₦airaland Forum

G

kolente:
Dear Writer,

You can make use of ChatGPT some other time when you have a lengthy write-up of this nature.

thanks for your unsolicited advise but I'm not interested in outsourcing my thought process especially over trivial issues

Bring your both parents into the picture.

Involve your Pastor too!

There should be a responsible friend she has you can ask for her to intervene.

Pray about it because after separating from her you may ever meet a woman who will fill the gaps she is creating

Hriotize your happiness and that of your kids .
Ladies of nowadays are not prepared for roles of mother and a wife . So when theyre faced with the responsibility, they usually chicken out.
Most of them prefer to be single mothers . Reading thru your post reminds me of my similar experience.

Trying to make things work is only prolonging the end of the marriage. Ladies don't really care about broken marriage these days.
You're doing the right thing except for the religious instruction about when and how to end a marriage- you're good

She get big back-side ? or big chest ?

In all these, you're an epitome of perfection while your wife is careless, aloof, negligent etc. For a woman to emotionally shut herself off from you to the point of neglecting your kids, something must have happened.

Didn't you guys date, talk about your dreams before getting married?

If all you have written here is true then it probably means that your wife is jobless

You owe no one explanation if you end the relationship based on this reasons. Your sanity is vital to your well-being. Good luck

Hmmm. We need to develop a marriage video game and have couples play for days at a time to test waters and solidify their perspective.

dominique:
In all these, you're an epitome of perfection while your wife is careless, aloof, negligent etc. For a woman to emotionally shut herself off from you to the point of neglecting your kids, something must have happened.

Agreed 100%. The wife literally switched off. At this point, they need a therapist that will hear from both sides.

damiloladuke:
You no talk wetin you do

Don’t mind him

He must have done something the lady can’t forgive

12345baba:
Na only she commit all these? Which one u commit,?

This here speaks to your emotional intelligence. Well done

Someone made a sensible contribution, the least you can do is appreciate first then recommend the use of chatgpt.
When next you have nothing to contribute, don't type.

Op, your marriage is gone. Add value to yourself and move on with your life.

kolente:
Dear Writer,

You can make use of ChatGPT some other time when you have a lengthy write-up of this nature.

Walai:
Can someone give me at least one convincing reason to get married apart from children (I can get any number of children without getting married) and sex (the cheapest commodity right now) ?

Hahahahahahaha

If you can't stomach it, don't even touch it, let alone taste it...

Marriage is not for everyone and you posting this here with me seeing it, will only end with you never getting married as I'll definitely give you reasons not to touch it.

Negroid001:
This is why 2 wives is the best

As if 2 wives not having issues.

As if 2 wives problems not bigger than this.

Always reasoning myopically.

As a married man, I've learnt to hear from both parties before reaching any conclusion on these kinds of subjects.

KaptainAfrika:
She get big back-side ? or big chest ?

Even if she get

The man has no access to it anymore according to the write up

And that one they pain man
Baba put am as no 1 reason

The only solution to your marriage is money and more money..

When you're narrating this kind thing in a public space, always share your own bad attitudes too so that people will know how to give a balance advice. Haba na! A lady you married, given birth to children can be all these bad at a go.

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness

While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

Hmmm....
'She' in ten places, no single 'I'....u na Jesus?

I don't need an oracle or other part to inform me that this your account is bias

Just separate?

Better go your separate ways for good.

ojuu4u:
As if 2 wives not having issues.

As if 2 wives problems not bigger than this.

Always reasoning myopically.

Not necessary you have 2 wives. But you must have backup

KillahPriest:
You don't need to shout or beg anymore, your wife is quarter gone out of the house already so the best thing is to look out for yourself and the kids. If its possible to get a lesson teacher and house keeper that comes once or twice a week, I believe you should take that option and don't even bother about asking her permission/input. Also take care of yourself by dressing sharp (if you dont) and smelling nice, go out more often even if it's to the gym. If your house is big, take a separate room from hers and don't ever bother her about sèx again. Give her anything she wants financially but allow her fly. You're a guy man so you should know women need rivals once in a while and it's just the sad world we live in. If you cant cheat then, get a bestie or rent a babe but you gan need to unload so how we wan do am now You gats blow outside Anyways, no follow am drag anything again even if she open mouth say she wan go, open door quietly and give her thirty minutes to move her stuff, nobody go tell her say township na mind, na she go find out by herself. Your main issue is that you lack self confidence which is very important when dealing with these our women. See, even if she involves her parents or whoever, you have to calmly tell them that their daughter is useless and you didnt know from day one that she lacked home training as a decent woman but no wahala. My advice is under the assumption that you're doing your full duties financially as a father and husband and if you're not, go wash your head for your papa village

Oga!

Some bit of your advice is good but the part of saying the guy doesn't have confidence is kind of a "knee jerk" conclusion based on what you have taken from the OP's post..

There is NOTHING wrong with the man per say, even when we understand that NO ONE is perfect ..

Talking about the man paying his bills and doing what he's supposed to do is a MODERN DAY MANIPULATION tactic used by narcissistic women to gaslight their men..

It's TOTAL GASLIGHTING...if a woman sees that her husband isn't doing as well as she wants or needs,it behoves on her to "switch on" her EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE THINKING MACHINE and do the "hardwork"..have some pillow talk with your husband..have some ADULT CONVERSATION....I see that your wife isn't EMOTIONALLY MATURE...like most wives in her stage of marriage..

This nonsense of women now giving silly childish excuses of misbehaving because the man isn't living up to his financial/domestic responsibility can ONLY fly for men that are SELF UNAWARE,which the streets "erroneously" call SIMPS...most people don't even understand the true meaning of being a SIMP..

If you are now growing face or disrespecting your husband in any way and your reasons are because he isn't living up to your expectations,YOU GET THE HELL OUT or WORK IT OUT...SIMPLE!

My advice to the man is NOT to break up the marriage..I t will do more harm , psychologically speaking,to the kids .trust me..it MUST always damage them and it will be visited up to the 5th generation...most people don't understand what it means :_ ..."let NO MAN put asunder.."..it's ALWAYS better that anyone who isn't interested in keeping and working on the marriage should be allowed to walk away on their own...go away with their warped sense of thinking and bad Energy...

Do your thing..Be your AUTHENTIC self...don't change for ANYONE ,so as to be appreciated more ..change for your own personal good....and NEVER change to prove ANYTHING to your wife...YOU CAN NOT MAKE YOUR WIFE HAPPY... HAPPINESS IS AN INNER WORK!

Most men that are still.married for upwards of 25 years and above have seen such behavior in their wives at a point in their lives but maybe a slightly different versions....and the woman eventually came to her "senses"...

IGNORE HER!

I am speaking from personal experience..been married for over 2 decades and have seen this kind of behavior..

Chilipepper:
When you're narrating this kind thing in a public space, always share your own bad attitudes too so that people will know how to give a balance advice. Haba na! A lady you married, given birth to children can be all these bad at a go.

The list above is just 3, he only splits it to make it big.

Lack of sex.
Not taking care of children.
And bad behaviour.

KillahPriest:
You don't need to shout or beg anymore, your wife is quarter gone out of the house already so the best thing is to look out for yourself and the kids. If its possible to get a lesson teacher and house keeper that comes once or twice a week, I believe you should take that option and don't even bother about asking her permission/input. Also take care of yourself by dressing sharp (if you dont) and smelling nice, go out more often even if it's to the gym. If your house is big, take a separate room from hers and don't ever bother her about sèx again. Give her anything she wants financially but allow her fly. You're a guy man so you should know women need rivals once in a while and it's just the sad world we live in. If you cant cheat then, get a bestie or rent a babe but you gan need to unload so how we wan do am now You gats blow outside Anyways, no follow am drag anything again even if she open mouth say she wan go, open door quietly and give her thirty minutes to move her stuff, nobody go tell her say township na mind, na she go find out by herself. Your main issue is that you lack self confidence which is very important when dealing with these our women. See, even if she involves her parents or whoever, you have to calmly tell them that their daughter is useless and you didnt know from day one that she lacked home training as a decent woman but no wahala. My advice is under the assumption that you're doing your full duties financially as a father and husband and if you're not, go wash your head for your papa village

You've said it all. I bet the young man has figured his finances. No Nigerian woman will treat a rich husband this way. She has got everything to loose.

When a man cries like a baby instead of taking drastic actions, it's a pointer to one thing. Baba no hold side, hence the see finish.

No man deserves to stay under the same roof with the sort of woman he described. Na untimely death.

He isn't a man yet. My opinion though.

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

1. You cant say you didnt see ANY red flag at the beginning of the relationship but some of you feel with money you can get any woman.

2. When a woman begins to treat you bad and she doesnt demonstrate love towards you again. LET HER GO OR YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR HER for peace to return to your lives.

She's hoping you let her go, she has even left the children emotionally so it will be easy when she does physically.

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

Personally, I don't support because of my faith. But then, you seems to be going through a lot and need clarity of mind.

While considering divorce, I'll advice you speak to God, seek counsel from a genuine preacher you believed in his calling (if you are a Christian). If you are not a Christian, seek counsel from an elderly person you trust and respect, and also find out who she holds in high esteem and speaks to him or her so they can talk to her.

Next is, while considering divorce, remember your children are in line. You've showed yourself to be a good father who desire disciplined children. With their mum being alive although you are guys are no more, marrying another woman to be their mom will be one of the last thing you'll want to do, especially if it turns out they don't respect her and she don't like them as her own kids when she gives birth.

Lastly I'll say, we all have wounds that comes from expectations and desire that the other person fail to meet up. But, instead of separation, find out why they behave the way they behave. And ask them what do they really want (this should usually be the basis even before marriage though).

While you sound innocent and I kind of believe you, I still think your wife may have her own narration which differs from this one whether she's right or lying.
I have judged my Dad faithful sometimes whenever he reports my mum, but hearing her own side i end up realising my dad was wrong because of the kind of paint and brush he used in painting the story.

Deep within you, there's this yearning for your wife, reason you are angry. If you really don't care about her, believe me you, it won't hurt you ar all...... Fight a little.

As a pastor, I honestly feel bad when a man marries a woman whose sole ideology is "the man is the provider while all I do is cook, born, watch TV and go for vacations."

omooba969:
Separate already, stop disturbing us jare.

I don't encourage divorce, but if all what he wrote is true, is better they go there separate way. I know what am facing in my marriage, just managing the situation. There is no perfect marriage. What I can't manage is threat to life and infidelity...