Living With Parents At 37 - Family (3)

Living With Parents At 37 - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Nobody: 3:22pm On May 27, 2025

folake4u:
🥰🥰

Lawyer life nor easy but we keep pushing through. Thanks for asking.💜

Well personally, I believe in Marriage for companionship purpose. Procreation is secondary in my books.

Ehn ehn, is that so, @ the bolded? Were you and Farfalla not the ones trying to convince me otherwise about procreation one time? Or am I mistaking?

How did you get to this point of procreation being secondary for you? I'm curious o, because the society will have us women believing we want children more than we crave air to breathe and water to drink.

Are you into litigation or corporate law practice?

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by folake4u: 3:26pm On May 27, 2025

Klass99:
Ehn ehn, is that so, @ the bolded? Were you and Farfalla not the ones trying to convince me otherwise about procreation one time? Or am I mistaking?

How did you get to this point of procreation being secondary for you? I'm curious o, because the society will have us women believing we want children more than we crave air to breathe and water to drink.

Are you into litigation or corporate law practice?

Lol it's not me oh, Klass. You're mistaken. cheesy

Oh, it's ALWAYS been like this for me. I'm a very selfish woman. tongue

I'm an In-house Counsel. wink

Wanna transition outside Law soon though.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Konquest: 3:50pm On May 27, 2025*

Klass99:
I'm leaving as soon as Seun reactivates that option. The guy is too stubborn I even asked him to please deactivate my account from his end as a super moderator and he didn't which is why I am still here commenting. I have never seen this kind of stubborn human being.

Yesterday I was reading a foreign blog similar to NL (but far more civil/respectful) where users engage with each other in the comments section. One user shared this, I have five more weeks to work and then I am going to… retire. July looks like a fog bank to me. I have no idea what is going to happen or what I will do. It will be the first time in more than 40 years that I have not been working for money. I’m freaked out that I might have more than 40 years ahead of me not working for money! Words of wisdom for this transition?

He or she received 34 replies with helpful information that I learned from. It's not so much about having huge bucks to retire, it's more about finding something or anything that keeps our brains active, it's about hobbies or activities that allow for social interactions and engagement with others.

Sadly, we don't have that sort of thing in Naija for older/retired citizens so they turn to their adult children to mount pressure and in some cases emotional blackmail in a bid to solve the social isolation and loneliness they feel.

There were suggestions in that blog about volunteering at a food bank, joining a knitting class, signing up for local classes/programmes designed for senior citizens, etc. Things which made sense to do as a retiree but where you wan see that kind thing for Naija?

The last time I visited home my parents hardly went out because there was really no where to go to or a purpose for even going out like a knitting class, town hall meeting, etc. Their health challenges was likely a hindering factor too, in fact one of my siblings said there's nothing much going on in this town/city people are just growing old or dying, which was true.

Old age and retirement in Naija is rough sha. You can have shelter, food and money but a lack of social interaction and engaging activities to participate in, can still cause isolation and loneliness.

He's NOT gonna reactivate that deactivate option any time soon.

He gave one security-related reason for sustaining the deactivation button till now on one of his recent threads. Tbh, people have the prerogative to leave and that should NEVER be denied by anyone. I use IG more for high networth activities but I also like the simple interface and highly attractive light green/monocrome green colors used here.

I used to use "NigeriansInAmerica" a lot among other discussion forums (before accidentally stumbling on Nairaland in March 2005 just right after NL was launched by Seun when he was ONLY just 23 years old). I've been a member of this discussion forum for 20 years now since 2005 starting off with an older NL account which I still have before registering this current one in 2008. I know how this discusssion forum used to have a lot of Diasporan Nigerians and foreigners but many have since left. I've ONLY stayed on here since 2005 like a few of us veterans because NL is a good source of business and information-based data mining for me and I've met some of the most brilliant guys who I've networked with over the years.

Second, with reference to the rest of your insightful feedback, the REASON WHY I emphasized on having adequate funds in my case for the senior citizen years is that MONEY smoothens things out a lot! With money, you can practically go ANY where you want to go on Earth and engage in a LOT more social activities which you are indeed right about. We humans are social creatures hence, even with money, things get REALLY BORING if we don't engage in outings and socializations like you accurately stated. Money enables you to ALSO CLEARLY afford the right medications and advanced treatments for age-related ailments such as Parkinson's, Type 2 diabetes, High blood pressure, Prostrate inflammation, different cancer types, etc, that suddenly creep up at over 65 and exert financial and emotional pressures on everyone. Regenerative medicine and other highly effective modern treatments come to mind here BUT they require funds and some health insurance policies don't cover cancer treatments. WITHOUT good health, you can't engage in effective social interactions which off course can be further enhanced through the use of the biggest social tool and the biggest University on Earth... The Internet.

Did you know that it's the normal culture in Italy for adult children and their parents to still live together or very close to one another? So, that Idea of African children being expected to be close to their parents in old age is also unique to a LOT of cultures worldwide except the Western countries of the United States, some parts of the UK (the Manchester area where my younger biological brother has been living in for many years is still very family oriented for the native White folks there, unlike in London where folks largely keep to themselves) that came up with that concept of being "social lone rangers" from the wild decades of the 1960s till date while living on credit cards and debt-based consumption. BUT it has it's demerits too and you can't be expecting your biological children to do everything for you. Medication in old age can be very costly as well if you don't live in a country where social security exists.

Your deeper insights here on social interaction through hobbies, other activities and companionship for senior citizens are appreciated. You are a bundle of intelligence and a "solutions-based person" just like me. I detest when people complain excessively about issues when solutions are right within nearly every challenge or problem on Earth.

We'll talk later as I have some things to round off within the next 1 hour.

Ciao.

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Konquest: 5:46pm On May 27, 2025

folake4u:
Lol it's not me oh, Kla.ss. You're mistaken.

Oh, it's ALWAYS been like this for me. I'm a very selfish woman.

I'm an In-house Counsel. Wanna transition outside Law soon though.

@Folake,

Let me break the ice here.

I like the way YOU'VE been operating in "stealth mode." It reveals a lot about the inner workings of the resident ex-Uniben "In-house Counsel."

This is the end of May 2025 and you NEVER bothered to say one word of "hello." It shows you can be a "hard-minded" lawyer.

Really? Ah! "What are you "transitioning" into outside law Folake?"

Anyways, enjoy your day, and the rest of 2025 leading right into 2026.

Ciao.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by folake4u: 8:02pm On May 27, 2025

Konquest:
@Folake,

Let me break the ice here.

I like the way YOU'VE been operating in "stealth mode." It reveals a lot about the inner workings of the resident ex-Uniben "In-house Counsel."

This is the end of May 2025 and you NEVER bothered to say one word of "hello." It shows you can be a "hard-minded" lawyer.

Really? Ah! "What are you "transitioning" into outside law Folake?"

Anyways, enjoy your day, and the rest of 2025 leading right into 2026.

Ciao.

Hi Sir. Happy New Year.

All these big big grammar though. Lol.

Truly, I'm a hard minded lawyer, it's a good thing though. cheesy

I hope you've been fine as well.

Well, I can transition into anything. Teaching, strip dancing, Prophetess etc.

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by NigeriaIsGreat: 8:19pm On May 27, 2025

pansophist:
Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent diid for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland account, I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

i really pity anyone asking your type for advice. So you expect the man to abandoned his aged parents for nanny?

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Tallesty1(m): 9:02pm On May 27, 2025

folake4u:
Hi Sir. Happy New Year.

All these big big grammar though. Lol.

Truly, I'm a hard minded lawyer, it's a good thing though.

I hope you've been fine as well.

Well, I can transition into anything. Teaching, strip dancing, Prophetess etc.

1 Like

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by folake4u: 9:12pm On May 27, 2025

[quote author=Tallesty1 post=135531751][/quote]😂😂😂

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Nobody: 9:18pm On May 27, 2025*

Konquest:
[b]He's NOT gonna reactivate that deactivate option any time soon.

He gave one security-related reason for sustaining the deactivation button till now on one of his recent threads. Tbh, people have the prerogative to leave and that should NEVER be denied by anyone.

How recent is that thread? I've wondered why he never engages back to explain why he disabled that feature and why he won't bring it back. I'm surprised to read that he did, I'll try and find the thread from his profile. And yes I agree that money helps a lot towards old age retirement planning.

folake4u:
Well, I can transition into anything. Teaching, strip dancing, Prophetess etc.

Lol

and shaking my head.

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by folake4u: 7:33am On May 28, 2025

Klass99:
Lol and shaking my head.

Yes na. I'm very flexible. grin

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Jiola(m): 2:46pm On May 28, 2025

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.

My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

@37?? You have to get ur own family ooo

Get an househelp for them nw and go create ur own family

1 Like

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by cyberbro: 2:49pm On May 28, 2025

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.

My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Get an accommodation close to your parents' house if possible, that way you can check on them from time to time and still have your own privacy. You can move out of the house, but make necessary arrangements for their security and well-being, that's the most important.

Once you're not too far from them and you check on them at least once or twice a week, they'll get used to it and it would be a win-win for everyone.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by tunary(m): 2:50pm On May 28, 2025

A very big shame

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by naturefellow(m): 2:51pm On May 28, 2025

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Anijay1212(m): 2:51pm On May 28, 2025

jimmyolasun:
I am in the same shoes as you.. don't mind anyone asking you to go out and leave your parents. I just jejely constructed an apartment and renovated the house. And living peacefully..

Same here also.
God bless you.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Rexymania(m): 2:52pm On May 28, 2025

37? I dey fear when I clocked 31

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by abbey621(m): 2:54pm On May 28, 2025

Maybe if you stopped wasting so much money on puna, you would have enough to be able to move out and get a maid/nurse for your aging parents!

1 Like

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by gigabyte13: 2:55pm On May 28, 2025

You need to move on for your own good.
If you die today today
They will survive.
Look for a good neighbor to take care of them by sending them upkeep weekly or monthly as you dim fit and check on them physically and by call too .

They have lived their lives, you need to live yours.
Don't waste the most beautiful part of your youthful life because of emotions.

You are a good, well brought up person
But
Live on brother.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Angelfrost(m): 2:57pm On May 28, 2025

Even your parents, if they truly love you, will advise you to move on...!

What you are doing is not a man's job, except he is paid for it.

Call your siblings and have a discussion... You all should get them housekeeper and care staff.

Such living with parents will mentally hinder you from pushing to have a proper life and relationship.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Gabriel411: 3:01pm On May 28, 2025

I'm curious why there aren't any senior homes in Nigeria. This seems like a great business opportunity.

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Tradepunter2: 3:01pm On May 28, 2025

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

You hit a very valid point..... Here in Switzerland, I know a Chinese family and indian family that have both their parents living with them.... Their houses am sure was intentionally acquired to house the large amount of members...... The Italians I know also have this also..... And their married grown up kids are always around weekends and most of the times on weekends.... I am not sure Africans are communal, we are far far from it

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by nairalanda1(m): 3:03pm On May 28, 2025

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

1. It was not always so. Most africans, even now, live in multi generational households like op.

2. The idea that parents and kids live apart was imported from America in the 1970's...when the US had a lot of industrial jobs and relatively cheap housing which meant an 18 year old could move out of their parent's house with ease and get a job.

3. The US still has parents and kids living together...BUT....that is economics. Rent and housing is very expensive in the USA. Also the collapse of most manufacturing in the US, and the robotonization of the rest, means that a young person has to go to college to have a chance of getting a job. Which leaves them with debt that has to be paid back...which means they have to live with their parents...OR share a house with other young people.

4. Asian countries do have multi generational households though.

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Re: Living With Parents At 37 by tunapawizzy: 3:04pm On May 28, 2025

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them good decision

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life. as long as living with them is not limiting you from making moves towards economic and financial empowerment, nothing wrong in still staying with them, no kill urself with pressure.

My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family. why do you want to go create your own family when you it appears you dont have the means. have u not seen people that started creating their own family at the age of 25 and by the time they are 35, they have lost the family. You should only be creating a family if you have the means to raise the family you want to create

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them. once again if moving out is not increasing your chances of making money, why do you then want to move out

What should i do? whatever makes you happy and gives you peace

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by correctguy101(m): 3:07pm On May 28, 2025

SultanOfPuna:
ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.
The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.
They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.
Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

In the 90s... My late old man had such beliefs too. But you know how it is with extended families, the disappointment ge brought to stay with us poisoned him.

So know even family members are easily swayed to do evil sometimes. Especially when jealousy is involved.

Do as you see fit. Employ a cleaner from a cleaning company. If it's cooking, there should not even be a problem. Mama can do that as old people have special diets and sm during times she can't do it, it's easy to get someone who'd do it for a small fee.

Just saying.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by pocohantas(f): 3:07pm On May 28, 2025

Angelfrost:
Even your parents, if they truly love you, will advise you to move on...!

What you are doing is not a man's job, except he is paid for it.

Call your siblings and have a discussion... You all should get them housekeeper and care staff.

Such living with parents will mentally hinder you from pushing to have a proper life and relationship.

Interesting. Whose job is it ?

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Nobody: 3:07pm On May 28, 2025

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.

My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Stay with them. Marry who can bear your life. Hire a caretaker for your parents incase of chores.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by Angelfrost(m): 3:11pm On May 28, 2025

pocohantas:
Interesting. Whose job is it ?

Traditionally, women do that...! If you were born and raised in Nigeria, you will know that taking care of parents in old age is largely and exclusively handled by women.

That's also why a larger percentage of care home staff are females, mostly matured and experienced.

Of course, there are few exceptions and instances where men handle this, but that is not common.

Re: Living With Parents At 37 by pocohantas(f): 3:12pm On May 28, 2025

Angelfrost:
Traditionally, women do that...! If you were born and raised in Nigeria, you will know that taking care of parents in old age is largely and exclusively handled by women.

That's also why a larger percentage of care home staff are females, mostly matured and experienced.

Of course, there are few exceptions and instances where men handle this, but that is not common.

Okay. Taking care of aged parents FOC is the job of women _wives and female kids.

Got you! 🙌

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