₦airaland Forum

I've shared a post on forgiveness on this forum but I'm being led to share it again with more insight.

I'll start with a question. What is forgiveness or more directly what does it mean to forgive? This is one question that seems easy to answer until you experience it. That's when you're hit with the raw truth. I've heard a lot of people say "I can forgive but I'll never forget." They fail to realize that it's impossible to forgive without forgetting. The two are like a snail and it's shell; where one goes, the other follows. As long as you still keep the hurt in your memory, you've not really forgiven the offender.

To forgive is to blot out of your mind and consciousness every record of wrong incurred by an offender to you and my dear this ain't an easy thing to do.

It's the nature of humans to either wanna get even or wish some calamity on our offender because we feel they deserve to be punished for what they've done to us. When Jesus said we should love our enemies and be nice to them he was in essence referring to the concept of forgiveness.

Some of us have been victims of broken homes, rape, incest, physical and emotional abuse. We see you today looking so polished and successful in your chosen career but beneath your smiles lie a tortured soul clinging to old hurts. You got the success because you wanna prove to that abusive father, mom or uncle that you ain't the useless good for nothing kid they called you. Now you're rich and famous, the abuser is either still alive and well or sick or dead but you still harbour bitterness to them why because despite your success, whatever your wish for them has either not materialize or has but you look at their children and transfer the same hatred to them as well. My dear, no matter how much right you have to pay them back, let them go and forgive.

Forgiveness isn't for the person. It's more for you because when you forgive, you experience a release in your spirit. What just happened is that you just dropped a heavy burden you've been carrying for too long. That moment of release gives you a sense of peace and freedom that is inexplicable.

As I wrap up this post lemme share a personal experience: Years ago I was friends with a lady who was a member of the church I worshipped in at the time. This lady was also friends with another lady in the same church. It so happened that I was kinda close to this girlfriend of mine and made my intentions known to her regarding dating her.
At the time, I wasn't as experienced as I am now in romantic issues. Was still grappling with some inner demons of inferiority but I summoned courage and approached her and she accepted half heartedly while still acting nice in my presence.
One night this girlfriend of mine and her friend decided to set me up for a big embarrassing moment. They came to my house one night to pay me a visit and being a gentleman, I decided to walk them home which wasn't far from my place. That was when her friend made a scene on the main road just a little distance to my friend's house. It was such a scene that stumped me because of its unexpected nature and then they left me by the side of the road, a complete wreck. I got home with questions running in my mind. For a long while, I stayed away from that church. I couldn't bring myself to attend church and see those ladies there.
It took the intervention of my area guys who approached me to enquire why I've been absent all this while in church. I narrated the reason to them and they promised to resolve the issue by confronting them which they did but it still didn't change my mind concerning them. Even when I finally forgave them, the memory of that night was still fresh until after a long while I decided to let go and really forgive them from my heart. It was a huge release to me.

Today I don't know the whereabouts of that girlfriend of mine but her friend became a famous comedienne and MC. She goes by the name "tatafo" and used to anchor "Jara" on DSTV with Uti. Some of you will know her cos she's quite popular.
We became friends again and when I see her doing her thing on TV I just smile and recollect what she did to me years ago with a mixture of nostalgia and mixed feelings which always ended in a smile.

That's what true forgiveness does to you. It doesn't take the memory away as it were but it takes the pain of the memory away and fills your heart with love for them.
I close with this final words.
Rather than praying for your enemies to die by fire as my MFM cronies do. Rather you should do like Jesus and say "Father forgive them for they know what they are doing"
At the core of true forgiveness is love!!!

I'll really love the input of my fellow Nairalanders. Wanna read your view concerning this touchy topic.
@MaxInDHouse
@QuinQ
@Jashub
@LordReed
@Kobojunkie
And the ladies too
Need your input

AngelahFlo:
I'll really love the input of my fellow Nairalanders. Wanna read your view concerning this touchy topic.
@MaxInDHouse
@QuinQ
@Jashub
@LordReed
@Kobojunkie
And the ladies too
Need your input

Listen to your fellow Jesus worshipers i have another God totally different from yours!

MaxInDHouse:
Listen to your fellow Jesus worshipers i have another God totally different from yours!

You shouldn't be offended na. Just need your opinion however you wanna present it

AngelahFlo:

You shouldn't be offended na. Just need your opinion however you wanna present it.

Offended is not the word after all you do have your fellow worshipers who share the same beliefs with you so wait and listen to them!

MaxInDHouse:
Offended is not the word after all you do have your fellow worshipers who share the same beliefs with you so wait and listen to them!

The subject of forgiveness is a broad topic. It cuts across all religions and religious groups. Thanks though. I'd have loved to read your angle

AngelahFlo:
The subject of forgiveness is a broad topic. It cuts across all religions and religious groups. Thanks though. I'd have loved to read your angle

Sorry mine won't be of any use for your research so wait for your fellow worshipers they are coming tomorrow.

Farewell!

AngelahFlo:
I've shared a post on forgiveness on this forum but I'm being led to share it again with more insight.

I'll start with a question. What is forgiveness or more directly what does it mean to forgive? This is one question that seems easy to answer until you experience it. That's when you're hit with the raw truth. I've heard a lot of people say "I can forgive but I'll never forget." They fail to realize that it's impossible to forgive without forgetting. The two are like a snail and it's shell; where one goes, the other follows. As long as you still keep the hurt in your memory, you've not really forgiven the offender.

To forgive is to blot out of your mind and consciousness every record of wrong incurred by an offender to you and my dear this ain't an easy thing to do.

It's the nature of humans to either wanna get even or wish some calamity on our offender because we feel they deserve to be punished for what they've done to us. When Jesus said we should love our enemies and be nice to them he was in essence referring to the concept of forgiveness.

Some of us have been victims of broken homes, rape, incest, physical and emotional abuse. We see you today looking so polished and successful in your chosen career but beneath your smiles lie a tortured soul clinging to old hurts. You got the success because you wanna prove to that abusive father, mom or uncle that you ain't the useless good for nothing kid they called you. Now you're rich and famous, the abuser is either still alive and well or sick or dead but you still harbour bitterness to them why because despite your success, whatever your wish for them has either not materialize or has but you look at their children and transfer the same hatred to them as well. My dear, no matter how much right you have to pay them back, let them go and forgive.

Forgiveness isn't for the person. It's more for you because when you forgive, you experience a release in your spirit. What just happened is that you just dropped a heavy burden you've been carrying for too long. That moment of release gives you a sense of peace and freedom that is inexplicable.

As I wrap up this post lemme share a personal experience: Years ago I was friends with a lady who was a member of the church I worshipped in at the time. This lady was also friends with another lady in the same church. It so happened that I was kinda close to this girlfriend of mine and made my intentions known to her regarding dating her.
At the time, I wasn't as experienced as I am now in romantic issues. Was still grappling with some inner demons of inferiority but I summoned courage and approached her and she accepted half heartedly while still acting nice in my presence.
One night this girlfriend of mine and her friend decided to set me up for a big embarrassing moment. They came to my house one night to pay me a visit and being a gentleman, I decided to walk them home which wasn't far from my place. That was when her friend made a scene on the main road just a little distance to my friend's house. It was such a scene that stumped me because of its unexpected nature and then they left me by the side of the road, a complete wreck. I got home with questions running in my mind. For a long while, I stayed away from that church. I couldn't bring myself to attend church and see those ladies there.
It took the intervention of my area guys who approached me to enquire why I've been absent all this while in church. I narrated the reason to them and they promised to resolve the issue by confronting them which they did but it still didn't change my mind concerning them. Even when I finally forgave them, the memory of that night was still fresh until after a long while I decided to let go and really forgive them from my heart. It was a huge release to me.

Today I don't know the whereabouts of that girlfriend of mine but her friend became a famous comedienne and MC. She goes by the name "tatafo" and used to anchor "Jara" on DSTV with Uti. Some of you will know her cos she's quite popular.
We became friends again and when I see her doing her thing on TV I just smile and recollect what she did to me years ago with a mixture of nostalgia and mixed feelings which always ended in a smile.

That's what true forgiveness does to you. It doesn't take the memory away as it were but it takes the pain of the memory away and fills your heart with love for them.
I close with this final words.
Rather than praying for your enemies to die by fire as my MFM cronies do. Rather you should do like Jesus and say "Father forgive them for they know what they are doing"
At the core of true forgiveness is love!!!

Christians think that asking themselves to do impossible things makes them like their god. This is a lie you tell youselves. Look at your Bible itself is not a record of wrongs? When your god supposedly made a flood why didn't the god forgive and forget? Let's even come to the supposed human sacrifice Jesus made to appease the god and supply forgiveness for all, did it make your god forget anything? Do you not still believe your god will torture people in hell forever?

Forgiveness does not require you to forget. It requires you to exhibit self control in the light of wrongs done to you. Significant events have a tendency to linger longer in human memory so while it is not enirely impossible to forget (human memory is not permanent like a computer) it is not reasonable to ask someone to voluntarily forget an event of significance. Nor can forgetting be done voluntarily.

LordReed:
Christians think that asking themselves to do impossible things makes them like their god. This is a lie you tell youselves. Look at your Bible itself is not a record of wrongs? When your god supposedly made a flood why didn't the god forgive and forget? Let's even come to the supposed human sacrifice Jesus made to appease the god and supply forgiveness for all, did it make your god forget anything? Do you not still believe your god will torture people in hell forever?

Forgiveness does not require you to forget. It requires you to exhibit self control in the light of wrongs done to you. Significant events have a tendency to linger longer in human memory so while it is not enirely impossible to forget (human memory is not permanent like a computer) it is not reasonable to ask someone to voluntarily forget an event of significance. Nor can forgetting be done voluntarily.

I agree but it's still required that you forget and forgive even if it's a deliberate act on yourself because it frees you of bitterness which sets you back. On the Issue of God forgiving. He does forgive and forget. The people he punished at the flood event where given time to change their ways but they scorned God and missed their chance. Now brother lemme ask you this personal question: can you forgive someone for a wrong done to you. I mean forgive from the heart?

AngelahFlo:
I agree but it's still required that you forget and forgive even if it's a deliberate act on yourself because it frees you of bitterness which sets you back. On the Issue of God forgiving. He does forgive and forget. The people he punished at the flood event where given time to change their ways but they scorned God and missed their chance. Now brother lemme ask you this personal question: can you forgive someone for a wrong done to you. I mean forgive from the heart?

Required by who to forget?

How does giving someone time to change their behaviour equal forgetting?

What does forgive from the heart mean? As far as I am concerned the heart has nothing to do with it. When I tell someone I forgive them, it means I won't count that specific wrongdoing against them anymore. And when I say it, I mean it sincerely. Still doesn't mean I have forgotten that they did me wrong.

AngelahFlo:
I've shared a post on forgiveness on this forum but I'm being led to share it again with more insight.

I'll start with a question. What is forgiveness or more directly what does it mean to forgive? This is one question that seems easy to answer until you experience it. That's when you're hit with the raw truth. I've heard a lot of people say "I can forgive but I'll never forget." They fail to realize that it's impossible to forgive without forgetting. The two are like a snail and it's shell; where one goes, the other follows. As long as you still keep the hurt in your memory, you've not really forgiven the offender.

To forgive is to blot out of your mind and consciousness every record of wrong incurred by an offender to you and my dear this ain't an easy thing to do.

Just now reading this for first time. You try.
How about if that lady keeps doing the same thing? Or what if say, she stole your only coat and you see her wearing it everyday and you're without coat in the cold weather?

QuinQ:
Just now reading this for first time. You try.
How about if that lady keeps doing the same thing? Or what if say, she stole your only coat and you see her wearing it everyday and you're without coat in the cold weather?

It
My Bro this one is hard but I'll forgive her still. You see she stole the coat and might even claim it's hers and not yours. Lemme share with you another experience to buttress this particular case. Years ago about 2015 a lady friend of mine who used to help me whenever I was in a financial mess had a financial challenge and wanted to borrow the sum of N4500 from me with a promise to pay back in a few days time. I borrowed her the money and sent her my account number to send the money to. When it was the due date, I messaged her on WhatsApp to know if she had sent the money as I couldn't receive alerts on my phone at the time and she responded that she had sent the money. I checked my account balance the following day to confirm only to see that the money didn't reflect. This led to a series of back and forth Chats with neither of us getting anywhere. When she blocked my line for awhile, cos she later unblocked it, I decided to forgive her the debt since our relationship was more important at the time. It's the real reason why till date I don't borrow friends money if they request. I'd rather give you if I have because of instances like this.
You forgive her and let her go with the coat. God will provide you with another coat in His time.

QuinQ:
Just now reading this for first time. You try.
How about if that lady keeps doing the same thing? Or what if say, she stole your only coat and you see her wearing it everyday and you're without coat in the cold weather?

Something I didn't share in my story above. This lady friend who's now a very popular celebrity broke my newly bought double layered frameless glasses and made it look like an accident. I didn't know at the time. It was during my moment of analysis that I realized she had done it on purpose..It's what made me shun the church for a long while just to avoid seeing them

LordReed:
Required by who to forget?

How does giving someone time to change their behaviour equal forgetting?

What does forgive from the heart mean? As far as I am concerned the heart has nothing to do with it. When I tell someone I forgive them, it means I won't count that specific wrongdoing against them anymore. And when I say it, I mean it sincerely. Still doesn't mean I have forgotten that they did me wrong.

But the forgetting is a key ingredient. Still I agree with your opinion. For forgiving them sincerely. What happens if they now offend you again, will you still forgive them a second time?

AngelahFlo:
It
My Bro this one is hard but I'll forgive her still. You see she stole the coat and might even claim it's hers and not yours. Lemme share with you another experience to buttress this particular case. Years ago about 2015 a lady friend of mine who used to help me whenever I was in a financial mess had a financial challenge and wanted to borrow the sum of N4500 from me with a promise to pay back in a few days time. I borrowed her the money and sent her my account number to send the money to. When it was the due date, I messaged her on WhatsApp to know if she had sent the money as I couldn't receive alerts on my phone at the time and she responded that she had sent the money. I checked my account balance the following day to confirm only to see that the money didn't reflect. This led to a series of back and forth Chats with neither of us getting anywhere. When she blocked my line for awhile, cos she later unblocked it, I decided to forgive her the debt since our relationship was more important at the time. It's the real reason why till date I don't borrow friends money if they request. I'd rather give you if I have because of instances like this.
You forgive her and let her go with the coat. God will provide you with another coat in His time.

AngelahFlo:
Something I didn't share in my story above. This lady friend who's now a very popular celebrity broke my newly bought double layered frameless glasses and made it look like an accident. I didn't know at the time. It was during my moment of analysis that I realized she had done it on purpose..It's what made me shun the church for a long while just to avoid seeing them

Thanks for your erudite response.
You are forgetting the aspect of deterance both for the person who did the wrong and for onlookers watching the situation. People tend NOT to repeat something that is punished, and tend to repeat something that is rewarded. Example, let's say Russia invades Ukraine and takes Dumbass region and Ukraine let's them keep it. They'll next invade Poland, etc.
Meanwhile other countries (onlookers) will learn that it pays to invade their neighbors and take their land!

QuinQ:
Thanks for your erudite response.
You are forgetting the aspect of deterance both for the person who did the wrong and for onlookers watching the situation. People tend NOT to repeat something that is punished, and tend to repeat something that is rewarded. Example, let's say Russia invades Ukraine and takes Dumbass region and Ukraine let's them keep it. They'll next invade Poland, etc.
Meanwhile other countries (onlookers) will learn that it pays to invade their neighbors and take their land!

This is deep!!!

AngelahFlo:
This is deep!!!

I'm still analyzing the angle you presented as it could be the reason most of us let go of things we shouldn't let go in the first place.

AngelahFlo:
✓ I've shared a post on forgiveness on this forum but I'm being led to share it again with more insight.
I'll start with a question. What is forgiveness or more directly what does it mean to forgive? This is one question that seems easy to answer until you experience it. That's when you're hit with the raw truth. I've heard a lot of people say "I can forgive but I'll never forget." They fail to realize that it's impossible to forgive without forgetting. The two are like a snail and it's shell; where one goes, the other follows. As long as you still keep the hurt in your memory, you've not really forgiven the offender.
✓ To forgive is to blot out of your mind and consciousness every record of wrong incurred by an offender to you and my dear this ain't an easy thing to do.

1. I am sorry... What the heck is the meaning of this? First of all, where do you get this ridiculous notion that to forgive is to forget? Do you will your mind to forget the crime that was committed by the offending person against you? Do humans even have the ability to consciously erase the memory of an event that not only left you with some possible trauma attached? What makes you think that letting go of the trauma associated with the event means letting go of the memory entirely --- forgetting? 😩😩

2. Make una dey try deeply reason these ideas una dey hold so. How person go experience a possibly traumatic event only to then erase that memory --- by magic --- in the name of forgiving the perpetrator? Doesn't that leave that victim open to being assaulted in exactly the same way in the future? What do they say...fool me once shame on me..fool me twice, I be ogbonge Mumu be that. 🤔

AngelahFlo:
But the forgetting is a key ingredient. Still I agree with your opinion. For forgiving them sincerely. What happens if they now offend you again, will you still forgive them a second time?

It depends. If it is a mistake and the person is remorseful yes I would. If the person is simply trying to take advantage then I won't.

LordReed:
It depends. If it is a mistake and the person is remorseful yes I would. If the person is simply trying to take advantage then I won't.

You've made a valid point there. If the person is remorseful
That is the key. Some people take it out of context and use the forgiveness route as an advantage to keep committing more offenses.
Thanks

Kobojunkie:
1. I am sorry... What the heck is the meaning of this? First of all, where do you get this ridiculous notion that to forgive is to forget? Do you will your mind to forget the crime that was committed by the offending person against you? Do humans even have the ability to consciously erase the memory of an event that not only left you with some possible trauma attached? What makes you think that letting go of the trauma associated with the event means letting go of the memory entirely --- forgetting? 😩😩

2. Make una dey try deeply reason these ideas una dey hold so. How person go experience a possibly traumatic event only to then erase that memory --- by magic --- in the name of forgiving the perpetrator? Doesn't that leave that victim open to being assaulted in exactly the same way in the future? What do they say...fool me once shame on me..fool me twice, I be ogbonge Mumu be that. 🤔

Bro
I agree with you that it ain't easy to forget a traumatic event. But you must forgive regardless and consciously not count it against the person especially if the person is really remorseful and seeking your forgiveness. So in this case will you forgive and forget?

AngelahFlo:
✓ Bro
I agree with you that it ain't easy to forget a traumatic event.
✓ But you must forgive regardless and consciously not count it against the person especially if the person is really remorseful and seeking your forgiveness. So in this case will you forgive and forget?

I instead said that forgetting is not necessary in this case, since loss of memory of events or trauma is a likely symptom of mental problems.

2. Forgiveness has nothing to do with Forgetting. Neither does forgetting have to do with forgiving. To forgive, one simply needs to acknowledge a wrong done against one and choose to move on -- not seek ways to erase the memory.

Kobojunkie:
I instead said that forgetting is not necessary in this case since loss of memory of events or trauma is instead a likely symptom of mental problems.

2. Forgiving has nothing to do with Forgetting. Neither does forgetting to do with forgiving. To forgive, one simply needs to acknowledge a wrong done against one and chose to move on -- not seek ways to erase the memory.

Thanks for your opinion. Indeed true forgiveness is a choice but I still have a little...not so agreeing with the forgetting part yet I agree with your contribution 100%. Can you share an experience where you've had to forgive someone for a wrong done to you. How did you feel after you forgave the person?

AngelahFlo:
➜Thanks for your opinion. Indeed true forgiveness is a choice but I still have a little...not so agreeing with the forgetting part yet I agree with your contribution 100%. Can you share an experience where you've had to forgive someone for a wrong done to you. How did you feel after you forgave the person?

I simply don't hold grudges because they are not worth the mental stress. If a person harms or hurts me, I pursue redress where possible and let go of all other issues. In many cases, I also choose to ignore the individual who harmed or hurt me... to avoid a repeat, particularly if the person remains unrepentant, and I move on from there, respecting that person's right to remain an arsehole.

Kobojunkie:
I simply don't hold grudges because they are not worth the mental stress. If a person harms or hurts me, I pursue redress where possible and let go of all other issues. In many cases, I also choose to ignore the individual who harmed or hurt me... to avoid a repeat, particularly if the person remains unrepentant, and I move on from there, respecting that person's right to remain an arsehole.

Yeah
Yeah
You see it takes repentant heart to merit forgiveness otherwise that person is just playing on your emotions.

AngelahFlo:
➜Yeah Yeah You see it takes repentant heart to merit forgiveness otherwise that person is just playing on your emotions.

Wetin concern merit with any of this? Forgiveness is entirely for the sake of my own mental health as I said.

This is a very good topic I would like to comment on even though I wasn't invited by the op.


There's a good reason it's good to forgive and forget. The former without the latter is useless and not good for one's mental health.

To forget doesn't necessarily mean erasing the memory of past hurt from the mind completely. Trying to will that to happen will only make one remember it the more.

The memory will always be there, but don't dwell on it or give it any thought each time it comes to mind . It's fruitless and pointless doing so. Let it slip immediately when it comes to mind ,and shift attention to something positive . That's how to forget. A synonym for the word, forget, is "let it slip".Just Forget it, let it slip from your mind.


However, most people find it very difficult to let it slip and they suffer for it ,unable to see the problem it is causing in their lives

I'm also guilty of not forgetting at certain times, everyone is, but because I know the consequences of not forgetting after forgiving, I usually task myself to make sure I forget after forgiving the person who offended me.

If one keep reliving past offence in the mind, one hasn't moved ahead but still trapped in the past . This negative mental habit of continually remembering past mistakes or offence of others is why most people who engage in it find it almost impossible to heal from the past. Forgiving but not forgetting results in bitterness of the heart .


When one forgive another person, but keep replaying in the mind the events surrounding the offence, one imprisoned oneself emotionally, making it difficult to act freely in the presence of the offender when next one has to interact with them .

The offender is sure to notice a change in one's behaviour , which they will misinterpret as evidence that the offence hasn't been completely forgiven, and they are sure to feel very bad especially if they sincerely apologized and showed they where genuinely remorseful for what they did.

We all can remember that individual in our lives who claimed to have forgiving us of something we did to them, but will keep reminding us of it each time we meet with them ,and at the end of it all announce to our hearing, "Well I have forgiven you even though I felt greatly offended by what you did".

Honestly this is not true forgiveness. Continually reminding another of how they offended you in the past because you cannot take your mind away from it whenever you see them is claiming moral superiority over them.

You are making them still feel guilty about what they have apologized for and probably forgotten themselves. They are bad for offending you while you a good person for forgiving. That's it.

The worst ones are those who will not say it in your presence but will like to announce to either your friends or even perfect strangers that, "See that person that just left my office, he's my uncle o, but this was what he did to me in the past because he thought I won't amount to anything in life but look at me today. I'm very wealthy now and he's always coming to me for one help or the other since I have forgiven him. I just gave him a check of 500k to help pay house rent"

Yes , this person has forgiven his uncle, but struggles to forget. That's incomplete forgiveness. I know of two persons who does this all the time and strangely enough they both have the same heath issues.

Studies have confirmed that bitterness which results from dwelling on past hurts, not forgetting, results in long term health problems. BP, increase stress, high heart rate, depression, chronic pain etc

So yea it's good to forgive but not good enough not to forget.

triplechoice:
This is a very good topic I would like to comment on even though I wasn't invited by the op.


There's a good reason it's good to forgive and forget. The former without the latter is useless and not good for one's mental health.

To forget doesn't necessarily mean erasing the memory of past hurt from the mind completely. Trying to will that to happen will only make one remember it the more.

The memory will always be there, but don't dwell on it or give it any thought each time it comes to mind . It's fruitless and pointless doing so. Let it slip immediately when it comes to mind ,and shift attention to something positive . That's how to forget. A synonym for the word, forget, is "let it slip".Just Forget it, let it slip from your mind.


However, most people find it very difficult to let it slip and they suffer for it ,unable to see the problem it is causing in their lives

I'm also guilty of not forgetting at certain times, everyone is, but because I know the consequences of not forgetting after forgiving, I usually task myself to make sure I forget after forgiving the person who offended me.

If one keep reliving past offence in the mind, one hasn't moved ahead but still trapped in the past . This negative mental habit of continually remembering past mistakes or offence of others is why most people who engage in it find it almost impossible to heal from the past. Forgiving but not forgetting results in bitterness of the heart .


When one forgive another person, but keep replaying in the mind the events surrounding the offence, one imprisoned oneself emotionally, making it difficult to act freely in the presence of the offender when next one has to interact with them .

The offender is sure to notice a change in one's behaviour , which they will misinterpret as evidence that the offence hasn't been completely forgiven, and they are sure to feel very bad especially if they sincerely apologized and showed they where genuinely remorseful for what they did.

We all can remember that individual in our lives who claimed to have forgiving us of something we did to them, but will keep reminding us of it each time we meet with them ,and at the end of it all announce to our hearing, "Well I have forgiven you even though I felt greatly offended by what you did".

Honestly this is not true forgiveness. Continually reminding another of how they offended you in the past because you cannot take your mind away from it whenever you see them is claiming moral superiority over them.

You are making them still feel guilty about what they have apologized for and probably forgotten themselves. They are bad for offending you while you a good person for forgiving. That's it.

The worst ones are those who will not say it in your presence but will like to announce to either your friends or even perfect strangers that, "See that person that just left my office, he's my uncle o, but this was what he did to me in the past because he thought I won't amount to anything in life but look at me today. I'm very wealthy now and he's always coming to me for one help or the other since I have forgiven him. I just gave him a check of 500k to help pay house rent"

Yes , this person has forgiven his uncle, but struggles to forget. That's incomplete forgiveness. I know of two persons who does this all the time and strangely enough they both have the same heath issues.

Studies have confirmed that bitterness which results from dwelling on past hurts, not forgetting, results in long term health problems. BP, increase stress, high heart rate, depression, chronic pain etc

So yea it's good to forgive but not good enough not to forget.

Thank you brother for this timely post of yours. You spoke my mind succinctly. God bless you and keep living the message of true forgiveness.