₦airaland Forum

Na dumb question be this to be honest no offense.

Sirqt5:
See question! How were u to know? You didn't date and observe her before marriage? U didn't have to live together to know a woman is wife material. By dating n spending time together, u can make ur observations.

MadamVanessa:


While comparisons is bad and unfair, it's disturbing when a wife and a mother doesn't prioritize her family especially when it comes to something as basic as providing food.

Not showing concern for your husband's needs might be understandable maybe the husband is not living up to man's expectations in the marriage or he's a chronic cheat, hence her annoyance. I am just assuming not saying it's so. . However, it's harder to justify neglecting your own children's needs.

Thank you.

Some of contributors to this thread are not realistic and being unnecessary woke.

Like we have to agree during courtship that a wife will take care of her hone or have meaningful interactions with her children.

Most time, I am tired from work and have to go food shopping while she conveniently drives pass to go continue chatting with her friends or go be on Socio media looking for the next human hair.

BItt:
They both play different role and age

The roles are similar with respect to husband and kids.

Sirqt5:
See question! How were u to know?! See question! You didn't date and observe her before marriage? U didn't have to live together to know a woman is wife material. By dating n spending time together, u can make ur observations.

Dumb question. Do you fully know your brother you grew up with?

GboyegaD:
Now that you know, pick up the slacks. The kids are yours and not for one single person. So if you think she is not doing enough with respect to care for them, step in. No need comparing her with someone else.

So op is back from work, he has to ho to the market, cook food, feed the kids, wash plates and still provide for the family.

How some of una take reason is a big surprise to me.

Nigerian men are totally useless and to be avoided. If possible, use and discard them. Who even have their time?

Mtchewww!

TheGreatIyaebe:
Nigerian men are totally useless and to be avoided. If possible, use and discard them. Who even have their time?

Mtchewww!

You get big problem I swear to God. Why so much bitterness for the Nigerian men. Your dad is not Arab na.

Wtf!

TheGreatIyaebe:
Nigerian men are totally useless and to be avoided. If possible, use and discard them. Who even have their time?

Mtchewww!

Calm down ok! Not all men are bad.

Your username already shouts bot but let me entertain you. Find Freud and digest all his work. Secondly, decide if you thought your mother deserved more honour for her work; by letting 1 lone woman off the hook.

Become the husband your father never was and break the cycle. Many women have seen their mothers abuse their father and they had to break the curse and respect their husbands.

Be that person and free women! Your mother did not enjoy her life! She is strong and did what she needed to do for a lazy man, but that doesn't mean that you have to be a lazy man!


I set you free from your generational curse 😂

Mryacks:
This makes sense...

I agree.

Juwessgratitude #4 in the house! I just wanted to give a quick shout out since brosis is viewing this thread 😂

CockPit:
The roles are similar with respect to husband and kids.

Eww! Awe! Bless you. A wife and a mother play completely separate roles! The fact that you think they are the same is a psychologically problematic THING! Ahhhh.

CockPit:
Yes. I asked the question with full chest.

The only example we often have of marital relationships is our observation of our parents. That creates certain ideologies and expectations about married life long before we get married.

I was particularly close to my mom, and she took very good care of us.

Every morning, she was up early to prepare food for the whole house. She planned her trips to the market to restock provisions. In the afternoon, she always made sure food was ready, and the same was true at night.
Before you say, "But she was a full-time housewife," I would like to stop you in your tracks by emphatically saying, no. She was always up at 4 a.m. preparing food for sale and for the house.

I never heard her complain, even in difficult situations. She never nagged my dad, always stood by his side as his confidant and support, and she never even had a car.
Do you think it’s wrong to have these expectations of my wife or women going into marriage today?

My experience has been to the contrary. My wife wakes up in the morning and never bothers with what the kids or I will eat, often expecting me to make my own food. She stays on the phone for hours, and so on.

When I compare her to my mom, she is never happy about it.

Is there anything wrong with comparing your wife to your mom?

Edit: Some posters were asking if I didn’t see these traits before marriage. I honestly don’t think that’s a smart question. I was married at 22 and never lived with her before marriage. How exactly was I supposed to know she wouldn’t take care of kids not yet born?

Another is asking me to "pick up the slack." Then what is the purpose of marriage? I’ve realized that any task I start to do is immediately abandoned to me.
There is something called healthy comparison, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Most of our so-called "beta woke men" are jumping in to blame me. I am neither complaining nor regretting—just putting this out there for a healthy discussion.

Bro!


Your thread is fvckin with my senses because you're playing both sides of the fence!

In your comments you want to be your lazy dad and you're looking for your hardworking mother!


In the same breath you are married or gave life to children from a woman who is the complete opposite of your mother!


Wtf is going on here!


If this is your reality then you need to find the middle path because these are extreme differences. 😂

Double0h7:
Eww! Awe! Bless you. A wife and a mother play completely separate roles! The fact that you think they are the same is a psychologically problematic THING! Ahhhh.

At no time did I say they are the same, I only opined the roles of the two as regards to their families are basically analogous, parallel and very similar.

My mom took care of her kids and had duties towards her husband.

My wife too has obligations to her husband and kids. Certain thing can be expected from my wife similar to what my dad got from his wife, my mom.

You see where I am coming from.

Like my mom, the wife is supposed to ensure are kids are well fed and this is not happening as they sometimes come to me, complaining of hunger when back from work and the mom is home, talking away with her friends or checking the latest wigs on Instagram.

No one can win this argument with me.

CockPit:
I honestly never said they are the same but the roles of the two roles of the the two of them as regards to their families are basically parallel and very similar.

My mom took care of her kids and had duties towards her husband.

My wife too has obligations to her husband and kids. Certain thing can be expected from my wife similar to what my dad got from his wife, my mom.

You see where I am coming from.

Like my mom, wife is supposed to ensure are kids are well fed, this is not happening as they come to me complaining of hunger when back from work when the mom is home, talking away with her friends or checking the latest wigs on Instagram.

No one can win this argument with me.

The problem is you have two EXTREME realities at play! 😂 you want to make a woman suffer like your mother but you married a woman who made you feel like your mum 😂. If I had to pick a scenario I'd pick the later ( personally) 😂. Life is a bitch so we must respect HER 😏.

Double0h7:
The problem is you have two EXTREME realities at play! 😂 you want to make a woman suffer like your mother but you married a woman who made you feel like your mum 😂. If I had to pick a scenario I'd pick the later ( personally) 😂. Life is a bitch so we must respect HER 😏.

It means you can neglect your kids welfare, your husbands, lazy around and do nothing in the home and I am supposed to respect that. Try that with your husband and see the outcome.

CockPit:
It means you can neglect your kids welfare, your husbands, lazy around and do nothing in the home and I am supposed to respect that. Try that with your husband and see the outcome.

My problems are FAR from your problems. It's YOU we're studying right now 😂

Double0h7:
My problems are FAR from your problems. It's YOU we're studying right now 😂

I have no problems and just having fun here. These are hypotheticals ok. I have devised alternatives to navigate the little hiccups. I am only wanting people's opinion and practicing my writing.

What are your problems? tell it to papa.

CockPit:
I have no problems and just having fun here. These are hypotheticals ok. I have devised alternatives to navigate the little hiccups. I am only wanting people's opinion and practicing my writing.

What are your problems? tell it to papa.

Bot!

I thought so!

Best of luck.

Double0h7:
Bot!

I thought so!

Best of luck.

Thank you and much appreciation.

I don't see anything wrong, comparing your wife to your mom. Best thing for you to do divorce her and move on, simple. Don't be a SIMP

CockPit:
Some comparison actually helps to motivate and encourage good behaviors. You compare your kids to the kid who is always first in the class. You will agree with me that comparisons can sometimes serve as a motivator.

Such comparisons is never healthy for the children.

Mindlog:
Such comparisons is never healthy for the children.

It helped me in a way though as It encouraged a competitive spirit, I did not want to be doing worse than my mates. It's not totally a bad thing.

CockPit:
It helped me in a way though as It encouraged a competitive spirit, I did not want to be doing worse than my mates. It's not totally a bad thing.

You can encourage a child to push more without comparison, let them observe as they have the innate capacity to know what point they are, resilience takes one further than competition with mates.

My parents didn't go through that comparison route, they just regularly reminded me that I should know what I should be doing and I have been self motivated to aspire to stretch myself. I am a sum product of a resilient spirit rather a competitive spirit.

You married a slay queen and now you are complaining about her slay queen lifestyle.

To be honest, waking up as early as 5:am to prepare food for the family is slavery at its peak. Why do you people like making life hard for women in the name of marriage?

CockPit:
It means you can neglect your kids welfare, your husbands, lazy around and do nothing in the home and I am supposed to respect that. Try that with your husband and see the outcome.

In discusss like this you are supposed to respond and engage people who can relate and her married like you.

Most of the people here are teenagers and undergraduate who are still staying with there parents.

It is a faceless forum......the person you are conversing with might be 12yrs old.

Which is right, comparism or comparison? I am often getting confused with the two terms.

CockPit:
The roles are similar with respect to husband and kids.

Alright

PastorOlokonla:
I agree.

Happy new year sir. Long time
Hope Christmas and new year was great

CockPit:
I compared her with her mom. I once said "cant you see the way your mom took care of you guys" There was always food at home and the kids lacked no motherly affections.

Not my mother, her own mother. Are you saying as a young man, I am not supposed to have basic expectations from my wife? Mind her, her expectations is that I take care of the home which I am doing? It means I was probably deceived into the marriage.

Lol like you rightly said, you have been deceived. Withold all the priviledges for a while, claim its economic downturn and observe how she reacts. That way, you will know what you married.

Everyone says comparison is bad yet we all do it.

But now op, you are dealing with adults and adults do not like to change so if you find someone better than your spouse, you are causing problems.

So just like buying a car or choosing jobs, comparisons should have been done before that time.

CockPit:
I compared her with her mom. I once said "cant you see the way your mom took care of you guys" There was always food at home and the kids lacked no motherly affections.

Not my mother, her own mother. Are you saying as a young man, I am not supposed to have basic expectations from my wife? Mind her, her expectations is that I take care of the home which I am doing? It means I was probably deceived into the marriage.

You can have expectations however, the essence of courtship was to discuss that and ensure your expectations and thoughts align. If you did not discuss this, you were not deceived as you never took your time to find out if your thoughts about a home are similar.
Whether your mom or her mom, there's no need to compare her. You can only keep suggesting and if she's not changing, make her work to contribute to the home front.