₦airaland Forum

delugadou:
If what you are earning can take care of the family, make sure she quits the job immediately. Eliminate every threat to your marriage. Don't listen to anyone that is advising you to manage oo. Regret is waiting in front.

The moment you stop sleeping with your wife, her colleagues will take over. That's why she should quit ASAP.

He doesn't know.

Please Sir I can feel your pain from afar but I will have to ask these questions?
1. Communication: have you sat her down when you guys are in good mood to talk to her about these things you've just said? If yes, what was the mood when you did? As this matters when it comes to getting the right answers you need.
2. Family responsibility: between she and yourself whose job provides most of the things needed for the family upkeep? I asked this because if you ask her to stop the job would you be able to shoulder the responsibilities alone? If yes, then please 🙏

Speak to her
Express your feelings
Tell her how you desperately need your wife
Do not keep calm

Peace

dawnomike:
Sorry about what you're going through... I can understand how frustrating it can be.

Please, don't get pissed off just yet... If it's an option, get her a housemaid to help out at home.

Secondly, any weekend she is not working... you guys should hang out like the old good days. If possible, leave the kids with your parents and go lodge in a good hotel.

Also, sit down with her to have an open discussion on the need to save your marriage...

I believe she starting a business is a good opinion... But remember, it is not everyone that is cut out for that.

I wish you the best in your marriage... Please, try to safe it!!!

It's not easy for someone who does 5,6 days working weeks to think about hanging out on the only day she is off work..... All she would be thinking about is proper rest.....I do 3 days straight shifts and every 4th day off,I often don't even want to step out of the room not to talk of hanging out.

It's simple,she has to choose between her job and family....I can never have both,sacrifices have to be made,it's either you stay home while she works or vice versa.....it's not even good for the kids to always be out of their house almost the whole day till evening they would barely know their mother and they would gradually start getting detached.

A running theme on a lot of threads is:

1. Sex isn't a problem before marriage, i.e. women enthusiastically engage in sex while dating

2. Sex denial starts after marriage, usually after childbirth and it's mostly on the part of the women

I know there's postpartum depression and the likes but a lot of it seems inconsiderate

For example, sex with single mothers isn't a problem while dating, regardless of how many kids she has or if she has an 8-4 job. The children don't prevent her from sex with the boyfriend, but it becomes a problem with the husband

The whole thing is ironic

If person talk now nairaland bot go vex like EFCC and press the ban button. All i know be sey sex is available outside. Leave your wife for one month without asking her for sex, na she go run back to you with her brain reset

You said you are a Christian but I do wonder what type. You never mentioned bringing up the matter with church members or elders who would counsel you from God's word. Besides, the way and manner in which you engaged and married your wife seems rather unchristian, who knows it might even be the genesis of these issues you seem to be having. If you really need God's intervention, learn from now to do things God's way

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

You are a "Christian", whatever the hell that means? You can't "cheat"? Normally, I don't give response to these sort of cry-baby marriage issues but I make an exception here, especially in such a case where the man is involved in self-deceit.

First of all, there is not a single married woman on earth, not especially a Nigerian woman that will pass up a comfortable life where a supposedly well-to-do husband will set up a business for her and take care of her needs for some drudgy 4:30am to 5:30pm dead-end job that includes 3 Saturdays per month and has her returning home exhausted every single day of the year, so I can come to only two conclusions: Either you're telling us a fake story or your wife is on with another man at her job and hence willing to go through all that trouble. Stop deceiving yourself and investigate a bit further.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

I honestly don't know what you are complaining about.

This woman works days and sleeps at home with you every night, what else do you want?

What stops you from finding out why she is so tired most times, and work out how you could find a solution, which could be someone that comes in 3 or 4 times a week to help with work around the house and hence reduce the pressure on your wife.

Also you said something about the possibility of sleeping with the house help, it is terrible that you could even have that thought.

I need to ask you, what do you do for work that makes you available more at home than your wife and gives you the impression that she is not available for you.

What you have described about your wife is the typical life of many working ladies, it is better in some professions and worse on some.

Their husbands don't come to Nairaland to complain about lack of sex, they man up,sit down with their wives and work it out.

You should be aiming for qualitative memorable nights with your wife, instead of quantity

Somibrain:
God did not create women to work.
Their natural assignment is to organize the home, train the children in the family's culture and entertain the husband.

The above mentioned assignments is even too heavy for one person not to mention another additional 5:7 Job.

When a woman is burdened with responsibilities that adds pressure on her, there's a shift in her hormonal dynamics favouring stress hormones and testosterone, and this makes her not to feel tender and natural as a woman. By this, she starts becoming aggressive, and less emotional.

Just understand that you are in a precarious situation and your wife is innocent and have not intentionally done anything wrong. She won't accept to stop working if she senses you are not financially buoyant to take care of the family. This she might not tell you, but never you misunderstand her when she becomes aggressive or refuses your moves.

I will advice you to prove your financial capabilities first, then you can discuss with her and make sure to approach her with empathy.

Cheers!!!

I have experienced everything you wrote here and I concur.

The only thing I don't agree with I that women were not created to work (make wealth).

In the bible which is often the standard in arguments like this, the virtuous woman worked. She did business. She sold clothings, she made money.

A woman should never be idle. That's a devil's workshop there.

I didn't spend all together 8yrs getting a degree to become a housewife.

I will loose myself in that marriage. I'm big on spending and it's because I earn enough for myself without being a burden to my spouse.

The one I don't like is too much neglect of the family because you are a working mom.

Italy today, Milan tomorrow and UK next week. This is a no-no for me. You can't give your family good attention with this.

Even when I was a department head in the bank, I made it a duty never to take work home.

But full time housewife is a no for me.

A little business that fetches so little is also a no.

Op seems a good guy, he should calm down and find a good solution to the challenge.

How can your wife return home late tired and still has to cook and take care of the children? Bia can't you cook or take care of the children? Those are the things impacting your marriage negatively. Clear them and see how it would blossom.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

@apprentist: I feel your pain bro. This phase of marriage is one that they hardly tell men about before they enter it. I hate to break it to you bro, but the truth is that it'll only probably get worse, so brace yourself. A lot of married men are also going through what you're experiencing -- sexual starvation in marriage. The truth is that most women begin to get comfortable in marriage and see sex as a tool that can be weaponized against their husbands.

The worst part is that when they're in that phase (for some women the phase sets in when they're hitting 40 or beyond while for other others it's earlier, but trust me they always hit that phase at some point), they can go without sex for as long as they want, not caring about the sexual needs of their spouse, leaving the man frustrated.

Unless you get lucky, it'll only get worse (she might revert back to her old ways temporarily but na lie). She'll only give you sex as a pacifier from now on, not because she necessarily enjoys it. And with it time and age the frequency will only get lesser and lesser.

Most married men that've been married for long can relate to your plight. With time you'll know how to sort yourself though 😜 -- No be me go tell you wetin to do.

apprentist:
See eh... I had to type this here cus I've run out of ideas. Don't know who to talk to or even next step to take.
Back then I used to blame men for cheating or fighting with their wife. But now, I'm pushed to do either.

Don't do either yet, and thank you for voicing out, instead of launching deep into the bosom of a strange woman as an excuse.

Have a deep-rooted discussion with her about your concern. Then tell her you're considering taking a second wife to help ease her burden. That you usually feel for her whenever you see her so tired.

When she hears this, Sir, believe you me she'll jolt out of excuses and then sit up to perform her wifely and motherly roles with such an alacrity that will surprise even her herself.

You know why? Because an average woman hates sharing her man with another woman. We hate that kind thing like kilode!

And don't be surprised when she comes back within a week or two to tell you she has found a business she'll like to venture into.

You don't need to stress yourself any further. Just try the scope above and come back to tell me thank you.

apprentist:
It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

If the bold is true, don't waste your time on that woman any longer. She's no longer interested in that marriage and nothing you can do to bring her back.

Mark my words.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

the problem here is money.

Give her a better offer/contract than her present job and she will quit. Simple as ABC.

Is she the breadwinner?

For example,If she earns 300k from her current job, then offer her 500k monthly salary with the same working hours as her current job and other better incentives,for her to stay at home, clean the house, give you sex and look after the children. look a with option of promotion after 1 year and above based on her work performance.

The reason she's at her current job is that there's no better alternative. Not everybody is built for the stay at home wife life. Why must she be the one to sacrifice for the marriage.
If you want her at home that badly, then pay her to stay.

My response to you is that - Marriage is not always what you think it is or what you expect it to be. The secret to keeping a marriage together is adjustment. You have to be flexible, tolerant and persevering. The good news is that, no situation stays the same forever. Things will keep getting better.
All those hot sex, staying together (just the 2 of you), you can as well kiss them good bye . Even if she resigns and runs a shop, she will still not have the time like the pre-marital period. Some things have changed and you guys will just have to adjust accordingly and keep it together.
Good luck!

gabicon:
Be careful how you handle this matter, women too require a job to give them fulfillment or a sense that they matter in life. So your wife has to balance a triangle in her life, which are her job, her children and her husband. Unfortunately, you the husband are getting the shortest end of the triangle.

What you both need is a reconnection, by the way it can be an hormonal issue or a health challenge, but you guys have to have an honest conversation without you nagging of lack of attention. On of these Fridays just buy ice cream put it in the freezer and tell her you have date night, get the kids to bed early and you guys sit and have ice cream and talk, ask her what her challenges are and how you can help make the burden lighter, express your need for sex and how it's important to your wellbeing, ask if you can come up with a system that can be mutually beneficial to both of you.

he wants her to quit her job.

Out of nowhere

In this economy

Berankis:
My response to you is that - Marriage is not always what you think it is or what you expect it to be. The secret to keeping a marriage together is adjustment. You have to be flexible, tolerant and persevering, but the good news is that, no situation stays the same forever. Things will keep getting better.
All those hot sex, staying together (just the 2 of you). You can as well kiss it good bye . Even if she resigns and runs a shop, she will still not have the time like the pre-marital period. Some things have changed and you guys will just have to adjust accordingly and keep it together.
Good luck!

He should pay her if he wants her to stay at home that badly.

Is this your wife also assisting the house financially or she's the type that her money is her money alone because if she's not, then there's no need for her working and even the business you intend opening for her is for you to give her some money for her to complete the rest

You think God that made man polygamous in Nature doesn't know what he is doing? Once a woman has kids her love is now for them and that's where you find another woman to support you emotionally till that one also zones off

Divorce her so someone else can take her off your hands. You can find a new wife.

NotOfThisWorld:
A woman should never quit her job for a man and it's selfish of you to ask that of her. You didn't mention the nature of her job but perhaps she could do part-time, if that's possible, but completely quitting should be unacceptable.

Of what use is the job at the expense of their marriage and happiness. Men sacrifice a lot just to make the family better and nobody hears about it but when it comes to most of U women U find it difficult to sacrifice for the greater good. Did U not read up on him making plans and provisions for alternatives already? What does that tell U? But U only see him being selfish forgetting he's more concerned about "them" and Ur here like most women concerned about urself only. Na God go help some of una

sylve11:
He doesn't know.

They are already sleeping with her

Alusiizizi:
You are a "Christian", whatever the hell that means? You can't "cheat"? Normally, I don't give response to these sort of cry-baby marriage issues but I make an exception here, especially in such a case where the man is involved in self-deceit.

First of all, there is not a single married woman on earth, not especially a Nigerian woman that will pass up a comfortable life where a supposedly well-to-do husband will set up a business for her and take care of her needs for some drudgy 4:30am to 5:30pm dead-end job that includes 3 Saturdays per month and has her returning home exhausted every single day of the year, so I can come to only two conclusions: Either you're telling us a fake story or your wife is on with another man at her job and hence willing to go through all that trouble. Stop deceiving yourself and investigate a bit further.

I am a nigerian woman and I will rather run the drudgy job than take the business especially if it is not on a scale big enough to satisfy me. I love my job.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

I have solution to your issue. If you can relax that your last paragraph, you will find peace and happiness again in your life. You will be glad you did. Talking from experience.

Someone once told me that as a man, when u get married, you'll masturbate more than you have sex ..

I thought he was joking

Now that I'm married ,I've found it to be true

In marriage , there's not enough time for intimacy cos ur work and kids always get in the way.
Sex is now like a chore not spontaneous as before ....

All I can say is," may God help us."

dkidd:
Of what use is the job at the expense of their marriage and happiness. Men sacrifice a lot just to make the family better and nobody hears about it but when it comes to most of U women U find it difficult to sacrifice for the greater good. Did U not read up on him making plans and provisions for alternatives already? What does that tell U? But U only see him being selfish forgetting he's more concerned about "them" and Ur here like most women concerned about urself only. Na God go help some of una

women already sacrifice a lot in marriage. Both parties sacrifice.

apprentist:
See eh... I had to type this here cus I've run out of ideas. Don't know who to talk to or even next step to take.
Back then I used to blame men for cheating or fighting with their wife. But now, I'm pushed to do either.

Fight? Oh why?

Some people would recommend fighting for what you love... Like the hell, what's the nonsense about that when we're talking about someone who's supposedly ya partner...

Abegi gih yasef peace and do the needful. What's the nonsense talk about not divorcing someone whose character shows thay want out? Religious belief will only shackle you and force you to suffer unnecessarily...

Be good to yasef and go for peace of mind. HBP be like the work of witches o, when e strike person fit collapse and that's all...

Educationalserv:
marry Second wife problem solved
you be African Man don't let Europeans used religion to make you unafrica

No sense in this. Do you have any idea about the troubles that comes with getting a second wife?

DrFunmisticGlow:
women already sacrifice a lot in marriage. Both parties sacrifice.

It seems the understanding with the religious is that the woman has to be the one making most all of the sacrificing. OP's dick has to be served and the wife has to be willing to sacrifice her career dreams for it's sake. 😁

NwaAmaikpe:



We have all been misled for so long, but it is best we demystify this myth, not for ourselves but for posterity and people in your shoes; because you will soon be gaslighted by woke people who will call you inconsiderate, selfish, nagging and not supportive enough.

First things first, she has to quit the job and be a housewife for a while if you are to salvage your relationship.

Sex is not a want, it is a need.
A human need, which comes with an urge....just the same way as hunger.

We all know that women view marriage as a trophy that gives them the privilege of the title 'Mrs' and having children, but she should not rub it on your face that your job is done.

It is justified to come back from work really drained and not have the appetite for sex, just like it is possible to come back so drained from work that you can't even eat till you've rested.
You've not written anywhere that you chuck your preek straight at her face once she walks through the door, so I just have to believe that you initiate sex when you have assessed it to be alright to.

As long as a person is not mentally or emotionally distressed wherein a temporary loss in appetite arises,
(emphasis on the word temporary, because when someone gets a terrible news, they'd instantly lose the appetite for food, and grieve for days but they eventually recommence eating).

So a persistent refusal of intimacy and becoming workcentric despite appeals and interventions from her parents is a symptom of an even more malignant problem.
How come the same woman who is too tired for sex, is not too tired to breastfeed her kids; simply because it is a need.
But these are both needs?

My worry even gets worse with your concern about the kids not getting much attention from her.
If her job is not what the family survives on, why will she be that passionate to work on public holidays, school holidays, and every Saturday?
Reflect on this and you'd see, you alone enabled her!

Verily, verily, I can say unto you, if the Holy Bible deemed it fit to equate a mother's love and attention for her own kids as unshakeable, then you do not need a native doctor to tell you there is a big distraction somewhere.

A big distraction that she has become addicted to, because every woman who has cheated will tell you that there is nothing as addictive as the attention from a strange man.
So break the addiction and get her to quit that job ASAP.

God forbid that a woman you married with your own money does not get turned on when you touch her.
It is a natural response to stimuli, because that same woman who has painted sex with you to be a difficult chore will get drenchingly wet if she reads an erotic novel, watch porn or gets fiddled by another man.

Social media, streaming sites, greed, an excess of men ever-ready to shag people's wifes and acute poverty has made Nigerian women extremely susceptible to not just being distracted but ultimately unfaithful.

If she does not value your preek, look for someone who will. But because no one will love your preek like you, try to masturrbate a bit more as you seek clarity to this misfortune in your relationship.

Because like I said when i started off, sex is a need and if she does not want to get this need from you, who then is meeting this need for her when she leaves your house for work?

So what is the summary of what you just wrote, in two short sentences

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Bros, even before reading your message, I could already tell—it’s the lack of sex that’s disturbing your peace.

But let me be honest with you: you're not being a supportive husband at all. Marriage is about checks and balances. It's not always smooth, but it’s the commitment that makes it worthwhile.

Let me tell you a bit about my own situation.
I got married in 2016, and today we have three beautiful children—two girls and a boy. My wife is currently in Ontario, Canada, pursuing her postgraduate studies. Meanwhile, I'm here in Nigeria, holding things down—working full-time in the telecoms industry and taking care of the kids.

And no, I’m not jobless or struggling financially—I earn a decent salary. But more importantly, I’m grounded in my faith. I’ve never cheated on my wife, and I don’t plan to, not today, not tomorrow.

I believe deeply in family, and I don’t see the sacrifices I’m making as suffering. I see them as investments—ones that I believe will yield fruit in due time.

So my brother, relax. Take a chill pill and embrace this phase in your marriage. It’s just a season, and like all seasons, it will pass. And when it does, you'll look back and thank yourself—and maybe even thank me—for staying strong.

samuelson06:
No sense in this. Do you have any idea about the troubles that comes with getting a second wife?

Which trouble pass the one him dey now . Life too short . Aboki is marrying 4 no wahala wetin be two