₦airaland Forum

Faber:
Bro if your mum get mind want loose guard your siblings her own children, you yourself loose guard all man. Switch of your phones and buy new SIM cards... Forget your Dad's village and whatever going on there....hustle for 10yrs and enter the village as a big boy then pay all man including your mum according to their deeds ...

If you carry your family matter for head you no go make it quick in life... And let me warn you. The best thing to do is to free your mum, make her new husband to be no go kpai you o. This life is hard o, and cruel at the same time .. he don dey sleep with her already and just wants to formalize things... So back off from the marriage. Stop calling your mum, switch off on everyone and watch her run out of that marriage frustrated... her mind no go touch ground if you cut off from her and all your siblings completely, even the new husband mind no go settle...


Approach the issue with a heart of stone as a man, women no care once they want to satisfy their emotions

🙏🙏🙏

franugo:
I really doubt your story but in the slightest chance that it's real, then you sound like the quintessential selfish teenager from all these oyibo movies, all bark, no bite and no sense

Continue doubting please

dfrost:
He's actually not.

It depends on you to start taking turht the way it is: the turth. It is painful. The vow was 'till death do them apart'. Your dad unfortunately left the world (my sympathy). Your mom is actually free to remarry. No emotional blackmail should disturb her happiness.

😭

OfficialP:
How many women.will.wait.for 6 years before they remarry?

You should be proud of ur mum, ur tradition is the problem, not your mum

😭😭

havigold:
Dear Chram,
Expressing your hurt and displeasure is allowed as human ,rather than enduring in silence .

If the story stated above is INDEED true.
I will suggest that you allowed your woman to remarry ..
Reasons are :

a. Is better she remarry than to stay alone for her mental health and well being ,if you understand what I mean.

b. No remarried sensible woman will never throw her children away rather there might be a little disconnection from them.

Your role is to stand up and guide your younger siblings in having a meeting with your mum ,talk ,argue and agree on basic issues on this and make decisions about the future

c. Or you bring her out of her father house to the city where the transportation back to the village is farther and expensive , set her up in a profitable business , chat with her daily ( like your girlfriend) and discuss as one family ,this will reduce the chances of remarrying .
In all , women are wired differently than the men ..
So think and act wisely , do not cut ties with her you might regret the decision.

🙏🙏🙏

Curious345:
Lovely decision from her. Greet her for me Mr Chram .. is she beautiful ?

Very beautiful

Chram:
I write with Pains in my heart.
I wish to ask God why some certain events occur in life.
I have lots of questions to ask, but nobody to give me answers.

I describe as Selfish, inconsiderate and egoistical the decision of my mum to remarry.

So, I lost my lovely and caring dad six years ago. We had lived in Port Harcourt prior to his death. When we were traveling to the village, we packed all the little properties we had cos we were not going to return back to PH again since my mum would not be able to cater for myself and little siblings.
After the burial and funeral ceremony, we all stayed in the village. I mean a typical village where there's no good road, no electricity, no mobile network. I stayed for a few months, then left them to go squat with my friends in port Harcourt so I could hustle with my muscles and return back to sch at least because it had always been my dad's desire for all of us to go to sch, so I beat my chest and vowed that I would go to sch and graduate. Thank God, I'm done with sch now.

My current challenge now is my mum is in her mid forties and wants to remarry to a man in the village. She hasn't told me yet. But my paternal aunt called to inform me. I'm really worried because if she gets remarried, she will abandon my younger siblings who are there with her because she won't be allowed to take my siblings to her new husband's house as it is an abomination based on the customs and traditions of our place. If my siblings must live with her in that place, then they will have to start bearing the new husband's name as his children. Why ?

Also, as a male child, I'm not allowed to go visit here and eat or sleep over in her new house. If I do this, I might die. Why is this?

Based on reports, my grandfather(mum's dad) is the one mounting pressure on my mum to get married. I'm really worried about the whole situation because the ties between my mum and my siblings are about to be severed. Since my dad died, my mum has been living in her father's house instead of my dad's place. Though both places aren't far from each other. Its trekkable. I feel really hurt and betrayed, I can't even imagine my mum in the arms of another man. If I was stable in monetary and economic terms, I would have taken her out of that dungeon to come live with me, and also bring siblings along. I'm really pained as I type. Tears.. my dad died at age 47.

I wish u guys can beg my mum not to remarry please. What's the difference between me and someone from a Broken background?
Life is not fair to me and my siblings. Not fair at all. I know how I'm feeling right now.

Let me make it clear at this point that if her plans of remarrying goes through, I will dis-mother her. I'll cut all ties and destroy every bond that ever existed between herself and us the children.

File photo used for illustration

First off, sorry about your dad, but being a guy you're now the representation of your late dad, you should have a say in her life, where I'm from mother's respect Thier eldest son as well especially when the dad is not there anymore and the son is now the man of the house, sit her down, be a man and confront her, your confrontation shouldn't be provocation nor disrespect, calmly tell her the implications of what she's considering and tell her you will loose all respect you have for her if she goes through with it, not outright threat o, but guilt trip her emotionally with intelligence, and observe her reaction.

cyberbro:
If your grandpa is the one advising your mother to get married again, don't you think it's because he wants his daughter to be happy again?

How old are you by the way? If you're 21 and above, you shouldn't be insisting on your mother remaining single in her 40s, you don't know the loneliness she's battling and her father might know other things you don't know. 6 years is a long time to mourn someone and I think your mom tried in that regard.

My advice for you is to not judge your mom. Talk to your grandpa and ask why he wants his daughter to get married and learn from his wisdom.

That grandpa will never listen to me. He knows I'm mad at him and my mum right now

Chram:
🙏🙏🙏

Visit your hometown unannounced, go to your father's grave at exactly 8:00pm or 9:00pm go with a kola nut and hot drink ... Call him, pray to him, cry to him and beg him to help you to keep his legacy and make him proud. He is your ancestor now, tell him you will return to take care of your siblings, but he should guide your way in the City... After this mount bike the next morning and leave the village without looking back...

Go back to PH, get out of school confront the streets real hard and conquer. I am writing this from Cameroun, when I come back to the country in 2 months time ... I will try to contact you and know how everything is going. Even if it means face to face meeting, I may come to PH to see you. I have some friends in Choba. Drop your email for me

JuanDeDios:
Clearly your grandfather wants your mom to be happy. So should you. The only problem is all these tradition this tradition that. Can't take her kids with her without forcing a name change? Not good. My suggestion: visit home and discuss your concerns with your mother and grandfather. The tradition might not be as rigid as you have heard.

Its a tradition everyone knows about. It is as rigid as a constitution that cannot be amended

zoghys:
She has every right to remarry if she wants and your opinion is not needed at all. She is your mum not your lover so stop been a baby and grow up. Your responsibility is towards your siblings to help them find their foot in life, so pray hard, work smart and make your late dad happy .

😭😭

martineverest:
My question is ,will u complain if ur dad is the one trying to remarry?

Sir, u won't understand.
U won't understand at all. There are things I cannot say here publicly

Mirror97:
I understand how you feel but you have to think about your mother too.. you need to understand she's lonely. Cut her some slack jealous son

Please help me beg her not to leave us pls 😭😭😭

martineverest:
My question is ,will u complain if ur dad is the one trying to remarry?

Pls help me beg her not to leave us pls 😭😭😭

My dad's spirit will never be pleased whenever he is now

Chram:
I write with Pains in my heart.
I wish to ask God why some certain events occur in life.
I have lots of questions to ask, but nobody to give me answers.

I describe as Selfish, inconsiderate and egoistical the decision of my mum to remarry.

So, I lost my lovely and caring dad six years ago. We had lived in Port Harcourt prior to his death. When we were traveling to the village, we packed all the little properties we had cos we were not going to return back to PH again since my mum would not be able to cater for myself and little siblings.
After the burial and funeral ceremony, we all stayed in the village. I mean a typical village where there's no good road, no electricity, no mobile network. I stayed for a few months, then left them to go squat with my friends in port Harcourt so I could hustle with my muscles and return back to sch at least because it had always been my dad's desire for all of us to go to sch, so I beat my chest and vowed that I would go to sch and graduate. Thank God, I'm done with sch now.

My current challenge now is my mum is in her mid forties and wants to remarry to a man in the village. She hasn't told me yet. But my paternal aunt called to inform me. I'm really worried because if she gets remarried, she will abandon my younger siblings who are there with her because she won't be allowed to take my siblings to her new husband's house as it is an abomination based on the customs and traditions of our place. If my siblings must live with her in that place, then they will have to start bearing the new husband's name as his children. Why ?

Also, as a male child, I'm not allowed to go visit here and eat or sleep over in her new house. If I do this, I might die. Why is this?

Based on reports, my grandfather(mum's dad) is the one mounting pressure on my mum to get married. I'm really worried about the whole situation because the ties between my mum and my siblings are about to be severed. Since my dad died, my mum has been living in her father's house instead of my dad's place. Though both places aren't far from each other. Its trekkable. I feel really hurt and betrayed, I can't even imagine my mum in the arms of another man. If I was stable in monetary and economic terms, I would have taken her out of that dungeon to come live with me, and also bring siblings along. I'm really pained as I type. Tears.. my dad died at age 47.

I wish u guys can beg my mum not to remarry please. What's the difference between me and someone from a Broken background?
Life is not fair to me and my siblings. Not fair at all. I know how I'm feeling right now.

Let me make it clear at this point that if her plans of remarrying goes through, I will dis-mother her. I'll cut all ties and destroy every bond that ever existed between herself and us the children.

File photo used for illustration

no Toto is meant for one man.its either people used it before u came or people will use it when you leave.

Chram:
I write with Pains in my heart.
I wish to ask God why some certain events occur in life.
I have lots of questions to ask, but nobody to give me answers.

I describe as Selfish, inconsiderate and egoistical the decision of my mum to remarry.

So, I lost my lovely and caring dad six years ago. We had lived in Port Harcourt prior to his death. When we were traveling to the village, we packed all the little properties we had cos we were not going to return back to PH again since my mum would not be able to cater for myself and little siblings.
After the burial and funeral ceremony, we all stayed in the village. I mean a typical village where there's no good road, no electricity, no mobile network. I stayed for a few months, then left them to go squat with my friends in port Harcourt so I could hustle with my muscles and return back to sch at least because it had always been my dad's desire for all of us to go to sch, so I beat my chest and vowed that I would go to sch and graduate. Thank God, I'm done with sch now.

My current challenge now is my mum is in her mid forties and wants to remarry to a man in the village. She hasn't told me yet. But my paternal aunt called to inform me. I'm really worried because if she gets remarried, she will abandon my younger siblings who are there with her because she won't be allowed to take my siblings to her new husband's house as it is an abomination based on the customs and traditions of our place. If my siblings must live with her in that place, then they will have to start bearing the new husband's name as his children. Why ?

Also, as a male child, I'm not allowed to go visit here and eat or sleep over in her new house. If I do this, I might die. Why is this?

Based on reports, my grandfather(mum's dad) is the one mounting pressure on my mum to get married. I'm really worried about the whole situation because the ties between my mum and my siblings are about to be severed. Since my dad died, my mum has been living in her father's house instead of my dad's place. Though both places aren't far from each other. Its trekkable. I feel really hurt and betrayed, I can't even imagine my mum in the arms of another man. If I was stable in monetary and economic terms, I would have taken her out of that dungeon to come live with me, and also bring siblings along. I'm really pained as I type. Tears.. my dad died at age 47.

I wish u guys can beg my mum not to remarry please. What's the difference between me and someone from a Broken background?
Life is not fair to me and my siblings. Not fair at all. I know how I'm feeling right now.

Let me make it clear at this point that if her plans of remarrying goes through, I will dis-mother her. I'll cut all ties and destroy every bond that ever existed between herself and us the children.

File photo used for illustration

This is a very disturbing situation but you have to take it the way it's coming and accept the reality

First of all, your mum is a very lazy woman, she lacks the zeal to take up responsibility after the demise of your dad

She will rather remarry as a second or third wife than to hustle and train your sibblings she is not the struggling type that will preserve her late husband's family or name

You on your own side, you can't kill yourself as it's painful to you, just face your front if you know that you can't provide for your sibblings and can't put them under your roof

When you think you are now man enough to take the responsibilities of your sibblings, you can negotiate with her new husband, reward him financially and return back your sibblings to your father's house

Your mother no send anyone of you because she is just self centred and for her not to starve, she will accept any type of marriage proposals not minding if she will find peace in an already made home of another woman

Just let it be, no one is going to care for your sibblings if she leaves them behind, and leaving them behind means starvations and you will still be the one they will be calling upon, while she is enjoying herself in her new home

Your late dad is the causer of this problem. Yor mom is too young to let go of what you and your siblings can't offer her. So let your mom breathe.

JuanDeDios:
The mom has a responsibility towards those kids and must always consider them. It's her right to remarry and be happy, but she shouldn't throw her kids away. No, the kids are not the primary responsibility of their older brother.

Thank you very much 🙏

gotnel:
To God be the glory for everything.
May the soul of your father rest in perfect peace.
Let your mum remarry.
Allow her to feel loved again.
If your tradition does not allow the children of her early marriage to be with her in the new husband house, it is what it is.
The situation is not too bad, there are potential options.
Let us take it up like this, your mum definitely will not want to discard her children because of her new husband.
If the new man is in love with you mum, he will not want her to do away with her children from her early marriage.
Therefore the two love birds must have a certain arrangement to carry the children along.

You, on the other side.
What is the relationship between you and your paternal lineage?
Work on relationship with your family.
I also pray for divine intervention for you and your siblings.

Thank you Sir
😭😭😭😭

SmileDance:
All I can say is, those traditions are powerful as long as you enable it, the day those traditions are no longer enabled they will hold no water, let your mom live her life, she's a human being and she deserves to be happy.
You can sit her and her father down calmly and explain your fears and concerns, I'm sure there is always a way around it.

I've tried doing so, but they see me as a child who knows nothing

RecessionistPMB:
In as much as your mum reserves the right to make decisions about her own life, a true mother in the true sense of it, at her age should not prioritise her sexual needs or love for another man over her own children.

For those asking you if you should prefer your mum sleeping around than remarrying, kindly ignore that foolish question.

If what you narrated is true, your mum is simply lazy and belongs to this class of women that believe that family responsibilities rests solely on the men.

If I may ask:
(1)what is she doing for herself all these 6 years?
(2)What was her contribution while your dad was alive?

It seems your mum doesn't have her own mind to the point that it's your aged grandfather that's pushing her. There's more that meets the eye!!

Hummmm...

If the story is true, it is well.
So sorry for your loss, may the soul of the departed rest in peace.
Now, life continues.
Allow your mum to remarry in peace. It's her right to enjoy her life and it's also for your own good. It's not easy for a child to take care of a depressed mother, it's terribly expensive in all ramifications.
Then, humbly and respectfully engage your maternal family about their plan for you and your siblings. Do the same to your paternal family, gauge to know which one is better, then allow them to take care of them to the best of their ability even though that best Will not satisfy you.
Then, assure your siblings of your love for them and your current incapable state and your quest to go and grow then comeback as quickly as possible for them. Let them love you back and trust you.
Then, lost yourself to a legit workable plan that will stabilize you.
After that go for your siblings for rehabilitation and set them on life path.
But ensure you carry God with you.
It is well with you

Igbo

IPG25:
Well getting married to someone is not a bad idea , mourning for six good yrs is not a child's place,your mom is a very strong woman,she ve try her humanly possible best for not getting married till nw , if it weren't to be ur tradition I would ve loved her to take ur siblings along with her till they are matured but ur tradition didn't allow that .some men are so caring especially the monogamous family,by fellow naira-lander allow ur mom to be ,who are u to disapprove what ur grandfather has approved, it's better she get married than sleeping around with different men,
This is the best decision ever,may the soul of ur late father RIP.

Thank you Sir. It hurts
😭😭

Blackdisciple:
I sympathize with you, sorry your dad died as a young man meaning your mum is still young and she have decisions to make for herself your mum has her own life to live aside yours and that of your siblings.
Just as you said if say money dey you would just take all your siblings with you, but even with the money your mum will still make her choices to remarry. So do not feel bad as long as she's happy I her new home to come rather man up to look after siblings bro ....
The choice is hers to stay with her kids or to remarry without her kids...

Thanks

Charly68:
Is this real or AI conjecture. . If your father died so what prevent your mother from moving on with her life. Must she buried her future with the past. The past must be forgotten and future embrace if we must reach out goals and maximize our potentials. Don't be selfish ,consider issue from your mother's point of view ... God will sustain you and your siblings . Let mama move on with her life.

Amen.
Thanks 😭

Pascal9:
Go and marry your mum, your dad is dead, why don't you want the woman to move on, is it easy for her to cater for the children alone, besides you people are poor, your dad did not left any investments for her to take care of you and your siblings, please don't be selfish, allow your mum to live and enjoy her life, life is experienced only once.

Mr Rich man, thank you

Gentlevip:
You are selfish.

You don't want any other man in charge of her except you. You are free to marry at your own design, but she is not

You even insinuate that she is not responsible to your liking. That a mother will abandon her own children.

If you had wisdom of the least you would have encouraged her, and showed your mother love. Not dragging with decision of her and her father.

Go rest abeg

Abeg go sleep

Fake story. I have never seen any tradition in Nigeria where the children from a previous marriage have to change names, especially if the deceased man legally married the woman.

Abeg you people should not waste my data with your fake stories abeg.

ledaman:
Your mum has tried for six years after the demise of your dad.
Some women would never have anything to do with men.
But emotional feelings are not the same.
At least she wants to be loved and happy again.
I know it not easy for you to accept the reality just pray for her happiness and for your younger ones, try and man up to take care of them.
The Lord is your strength.

Amen. Thank you 😭

Ur mom hasn't told u buy u heard from ur aunt? Why not talk to ur mom about it and the costly implications of this new marriage and life and hear her own side of the story.