₦airaland Forum

Onatounkiki:
Does being a Christian stop one from marrying as a second wife? Are there not men of God who married more than one wife in the Bible?

What does your bible say happened before or after these people had their second wife?

Even the new testament expressly stated it “one man one wife”.

Like you don’t know origin of the main religious war we have in the workd is two step brothers and it would be fought till the world end. Just dey play.

TheChameleon:
" We have not had sex"

I am sure that's a lie.

"He's not rich but doing well for himself"

That I also find hard to believe. You have not had sex with a guy... he's not particularly well to do, yet you want to go and do 2nd.

" His first wife called to say it's okay, you're welcome... you even spent 2 days with them"

What was the sleeping arrangement those nights ? He refused to touch you because he's Jesus's cousin, abi ?

This story is fictional or laced with some lies.

Figment of imagination, a lot of inconsistency and absurdity in the story.

Onatounkiki:
Good day, I'm a lady of 29years, I have a married suitor who sincerely wants to marry me.
I have known him for years and I have always known that he loves me. We started seeing each other last year , his wife knows about us so his children and they accepted me wholeheartedly. I have spoken to his mum and sister too.

I told my family about him and he's willing to come over to see my parents anytime they are ready but my family hasn't agreed yet. Mind you, we've not had sex but this man checks everything I have ever wanted in my husband.

Is there anything wrong in getting married as a second wife

Note: We've not had sex and we are both Christians

Its your choice on who to marry, be it first or second wife

My question is, will he rent an apartment for you and keep paying the rent or you are packing into the same house where his first wife lives

Secondly, will you be the one responsible for your rent and upkeep incase he marries you and are you comfortable with that so that you don't come and start complaining

When kids arrives, is he that wealthy to take care of you from pregnancy to deliver, feeding and school fees or you will be the one to be doing that since you are already his wife

Thirdly, what have you benefited from him in the course of this relationship, that you are convinced that he is the man for you and now that you have not had sex with him, by the time you start having sex with him and he doesn't satisfies you, will you remain in that relationship with him or you will be going out to look for sex satisfaction and then come back to the house as a married woman

If I may suggest, keep him as your companion, have sex with him let him take up some reasonable responsibilities on you, keep him busy with responsibilities on you let's see if he is truly ready for marriage, unless he has access you and you are capable, so therefore he has seen that you are the one that needs the relationship more than him, if that's the case, you will loose big time

You said his wife and children are ok with his decision, my dear they are only helping you to take a life decision that you will regret by then they have grown and their mom will make sure you don't have access to them talk more of communicating with them

So, if you are still confused, read the above properly and accept the proposal

But if after reading the above write up and you are now thinking twice
Look for a bachelor and plan that life with and spend that money with if you really have the resources

Marriage has three phases, sweet phase is at the initial time

Rough phase is in the middle of the relationship where you are already stocked

The third. phase is the regret phase, where the only option you have is to move out to save your sanity

When you're ready to face reality, then you'll sincerely ask yourself, what exactly do you want from another person's husband when you can have your own?
Will you be comfortable when the third wife and probably the fourth wife show up?

Have you asked your parents the main reason they are holding back?

I wish you well.

He plans to rent my own space for me in another city, presently I'm learning a skill too to help myself later( courtesy of him), he's doing well to a great extent to foot the bills too. It was his idea not to have sex till after wedding because of my family take on it
Presently, my immediate family and extended family ain't supporting me on it. The house seems like a war zone to me and I understand them perfectly well probably because I'm the only girl child.

frozen70:
Its your choice on who to marry, be it first or second wife

My question is, will he rent an apartment for you and keep paying the rent or you are packing into the same house where his first wife lives

Secondly, will you be the one responsible for your rent and upkeep incase he marries you and are you comfortable with that so that you don't come and start complaining

When kids arrives, is he that wealthy to take care of you from pregnancy to deliver, feeding and school fees or you will be the one to be doing that since you are already his wife

Thirdly, what have you benefited from him in the course of this relationship, that you are convinced that he is the man for you and now that you have not had sex with him, by the time you start having sex with him and he doesn't satisfies you, will you remain in that relationship with him or you will be going out to look for sex satisfaction and then come back to the house as a married woman

If I may suggest, keep him as your companion, have sex with him let him take up some reasonable responsibilities on you, keep him busy with responsibilities on you let's see if he is truly ready for marriage, unless he has access you and you are capable, so therefore he has seen that you are the one that needs the relationship more than him, if that's the case, you will loose big time

You said his wife and children are ok with his decision, my dear they are only helping you to take a life decision that you will regret by then they have grown and their mom will make sure you don't have access to them talk more of communicating with them

So, if you are still confused, read the above properly and accept the proposal

But if after reading the above write up and you are now thinking twice
Look for a bachelor and plan that life with and spend that money with if you really have the resources

Marriage has three phases, sweet phase is at the initial time

Rough phase is in the middle of the relationship where you are already stocked

The third. phase is the regret phase, where the only option you have is to move out to save your sanity

Onatounkiki:
He plans to rent my own space for me in another city, presently I'm learning a skill too to help myself later( courtesy of him), he's doing well to a great extent to foot the bills too. It was his idea not to have sex till after wedding because of my family take on it
Presently, my immediate family and extended family ain't supporting me on it. The house seems like a war zone to me and I understand them perfectly well probably because I'm the only girl child.

The only girl child, and this is what you settled for? 😳
Do you not hold yourself in high value?

You're already even far committed, you only just came to seek approval online.

Onatounkiki:
He plans to rent my own space for me in another city, presently I'm learning a skill too to help myself later( courtesy of him), he's doing well to a great extent to foot the bills too. It was his idea not to have sex till after wedding because of my family take on it
Presently, my immediate family and extended family ain't supporting me on it. The house seems like a war zone to me and I understand them perfectly well probably because I'm the only girl child.

Ohhh dead, you are an only child, Chai, pls don't disobey your family as it may break their heart

You can still be in touch with him and keep searching for a bachelor whom you can start a new life with

Is always best to be with your age mate in marriage

Is always good to be the first and only wife so that you can bear those beautiful children and just you and your partner with your children

From the look of things he may be your senior with up to 15/20yrs

Consider yourself too assuming he is not there for you, event may change no one is assured of tomorrow

Good luck on your choice and decisions

Onatounkiki:
Does being a Christian stop one from marrying as a second wife? Are there not men of God who married more than one wife in the Bible?

Toor!

bukatyne:
Sister side chic,

The man is giving you the 'emotional tickles and not feeling married' because there is a woman doing the emotional labour. The wife is hilding the forth for him that's why he has the time and mind to play love.

Since the love for each other is flying around, you should ask yourself why
1. A woman who loves her husband is gingering him to marry a second wife
2. A husband so IN LOVE with his wife has the emotional capacity to court another woman
3. You, so in love with the family is willing to insert yourself in it.

My guess is the man has weird sexual tastes, the wife is tired of his shenanigans, they are looking for someone for 3some, the wife wants to fully pursue her own interests or the wife is a lesbian.

Ire o!

Bukabuka I dey hail ooo

Something is weird about the whole story, we all can see it.

Hello Onatounkiki,

How are you today?

I'm a storyteller, can I share this very old story my neighbour told my mum? I'm talking about a story from the 1980s or early 1990s.

She had this cousin from a somewhat struggling home. The girl was young, pretty and not a bad human being.

Nigeria was hard so her family had it rough: her dad was a transporter and he had a car accident on Lagos-Ibadan expressway and was now bedridden. So things were financially tight for them all, but they managed.

In walked in this middle-aged man (I won't mention his tribe). Doing well, had a Family, had some business in Lagos.

He met our heroine and promptly fell in love.
He was gentle, tender, mature, the couple got along very well. He started picking up her dad's medical bills, helping out and her family was grateful.

But the girl was worried about his marriage and didn't want to be a 2nd wife.

The man's mother asked the girl to come to their house and was warm and welcoming to her. She assured her that the man's village, he was a Chief and was entitled to 2 wives. His wife knew and had accepted this. They did several visits and the young girl even met the wife, no quarrel there.

So everyone started gathering items in readiness for her traditional wedding, you know back in the day it was Parlour and canopy they used to do wedding.

So the wedding was celebrated and our heroine moved into her husband's house. And all was well.

6-8 months later, Oga asked his young wife to follow him to the village. She complied. When they got there, he took her from the main village and into his smaller village, inside one bush. No quarrel, there was house there.

His extended family and other Chiefs were there, with families. Our bride settled in. She befriended some of the kids. She noticed one or 2 people treat her odd, but hey, people don't get along, amirite?

Anyhoo, she went to the main village, bought sweets and snacks for the kids and went back to the bush village and shared it. One of the kids ate it and sat with her, calmly looking at her. Then said:

"Shey you know it's your turn this year".

Our bride went "my turn for what?"

The child took her into the bush further, to a hut, with grass and statues with nails on them and a reddish stuff all over them. With skulls inside.

"Aunty, it's your turn to enter this place. My mummy said so".

Our bride became to shake and shiver. She couldn't talk, she couldn't cry. A quiet voice whispered in her head: "start running!". So she took off, didn't even pack her things, just ran until she got back to the main village. She got even more scared and went to the park to beg a transporter to take her to the nearest main town.

When she got there, she went to the Parish in town and asked for a place to sleep and narrated her story.

And that was how she found out her husband belonged to a secret society and each member had to sacrifice a wife when it was his year. So the members devised a plan to marry poor girls not from their villages and sacrifice them, then tell her family she died of sickness or accident and settle them financially.

Our bride eventually found her way back to Lagos.

Perplexingly, her "loving" husband, his "understanding" wife and his "accepting" mother never came to look for her again.

Ever.

I have seen and heard of Muslim women, whom are trained from birth to expect to share their husband with 3 other women, still struggle with that decision when it comes up.

I have seem 2 women who had kids for the same man bond and become friends. Because most times, the man is a problematic man and they gang up to save their kids and deal with him.

But I have never seen a woman go "my husband is excellent, come let me share his affections and attentions for me and my kids, with you, a younger woman".

Never.

Not even in the Mormons of Utah, those women smile for the camera but there's always issues below ground.

But here you are, being fattened and led to the slaughter, gently.

Wish you all the best.

It actually happens far more than you think.

There I nothing wrong with these women. There are those of them that are independent, intelligent and successful.

However, it still feels and sounds abnormal.

Onegai:
I have seen and heard of Muslim women, whom are trained from birth to expect to share their husband with 3 other women, still struggle with that decision when it comes up.

I have seem 2 women who had kids for the same man bond and become friends. Because most times, the man is a problematic man and they gang up to save their kids and deal with him.

But I have never seen a woman go "my husband is excellent, come let me share his affections and attentions for me and my kids, with you, a younger woman".

Never.

Not even in the Mormons of Utah, those women smile for the camera but there's always issues below ground.

But here you are, being fattened and led to the slaughter, gently.

Wish you all the best.

Sterope:
It actually happens far more than you think.

There I nothing wrong with these women. There are those of them that are independent, intelligent and successful.

However, it still feels and sounds abnormal.

The only one I've ever seen was an IG reel of a young Saudi babe who was delighted her bestie married her super rich husband a year later. And honestly, the 2 girls were unbelievably hot and looked like a magazine catalogue, so who knows what is really happening in that house.

The ones I know in real life, they are successful women who bond over a man and it leaves you scratching your head...until you meet the man . Right now, Babe no.3 is trying to upgrade to Wife and she's defending her man and the 2 previous women are laughing together, because the broom they used on them dey under bed for No.3

Another reason this may be happening is that the Wife may have a medical issue and the couple have decided that this is what is best for their family: selecting a new wife that will not maltreat the kids, together.

There's more to the story but OP won't see it until she dey inside and trapped with one baby.

Because again, you're hanging out happily with a woman taking your husband's attention? Even the Pastor's wife who said she was ironing her hubby's clothes to meet his side chics, wasn't doing it happily o.

Onatounkiki:
Good day, I'm a lady of 29years, I have a married suitor who sincerely wants to marry me.
I have known him for years and I have always known that he loves me. We started seeing each other last year , his wife knows about us so his children and they accepted me wholeheartedly. I have spoken to his mum and sister too.

I told my family about him and he's willing to come over to see my parents anytime they are ready but my family hasn't agreed yet. Mind you, we've not had sex but this man checks everything I have ever wanted in my husband.

Is there anything wrong in getting married as a second wife

Note: We've not had sex and we are both Christians

The thought of marrying a married man is a sin. Forget about the we've not had sex part .
Take your eyes off another woman's husband and pray for God to send your own..

If you eventually marry him, please don’t live in the same house with the first wife ooo but I feel like you can still find a man that’s single, and as a Christian, is that the will of God for you?

Na you dem wan use do money ritual...you better be careful. A man that is not rich this Tinubu era is thinking of second wife and the wife at home is in full support. They have seen sacrificial ram..YOU

Onatounkiki:
He's 38, not rich but he's doing well for himself.
He has 3 kids already
He's ready to have more kids

Did you post this to make fun of christianity? But if your post is real. Here are my answers to your questions.

1. No, you cannot become a second wife to a married man as a christian. It is unlawful and unscriptural. If you were already married before converting, then it's permissible but as a christian. It's called an unequal yoking and you're seen as living in fornication or unmarried.

2. You cannot love a married man as a christian. It's misplaced priority, inordinate affection, lust and misplaced affection. Not having sex with him doesn't make it right. It should help you cut off from him immediately.

3. According to what you said, the man is not rich. You'll hate yourself if you enter that marriage. A poor man who's struggling to cater for his 3 kids and wife is who you want to rope yourself with. Be ready to sponsor your marriage, pay bills and handle your responsibilities when the time comes. It is when you start handling marriage responsibilities your eyes will clear.

4. Desperation won't help you unless you have your own plans figured out. If you don't mind later becoming a single mother, then you can go ahead, but ensure you have your own money, apartment, job/business and mentally ready to be sharing d.ck and 'maydeymaydey' with his wife.

5. Best you cut off that man. This is infatuation not love.

TheChameleon:
" We have not had sex"

I am sure that's a lie.

"He's not rich but doing well for himself"

That I also find hard to believe. You have not had sex with a guy... he's not particularly well to do, yet you want to go and do 2nd.

" His first wife called to say it's okay, you're welcome... you even spent 2 days with them"

What was the sleeping arrangement those nights ? He refused to touch you because he's Jesus's cousin, abi ?

This story is fictional or laced with some lies.

Lol 😂