I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin - Family - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin (2306 Views)
| I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 5:02pm On May 28, 2025*. Modified: 1:30pm On May 29, 2025 |
Please, the intent of this post is NOT to Garner sympathy or pity. No. Some years ago, my cousin(Male) who also doubled as a close friend betrayed and severed our brotherhood. And I vowed Never to have anything to do with him again. His father was my Dad's elder brother and was a bit wealthy but passed on about 7yrs ago due to heart failure. Though I lost my own dad 12 years before my uncle's demise. I was meant to live with him and his family after my dad's death but it later didn't work out because of the terrible woman he Married. The woman hates every member of her husband's family & would stop at nothing to get rid of you if you try to go close. 9 years ago, my cousin almost went to jail, he was at the police headquarters in my state for 3weeks. What was his offence?. A gun was found in his car. He was arrested at a party alongside five of his friends. The police put all the five friends, including my cousin in their van. And when they arrived the station, the claimed to have found a gun inside my cousin's car. All his friends denied owning the Gun, so the police concluded that it was the owner of the car that owned the Gun. The next day, two of his friends were bailed out, two days later, another friend was also bailed by his people. At a point only cousin was left in the cell(Dark Cell). Being his closest cousin, he had to phone me & informed me. He told me not to tell his mum who was in another part of the state. So, I didn't inform anyone. Everyday, I was going to check on him with food & other items. The transport alone was something else. I would lie to my boss just to get permission and leave for the station to see him. The IPO in charge of the case would call me to demand for bribe so they would kill the matter to avoid been taken to the court. IPO would say I should "Water the ground". I emptied my savings as a result. No family member heard about this. An idea dropped on me at this point, and I asked, "Why was the car not searched at the scene where u guys were arrested" ?. Also, why did none of his friends sit in the car with the police? So it was possible that the policemen planted the Gun in the car. Eventually we hired a Lawyer and took the case to court, we won. When he came out, he knelt down and was thanking me for standing by him. I almost got locked for defending him. In the end, he confessed to me that he was the owner of the Gun cos he's a cultist. But at the time of this incident, I did know he was a cultist. The Main Issue: Three years after this incident, I became stranded, had no place to stay. I was at level Zero. I had been thrown out of my apartment. I was schooling and working, and had no funds left after paying my fees. I have no parents as well. No elder ones either. I ran to take refuge in my cousin's mansion which his late father built, but he refused. His mum refused. I knelt down and begged, but no way. Even the village elders told the wife to allow me live with them but the woman influenced the son not to allow me in. That point, I felt like my life had ended. I was hopping from one friend's house to another each night. I wasn't even bathing. I would bathe today and bath next in two days time. I was frustrated with life. Had to sell my Android phone to feed. I began to work as a garage tout to get daily money ahead of sch resumption. I was so bitter that I vowed never be called his cousin again. Today, myself and him are in an entirely new state. Same state. He's stranded and has nowhere to live. He's on the streets now. He has called and sent messages apologizing for what happened many years ago. I don't pick his calls and I don't reply his msgs Either. I've tried to let the past go, but I totally can't. This is a guy that you can be with him this night and he would be traveling to another far away state/city and he will not tell you about his trip. Then, when u go to visit his house the next morning and u ask about him, they will tell u he has just travelled to Lagos. He did this twice , then I began to ask myself so many questions. Imagine how stupid I would look before everyone considering how close we were. I was deeply hurt by people that should love me, I was never loved as a child and somehow, it had a psychological and mental impact on me. I lost all confidence in humanity. I see people as wicked. I concluded that since I don't have parents, I'm just the only one left in this entire world. It is me against the world. I haven't made it yet, I'm still struggling. But thank God I have a decent accommondation to sleep in. My background has made me to turn an introvert. I don't have a close friend. I don't trust people. I don't believe in relationships. I can't open up to people. I see everyone as betrayer. The Most painful part was that same cousin threw my Bag out of the house. I already took my travel bag with clothes there, kept them in the parlor and waited outside till himself and the mum returned from where they went, he saw my bag and threw it out. This hurt me badly. My only desire and prayers now is for God to connect me to the right people so I can get a job and enjoy every fruit of my hard labor over the years. I have suffered a lot right from birth as if I was cursed. I've been through a lot over the years and I wish I could get the necessary support from you. Support to Help improve my life and general wellbeing. Thank you to everyone. God bless you all. Mynd44 Lalasticlala Nlfpmod Seun Fergie001 Nlfpmod 9 Likes
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| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by AVECDEO: 5:10pm On May 28, 2025 |
He’s learning the hard way. Don’t worry about him, he’ll figure it out just as you did back in the days. 10 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Babamide(m): 5:16pm On May 28, 2025 |
Such is Life Helping someone today doesn't mean they would not turn their back on you tomorrow. The best one can do is to make sure one's offspring never has to pass through such tribulations. Forgiving is easy, forgetting is the hard part. 4 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Kobojunkie: 5:31pm On May 28, 2025*. Modified: 5:53pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol:The reason you wrote this here is because you already know the right thing to do and are instead here to find validation for why you should probably not do it, right?  If you wish to heal from all your hurts, do what you think is best for you to do, given all of the angst and hurt that you have built up inside of you. Closing yourself off from others has not helped you so far. Continuing down that path does not hold any hope. So, step out of yourself and do what you know is likely to help you heal from the hurts these people inflicted on you in the past — the power the memory of what they did holds over you still. 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by correctyourself(m): 5:49pm On May 28, 2025 |
Two of you are not different because he was arrested for such offense and you had the mind to keep it away from his parents, why should they trust and allowed you into their house with such mind, again who knows what he has done again that he is stranded? For me i would move far away from you. |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 5:52pm On May 28, 2025 |
correctyourself:Lemme block u ASAP 7 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:02pm On May 28, 2025 |
Hey Op Amingol Are you a Christian? 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 6:11pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:Yes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:29pm On May 28, 2025*. Modified: 6:51pm On May 28, 2025 |
[b] OP Amingol If you are a Christian (or even a Muslim) I need to tell you that you have to "urgently" forgive your cousin Reasons are 1.God would be really happy with you 2.You would not experience hardship again How do I know this Firstly, Jesus commanded in Luke 6 27. "But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. (Luke 6: 27-28) [/b Are you a true son of God? Are you a true child of God! If you think so, do you meet this criteria: But love your enemies, and do [them] good, and lend, never despairing; and your reward shall be great, and [b]ye shall be sons of the Most High: [/b]for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil. (Luk 6: 35) [bIf you can't forgive your cousin,I'm sorry you can't say you are a true son of God because,your Father in heaven himself is still kind to the evil and unthankful people. Now,do you know the major advantage of truly being a Child of God? You would have an easy access to ask him for your needs and get them, without any form of stress. This criteria is very important,and it is highly overlooked by Christians who spend hours praying and going through hunger in churches everywhere and still hate people in their hearts. Jesus said "Love your neighbors as yourself" If you love your cousin,you wouldn't find it difficult to forgive him If you don't love your cousin,you have no relationship with God because it means you are not following the teachings of Christ: Anyone who wanders away from this teaching has no relationship with God. But anyone who remains in the teaching of Christ has a relationship with both the Father and the Son. (2John 1: 9) OP, do you have needs that you have made known to God, in most cases, he has not answered because you probably don't have a relationship with him according to this verse above See this also: 8. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10. This is real love-- not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 11. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. (1John 4: 8-11) OP Amingol, don't put yourself into an unending cycle of hardship and suffering because you don't have a true relationship with God. Don't let a simple act of forgiving someone hinder you from getting everything you need from God as his son. 22. And we will receive from him whatever we ask because we obey him and do the things that please him. 23. And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us. (1John 3: 22-23) OP! OP!!! I suffered for many years because I did not have the knowledge of all these things I am telling you right now I spent days praying, crying, going through hunger(in the name of Fasting), enduring frustration but nothing, not a single thing changed.It all seemed like God had ignored me. But now, with all these verses and others, I finally knew why it was like that. Things are now falling in place drastically I usually feel like crying for all the needless suffering and thankfulness for the simple knowledge that it's ignorance has caused me pain all these while [/b] 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:37pm On May 28, 2025 |
OP Amingol OP! Do you love Jesus? Do you know what actually can make Jesus love you  Jesus said 21. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and [b]manifest myself to him." 22. Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" 23. Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. (John 14: 21-23) [/b] |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 6:38pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:I believe u can see what I'm sending to you? U can se ur notifications |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:42pm On May 28, 2025 |
OP Amingol Jesus said "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" Except you are perfect and sinless If you don't do the simple act of forgiving, your sins are really not going to be forgiven A woman who was totally seen as a sinner by everyone came to Jesus and applied oil to his feet with her hair.It was a way for her to show love to Jesus and for this she was forgiven all her "much sins" See what Jesus said at the ending "I tell you, her sins-- and they are many-- have been forgiven, for she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." (Luke 7: 47) |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:44pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol:Okay I just saw it |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 6:44pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:Pls reach me privately and all stop these. Pls. This isn't how to counsel someone 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:48pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol: Okay Sorry if it felt somehow I typed all of these here because of any other person who reads what you said and have a similar reason or any reason at all to not forgive anyone 🙏 |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by AllBlack: 6:51pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol:If you forgive a snake one more time then you deserve to die by the venom of that very snake. No matter how many times a snake sheds its skin, it will always be a snake. Keep being emotional and thinking of forgiveness, that is how weak people get eaten. 5 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 6:55pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:The time u took to respond to this would have been used to respond privately. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:56pm On May 28, 2025 |
AllBlack:[b]Very funny Amingol God has not given you the spirit of fear Not even snakes.If you only first believe in Jesus by accepting to love and forgive 17. These miraculous signs will accompany those who believe: They will cast out demons in my name, and they will speak in new languages. 18. They will be able to handle snakes with safety, and if they drink anything poisonous, it won't hurt them. They will be able to place their hands on the sick, and they will be healed." (Mark 16: 17-18) Another version 17. These signs will be with those who believe. They will drive bad spirits out of people by using my name. They will speak new languages. 18. They will take up snakes. If they drink poison, it will not make them sick. They will put their hands on sick people and sick people will get well again.’ (Mar 16: 17-18) Except you don't believe in Jesus, If you do, he would make it easy for you to forgive You just have to make up your mind first and tell him(Jesus) that you are willing to forgive. When you do this,because you believe what Jesus has said that if you love him(by following his commandments) he would love you and he would manifest himself to you. You won't need to fear any snake or anything at all[/b] |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Kobojunkie: 6:57pm On May 28, 2025 |
AllBlack:So, OP should continue to sacrifice his own emotional health and well-being for the sake of these people whom you describe as venomous snakes? 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 6:57pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol:Sorry I could really relate to the state of unforgiveness you are in right now and I urgently wanted to help you know the right way, as I have been there and its a terrible path to be ignorant |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 7:02pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:If u comment on this thread again, I swear I will block u instantly. Haba! |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Sirmwill: 7:04pm On May 28, 2025 |
Amingol:Well You already know what you need to know 🙏 |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 7:05pm On May 28, 2025 |
Sirmwill:You don't know God. Nothing about you shows it. 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by michlins(m): 7:30pm On May 28, 2025 |
They will tell you to forgive and forget but trust me when I tell you,that will be your worst mistake. Find him 20k and let him sort himself out and lock up. If he gets the opportunity again,he will still show you shege and find excuses 6 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Myrepublic(m): 7:53pm On May 28, 2025 |
If it's me,I won't forgive. Let him go to motor pack to hustle too. I don't forgive,only God has power to forgive 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Factcheck0001: 8:22pm On May 28, 2025 |
If na me b u, na to find 10k give am n lock up cos he's d definition of wicked There are 3 people u should never forget The one who put in shit The one who had opportunity to help u but look away The one who help u The ball is in your court 4 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by NotOfThisWorld(f): 8:27pm On May 28, 2025*. Modified: 10:30pm On May 28, 2025 |
If you pick up his calls or reply his messages, I go vex for you. In fact, block him. Someone who did that to you after you emptied all your savings to save him (somebody who was lying all along, unknown to you!) and then turned his back on you three years later when you needed help and he was in the position to help you hates your guts. Your savings that you used to help him out could be useful to you now but you spent it on the wicked ingrate. You better block his number and continue managing yourself as you've been doing. Let him go to his equally wicked mom to help him out. You're not responsible for him nor obligated to give him a dime again. Somebody like him would kick you under the bus in an instant if he gets another chance to, so don't entertain any form of communication with him again. 4 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by galantjoe(m): 8:41pm On May 28, 2025 |
forgive him but don't forget Forgiving doesn't mean that you should accept him in your house. Tell him you have forgiven him but you can't help him further. You must learn otherwise people will be keeping repeatedly doing shit to you 7 Likes |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by Amingol(op): 9:06pm On May 28, 2025 |
NotOfThisWorld:You have just summarized everything. I appreciate your input. Your comment is the first I'm responding to since I made this post. Thanks again 🙏 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Finding It Hard To Forgive My Cousin by blujoi(m): 9:30pm On May 28, 2025 |
Learn to keep a grudge, but never make the mistake of allowing that guy near you again. Every adult knows exactly what they are doing so don’t fall for his fake pleas. It’s possible to forgive him for your own peace of mind but never you allow him near you again. Tell him directly that you have forgiven him but can’t help him due to his past behavior and tell him to keep away from you. 1 Like |
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