₦airaland Forum

Tallesty1:
Be nice



He's been through a lot 😂 😂

Indeed he has. There is a possible case of resentment or unfillment on her part. Which makes it worse, because hating and punishing the man you lay with for 10years is plain witchcraft. You can choose to leave, but I guess OP is her retirement plan.

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!.....

@OP, I am all for immediate separation from that toxic environment for you and your kids. Your post suggests you have been traumatized by it all, do you ever wonder how your kids have been dealing with it all? Please consider separating from her until you both have been to marriage counseling and figured out the best way forward for the marriage and the two of you.

Marriage no be by force!

pocohantas:
Indeed he has. There is a possible case of resentment or unfillment on her part. Which makes it worse, because hating and punishing the man you lay with for 10years is plain witchcraft. You can choose to leave, but I guess OP is her retirement plan.

Or maybe the guy did something to her, something so bad that he feels he deserves the punishment.

Because why will someone he loves treat him this bad for 10 solid years and he keeps trying? Dey gum him?

Dude has been suffering for the past ten years, that's around the same time Buhari became president 😔 😔.

He's a strong man.

Tallesty1:
➜Or maybe the guy did something to her, something so bad that he feels he deserves the punishment. Because why will someone he loves treat him this bad for 10 solid years and he keeps trying? Dey gum him? Dude has been suffering for the past ten years, that's around the same time Buhari became president 😔 😔. He's a strong man.

Did the children also do something bad to her to deserve the same punishment? Na the children wey dey in the middle of the toxicity suffer pass...

I was lucky enough to dodge the bullet; but op married my heartless ex!
Ten years of dying slowly. Man you're a walking dead!
It's a mental disorder, and trust me she's not cheating.
Someone who's mentally lazy and irresponsible, you now add the misfortune of making her care for your kids?!
She's only not talking to you now, wait until she stab you/kid in the heart for complicating her selfish life - good riddance to her life's obstacle!
All these signs are there when dating but her beauty always becloud peoples' better judgement.
There are 24hours in a day, you're hardly living 6!
How did you even manage to achieve anything in life when your better half is busy sabotaging you?

Tallesty1:
Or maybe the guy did something to her, something so bad that he feels he deserves the punishment.

Because why will someone he loves treat him this bad for 10 solid years and he keeps trying? Dey gum him?

Dude has been suffering for the past ten years, that's around the same time Buhari became president 😔 😔.

He's a strong man.

Hahahahaha! In addition to enduring Buhari and Tinubu, he has to endure his wife with the heart of Nebuchadnezzar + Pharaoh.

10yrs is too long to act this way.
Forgiveness is a virtue. Once you date someone that likes keeping malice, don't attempt marriage with them. Just run...

Kobojunkie:
Did the children also do something bad to her to deserve the same punishment? Na the children wey dey in the middle of the toxicity suffer pass...

People hurt themselves to hurt others

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!

She is doing all these because she believes she knows you so much and you will never dare try to separate from her. Whatever you are passing through, the kids are passing through more than twice that.

Have her sit down and tell her you are tired of her behavior and the marriage, it is apparent there is no more love in the relationship and you are being tortured at this point.

Your mental health is very sacrosanct and we have only one life to live, as for intimacy, I got myself a beautiful girlfriend on the outside. wifey has been begging for intimacy for almost a month and I am the one turning her down. I never call her when outside and hardly pick her calls. Life is not supposed to be this hard and mine has not done 20% of what your wife is putting you through.

I cant put a roof over your head and be treated shabbily.

I have a policy of never reporting to in-laws, we are both adults and if we cannot figure ourselves out, then it is better we separate and go separate ways. Last night, my side girl even presented me with very beautiful designer shoes as a Christmas gift and I was surprised. It was an amazing night and I always feel like a king whenever I am with her.

When some ladies have kids for you and have stayed with you for about 10 years, they believe they can get away with any behavior and try to test the boundaries with their husbands. I do not take nonsense and am not afraid of a divorce and I welcome living alone, we will split the kids and they will be fine. As a matter of fact, I never talk with her in-laws and never pick their calls.

Your choice to make, you can continue living a miserable life, have high blood pressure and die one day or, take your life into your hands. We all live once and then die.

You said something about the kids passing through what I am passing through twice.
I deliberately did nit write this on the initial post
The eldest child once aske me what I was thinking when I married someone like this
NB
We live oversea now.

pocohantas:
Hahahahaha! In addition to enduring Buhari and Tinubu, he has to endure his wife with the heart of Nebuchadnezzar + Pharaoh.

10yrs is too long to act this way.
Forgiveness is a virtue. Once you date someone that likes keeping malice, don't attempt marriage with them. Just run...

God be with them abeg.


Their case tire me

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!

She is doing all these because she believes she knows you so much and you will never dare try to separate from her. Whatever you are passing through, the kids are passing through more than twice that.

Have her sit down and tell her you are tired of her behavior and the marriage, it is apparent there is no more love in the relationship and you are being tortured at this point.

Your mental health is very sacrosanct and we have only one life to live, as for intimacy, I got myself a beautiful girlfriend on the outside. wifey has been begging for intimacy for almost a month and I am the one turning her down. I never call her when outside and hardly pick her calls. Life is not supposed to be this hard and mine has not done 20% of what your wife is putting you through.

I cant put a roof over your head and be treated shabbily.

I have a policy of never reporting to in-laws, we are both adults and if we cannot figure ourselves out, then it is better we separate and go separate ways. Last night, my side girl even presented me with very beautiful designer shoes as a Christmas gift and I was surprised. It was an amazing night and I always feel like a king whenever I am with her.

When some ladies have kids for you and have stayed with you for about 10 years, they believe they can get away with any behavior and try to test the boundaries with their husbands. I do not take nonsense and am not afraid of a divorce and I welcome living alone, we will split the kids and they will be fine. As a matter of fact, I never talk with her in-laws and never pick their calls.

Your choice to make, you can continue living a miserable life, have high blood pressure and die one day or, take your life into your hands. We all live once and then die.

easy maaaan

Tallesty1:
Or maybe the guy did something to her, something so bad that he feels he deserves the punishment.

Because why will someone he loves treat him this bad for 10 solid years and he keeps trying? Dey gum him?

Dude has been suffering for the past ten years, that's around the same time Buhari became president 😔 😔.

He's a strong man.

and her family also did the same thing to her .

do you know we relocated overseas, because of this constant fight with her family and known friends. I was reluctant relocating oversea because I had a good job, and she barely had a job, I tot coming over here will make her better, but Nigeria was just a childs play compared to now. Well, let me just say that every year has been progressively worse, even in Nigeria, every year was worse than the previous, so it may not be the over sea thing, it is just the natural progress

Thinkingtru:
You said something about the kids passing through what I am passing through twice. I deliberately did nit write this on the initial post The eldest child once aske me what I was thinking when I married someone like this
NB We live oversea now.

Just so you know, the problem here isn't just your wife but you. You claim you have been playing endurance husband for 10 years all while neglecting the mental and emotional wellbeing of your children. You are part and parcel of the problem that is your marriage today. So, my question is what do you plan to do? Endure for yet another year while waiting for... I don't know... an award of some sort to arrive in the mail maybe by then?

Thinkingtru:
You said something about the kids passing through what I am passing through twice.
I deliberately did nit write this on the initial post
The eldest child once aske me what I was thinking when I married someone like this
NB
We live oversea now.

Me too I live oversea. I can perfectly imagine what you are passing through. Your home should be your sanctuary, a shield from all the craziness outside. Overseas is even worse as it is hard for you to socialize and make friends outside so everything you got is in your home. I have put for sale every properties jointly owned, separated all the bank accounts. We only live once my friend.

Kobojunkie:
So, the woman is a dog and her husband is her owner? This is 2025 we dey enter so... you people need to begin saving yourselves for the sake of your unborn children who will at some point have to consider whether you are worth saving or not. 😩😩😩😩

If a parable is explained for someone, it means the bride price of the mother was a waste.

jay0:
➜If a parable is explained for someone, it means the bride price of the mother was a waste.

A parable as told by an imbe_cile, right? Because obviously, you don't seem to know what a parable is.

And you get mind call her your wife? Even stonecold roommates don't behave like to his.

mrblessed:
And you get mind call her your wife? Even stonecold roommates don't behave like to his.

but I cant call her anything else

This brutal. why are we like this

ultimately, you just have to man up and do the needful

Thinkingtru:
and her family also did the same thing to her .

do you know we relocated overseas, because of this constant fight with her family and known friends. I was reluctant relocating oversea because I had a good job, and she barely had a job, I tot coming over here will make her better, but Nigeria was just a childs play compared to now. Well, let me just say that every year has been progressively worse, even in Nigeria, every year was worse than the previous, so it may not be the over sea thing, it is just the natural progress

Bro, I say this with all the sense of brotherly love and respect.

You're a big fool.

If she had the job you had, and you had no job, would she have agreed to relocate?

RecentHistory:
Bro, I say this with all the sense of brotherly love and respect.

You're a big fool.

If she had the job you had, and you had no job, would she have agreed to relocate?

Oga , fear God ohhhh. easy. Life is not as easy as ABCD

Admin, please kindly help move to front page.
Thanks

Thinkingtru:
I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve suggested everything from counselling to involving family members, but she refused.
She gets angry with everyone, even the children over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back.
There was a time when I confronted her about this behaviour. I told her about the missed calls, which were clearly logged on her phone. Instead of acknowledging it, she flared up and denied ever missing my calls.

I have been battling this behaviour for over 10 years, intimacy is gone, we have intimacy inly when she wants.
For the past three weeks I had to go for a work based training course for managerial promotion.

She always says she is busy when I call. She usually does this even when I am at home. Even when she picks up, there is so much noise—cracking of utensils and other sounds, she always make sure the discussion can not hold, if I tell her to let me know when she is free she usually says she is never free. Even when I go to her to start a conversation , for example when she is just sitting, she will suddenly start playing games on her phone, and when I try to tell to try and focus on the discussion she will say that, I can leave and that she does not listen with her hands.

Even when I call, or told her to call me anytime of the day that she is free, but she usually says there is never a time she is free. She tells me that if I cannot talk, I should hang up. When I call at night, she does not pick up and never returns my calls. If I call during the day, she is always in a hurry to end the conversation because she either wants to get some sleep or has something else to attend to.
For all these, her mum and her aunt have been involved in the issue, but they can not really talk to her, they are scared of her, infact , these are the two only two people that she barely communicates with as at now because her siblings , cousins and all have all kept their distance,
These past days, I reached out to her mom and uncle once again This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her to make her see how the marital disharmony was impacting all of us, including the kids. After I finished speaking, she didn’t say a word. I waited and tried to encourage her to respond, but she later said that if I was done talking, she had other things to do and a headache. That was all she said.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance.

She may be going through a psychological situation that has affected her ability to relate well, especially with you

Was she like this before you married her, if yes then nothing can be done and it can even get harder as she grows

Was it after marriage that all these things started showing up, then she is having a rough time running the hose. You didn't mention if she is a working class woman and you didn't mention if she has a leave in maid or house help assisting her at home as house help

Having said all that I will suggest you book a vacation for her, in a resort within Lagos if you stay in Lagos or any other places you know in Nigeria. One week vacation will be fine, give her enough money to enjoy her vacations and if they serve food there, let her be served all her meals

Let her go there and have some rest then you can join her midway, stay with her and use that opportunity to discuss heart to heart talk with her to know if her case is trauma, frustration, depression or psychiatric.

Baronthecelebri:
Stupid SIMP, divorce that bastard

Only way...

LordIsaac:
Some of the things he wrote up there ought to have been thrashed before marriage. Women are like children; if they know that you are a no nonsense man no matter how much you are in love with them, they conform. I make it clear to any woman I am in a relationship with that, the same respect you would accord your father, is what I must get from you. Some bend their wills to adhere to these principles immediately because they love me; others would try me multiple times especially when we are playing and laughing, for which I immediately call them to order. You make the kind of woman you want before you say "I do," not afterwards! Quote me daily, twice on Sundays.

lol

Oga have you been able to remedy the situation. Can you update us

Thinkingtru:
Admin, please kindly help move to front page.
Thanks

Can you send me an email? Your matter need more mature minds to advise you.

Thinkingtru

Has she ever seen a psychologist or a psychiatrist before?

Sit her down, tell her:

"You're hurting me. You're hurting the kids. You're hurting yourself. This all needs to stop. We are going to book an appointment with a psychologist and each go for Individual Counselling. After that, Joint Counselling. Depending on the results, either we do Marriage Counselling or Divorce Counselling". Yes, Divorce counselling and Mediation exists abroad now.

It is not a request, it should be a demand.

If she refuses, start making plans to leave. Speak to a lawyer. Speak to the kids (without blaming her or making them take sides), you'll need to find out if you're going for full custody. Yes, you can get it if you prove she's hurting them mentally.

10 years is a long time and none of this is normal.

Please, don't let any of us diagnose her with any nonsense medical condition. We haven't met her, we only have your word for how she behaves. She needs to get professional help, so do you. Only then can you guys get an answer.

Praying for you, and your family.

gaby:
"Love Spark, Vanish(ing)" Produced, marketed, and distributed by Chico Ejiro.

You can attempt to salvage this if only you'd both put in the effort to get humble and identify where it all began to go south.

Otherwise, for the sake of your sanity and lives, separation or divorce isn't particularly a crime.

I hope you find a way to peacefully resolve this.

People mention separation or divorce casually ut in reality its not that simple.. especially when children are involved.