I have been involved in quite a number of discussions and debates of this nature where some believe that the only way to bring up children is by beating them. Others believe the opposite is true. I was brought up by parents who considered heavy handedness as a parental virtue and they never spared the rod in dealing with us... I have noticed the same pattern in our educational setting where teachers prefer to communicate their emotion via the cane.
I personally think most of such beating comes from parents' and teachers' inability to rein in their temper, rather than the genuine interest in the child's well being.

I have my little children, and it is not difficult to talk things over with them, and even set up disciplinary measures that don't involve beating.

Looking back over your shoulders, would you say the kind of beating-filled/beating-devoid upbringing you received has affected your relationship with your parents? And would you accept teachers to beat your children anyhow?

I believe I am posting this in the right section.

Not an advocate of beating up a child.

Has the beating many Nigerians received during childhood translated to a more humane society, a less angry society, do we have less kidnapping, ritual killings, fraud, corruption, runs etc?

It seems childhood beating did not instill morals in many but succeeded in repressing them who later become wolves!

No I don't support violence even as a teacher....

One other thing I don't like is making students cut grass at school or sweeping.... it's child labour....


The school should do that not the students IMO

Spare the rod spoil the child is no longer for today's world especially since we began copying oyibos. I'm sure we can all see the impact in our society today where ordinary high school kids engage in immorality everyday and no one can whoop their asses without child rights folks calling for people's heads.

Yea, I may be against beating kids but I will support a few spanking in certain scenarios especially when it is solely used as corrective measure.

I can count how many times my dad whooped my ass because he rarely did and I felt bad at that time about the spankings but now, I'm glad he did. My mum's frequent slaps also helped to curb my naughtiness.

Yes

But with Straw

The thing is that when sanctioning an erring child, there are one million things to do to get them properly disciplined..it varies with each child, you just have to study them and know what works for such child.

I have a 5year old boy that what works for in terms of discipline is just to "quarantine" him(lolzzz),he will promise you heaven and earth just to be free, the thing scares him seriously.I use that to drive a point....I think it's same with every child just as a parent,be patient and fine out what works for that child....

Allow me to disagree with you on this. If we are to look at it objectively the oyibos have much better society using both economic and morality parameters to judge. So if we copy the good aspects of their life, it wouldn't be a bad idea at all.

Secondly, I don't think immorality is increasing everyday in our society like you have put it. Instead the ready access to the internet makes it easy for us to learn about things we wouldn't otherwise have known. Neither do I believe that this generation is worse than the previous. Our fathers and mothers and people before them were part of equally immoral generation, they simply like to be hypocritical when talking about the younger generation. Just like many of us might also feel like telling our kids that their generation is unnecessarily permissive morally speaking. It is all a lie. Our parents did their own kind of atrocities in their time, they were not saints.

Back to the oyibos, without flogging kids they somehow manage to produce more empathic and more human human beings that build the society. We continue to lay claim on a higher morality in our society yet we keep churning out terrorists, yahoo-yahoo, and corrupt individuals year in year out. It isn't a bad idea to copy their style of raising up kids.

J111333:
Spare the rod spoil the child is no longer for today's world especially since we began copying oyibos. I'm sure we can all see the impact in our society today where ordinary high school kids engage in immorality everyday and no one can whoop their asses without child rights folks calling for people's heads.

Yea, I may be against beating kids but I will support a few spanking in certain scenarios especially when it is solely used as corrective measure.

I can count how many times my dad whooped my ass because he rarely did and I felt bad at that time about the spankings but now, I'm glad he did. My mum's frequent slaps also helped to curb my naughtiness.

I completely agree with you. My boy too is five years old, and without having to beat him he is a very kind and smart kid.

My parents believed so much in beating and it ended up building a massive distance between them and the kids. We simply got better at hiding our thoughts and actions from them. Having such a distance from by kids is one thing that scares the hell out of me.

chii8:
The thing is that when sanctioning an erring child, there are one million things to do to get them properly disciplined..it varies with each child, you just have to study them and know what works for such child.

I have a 5year old boy that what works for in terms of discipline is just to "quarantine" him(lolzzz),he will promise you heaven and earth just to be free, the thing scares him seriously.I use that to drive a point....I think it's same with every child just as a parent,be patient and fine out what works for that child....

Yes

We beat cos we don't know how to communicate with our kids. Create soured relationships between parents and kids in the future and the cycle continues..


Kids nowadays are very outspoken. U can't silence them with beating and most times if u are patience enough to listen and assimilate, they make better argument than you. How a child should talk back at you is the problem.

U will have a friend if u see your child as a friend and confidant. Look at our society. Our parents beat the hell out of us. Are we better. We are very aggressive, lack patience and inherently wicked. These traits were formed when we were young. Thanks to beating and constant unnecessary nagging.

God bless you Sir!

descarado:
We beat cos we don't know how to communicate with our kids. Create soured relationships between parents and kids in the future and the cycle continues..


Kids nowadays are very outspoken. U can't silence them with beating and most times if u are patience enough to listen and assimilate, they make better argument than you. How a child should talk back at you is the problem.

U will have a friend if u see your child as a friend and confidant. Look at our society. Our parents beat the hell out of us. Are we better. We are very aggressive, lack patience and inherently wicked. These traits were formed when we were young. Thanks to beating and constant unnecessary nagging.

bizme:
Allow me to disagree with you on this. If we are to look at it objectively the oyibos have much better society using both economic and morality parameters to judge. So if we copy the good aspects of their life, it wouldn't be a bad idea at all.

Secondly, I don't think immorality is increasing everyday in our society like you have put it. Instead the ready access to the internet makes it easy for us to learn about things we wouldn't otherwise have known. Neither do I believe that this generation is worse than the previous. Our fathers and mothers and people before them were part of equally immoral generation, they simply like to be hypocritical when talking about the younger generation. Just like many of us might also feel like telling our kids that their generation is unnecessarily permissive morally speaking. It is all a lie. Our parents did their own kind of atrocities in their time, they were not saints.

Back to the oyibos, without flogging kids they somehow manage to produce more empathic and more human human beings that build the society. We continue to lay claim on a higher morality in our society yet we keep churning out terrorists, yahoo-yahoo, and corrupt individuals year in year out. It isn't a bad idea to copy their style of raising up kids.

Thank u
If u have a more emphatic people in the society, it will show in the level of corruption, wickedness, lawlessness and greed we have here. I have been asking, have we benefited through beating?
Some said if their parents didn't beat them, they wouldn't have turned out good. That's a very big lie. If your parents had seen u as a human and a friend first, talk to u like one, listen to your need (any child that's rebellious has need that's neglected), solve it or look for alternative, that child will know he or she is loved and cherished.
And in response will do anything to make you happy.

Also, thanks to religion. Pastor will tell you spare the rod and spoil the child and u will foolishly believe such stupid ideology cos it's written in the bible. It is well

Yes, but there should be a limit. I was thoroughly flogged while growing up but I turned out very well. There is a thin line between discipline and abuse and many parents cross the line without knowing.

Know when to use the cane and when to use your mouth

Why are most people here making it look like you just wake up and start beating a child for no reason? Of course no one in their right senses would do that. However, I feel it's necessary to employ flogging as a measure of correction when a child is being unruly and obstinate. Though, temperance should be observed when meting out such punishment.

Children have the tendency to grow wild and beyond control if not tamed in time. I am a product of moderate flogging and it has helped shaped my life for the better.

I once left my after school lessons and ran home to watch Robinhood. That day marked the beginning of the end of running away from lessons as my dad flogged the hell out of my body that day. It made me take my studies seriously.

So a little flogging here and there is not bad.

Yes on a good day after you've been warned several times.
This year alone I had bought up to 3 slippers for them and they'd throw it over the next compound while playing.costly kiddies footwearsoo. They usually land in a big gutter there which means no retrieval. I talked, threatened yet when I buy another one the same story.

I have had enough and after flogging them very well presented a new one. The one called bathroom slippers�.each #150

OMG,6 months after they are still intact to be washed every Saturday. If you see the carefulness. Lol

I believe in scolding before the cane. Corporal punishment should come in handy for very stubborn kids

Many times the fact that your children comply with your expectations after flogging doesn't mean you have achieved the goal of parenting. Many times it means we have bullied them into submission. Just like many kids would obey a bully in school, not out of reference or understanding, but out of primal fear.

Have you wondered why many children from strict upbringing mess up big time the first time they get to higher institution where no parents are to police them with flogging?

Children are children. They have an independent mind, and it is okay to cultivate communicating with them and even seek other options for exerting discipline like denying them of something they so much desire. Being children, there are many forms this could take.

If we are being objective, most of the flogging of children taking place around involve a scary dose of undisciplined temper on the part of the parent/teacher. Together with so much verbal abuses from them. The same with teachers in school: you explain something to your pupils which they don't understand. Rather than seek ways to communicate effectively, you start caning them blue black as though the process of caning would magically impart understanding.

I am not sure many people had the kind of flogging I had growing up, both at home and in school. It was almost literally a daily phenomenon. All of them out of anger. Yes, I have turned out marvelously well, but that's more in spite of those floggings rather than because of them. I plainly became immune to the beating, and very adept at hiding my terrible deeds. Last year when I told my mum some of those things I had been involved with as a teenager and living away from home, she almost held her head out of fear thanking God that I had survived them. Unfortunately, both of them have destroyed any semblance of friendship that should have existed between us as parents and children.

Our parents should learn to communicate with mouth rather than sticks.

CalliDora1:
Why are most people here making it look like you just wake up and start beating a child for no reason? Of course no one in their right senses would do that. However, I feel it's necessary to employ flogging as a measure of correction when a child is being unruly and obstinate. However, temperance should be observed when meting out such punishment.

Children have the tendency to grow wild and beyond control if not tamed in time. I am product of moderate flogging and it has helped shaped my life for the better.

I once left my after school lessons and ran home to watch Robinhood. That day marked the beginning of the end of running away from lessons as my dad flogged the hell out of my body that day. It made me take my studies seriously.

So a little flogging here and there is not bad.

As a teacher, should you find yourself working in a Country where you dare not beat a child, what will you do when a pupil is being unruly and obstinate?

Mindlog:


As a teacher, should you find yourself working in a Country where you dare not beat a child, what will you do when a pupil is being unruly and obstinate?

Of course I'll stick to the policy. As for my own children from my womb, I'll give corporal punishment. It helps. Trust me.

CalliDora1:


Of course I'll stick to the policy. As for my own children from my womb, I'll give corporal punishment. It helps. Trust me.

bizme:
Many times the fact that your children comply with your expectations after flogging doesn't mean you have achieved the goal of parenting. Many times it means we have bullied them into submission. Just like many kids would obey a bully in school, not out of reference or understanding, but out of primal fear.

Have you wondered why many children from strict upbringing mess up big time the first time they get to higher institution where no parents are to police them with flogging?

Children are children. They have an independent mind, and it is okay to cultivate communicating with them and even seek other options for exerting discipline like denying them of something they so much desire. Being children, there are many forms this could take.

If we are being objective, most of the flogging of children taking place around involve a scary dose of undisciplined temper on the part of the parent/teacher. Together with so much verbal abuses from them. The same with teachers in school: you explain something to your pupils which they don't understand. Rather than seek ways to communicate effectively, you start caning them blue black as though the process of caning would magically impart understanding.

I am not sure many people had the kind of flogging I had growing up, both at home and in school. It was almost literally a daily phenomenon. All of them out of anger. Yes, I have turned out marvelously well, but that's more in spite of those floggings rather than because of them. I plainly became immune to the beating, and very adept at hiding my terrible deeds. Last year when I told my mum some of those things I had been involved with as a teenager and living away from home, she almost held her head out of fear thanking God that I had survived them. Unfortunately, both of them have destroyed any semblance of friendship that should have existed between us as parents and children.

Our parents should learn to communicate with mouth rather than sticks.

I think there should be a balance over everything.
1. Flogging a child over every excuse may damage the child and distrust good communication between parent and child.
2. Not flogging too is not the holy grail of good child upbringing. We've seen many uncultured and undisciplined children come out of such (both in Nigeria and in the developed world)

Child discipline could involve
1. Speaking with them in love
2. Verbal scolding in love
3. Detention in love
4. Withdrawal of priviledges in love
5. Positive reinforcement of positive behaviours
6. Positive inducement
7. Caning/Flogging in love.

When child discipline is not balanced, anything could come out.

Finally, there is also the aspect of grace is bringing up a good child. Some children are just blessed to be nice and good IRRESPECTIVE of the method the parent use

Sure u can beat but no where to balance things up

Beating only teaches a child that violence is the only way to exercise authority.
Why do you think Nigerian soldiers are so brutal and violent towards citizens? the answer lies in the inhumane brutalisation they undergo as "military training"...

..beating may create "fear" in a child towards his/her parents but not neccesarily respect ... your actions, character and principles as a parent is what determines if your child truly respects and values your words.

Right from school, kids are spanked, flogged, brutalised yet, look at the society as a whole, so corrupt, full of wickedness and mediocrity. Beating doesn't instil discipline, neither is it a yardstick for morality. It hardens the heart of a child from a tender age and sows the seeds of hatred/wickedness.

The kind beating wey I don receive in my life no be here.

But that doesn't mean I go dey beat my children anyhow...there are cases where advise is better than beating

We should all understand that the enviroment plays a key role in determining a child's outcome, wether the rod was used or spared.

Everything in life is about balance.

My parents weren't too keen on using cane. They preferred giving me some advice here and there.

I don't think they flogged me up to 5 times all my life. I can vividly remember what I did in those 5 times.

So, I will train my child(ren) with advice, and cane them if required, depending on the gravity of the offence.


©️2020.

I agree with you especially @ the bolded. You just described my maths teacher in jss 1 & my dad. my maths teacher used to flog me on the palm of my legs *not really sure its the correct name*, my dad used to beat me like a thirf if i didn't get any question correctly.
This made me develop natural fear for mathematics & low self esteem, most times i'll know d answer to d questions but too scared to write dem cos i was always scared dat i will be beaten.
It was my mum who had d patience to bring out d genius in me. Today I'm very sure i know mathematics more than both of them.
Lets always study our kids closely, be their friends and you will see them do everything to please us.
My 2 wonderful kids are living examples

bizme:
Many times the fact that your children comply with your expectations after flogging doesn't mean you have achieved the goal of parenting. Many times it means we have bullied them into submission. Just like many kids would obey a bully in school, not out of reference or understanding, but out of primal fear.

Have you wondered why many children from strict upbringing mess up big time the first time they get to higher institution where no parents are to police them with flogging?

Children are children. They have an independent mind, and it is okay to cultivate communicating with them and even seek other options for exerting discipline like denying them of something they so much desire. Being children, there are many forms this could take.

If we are being objective, most of the flogging of children taking place around involve a scary dose of undisciplined temper on the part of the parent/teacher. Together with so much verbal abuses from them. The same with teachers in school: you explain something to your pupils which they don't understand. Rather than seek ways to communicate effectively, you start caning them blue black as though the process of caning would magically impart understanding.

I am not sure many people had the kind of flogging I had growing up, both at home and in school. It was almost literally a daily phenomenon. All of them out of anger. Yes, I have turned out marvelously well, but that's more in spite of those floggings rather than because of them. I plainly became immune to the beating, and very adept at hiding my terrible deeds. Last year when I told my mum some of those things I had been involved with as a teenager and living away from home, she almost held her head out of fear thanking God that I had survived them. Unfortunately, both of them have destroyed any semblance of friendship that should have existed between us as parents and children.

Our parents should learn to communicate with mouth rather than sticks.

I'm a firm believer of correcting a child.
if beating becomes necessary flog nonsense from the pikin body

but when it turns into abuse i wash my hands of it.

at the same time whenever I remember the cane I was unlucky to chop form my parents I feel lucky cause it made me who I am.
in my circle of friends there are some whose parents Never raised their hands on them yet they all alright.

study your child know his weak points and use it to correct and when they are matured stop even a slap can do dreaded damage to their esteem and mentality

it easier said than done especially in a country with so much anger and frustration no one has that patience... you'll just have to figure what works it parenting

You have o idea how glad I am reading about your experience, especially about your conclusion from the experience.

The palm of the leg is the sole of the foot.

cricifixo:
I agree with you especially @ the bolded. You just described my maths teacher in jss 1 & my dad. my maths teacher used to flog me on the palm of my legs *not really sure its the correct name*, my dad used to beat me like a thirf if i didn't get any question correctly.
This made me develop natural fear for mathematics & low self esteem, most times i'll know d answer to d questions but too scared to write dem cos i was always scared dat i will be beaten.
It was my mum who had d patience to bring out d genius in me. Today I'm very sure i know mathematics more than both of them.
Lets always study our kids closely, be their friends and you will see them do everything to please us.
My 2 wonderful kids are living examples

Sole of course...thanks for reminding me.
I had so much hatred for my maths teacher dat i always skipped maths class

bizme:
You have o idea how glad I am reading about your experience, especially about your conclusion from the experience.

The palm of the leg is the sole of the foot.

chii8:
The thing is that when sanctioning an erring child, there are one million things to do to get them properly disciplined..it varies with each child, you just have to study them and know what works for such child.

I have a 5year old boy that what works for in terms of discipline is just to "quarantine" him(lolzzz),he will promise you heaven and earth just to be free, the thing scares him seriously.I use that to drive a point....I think it's same with every child just as a parent,be patient and fine out what works for that child....

some kids defy all these butty methods, some even defy all teaching theories ( behaviourism et Al)

streetsoldier1:


some kids defy all these butty methods, some even defy all teaching theories ( behaviourism et Al)

In child training,God factor can not also be ignored!Also I noticed that sometimes children has a way of interpreting emotions (pain, sadness),as I have met a very stubborn boy who seems to be defying every discplinary methods I knew,I decided to befriend him and pay closer attention to him,he opened up about his parents, his parents were separated and his father forcefully took him away from his mother at 13years,he wants to go back to his mother but his father won't allow him and his father's new wife was abusive.The boy used stubbornness to wage war against his father and the new wife which was in turn affecting his academics.When I approached the father,he said that the boy's mother died a year ago and they hid the news from the boy.

Infact it's a long story....so some times, there's a reason a child is actually misbehaving, to you (parents),it might be infinitesimal but to the child, it's a big deal.


By the way,my nairaland first post in 2021