₦airaland Forum

Curtis03360:
My father has 3 wives though in a polygamous home relate to this?

Dreamhans1:
I thought you guys normally chant that polygamy is good

Curtis03360:
My father has 3 wives though one already left him but there is this silent hatred from the first wife children towards us the other wives children, they are older and more successful than the rest(we are just finding our feet). This hatred is also greatly directed at our father who they belittle and humiliate every chance they get. They also prefer to help extended family and friends than to help us even when it’s glaring we need help, they would never put you on opportunities that might help change life or bring food to our table but they are always quick to extend their helping hand to outsiders…….So I just feel maybe that’s their coping mechanism for their father having an extra woman with their mother as same thing is playing out in my friend family whose father has 2 wives. Does anyone in a polygamous home relate to this?

Karleb:
People glorify polygamy because it suits men but do you know why a lot of men in this new age wouldn't touch it?

It's not worth the stress. Even many Muslims are monogamous to the core.

Isokoson:
I no even the gbado men way dey marry more than one wife, Las Las e dey bring hatred, I know of a family, the second wife daughter is my dear friend, nah only the girl graduate for that family, she dey do well, before we go say Jack Robinson, she come dey misbehave, dey drink, and come dey get mental issues, Las Las her dad first wife later admit that nah she kill the girl.. Because she die... She kill her out of jealousy....

LandMann:
Na entitlement mentality dey worry you.

You need to use bleach to wash entitlement off your brain and mindset in this life else you'll never make it.

Once you realise nobody owes you anything, you will double your efforts and look for every possible means to make it on your own.

I don't know how old you are but I pray you're still below 25 and you have acquired tertiary education. Otherwise you setting yourself up for major failure in life by constantly thinking your older step siblings ought to help you in one way or another to succeed.

Why don't you be the successful one who others look onto for help? Are you disabled?

Go and hustle bro... acquire better skills and make your own money... Put in the hardwork and build your wealth gradually.

There's no shortcut to success... Putting your eyes in your step siblings wealth is greediness and wanting to take shortcut to success. The end result is never good.

Again, get rid of the entitlement mentality that is beclouding your judgement

Neptunium:
Stop feeling entitled. The first wife's children are not obligated to help you and the other kids. You're also not a kid. You're a married man with a family of your own. Go work and leave your stepsiblings be.

For their father to marry two more wives after their mom means he probably neglected them and they had to find their own way but you now want to reap where you didn't sow.

Onegai:
Your step siblings owe you nothing.

It would have been nice if they like you guys, but your existence came at a high price to their mother.

All blame lies on your father, a married man who was entitled and cheated, and your mother, who decided to join a married man to cheat.

Face these 2 squarely. Leave traumatised children who grew up into traumatised adults alone, in peace.

And for the rest of y'all: Polygamy never pays.
Even the so-called Happy ones, it took decades of fighting and forgiveness to calm everywhere.

dkidd:
It's very wrong to call him a liar... U were never with him or know his family. I grew up from a polygamous home myself with 5 wives my mom is the second legally married woman and I'm her first child. Everything was fine and we the kids were very close even after my mom left the arrangements because of fear for her life when I was still just around 8. I became kind of withdrawn missing my mom and my grades suffered cos I was always a very brilliant kid until I started struggling with positions on 11-9th. My dad was doing very well so those on the outside wouldn't know what's going on inside. When I was in secondary school only the first wife was at home. One went to the west, mine to the North the third wasn't Nigerian and she stayed in the same city but a different house with her kids until she took ran back to the US much later for fear of losing her life cos of the woman in the main house, the other two were the same in different houses. It was still all good as we were all very close until my senior secondary school years I had become so tough on the streets even as a supposed ajebutter U wouldn't dare mess with me no jokes I had access to registered guns and I was never scared to use it. I noticed my step mom started dividing us the kids. The hatred grew up to even the house helps and drivers could tell and sometimes when shiit would happen in their presence they would call me aside to advise me but I was the stubborn one never letting anyone oppress me. Those ones too were not spared cos she suspects everyone and everything so she sacks house helps every now and then. And I would get into conflicts with her she would inform her first son who was way older and he would look for ways to take it out on me but i never went down without a fight. It was hell as dad was mostly never around always out of state on business. It was never nice. All my elder siblings were always against me save for about 2 of them who could see through their mom's bs but then nothing they could do but watch me defend myself my whole life and when I got admission into the university I became more terrible than I ever could be. They couldn't oppress me directly anymore but still looked for ways to make me feel bad. I developed thick skin to the bs. One time one of my elder step bro did me wrong asw e were all in same university. My guys came to me to give them the go ahead. He was a very easy prey but I'm not stupid enough to do that and I changed it against them for even coming to me with that request. If U know how it is not growing up with Ur own mom but rather the one U call mom was an enemy I mean real enemy. She went to the point of doing diabolical stuffs but my head naturally dey strong and God dey fight for me. It's bs growing up in a polygamous setting. Because U had it easy doesn't mean the op is lying. Keep Ur shiit to urself and stop trying to make others look bad. I dey university when babalawo children who were friendly with me were always exposing how much my step mom was always coming to their dad with requests about me. Na me still dey here. She went blind after a while and even at that the wickedness never stop. My biggest enemy in my father's house then was my most eldest bro and before the mom turned their hearts against me in particular he was my best friend. Thought me a lot of things I know. From women to music to clothes and stuffs. Till now I don't relate with any of them except we see on big family occasions that's how deep it is even till now and the mom is still her usual evil self but a blind one. It's not even news as the whole neighborhood knows her attitude. Omor thank God for Ur own oo no come here say that guy dey lie if I tell U my own U nor go fit sleep na why I know say nothing fit end my life. What my eyes have seen from a very young age spiritually even my dad couldn't understand at some point when I was complaining to him but I thank God for my mom who always kept in touch and taught me about certain prayers that helped ease the pain cos I was fighting it my own way... Make we leave talk cos I go write a whole book on matters. My ruggedness na from the womb cos some when nor see half of wetin I see done run mental.

Curtis03360:
No one is saying they owe anyone shit but we’ve seen homes where they all look out for each other and about the trauma, it’s their mother to bear and if they want to share in her pains so be it…..same reason I said it could be their coping mechanism. I never needed their help nor would cause for it

Onegai:
It wasn't just their Mother who suffered, they suffered too.

Have you seen a man in infatuation and lust? He destroys everything to get the Other Woman. His wife will be in misery, his kids hurt and confused as he directs his entire attention to the Other Woman.

Imagine having a father who is angry at you that you want his attention to pay schoolfees, when he wants to be spending that money on a woman whose smiles mean everything to him now.

Imagine having a crying mother losing weight and sleep, as she watches her husband leave her. She's going to every church, mosque, looking for solutions. Her pain is great, she's lonely and heart-broken.

Meanwhile, your father is in a fog, happily kissing and dreaming of another woman. He's dressing for her, whenever you remind him of his existence, his face changes in annoyance (you are reality and he's in fantasy land).

When he gets the other woman pregnant, he's delighted and acts like this is his first child ever, his older kids are staring at him with the hurt, confused and pained eyes of emotionally abandoned kids. Their mother's sullen acceptance is their morning and night view.

And in all this, your father and that woman DON'T CARE about the pain they're inflicting, infact it makes their love sweeter.

That's exactly what happens in Affairs. And Affairs are what leads to Polygamy.

Yet, here you are, being callous and selfish, demanding affection from people. When your very existence reminds them of the horror they went through because your mother and father were wicked, selfish people. Your words certainly show you're your parents' child.

I grew up in a Polygamous home. At least my stepmother had the decency to apologise to my mum, decades after inflicting evil on her.

You don't owe them an apology. They don't owe you affection or even acknowledgement.

But put yourself in their shoes and always approach them with humility and empathy, rather than entitlement.

That was what worked for my stepsibling and my mother blessed him (he's still reaping that blessing till now). The rest collected the prayers of a broken-hearted woman and well...Karma doesn't ever forget an address.

Mariangeles:
Na wa O!

How were you able to overcome what you went through?
Would you say have healed?
Were/are you the only child of your mum?

No mind say I dey ask you plenty plenty question.

Curtis03360:
Our father took care of us all equally and made sure everyone has a fair share of education and we never lack for food nor clothes while growing up……we eat together as a family, no mother cooks separately and my father tries his best to be fair in whatever he does both in meting out punishments or in sharing gifts. I dunno why the innate hatred, the first wife never show hatred even though it’s in her heart and her children always act like we all cool at family social gatherings and functions but deep down they don’t like those who are not their mother’s children and would gladly render assistance to outsiders than help give their father’s children a push in their endeavors

Kobicove:
It's usually the mothers that instigate the hate and jealously among step siblings

Sterope:
Everyone will gaslight the children that it doesn't affect them

God forbid the man becomes am poorbecause years later and he doesn't have much to his name, people will then expect the first wife's children to bear his responsibilities of the other wives children because they have the same blood.

tanigororo:
There are ways stories are structured that you will know they are lies, ask any psychology

Onegai:
The man always ends up poorer than he should have been, because money he should have saved, he spent maintaining multiple homes.

Infidelity is expensive! It causes confusion.

Even King Solomon in the Bible, was confused and weak in his old age.

Even those Northerners, you don't want to know what happens in their families. You're just seeing pictures on social media, it's because we don't understand Hausa and move in their circles. Some of them will be in the same school yet not talk to each other during the term.

Curtis003360

By the time I was born, all the fights had ended. So I thought everything was nice and fair. As I grew up, I started hearing the horror stories. Now, I can't have any good memories of my father. And I feel sympathy for my stepmother because she apologised to my mother for the pain she caused us.

Kdut:
Prayers, God, meditation and just letting things go... I left home early. After I was done with everything academically. I only stayed one year to handle a section of one of my dad's businesses cos he insisted and there was good money for me so I did it but after a year I left the city for good.
Yes I do believe I have
Nope but I'm the first

Got locked out by an angry mod for a week

Neptunium:
We no practice polygamy in my family, mor0n. Go get a job! Nobody owes you anything.

Onegai:
It wasn't just their Mother who suffered, they suffered too.

Have you seen a man in infatuation and lust? He destroys everything to get the Other Woman. His wife will be in misery, his kids hurt and confused as he directs his entire attention to the Other Woman.

Imagine having a father who is angry at you that you want his attention to pay schoolfees, when he wants to be spending that money on a woman whose smiles mean everything to him now.

Imagine having a crying mother losing weight and sleep, as she watches her husband leave her. She's going to every church, mosque, looking for solutions. Her pain is great, she's lonely and heart-broken.

Meanwhile, your father is in a fog, happily kissing and dreaming of another woman. He's dressing for her, whenever you remind him of his existence, his face changes in annoyance (you are reality and he's in fantasy land).

When he gets the other woman pregnant, he's delighted and acts like this is his first child ever, his older kids are staring at him with the hurt, confused and pained eyes of emotionally abandoned kids. Their mother's sullen acceptance is their morning and night view.

And in all this, your father and that woman DON'T CARE about the pain they're inflicting, infact it makes their love sweeter.

That's exactly what happens in Affairs. And Affairs are what leads to Polygamy.

Yet, here you are, being callous and selfish, demanding affection from people. When your very existence reminds them of the horror they went through because your mother and father were wicked, selfish people. Your words certainly show you're your parents' child.

I grew up in a Polygamous home. At least my stepmother had the decency to apologise to my mum, decades after inflicting evil on her.

You don't owe them an apology. They don't owe you affection or even acknowledgement.

But put yourself in their shoes and always approach them with humility and empathy, rather than entitlement.

That was what worked for my stepsibling and my mother blessed him (he's still reaping that blessing till now). The rest collected the prayers of a broken-hearted woman and well...Karma doesn't ever forget an address.

Mariangeles:
Honestly, overcoming what you went through, and not holding anything against your mum is commendable.
You don't seem like what you've been through.

Curtis03360:
He was wealthy when he dabbed into it, he recently went broke so I just feel his financial situation is a smoke screen and his children from his first marriage now see this as an opportunity to make him suffer and humiliate him. They will rather respect the men from their mother family than respect and support their father. That’s how bad he is having it from them

Curtis03360:
My father has 3 wives though one already left him but there is this silent hatred from the first wife children towards us the other wives children, they are older and more successful than the rest(we are just finding our feet). This hatred is also greatly directed at our father who they belittle and humiliate every chance they get. They also prefer to help extended family and friends than to help us even when it’s glaring we need help, they would never put you on opportunities that might help change life or bring food to our table but they are always quick to extend their helping hand to outsiders…….So I just feel maybe that’s their coping mechanism for their father having an extra woman with their mother as same thing is playing out in my friend family whose father has 2 wives. Does anyone in a polygamous home relate to this?

stacyadams:
Woman wey go enter as second wife,na she find problem