₦airaland Forum

I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

Personally I feel there is nothing wrong in this but then what do I know?Let's wait for the elders, we learn everyday.

Thank you for your honest response. I never thought I will find myself confused on a matter like this (feeling bad but unsure if I am supposed to feel bad). Marriage is full of weird situations, honestly.

sunnymighty:
Personally I feel there is nothing wrong in this but then what do I know?Let's wait for the elders, we learn everyday.

Your wife is not serious.
You are right to feel one type of way but it's nothing to loose sleep over. Not every gift is a hit. Don't let this become an issue in your home. My husband has bought me clothes that are nothing like what I would wear or several sizes too small. It happens. Laugh over it and move on.

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

You are right to feel the way you felt, but you shouldn't have expressed it that way...
Most times, ladies don't think as logically as men when ut comes to things like this.

Don't let that cause an issue... you beyond what you feel and look at the heart and thoughtfulness of her actions.

@Op, you are not wrong to feel somehow, I think to remedy the situation, your wife can approach the seller and plead with him/her to exchange it with another material. It just doesn't make sense for you and her brothers to wear same material. My thoughts!!

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

We have to be appreciative of a gift given by loved one, Irrespective of how we feel about it

Now to your own issue, I know that you appreciate the gift but having the feeling that it shouldn't be the same colours with her brothers, doesn't add up

You have a special place in her heart and so does her brothers too

So kindly erase that thought and sew your own cloth and wear it for her to see that it's beautiful on you and fits you

If you and your brother in law are going on same occasion with you, call them and you guys can wear same uniform, it's shows love and understanding

You can even take pictures together for memorial sake

Once we can remove pride from our life, everything will be equal for us and we move on well without feeling that you class and level is bigger than another

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

I've read everybody opinion
Guy organise a family and friends end of year party . Buy same aso ebi with some chains and rings (exactly the same ). Gift your wife one b4 , and gift 2 girls in her presence also (like your sisters, female friends etc ) then watch her reaction .
Start from there

Thank you for your deep understanding. I have been doing some thinking as well. Now I feel like I crushed her. I will sew it. Thanks again.

dawnomike:
You are right to feel the way you felt, but you shouldn't have expressed it that way...
Most times, ladies don't think as logically as men when ut comes to things like this.

Don't let that cause an issue... you beyond what you feel and look at the heart and thoughtfulness of her actions.

Thanks for your deep input, I will take correction. Even though I believe my earlier decision wasn't based on pride (na villager I be, and besides, all men are equal). I just felt mine should be unique. Thanks again. We learn everyday.

frozen70:
We have to be appreciative of a gift given by loved one, Irrespective of how we fill about it

Now to your own issue, I know that you appreciate the gift but having the feeling that it shouldn't be the same colours with her brothers, doesn't add up

You have a special place in her heart and so does his brothers too

So kindly erase that thought and sew your own cloth and wear it for her to see that it's beautiful on you

If you and your brother in law are going on same occasion with you, call them and you guys can wear same uniform, it's shows love and understanding

You can even take pictures together for memorial sake

Once we can remove pride from our life, everything will be equal for us and we move on well without feeling that you class and level is bigger than another

I felt the same way, seriously. But then, I am willing to focus on her pure intentions and perhaps, find a way to make her understand. But deep down, I hope the material gets changed. Let me wait till she calms.

Mumben:
@Op, you are not wrong to feel somehow, I think to remedy the situation, your wife can approach the seller and plead with him/her to exchange it with another material. It just doesn't make sense for you and her brothers to wear same material. My thoughts!!

Omo, it may not end well oh. Funny enough, she may not be too happy to see me do that. God bless our good ladies, they are one of a kind.
I would rather not test the bomb.

tobby20:
I've read everybody opinion
Guy organise a family and friends end of year party . Buy same aso ebi with some chains and rings (exactly the same ). Gift your wife one b4 , and gift 2 girls in her presence also (like your sisters, female friends etc ) then watch her reaction .
Start from there

Lol, funny you. Thanks for your input.

Mom007:
Your wife is not serious.
You are right to feel one type of way but it's nothing to loose sleep over. Not every gift is a hit. Don't let this become an issue in your home. My husband has bought me clothes that are nothing like what I would wear or several sizes too small. It happens. Laugh over it and move on.

To me it's nothing since the brothers are in the village and not in the same city with you. But
If u won't wear it, don't give it out so soon.....leave it for a long time before giving it out,by then she must have forgotten about it and won't feel bad.

That is how women are my brother.... My fiancée turned wife had given me some gifts that I just collected, said thank u and never used because I don't like them.


She has also given me many gifts I'm still using till date..

Be thankful that she was thoughtful to get u something.. Some people have never received any gifts from their spouse since they got married.

It's not pride to feel like you should be treated differently.

You are her husband and father of her child, why should she put u in the same crater as her siblings? And she already knows that u don't do uniform clothing.

It's a gift, granted, appreciate it but she should be reminded that you are her man.

If na me, it will just be in the wardrobe till she will use it to sew for herself.

Thanks bro. You're the real deal. I appreciate your deep understanding and input. Lesson well noted, boss.

ogashman:
To me it's nothing since the brothers are in the village and not in the same city with you. But
If u won't wear it, don't give it out so soon.....leave it for a long time before giving it out,by then she must have forgotten about it and won't feel bad.

That is how women are my brother.... My fiancée turned wife had given me some gifts that I just collected, said thank u and never used because I don't like them.


She has also given me many gifts I'm still using till date..

Be thankful that she was thoughtful to get u something.. Some people have never received any gifts from their spouse since they got married.

Omo, you dey vex oh. Funny you, I actually felt similarly. However, I am trying to avoid escalation here. Thanks bro, you na man weh dey dish am as e dey hot.

DonEd:
It's not pride to feel like you should be treated differently.

You are her husband and father of her child, why should she put u in the same crater as her siblings? And she already knows that u don't do uniform clothing.

It's a gift, granted, appreciate it but she should be reminded that you are her man.

If na me, it will just be in the wardrobe till she will use it to sew for herself.

Drama king spotted...😑😑😑

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

Ur wife no rate you above her brothers that's the simple Truth.

Just don't wear it, simple. That will send a strong message to her, but don't let it affect your marriage

My exact thoughts and feelings at first, and it still hurts. However, I am trying to get her to see it the way I do (she doesn't seem to understand for now, but she has been a very submissive wife). She took it and went out some minutes ago. I hope it gets changed.
It surely won't affect our marriage.

Thanks bro, you na strong man; battle-hardened.

OfficialP:
Ur wife no rate you above her brothers that's the simple Truth.

Just don't wear it, simple. That will send a strong message to her, but don't let it affect your marriage

Abi? Funny you. Well, men should also start having mood swings and all. It will be an interesting watch.
Thanks for your input.

Samantha125:
Drama king spotted...😑😑😑

frozen70:
We have to be appreciative of a gift given by loved one, Irrespective of how we fill about it

Now to your own issue, I know that you appreciate the gift but having the feeling that it shouldn't be the same colours with her brothers, doesn't add up

You have a special place in her heart and so does his brothers too

So kindly erase that thought and sew your own cloth and wear it for her to see that it's beautiful on you

If you and your brother in law are going on same occasion with you, call them and you guys can wear same uniform, it's shows love and understanding

You can even take pictures together for memorial sake

Once we can remove pride from our life, everything will be equal for us and we move on well without feeling that you class and level is bigger than another

Why is it that you people always come up with irritating takes when the person in the wrong is your gender?

How can we improve as a society if we keep blindly supporting our gender, even when they're clearly at fault?

You're buying an anniversary gift for your husband, and you decide to get the exact same material and color for your brothers?

As what exactly? If it were just a random gift, fine, we could argue it’s because they’re family. But an anniversary gift? Come on.

Personally, if I were the husband, that gift would go straight into the back of my closet, never to be worn. What kind of nonsense is that?

How would you react if your husband gives you an anniversary gift only for you to find out later that he bought the same thing for his mother and sisters?

Let’s stop making excuses for bad behavior and call things what they are.

Many men don't receive anything from their wives on their wedding anniversaries, but here you are being dramatic because of a piece of fabric...😑😑😑

Just return it back to her so that she can give it to any other man worthy of it.

Gagare1:
Abi? Funny you. Well, men should also start having mood swings and all. It will be an interesting watch.
Thanks for your input.

Gagare1:
I will make it brief, I hope.

Today is our six years wedding anniversary and my wife (a very good wife) decided to surprise me with a gift. She bought a material for me to sew native attire. Of course, she said I would have to settle the tailor charges when I get it made. No qualms. I was so excited and thankful. Then it came, she told me that she also bought exactly the same materials for her two elder brothers. My wife knows that I don't do anko (asoebi). Now I feel belittled and the gift looks more like a slap. I strongly feel that mine should not be the same with anyone else 's. That difference is key to me (even if mine is cheaper and of lower quality). I am her husband and the father of her child, not just any man. She has been my sole responsibility for the past six years and her first ever anniversary gift should not equate me to her brothers in the village.

I gently told her to at least change the color of mine, but she has been moody since, claiming that she bought it since November and kept it with the seller, she only collected it yesterday. God knows that I don't intend to use that material. I might just give it to her younger brother next time he visits.

For the matured men (my elders in marriage), please am I on the wrong here? I am open to honest responses.

I just feel that mine should be different, the price doesn't matter. The value for me is rooted in mine being different. I do things for my sister too, but never on the same level with my wife. Her's is always different to reflect her unique place in my life.

Sorry, not so brief after all.

You would be able to live longer, if you can be ignoring so many little-little things, most especially from your wife, close siblings and close friends.


I THINK FOR YOU TO BE IN MARRIAGE FOR SIX FULL YEARS WITH KIDS IN HALE & HEALTH, THE JOY IS SUPPOSED TO OVERSHADOW ANY MINOR MISTAKE THAT WIFE MIGHT HAVE DONE, BUT WHEN A MAN WANTS TO TAKE OUT MOUNTAIN FROM ANT'S HOLE, HE MUST ANGRY ON SLIGHTEST MISTAKE.

Fault-finding!

Okay You seem to have issues Ma'am. Well, knock yourself out, you are entitled to your opinion. Thanks for your input.

Samantha125:
Many men don't receive anything from their wives on their wedding anniversaries, but here you are being dramatic because of a piece of fabric...😑😑😑

Just return it back to her so that she can give it to any other man worthy of it.

How can someone buy the same gift for her husband and her two brothers and call it anniversary gift? Is she married to the three of them? Me I no understand o…

Well said bro, it is indeed a mole hill. That is why I was confused on how to feel about it. I got inputs from many matured minds with similar perspectives. We learn everyday. Thanks, you rock.

Fiscus105:
You will leave be able to live longer, if you can be ignoring so many little little things, most especially from your wife, close siblings and close friends.


I THINK FOR YOU TO BE IN MARRIAGE FOR SIX FULL YEARS WITH KIDS IN HALE & HEALTH, THE JOY IS SUPPOSED TO OVERSHADOW ANY MINOR THINGS THAT WIFE MIGHT HAVE DONE, BUT A MAN WANTS TO TAKE OUT MOUNTAIN FROM ANT HOLE, HE MUST ANGRY ON SLIGHTEST MISTAKE.

Sorry Op.
Sometimes you have to make concessions for people in order to have peace of mind. Don't expect everyone to think or act like you do all the time. You wife's intentions were honest, but delivery was poor.
Like the post above me said, sometimes you just have to ignore certain things from people who are close to us.
To some people, certain trivial things matter, others don't even give a damn. We must learn to balance and react to both in the life.

Truer words have been spoken. Thank you for your deep insights and input.
Your words exude maturity of the highest quality. Thanks again. We learn everyday.

Thordak:
Sorry Op.
Sometimes you have to make concessions for people in order to have peace of mind. Don't expect everyone to think or act like you do all the time. You wife's intentions were honest, but delivery was poor.
Like the post above me said, sometimes you just have to ignore certain things from people who are close to us.
To some people, certain trivial things matter, others don't even give a damn. We must learn to balance and react to both in the life.

Being with someone for 6 years is more than enough to know their likes and dislikes. Take this as a challenge to build your marriage and make it better.

ogashman:
To me it's nothing since the brothers are in the village and not in the same city with you. But
If u won't wear it, don't give it out so soon.. leave it for a long time before giving it out,by then she must have forgotten about it and won't feel bad.

Then you don't know women

Aptly put. Thank you for your insight. Lesson well noted. You're the bomb.

Acidosis:
Being with someone for 6 years is more than enough to know their likes and dislikes. Take this as a challenge to build your marriage and make it better.