody of children, what really happens is they outsource the children to other people to take care of. this is especially the case in the nigerian environment

the best that will happen is an already old and aged and tired mother will be saddled with taking care of grandchildren she resents

the worst is where it get very ugly and the children are passed around different friends and relative who will turn them into househelp, sexually abuse them and generally mess them up for life

the op himself had previously casually moved on, and wants the children the way a dog chases a car - with no clearcut plan for what to do once he has the children

His plan is for his aged mother to be their care givver, his girlfriend(s) can also chip in.😂😂😂

No mind these sour chickens, apply for joint custody sharp, sharp

Op rest! Nobody will give a man sole custody of female children when their mother is still alive and well.

No serious minded mother will release her 7 and 8 years old kids to her ex husband. Besides, they are too young for all that drama. I know your mom is behind you and telling you ''she will help you take care of them'', but trust me, they need your wife's more than you no their grandma now.
Pls, you can co parent if you both can't make the marriage work any more.

Uncle GloriousGbola and Aunty Mindlog are far too kind to be contributing on his threads knowing he wouldn't listen and open another.

Mindlog:
His plan is for his aged mother to be their care givver, his girlfriend(s) can also chip in.😂😂😂

He's a dunce.

In 20 years' time, he'll come on NL to wonder why his daughters don't like him in his old age.

He's still refusing to take good advice. He's waiting for people to continue telling him "na MAN you be! Seize dem! Punish that bvtch!! You'll be driving in your prado jeep, see her on the road looking wretched, splash her poto-poto water and be laughing with your beautiful new babe!!".

Reality is always much more painful and regret gets worse with each passing year.

Just a shame. I pity the poor little girls.

Seeing as they getting close to 10 years of age, OP do you have any plans to coach them through puberty? Guide them through getting their 1st periods, prevent unwanted teenage pregnancy, protect them from possible sexual abuse and adolescence wahala?

I’m not saying a single dad can’t do these things. But you have to be willing to learn before you can teach.

what are your plans to tackle these issues? Do you know how a period works? What are you going to teach them about it? Do you know how to count one’s cycle? Do you know how women choose sanitary products and how to use them? Would you be able to recognize normal versus abnormal cycles and when a medical intervention might be warranted?

Leave your kids where they are now. Support them via your ex-wife and learn all you can about raising daughters on your own. Then seek shared custody. Your kids need both parents whether they together or not.

Get off Nairaland and solve your problem outside of this forum.

Maybe it is paranoia

But Ican never release a girl child to stay with the father when we have parted ways


Idont trust that gender

cococandy:
Seeing as they getting close to 10 years of age, OP do you have any plans to coach them through puberty? Guide them through getting their 1st periods, prevent unwanted teenage pregnancy, protect them from possible sexual abuse and adolescence wahala?

I’m not saying a single dad can’t do these things. But you have to be willing to learn before you can teach.

what are your plans to tackle these issues? Do you know how a period works? What are you going to teach them about it? Do you know how to count one’s cycle? Do you know how women choose sanitary products and how to use them? Would you be able to recognize normal versus abnormal cycles and when a medical intervention might be warranted?

Leave your kids where they are now. Support them via your ex-wife and learn all you can about raising daughters on your own. Then seek shared custody. Your kids need both parents whether they together or not.

Get off Nairaland and solve your problem outside of this forum.

He won't get off Nairaland, he will constantly create threads on the same issue every Eke market day and call on the moderators to take it to the frontpage for " wider view and inputs"......he is all about attention-seeking and get his highs from his threads, never about their daughters.

Mindlog:
He won't get off Nairaland, he will constantly create threads on the same issue every Eke market day and call on the moderators to take it to the frontpage for " wider view and inputs"......he is all about attention-seeking and get his highs from his threads, never about their daughters.

if this guy exists - one day his wife might find his threads and use them as evidence against him

the guy has detailed his entire saga with a trail a blind man could follow

Mindlog:
He won't get off Nairaland, he will constantly create threads on the same issue every Eke market day and call on the moderators to take it to the frontpage for " wider view and inputs"......he is all about attention-seeking and get his highs from his threads, never about their daughters.

He really doesn't want to be a father or a husband. From the get-go, it was obvious. Especially when you realise he ended his marriage over a flimsy reason and deliberately made a mountain of a molehill. He wanted freedom to play a single man and only wakes up from his irresponsibility and remembers his children in between young, naive babes

He just doesn't want to admit it. Whenever hes judged in real life by people who see through his ruse of pretending to be responsible, he rushes here to sew thread and get his ego stroked that "he's not a foo.l, he's a MAN, he's amazing and that woman is evil".

Let one young girl start giving him sympathy in real life i
or even here, he'll quickly point her to these threads as proof he is a "loving father" whilst removing her pant.

And she will foolishly believe him and get chopped until a wise person points out his inconsistencies.

If he truly wanted reconciliation and his family back, he would have been sitting down in his in-laws parlour by now, making amends.

He could have spent Christmas with his family and be reconciled by Easter 2025.

Nope, by then he'll have another "virgin" (young, naive) babe in his bed and when they break up, he'll resurface to sew thread about getting his daughters back.

I sincerely pray for his ex-wife, may she meet a responsible man who will love her enduringly and committedly. May her life and new relationship be blessed.

Samantha125:
Leave those children with their mother, every girl child needs her mother more than anything.

You can instead fight for a joint custody of them and they can come to your place on weekends while they spend weekdays with their mother.

Because chances are if you get full custody of them, you will also use them to get back at their mother while most of the time you will be leaving them with their grandmother as if they don't have a mother.

How will he use them to get back at her?

How much is she contributing, will she even send anytin to the kids if they are with the father

He will surely stop their mother from seeing them while leaving them in the care of an elderly woman who probably needs care herself and from what I've read here, apparently he even stopped supporting the children financially just to get back at their mother.

So which contribution are you talking about and how do you think the children have been surviving since their father decided to transfer his beef with their mother to them by cutting them off financially?

Mercylike:
How will he use them to get back at her?

How much is she contributing, will she even send anytin to the kids if they are with the father

This is like the sixth or seventh thread you've created on this same issue.

An irredeemable narcissist

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to you all and compliment of the season.We will all witness the new year coming. pls house, I need advice and opinion especially from single fathers either divorced, widowed. I have been separated from my wife for 2 years now and my two daughters age 8 and 7yrs had been with my ex wife ever since. It has gotten to the stage that she is now using the kids to get back at me by denying me access to them and also manipulate me, the greatest mistake I made was letting her took my kids away cos at that time I was emotionally down due to what lead to us separating and couldn't make a sound judgement at the moment.

Now my decision now is that I want to take custody of my daughters, for now I have my mom with me and also myself to take care of them while they are with me, all I just need is what are the prons and cons of being a single father and taking care of your kids as the man alone. what challenging's will I face in doing this so I can prepare my mind mentally and psychologically for the challenge ahead. Though I prefer the kids being with their mom and I take responsibility but the fact that she is using them to get back at me is annoying and frustrating reason why I want to make this move now so am going to be free from her manipulation.

Pls experienced single fathers raising their kids alone, which is better, letting the kids be with her while she use them as bait to get back at me or I should take their custody and raise them myself. I want them to finish up this school term and make the move. Your input and advice will be valuable and appreciated and pls if you don't have anything valuable to say or to criticize as some does here, kindly ignore and move. Pls mod, kindly move to FP for wider view and inputs

You did not make any mistake, kids are better off staying with their mums. Just make sure they feel your present in their lives. Give them more time, they will be the ones disturbing their mum to come and see their lovely dad.

Good morning everyone and happy Sunday.please i have a friend that is having an issue and he needs you people’s opinion on how to go about it.around 2020 he met a girl that he wanted to marry and at a point she got pregnant before the pregnancy she was sleeping with different men,which he later release from her chats with different men,later on she apologized and promised that she has changed,they went to her village to see her people but he didn’t pay the bride price and when they came back to abuja she continued with sleeping with different men while pregnant and he eventually caught her and immediately said he said is not marrying again.

during the pregnancy he gives her money to take care of herself until she put to birth,during the child bearing he bought everything for the child bearing and pays all her bills.at a point the girl’s family got fade up and told him that since there daughter doesn’t want to change if he sees someone better he should go ahead and marry.which he did around 2022.then one day she posted suicide note threatening to kill her self and the child.which he involved police and they rescued her from the suicide.he later realized that she was using the pregnancy to extort money from 3 different men,telling them that they are the father of her child.he realized last year when he went to visit the child,I think he had a confrontation with one of the man and the man said everything,immediately he took the child for a dna luckily for him he was the father and he is the one paying the child fees,child clothing,house rent and he gives her 200k every month for the child’s feeding and she also collects money from the other men.


Last year he gave her 5m to start up a business around 2023 so that she can be using it to take care of the boy which she went and bought a car that she is not driving but yet he is still giving her the 200k every month.one of the said father is threatening that if he doesn’t have the child no body will that when he comes back to Nigeria that heaven will get loose because he stay in America and this guy threatening all this,his cousin is living with her and the child because the said cousin begged her that he is having a house issue.


And my friend has never been disturbed because of the age limit,his child just clocked 4 years you know considering Nigerian rigorous court processes,but now we realized that she smokes loud and all manner of smoke in the child’s presence and bring different men to the house and also sleeps with women in the same house,that is she practices lesbianism and we are afraid she would influence the little child and my friend has video evidences of all this practices and the evil she does and also has a chat she had with different men where she was telling them that they are the father of the child and why they should send money for the child’s upkeep.
Sometimes



the school authority will call my friend that the child is still in school and once my friend calls his wife she will immediately run to go and pick the child and most times the child goes to school from his house and is the wife that normally take her own child and the boy to school.his fear now is this,her younger sister that was staying with her always call my friend to go and retrieve his child before she spoil him,because of her attitude her people came and carried their younger sister staying with her and little girl always tell my friend how her elder sister brings in different girls and men to sleep in there house and the girl should be about 12 or 13 years old.so he is thinking of involving human right and his wife said he should try and retrieve the child before things go bad because his wife loves the child the way she loves her own son.

Goshen5:
➜ during the pregnancy he gives her money to take care of herself until she put to birth,during the child bearing he bought everything for the child bearing and pays all her bills.at a point the girl’s family got fade up and told him that since there daughter doesn’t want to change if he sees someone better he should go ahead and marry. which he did around 2022.then one day she posted suicide note threatening to kill her self and the child.which he involved police and they rescued her from the suicide. he later realized that she was using the pregnancy to extort money from 3 different men,telling them that they are the father of her child. he realized last year when he went to visit the child,I think he had a confrontation with one of the man and the man said everything, immediately he took the child for a dna luckily for him he was the father and he is the one paying the child fees, child clothing,house rent and he gives her 200k every month for the child’s feeding and she also collects money from the other men.
➜ Last year he gave her 5m to start up a business around 2023 so that she can be using it to take care of the boy which she went and bought a car that she is not driving but yet he is still giving her the 200k every month. one of the said father is threatening that if he doesn’t have the child no body will that when he comes back to Nigeria that heaven will get loose because he stay in America and this guy threatening all this, his cousin is living with her and the child because the said cousin begged her that he is having a house issue.
➜And my friend has never been disturbed because of the age limit,his child just clocked 4 years you know considering Nigerian rigorous court processes,but now we realized that she smokes loud and all manner of smoke in the child’s presence and bring different men to the house and also sleeps with women in the same house,that is she practices lesbianism and we are afraid she would influence the little child and my friend has video evidences of all this practices and the evil she does and also has a chat she had with different men where she was telling them that they are the father of the child and why they should send money for the child’s upkeep.
➜ Sometimes the school authority will call my friend that the child is still in school and once my friend calls his wife she will immediately run to go and pick the child and most times the child goes to school from his house and is the wife that normally take her own child and the boy to school. his fear now is this,her younger sister that was staying with her always call my friend to go and retrieve his child before she spoil him,because of her attitude her people came and carried their younger sister staying with her and little girl always tell my friend how her elder sister brings in different girls and men to sleep in there house and the girl should be about 12 or 13 years old.so he is thinking of involving human right and his wife said he should try and retrieve the child before things go bad because his wife loves the child the way she loves her own son.

Why blame the courts for your friend's hesitation? Why has he refused to legally claim the child and even fight for custody(even if shared) before now? He is not married to the woman, so he would need to claim custody to get the child admitted as his own. And according to you, your friend currently has a wife now, which may be another reason for complications in this. So, what exactly does your friend want and why he has refused to go to the courts to file a suit for it up until now?

Goshen5,

He needs a Family Lawyer.

What I can recall is that because they're not married, legally child belongs to the Mother. However, if he has the DNA and can prove he is a very active stable parent (financially, morally) and had enough evidence of his Baby Mama's lifestyle (sleeping around with men and women isn't a crime but smoking drugs is and then the possibility that her lifestyle may expose to the child to pedophiles)...

...he should be able to fight for custody.

And since she likes money and a fast lifestyle, he can offer a humongous amount of money and get lawyer to draft sole custody agreement with visitation rights for her. Dunno if that will work so that's why you ask a Lawyer for all options.