₦airaland Forum

Onatounkiki:
1. I want to get married to him because I sincerely love him
2. He's an actual family man and I'm very sure he can lead me right
3. He's so mature with his doings. He respects me, cares for me and because he loves me
4. I need this opinion because I'm not sure if getting married as a second wife is good enough but truthfully, I'm not going there to make trouble with the first because heaven knows I really do love her and her kids.
I have asked her if the man is the one pressuring her to accept me that I won't let e know she told me and I will quietly walk away but she said there was a vision that the husband will get married to a second wife and with the way she has seen me she likes me already.
We talk almost everyday with her and the kids and I love them like mine
This man loves his wife and he's performing his duties on both the wife and the children

Don't mind anyone dissuading you.

Onatounkiki:
Good day, I'm a lady of 29years, I have a married suitor who sincerely wants to marry me.
I have known him for years and I have always known that he loves me. We started seeing each other last year , his wife knows about us so his children and they accepted me wholeheartedly. I have spoken to his mum and sister too.

I told my family about him and he's willing to come over to see my parents anytime they are ready but my family hasn't agreed yet. Mind you, we've not had sex but this man checks everything I have ever wanted in my husband.

Is there anything wrong in getting married as a second wife

Note: We've not had sex and we are both Christians

daughter,

You claim to be an educated person up to a first degree university level.

Let me ask, if you decide to go for your masters and a case study question exactly like this is asked and made compulsory to be answered. So you will submit bank sheet and get a carry over?

Go pick up your BSc certificate, look at it as if it is a mirror for like 20mins, I am sure after you do this, you wil know how to respond to this your mata.

I have been looking for a lady ready to settle down, I didn't see, all I saw are ladies trying to play games and here you are trying to be taken as a second wife as if single men has finished. My sister, just have good character and don't be too demanding, you will see that we have lots of single men ready to marry you and give you the best.

Firebox123:
did she write in her post that she have bad character

If she have bad character will the man wife accept her in their house for two days

Think before you type anytime

You are supposed to be the one to think before typing. So if she has bad character, you expected her to write it or you think a man that sees a lady as a sex object will start considering her bad character knowing fully well that he has nothing to loose since he had wife and children already

I will use this to answer this.

Currently I have 3 suitors. One isn't ready financially I mean at all
The second one doesn't even know what he wants. I noticed he has someone and he confirmed it but still wants me in the picture why? He calls me virtually every day until I stopped him from doing that. I noticed he does that with other girls the day he shared his screen with me while on VC. The day I mentioned I have someone to him, he felt pained and wanted to come and see my parents to seek their permission to date me.

I have known this married man for 8years now, and he has been asking me out for that long too. I never burged not even once, but while I was serving we got talking and I found out he's a very good person hence the reason I fell for him. He's financially ok but I don't consider it rich but he's comfortable to an extent.
I traveled to see him, he lodged me because I don't want to sleep over at his house (I was on my period). I go to his house everyday and I bonded with his wife and kids.
The plan is to rent an apartment for me in another city while I come to the main house once in a month.

Firebox123:
did she write in her post that she have bad character

If she have bad character will the man wife accept her in their house for two days

Think before you type anytime

Onatounkiki:
I will use this to answer this.

Currently I have 3 suitors. One isn't ready financially I mean at all
The second one doesn't even know what he wants. I noticed he has someone and he confirmed it but still wants me in the picture why? He calls me virtually every day until I stopped him from doing that. I noticed he does that with other girls the day he shared his screen with me while on VC. The day I mentioned I have someone to him, he felt pained and wanted to come and see my parents to seek their permission to date me.

I have known this married man for 8years now, and he has been asking me out for that long too. I never burged not even once, but while I was serving we got talking and I found out he's a very good person hence the reason I fell for him. He's financially ok but I don't consider it rich but he's comfortable to an extent.
I traveled to see him, he lodged me because I don't want to sleep over at his house (I was on my period). I go to his house everyday and I bonded with his wife and kids.
The plan is to rent an apartment for me in another city while I come to the main house once in a month.

1. Entertaining multiple unserious suitors
Keeping someone in your space who is not financially ready, or who doesn’t even know what he wants (and is clearly emotionally unavailable), is wasting not only your time but theirs too. It is unfair to string along people, even passively, especially when you already know they are not suitable. Playing along until you get tired isn't just unwise — it borders on manipulation.
2. The married man situation is wrong — no justification makes it right**
Let’s not sugarcoat it. Getting emotionally and romantically involved with a married man, especially one you’ve known is married all along, is **morally indefensible**. The fact that you’ve become close with his wife and kids makes it even worse — that’s not bonding, that’s betrayal.

Even if he’s been persistent for 8 years, it doesn't excuse giving in. His comfort or finances are not a license to destroy someone’s home. Renting you a separate apartment in another city while you sneak back once a month is not a “plan” — it’s a **secret arrangement built on lies and disloyalty**. That’s not love, that’s selfishness on both sides.

3. You deserve better, and so do the people involved**
This kind of relationship leads nowhere good. The man isn’t leaving his wife, and even if he ever does, the foundation of your relationship will always be shaky — built on deceit and stolen time. Meanwhile, you’re robbing yourself of the chance to have a full, honest relationship where you can be someone’s one and only, not their side arrangement.

---
Final Word:

If you truly value yourself, your dignity, and your peace of mind, cut off the married man immediately. Close all doors that lead to secret affairs and emotional confusion. Focus on healing, growing, and waiting for someone who comes correctly — not with complications and compromise.

Your story doesn’t have to continue down this path. You can choose better. Today.

What do u mean by "see me as a sex object"? Won't single guys demand sex? We've been together close to a year now, and we've not had sex. You think sex is not cheap out there to the extent he will come to seek for my hand in marriage because of it?
I understand other intentions but sex!

nnamdi640:
You are supposed to be the one to think before typing. So if she has bad character, you expected her to write it or you think a man that sees a lady as a sex object will start considering her bad character knowing fully well that he has nothing to loose since he had wife and children already

Onatounkiki:
What do u mean by "see me as a sex object"? Won't single guys demand sex? We've been together close to a year now, and we've not had sex. You think sex is not cheap out there to the extent he will come to seek for my hand in marriage because of it?
I understand other intentions but sex!

Can you give me a tangible reason why he wants you after having three children and a wife

thesicilian:
So the criminal code is a state law, not a federal law?

It is, but it doesn't govern Northern Nigeria that uses the Penal Code

One of the reasons why I'm so confused right now. If someone were to seek for my advice on something like this I would have called the person "daft" but because I'm the one experiencing this and I know the situation of things makes me feel very confuse.

I'm not doubting the man's intentions but I feel she's faking her likeness which she said she isn't. Her husband sister asked her if she's comfortable with it she she also said the same thing.

She mentioned that; she has always known her husband will have a second wife because there was a vision and she has dreamt and her daughter too dreamt that a lady was eating from the same place with her dad.
Her husband has discussed me with her and with everything she has seen about me, she doesn't have a problem with me and if it were some other girls she wouldn't obliged to it.
She's actually a calm person too with what I have seen and heard.

nnamdi640:
Can you give me a tangible reason why she wants you after having three children and a wife

Onatounkiki:
One of the reasons why I'm so confused right now. If someone were to seek for my advice on something like this I would have called the person "daft" but because I'm the one experiencing this and I know the situation of things makes me feel very confuse.

I'm not doubting the man's intentions but I feel she's faking her likeness which she said she isn't. Her husband sister asked her if she's comfortable with it she she also said the same thing.

She mentioned that; she has always known her husband will have a second wife because there was a vision and she has dreamt and her daughter too dreamt that a lady was eating from the same place with her dad.
Her husband has discussed me with her and with everything she has seen about me, she doesn't have a problem with me and if it were some other girls she wouldn't obliged to it.
She's actually a calm person too with what I have seen and heard.

okay marry him jare

Don't listen 👂 to anybody advise on nairaland ooo

Most of their mum and sister's are second wife to their dad and husband

Marry him and give us feedback after 3-4 yrs

Wish you good luck

Onatounkiki:
One of the reasons why I'm so confused right now. If someone were to seek for my advice on something like this I would have called the person "daft" but because I'm the one experiencing this and I know the situation of things makes me feel very confuse.

I'm not doubting the man's intentions but I feel she's faking her likeness which she said she isn't. Her husband sister asked her if she's comfortable with it she she also said the same thing.

She mentioned that; she has always known her husband will have a second wife because there was a vision and she has dreamt and her daughter too dreamt that a lady was eating from the same place with her dad.
Her husband has discussed me with her and with everything she has seen about me, she doesn't have a problem with me and if it were some other girls she wouldn't obliged to it.
She's actually a calm person too with what I have seen and heard.

My dear my advice for you is that you shouldn't go into such relationships, this same advice I am giving you now is what I will give to my own sister if she is into such relationship. Never underestimate the mind of a man and a woman. It is better to marry a guy that is working hard and not lazy than jumping into a relationship with a married man whom his wife is in the picture just because he is financially stable. Beside why the rush of jumping into such marriage, you are 28yrs not that you are old to get a single guy. You should know that the financially stability you are looking at can disappoint at any time because nothing in this life is permanent.

Lol @ " we are both christians"

Madam, you are both many things o, but Christian is not one of them, No.

Just stop already. It's not your fault na me Carry my matter come online that's the reason you keep jumping from one place to another.

Firebox123:
okay marry him jare

Don't listen 👂 to anybody advise on nairaland ooo

Most of their mum and sister's are second wife to their dad and husband

Marry him and give us feedback after 3-4 yrs

Wish you good luck

Onatounkiki:
1. I want to get married to him because I sincerely love him
2. He's an actual family man and I'm very sure he can lead me right
3. He's so mature with his doings. He respects me, cares for me and because he loves me
4. I need this opinion because I'm not sure if getting married as a second wife is good enough but truthfully, I'm not going there to make trouble with the first because heaven knows I really do love her and her kids.
I have asked her if the man is the one pressuring her to accept me that I won't let e know she told me and I will quietly walk away but she said there was a vision that the husband will get married to a second wife and with the way she has seen me she likes me already.
We talk almost everyday with her and the kids and I love them like mine
This man loves his wife and he's performing his duties on both the wife and the children

You should thread carefully. No first wife wants a second wife. Even if she accepts you, there will be rivalry and if you already made your decision to marry him, prepare for trouble times ahead.

If you are are marrying him because of money, you will be shocked as this man will put his first wife and kids first in everything. You are attracted to this man because he is financially capable, find another person who you can build with and build a future together.

The red flag is, you find nothing wrong with this man, that’s a big problem. No one is perfect, also remember there is no free meal in Freetown. Think clearly before you leap, as there will be irreversible consequences! A word is enough for the wise!

Onatounkiki:
Just stop already. It's not your fault na me Carry my matter come online that's the reason you keep jumping from one place to another.

maybe they're getting monetary benefit from you that's why they want you as second wife

Nadingo:
It is, but it doesn't govern Northern Nigeria that uses the Penal Code

Oh, I see. Thank you.

Nothing wrong at all if he ticks all your boxes and his 1st wife is happy with the arrangement. Please don't stress another woman! If she is happy then moooove!

Double0h7:
Nothing wrong at all if he ticks all your boxes and his 1st wife is happy with the arrangement. Please don't stress another woman! If she is happy then moooove!

you can marry another person husband

Chai 😪💔

Firebox123:
you can marry another person husband

Chai 😪💔

It's different in many cultures. It is what it is 😂

If the man is responsible, financially capable, and able to spread his love then in my culture there's no problems.

Good men are scarce. If a wife is happy to share her good man then there's no problem. If she is unhappy to share him then that's a no go zone! Happy wife, happy life and all that 😂

Onatounkiki:
One of the reasons why I'm so confused right now. If someone were to seek for my advice on something like this I would have called the person "daft" but because I'm the one experiencing this and I know the situation of things makes me feel very confuse.

I'm not doubting the man's intentions but I feel she's faking her likeness which she said she isn't. Her husband sister asked her if she's comfortable with it she she also said the same thing.

She mentioned that; she has always known her husband will have a second wife because there was a vision and she has dreamt and her daughter too dreamt that a lady was eating from the same place with her dad.
Her husband has discussed me with her and with everything she has seen about me, she doesn't have a problem with me and if it were some other girls she wouldn't obliged to it.
She's actually a calm person too with what I have seen and heard.

If you can play your position as the second wife, and you're not looking to out do the first wife then enjoy your man and play the defender. You're not the striker! You're not the queen bee. You are the background. If you are happy with that then enjoy your man. Don't disturb this family. Don't bring drama. Stay in the background and play supporting arist. That's what a good second wife does. If you think you want to be the main character then this is not for you. Forget about who had a dream about what. Understand your role before you can play it.

Of course she's faking her likeness! You are the best of two evils. She knows her husband will remarry. All this dream bs is to make you comfortable and to bring you in to the family. She chose you because she knows another woman is coming regardless. How do you feel about playing 2nd fiddle?

After reading all you wrote : MARRY HIM.

Onatounkiki:
Just stop already. It's not your fault na me Carry my matter come online that's the reason you keep jumping from one place to another.

As I said earlier to you. There's nothing wrong in being a second wife but it has to be treated on case by case.

In your case, you have a young man, not rich, but "comfortable", with already 3 children and 1 wife before you. The word comfortable is subjective to an individual assessment, so I don't know what is financially comfortable to you. His wife is "okay" with it according to you.

Then, you on the other hand is not gainfully employed I guess since you said you recently completed NYSC.

1. Don't believe his wife fake smile on this. No woman wants to share her provider with another woman. Women can share the gbola but not the provider. So, be cautious around a rival woman whose husband is a provider.

2. There is 50pct chance that the man will struggle to cater for 2 wives and more children in future if he is just "comfortable". This is just a probability because he could also grow financially over time but don't rule out the possibility of financial struggle.

3. Based on 2 above, you need to be prepared for that possibility of him not being able to cater for you and your children in future. This is why there must be a concrete plan in this whole arrangement for you to be gainfully employed before going into this marriage.

4. Be prepared for another wife in future. It's also a possibility.

5. Have a discussion of how many children he is willing to have with you and consider if that's okay with you too.

The decision is yours, I am just trying to point out factors to consider before taking that decision.

Well...

Being keyboard tie is now a real thing. I'm both tongue and keyboard tie. Happy Saturday.

Onatounkiki:
Just stop already. It's not your fault na me Carry my matter come online that's the reason you keep jumping from one place to another.

No long talks, just go spiritual to understand the future. Preferably traditional since you are in confusion and dilemma.


While as a Christian, you would seek pastors/prophets, don't waste your time with them. More than 99% of them are blinder than bats and they are liars.

If you are Yorùbá, seek the traditional divinity system (ifá) from a confirmed babaláwo.

Note: one of the ways of knowing that a ifá counsel is true is that you don't tell your problems when you get there. You only speak in your mind and let the priest tell you what you want from what is revealed to him or her.

However, I don't think you've told us what your own family think about this issue. Where is your mother? What advise are your parents giving you?

Onatounkiki:
I will use this to answer this. Currently I have 3 suitors. One isn't ready financially I mean at all
The second one doesn't even know what he wants. I noticed he has someone and he confirmed it but still wants me in the picture why? He calls me virtually every day until I stopped him from doing that. I noticed he does that with other girls the day he shared his screen with me while on VC. The day I mentioned I have someone to him, he felt pained and wanted to come and see my parents to seek their permission to date me.
I have known this married man for 8years now, and he has been asking me out for that long too. I never burged not even once, but while I was serving we got talking and I found out he's a very good person hence the reason I fell for him.
➜ He's financially ok but I don't consider it rich but he's comfortable to an extent.
➜ I traveled to see him, he lodged me because I don't want to sleep over at his house (I was on my period). I go to his house everyday and I bonded with his wife and kids. The plan is to rent an apartment for me in another city while I come to the main house once in a month.

So, this vision of him marrying a second wife has been around for at least 8 years? Have you been the only lady besides his wife whom he has been chatting up for all of those 8 years? 8 years of distance relationship and this man has not had other women around he has been talking to as well?

2. What about him makes you believe he is comfortable?

3. Is this really what you envisage married life will be for you?

Disclaimer. I will never advise my sister to be second fiddle in any man's house. I have seen enough in this life to know it is never a good idea.

Onatounkiki:
1. I want to get married to him because I sincerely love him
2. He's an actual family man and I'm very sure he can lead me right
3. He's so mature with his doings. He respects me, cares for me and because he loves me
4. I need this opinion because I'm not sure if getting married as a second wife is good enough but truthfully, I'm not going there to make trouble with the first because heaven knows I really do love her and her kids.
I have asked her if the man is the one pressuring her to accept me that I won't let e know she told me and I will quietly walk away but she said there was a vision that the husband will get married to a second wife and with the way she has seen me she likes me already.
We talk almost everyday with her and the kids and I love them like mine
This man loves his wife and he's performing his duties on both the wife and the children

Does Chrisitianity permit polygamy?

Onatounkiki:
Good day, I'm a lady of 29years, I have a married suitor who sincerely wants to marry me.
I have known him for years and I have always known that he loves me. We started seeing each other last year , his wife knows about us so his children and they accepted me wholeheartedly. I have spoken to his mum and sister too.

I told my family about him and he's willing to come over to see my parents anytime they are ready but my family hasn't agreed yet. Mind you, we've not had sex but this man checks everything I have ever wanted in my husband.

Is there anything wrong in getting married as a second wife

Note: We've not had sex and we are both Christians

wait for ur own husband
Hw old are u
He will marry d third wen he is done with u like d first one

Better run for your life,,that man is looking for a wife that he will use for ritual and his first wife knows the matter ,reason she is even pressuring you to marry her husband and you now is foolishly thinking is love….shame on you to even think of becoming a second wife….

viceddy95:
Better run for your life,,that man is looking for a wife that he will use for ritual and his first wife knows the matter ,reason she is even pressuring you to marry her husband and you now is foolishly thinking is love….shame on you to even think of becoming a second wife….

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I really appreciate you for saying this. Thank you for not judging me base on my decision but trying to make me see reasons why I shouldn't and also not insulting my being.

If I'm totally convinced I wouldn't have brought it to this space. I have been thinking a lot about it and that's why we've not been intimate,told him to give me time to think about it.

Helpout12345:
As I said earlier to you. There's nothing wrong in being a second wife but it has to be treated on case by case.

In your case, you have a young man, not rich, but "comfortable", with already 3 children and 1 wife before you. The word comfortable is subjective to an individual assessment, so I don't know what is financially comfortable to you. His wife is "okay" with it according to you.

Then, you on the other hand is not gainfully employed I guess since you said you recently completed NYSC.

1. Don't believe his wife fake smile on this. No woman wants to share her provider with another woman. Women can share the gbola but not the provider. So, be cautious around a rival woman whose husband is a provider.

2. There is 50pct chance that the man will struggle to cater for 2 wives and more children in future if he is just "comfortable". This is just a probability because he could also grow financially over time but don't rule out the possibility of financial struggle.

3. Based on 2 above, you need to be prepared for that possibility of him not being able to cater for you and your children in future. This is why there must be a concrete plan in this whole arrangement for you to be gainfully employed before going into this marriage.

4. Be prepared for another wife in future. It's also a possibility.

5. Have a discussion of how many children he is willing to have with you and consider if that's okay with you too.

The decision is yours, I am just trying to point out factors to consider before taking that decision.

Does being a Christian stop one from marrying as a second wife? Are there not men of God who married more than one wife in the Bible?

Harddiskng:
At bolded you people joke too much lol

Would you mind being a 1st wife then your husband takes another wife after marrying you? That is your answer

…don’t forget a man that takes a 2nd wife, would like take a third wife. Don’t say you were not told and start disturbing with nonsense complaints later.

*********************************
When people bring things like this online, it’s obvious their minds have told them the answer and they are not prepared to listen to it. They come online seeking validation and justify.

Take @OP for example, like we are going to live with her when the 1st wife starts waging war on all front . Some people no just like peace.