₦airaland Forum

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!

She is doing all these because she believes she knows you so much and you will never dare try to separate from her. Whatever you are passing through, the kids are passing through more than twice that.

Have her sit down and tell her you are tired of her behavior and the marriage, it is apparent there is no more love in the relationship and you are being tortured at this point.

Your mental health is very sacrosanct and we have only one life to live, as for intimacy, I got myself a beautiful girlfriend on the outside. wifey has been begging for intimacy for almost a month and I am the one turning her down. I never call her when outside and hardly pick her calls. Life is not supposed to be this hard and mine has not done 20% of what your wife is putting you through.

I cant put a roof over your head and be treated shabbily.

I have a policy of never reporting to in-laws, we are both adults and if we cannot figure ourselves out, then it is better we separate and go separate ways. Last night, my side girl even presented me with very beautiful designer shoes as a Christmas gift and I was surprised. It was an amazing night and I always feel like a king whenever I am with her.

When some ladies have kids for you and have stayed with you for about 10 years, they believe they can get away with any behavior and try to test the boundaries with their husbands. I do not take nonsense and am not afraid of a divorce and I welcome living alone, we will split the kids and they will be fine. As a matter of fact, I never talk with her in-laws and never pick their calls.

Your choice to make, you can continue living a miserable life, have high blood pressure and die one day or, take your life into your hands. We all live once and then die.

Which AI platform assisted you with this post? A troll wouldn't be this patient to compose such a long write up.

Sp1ritHusband:
Me too I live oversea. I can perfectly imagine what you are passing through. Your home should be your sanctuary, a shield from all the craziness outside. Overseas is even worse as it is hard for you to socialize and make friends outside so everything you got is in your home. I have put for sale every properties jointly owned, separated all the bank accounts. We only live once my friend.

I almost believed you.

RecentHistory:
Bro, I say this with all the sense of brotherly love and respect.

You're a big fool.

If she had the job you had, and you had no job, would she have agreed to relocate?

How do you reach a conclusion on someone else's decision and even call him a name?

FuckYeyeMods:
People mention separation or divorce casually ut in reality its not that simple.. especially when children are involved.

Stop using your children as an excuse to remain in what is obviously a toxic relationship. Those children would rather their parents be happy as individuals than miserable in marriage. Ask them, not use them!

Dogalmighty17:
Can you send me an email? Your matter need more mature minds to advise you.

YES,

We4all:
I almost believed you.

I am tired of fighting you nne. I want to be a new man 2025. I am thinking of opening a new church next year. What do you think?

We4all:
Which AI platform assisted you with this post? A troll wouldn't be this patient to compose such a long write up.

Why are you being mean to me? It's not fair at all and I feel very hurt by your comments. Now I need to look for somewhere private to cry.

Kobojunkie:
Stop using your children as an excuse to remain in what is obviously a toxic relationship. Those children would rather their parents be happy as individuals than miserable in marriage. Ask them, not use them!

I still maintain that it's because you're still single that's why you think some of those things are that simple.
Children are a bigger part of marriage, they're at a point the lifeline of many marriage.

FuckYeyeMods:
➜I still maintain that it's because you're still single that's why you think some of those things are that simple.
➜Children are a bigger part of marriage, they're at a point the lifeline of many marriage.

This is the typical lie the average marriage-obsessed brain tells. Most do not learn at all until divorce forcibly happens to them and at that point, they are filled with nothing else but regret... as if the signs were not there pointing them to the wise decisions before it all came crashing down.

2. Children are not toys... they have minds of their own. If only you would ask them, they can tell you whether they believe you are in fact doing any of what you claim for their sake or just for your egos. Stop using your children as an excuse to further your egotistical marital views/ideas; ask them what they want and allow them to express themselves to you honestly.

Kobojunkie:
This is the typical lie the average marriage-obsessed brain tells. Most do not learn at all until divorce forcibly happens to them and at that point, they are filled with nothing else but regret... as if the signs were not there pointing them to the wise decisions before it all came cra
shing down.

2. Children are not toys... they have minds of their own. If only you would ask them, they can tell you whether they believe you are in fact doing any of what you claim for their sake or just for your egos. Stop using your children as an excuse to further your egotistical marital views/ideas; ask them what they want and allow them to express themselves to you honestly.

Please, how do you Explain divorce to 7yo..
You have kids that run to their mum or dad to report.
The mum never seize to be there for her kids. The dad never seize to be there for the family.
Just one day, two adult will selfishly takeaway those joy of having dad and mum from the kids.

FuckYeyeMods:
➜Please, how do you Explain divorce to 7yo..
➜You have kids that run to their mum or dad to report.
➜The mum never seize to be there for her kids. The dad never seize to be there for the family.
➜Just one day, two adult will selfishly takeaway those joy of having dad and mum from the kids.

Is it that you have this thing in your head that 7-year-olds have some innate understanding of marriage abi wetin?🤔

The same way you go about explaining marriage to a 7-year-old is the same way you explain divorce to a 7-year-old. No one with an understanding or knowledge of these ideas unless it is explained to them in some way or manner.

As I speak, I am racking my brain on how to teach a child to ask for help more often than not; you would think this seemingly simple concept should come naturally to all but it doesn't at all. It is a learned behavior too!

2. There are also kids who don't run to any of them for fear that whatever issue they bring up would only cause their mum and dad to fall into another quarrel; these kids live anxious that another fight might break out if they were to open their mouths to share any of their concerns or hurts. 😐😐😐😐

3. Really? I just read a story on the front page of a mum throwing her 10-month-old into the river. And the story is that the dad was not there in the picture for that child.😏

4. How can a child living in an anxiety-riddled toxic environment be considered to have joy for Pete's sake? Na the anxiety which they cause that child's heart to run several times a day for fear that another fight might break out yet again be the joy abi na the panic that washes over then when they realize that this may be the day one of the parent's finally ends the other be the joy?

Kobojunkie:
Is it that you have this thing in your head that 7-year-olds have some innate understanding of marriage abi wetin?🤔

The same way you go about explaining marriage to a 7-year-old is the same way you explain divorce to a 7-year-old. No one with an understanding or knowledge of these ideas unless it is explained to them in some way or manner.

As I speak, I am racking my brain on how to teach a child to ask for help more often than not; you would think this seemingly simple concept should come naturally to all but it doesn't at all. It is a learned behavior too!

2. There are also kids who don't run to any of them for fear that whatever issue they bring up would only cause their mum and dad to fall into another quarrel; these kids live anxious that another fight might break out if they were to open their mouths to share any of their concerns or hurts. 😐😐😐😐

3. Really? I just read a story on the front page of a mum throwing her 10-month-old into the river. And the story is that the dad was not there in the picture for that child.😏

4. How can a child living in an anxiety-riddled toxic environment be considered to have joy for Pete's sake? Na the anxiety which they cause that child's heart to run several times a day for fear that another fight might break out yet again be the joy abi na the panic that washes over then when they realize that this may be the day one of the parent's finally ends the other be the joy?

Maybe we're different in the way we see things and the way we accept reality.
Sincerely, 90% of married men would have chosen their sanity and mental health over their wife as a bachelor.
Many wife's would have been long gone if its boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
Some men wouldn't even wait to test their patience or put more effort into the relationship before they will take to their heels.
But somehow, you have to tolerate your partner as she start to exhibit those hidden bad attitude which the next girl/wife might posses more.
Bro! When I was single, if I see my girl pant down with my friend, I can tell the friend to borrow me his room to service her too.
I really don't attach anything meaningful to all my relationships.
But once you're married and very little children are involved, the story becomes different.
Some men don't send the children including their mama, while some are family oriented people. The pity they have for vulnerable children is different.

FuckYeyeMods:
➜Maybe we're different in the way we see things and the way we accept reality. Sincerely, 90% of married men would have chosen their sanity and mental health over their wife as a bachelor. Many wife's would have been long gone if its boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Some men wouldn't even wait to test their patience or put more effort into the relationship before they will take to their heels. But somehow, you have to tolerate your partner as she start to exhibit those hidden bad attitude which the next girl/wife might posses more.
➜Bro! When I was single, if I see my girl pant down with my friend, I can tell the friend to borrow me his room to service her too. I really don't attach anything meaningful to all my relationships. But once you're married and very little children are involved, the story becomes different.
➜Some men don't send the children including their mama, while some are family oriented people. The pity they have for vulnerable children is different.

1. But somehow you have to tolerate what you see is toxic and detrimental to your very own emotional and mental wellbeing for what purpose? Where do you these men get this mandate of yours from? The gutters? 😩😩😩😩

2. But what has this to do with the fact which is that a toxic marriage is equally toxic to all of the children that are in the marriage relationship?

3. For children,

growing up in a toxic environment can severely impair a child's ability to regulate emotions, leading to issues such as heightened sensitivity or emotional numbness. Equally, constant exposure to conflict can instill a pervasive sense of insecurity and fear in children, manifesting as anxiety and heightened vigilance in other areas of life.

. So, when people say they are family-oriented, it is of no worth to any child if the environment is a toxic one. If you have ever wondered what growing up in toxic family homes can do to a population, you don't need to look any further than your Nigerian LGA, State or even the nation as a whole where majority of the children have grown into adults who are incapable successfully coming together at any level for the sake of their own and the progress of the collective.

Onegai:
Thinkingtru

Has she ever seen a psychologist or a psychiatrist before?

Sit her down, tell her:

"You're hurting me. You're hurting the kids. You're hurting yourself. This all needs to stop. We are going to book an appointment with a psychologist and each go for Individual Counselling. After that, Joint Counselling. Depending on the results, either we do Marriage Counselling or Divorce Counselling". Yes, Divorce counselling and Mediation exists abroad now.

It is not a request, it should be a demand.


If she refuses, start making plans to leave. Speak to a lawyer. Speak to the kids (without blaming her or making them take sides), you'll need to find out if you're going for full custody. Yes, you can get it if you prove she's hurting them mentally.

10 years is a long time and none of this is normal.

Please, don't let any of us diagnose her with any nonsense medical condition. We haven't met her, we only have your word for how she behaves. She needs to get professional help, so do you. Only then can you guys get an answer.

Praying for you, and your family.

Thanks, she has refused to . I captured everything in my post

Dogalmighty17:
Can you send me an email? Your matter need more mature minds to advise you.

I have sent you one

UPDATE

I sincerely want to thank you all for your kind support and contributions.

I’ve made another attempt to have a conversation with her, but unfortunately, there’s still no progress whatsoever. The kids have been asking about Christmas, and when they spoke to her, she said she doesn’t care and has more important things to do. They came back to me, and I tried to explain to her that, for the sake of the kids and the spirit of Christmas, we should at least communicate and make an effort to resolve things.

However, after I finished speaking, she simply walked away. I’m completely at a loss. The kids are looking to me for some excitement and joy this Christmas, and I’m struggling to find a way forward.

Thinkingtru:
UPDATE

I sincerely want to thank you all for your kind support and contributions.

I’ve made another attempt to have a conversation with her, but unfortunately, there’s still no progress whatsoever. The kids have been asking about Christmas, and when they spoke to her, she said she doesn’t care and has more important things to do. They came back to me, and I tried to explain to her that, for the sake of the kids and the spirit of Christmas, we should at least communicate and make an effort to resolve things.

However, after I finished speaking, she simply walked away. I’m completely at a loss. The kids are looking to me for some excitement and joy this Christmas, and I’m struggling to find a way forward.

Plan Christmas with the kids.

Ignore her for now.

Start making plans to leave in the New Year. Make plans for getting custody of the kids via the courts. Prepare that it may be a high conflict separation.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know your pain. Focus on healing, it will be hard and you'll fall apart several times. If you can find this handle on X, vickiscrafts, contact her and she'll link you up to me so we can talk offline.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Life is not fair. But the sun will rise on you and your children.

Thinkingtru:
I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve suggested everything from counselling to involving family members, but she refused.
She gets angry with everyone, even the children over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back.
There was a time when I confronted her about this behaviour. I told her about the missed calls, which were clearly logged on her phone. Instead of acknowledging it, she flared up and denied ever missing my calls.

I have been battling this behaviour for over 10 years, intimacy is gone, we have intimacy inly when she wants.
For the past three weeks I had to go for a work based training course for managerial promotion.

She always says she is busy when I call. She usually does this even when I am at home. Even when she picks up, there is so much noise—cracking of utensils and other sounds, she always make sure the discussion can not hold, if I tell her to let me know when she is free she usually says she is never free. Even when I go to her to start a conversation , for example when she is just sitting, she will suddenly start playing games on her phone, and when I try to tell to try and focus on the discussion she will say that, I can leave and that she does not listen with her hands.

Even when I call, or told her to call me anytime of the day that she is free, but she usually says there is never a time she is free. She tells me that if I cannot talk, I should hang up. When I call at night, she does not pick up and never returns my calls. If I call during the day, she is always in a hurry to end the conversation because she either wants to get some sleep or has something else to attend to.
For all these, her mum and her aunt have been involved in the issue, but they can not really talk to her, they are scared of her, infact , these are the two only two people that she barely communicates with as at now because her siblings , cousins and all have all kept their distance,
These past days, I reached out to her mom and uncle once again This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her to make her see how the marital disharmony was impacting all of us, including the kids. After I finished speaking, she didn’t say a word. I waited and tried to encourage her to respond, but she later said that if I was done talking, she had other things to do and a headache. That was all she said.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance.

I will tell u the Truth and the solution... But 1st let me ask these few highly important questions?

Didnt u date her b4 deciding to marry her?

if u did date her as expected, didn't u see all these rd flags or was she pretending or behaving totally different from how she's behaving now for the past 10years according to u.

People font just change, they give signs and signals of who exactly there are either clearly/fully or subtle/partly but they will show u who they are.


If u saw them what did u do about them? and why did u marry her knowing the potential troubles ahead?


Now to the truth, She has a unique personality and u must do ur homework to understand her personality, moods and most importantly her communication modes, likes and love language. These are the keys to effective communication and sane relationships or romance.

Going by ur description u like to talk and talk and she is more of less words and perhaps more actions so she cuts u off when ure going on and on like a broken cd repeating itself. She's also emotional intelligent or manipulative and u are not so she can read and predict u like a book and even play mind games with u while u keep stupidly or naively ranting, talking or begging. She knows exactly what she's doing .

Ure too much talking and "nagging like" conversation/calls low-key irritates her cos its not a style/mode of communication. And trust me she can talk when she meets someone who understands her modes.

u are not in control of ur sex life with her is another serious concern and for some people a looming disaster. its either uve forgotten her love language or u never knew her love language and she was just tolerating ur ignorance of her type cos she liked u for some strange reasons or was just ready or desperate to get married.

The key to a successful relationship/marriage is knowing... Know ur partner just like u know ur customers in business so u can satisfy them. Don't automatically think they must like u cos u are doing a business or in this case ur married to each other.

Married is not a destination or achievement it is a journey and constant work to make it what u want it to be. Work smart not hard and see gradual or even instant changes.

update

The kids are still worried about Christmas and the celebrations. I tried talking to my spouse again, for their sake. I apologized and told her that whatever the issue is, she should share it with me, but if she’s unable to, I hope she can forgive me so we can move forward. Yet, she said nothing. I’ve decided to let her be and focus on what I can do for the kids this Christmas.
I see divorce imminent, no fighting spirit left in me

UPDATE

Nothing has improved; everything is still the same. The children are frustrated and confused by her ongoing bitterness towards everyone. They’ve been asking me why she seems so unhappy and critical, rather than ever showing any happiness. Even when they try to interact with her, it doesn’t make a difference.

I’m doing all I can to keep things from falling apart, but it’s wearing me down. This feels like the breaking point. After ten years, it seems like we've finally reached the end of this struggle.

Thinkingtru:
UPDATE

Nothing has improved; everything is still the same. The children are frustrated and confused by her ongoing bitterness towards everyone. They’ve been asking me why she seems so unhappy and critical, rather than ever showing any happiness. Even when they try to interact with her, it doesn’t make a difference.

I’m doing all I can to keep things from falling apart, but it’s wearing me down. This feels like the breaking point. After ten years, it seems like we've finally reached the end of this struggle.

Honestly, I wish she would see a Dr or a Psychologist.

Nothing sounds normal. And I've heard some crazy stories like this, someone goes off the bend, gets meds and their life improves.