₦airaland Forum

boom99:
➜ Hmmm...sometimes it's not the guys fault ooo. A scenario where the guy asked for account to no of the school to pay school fees the lady got angry and refused to pick calls saying the guy isn't ready yet( she wants the money in her account

The man no know where the lady dey live or where her mama and papa dey live or where the court dey wey him go go report her for not paying attention to his children who are registered under his name too— assuming they were formally a married couple?

Chances are they'll end up telling your children how you never cared about them when they start asking questions later on in life... Maybe you should get a mediator to intervene.

Toymax88:
Honestly u deserve a bottle of LEGEND BEER but my account is red.

This the the problem I'm facing. After divorce, I want to be paying school fees and some other stuufs but I was not allowed, they denied me access to both the wife and children. The funniest part is that these people are so poor. The children are not in school. I'm not even asking for the custody of the children because of their age.

I had gone to IBADAN from ILORIN 5 times and I was denied access. I have been calling or sending messages but they ignored.

Just to enroll the children in PUBLIC SCHOOLS and I wil be sending the SCHOOL FEES to the teachers or principal and HM. THEY DENIED ME A COMPLETE ACCESS

Kobojunkie:
The man no know where the lady dey live or were her mama and papa dey live or where the court dey wey him go go report her for not paying attention to his children who are registered under his name too— assuming they were formally a married couple?

It's a long story. No worry.

boom99:
➜It's a long story. No worry.

Long story that ended with the man abandoning his children and then turning around to blame the woman for seems to be negligence on his part?

Kobojunkie:
I really don't understand how you people think at all. Your friend drove from Ibadan to Lagos to see the kid, only to be denied visitation; should he completely abandon the child? Is that really how your brain works?

There is no way you would understand how normal people think since you deliberately called him my friend when he is not. Just like you, I was only responding to comments on this thread and at no time did I claim the individual concerned was my friend.

Secondly, why did you deliberately avoided the aspect where the fellow drove all the way from Ibadan to Lagos only for the ex-partner to deny him access to the child. I agree that two wrongs does not make a right but why you chose to deliberately ignored the person that started the fire in the first instance.

Samantha125:
Chances are they'll end up telling your children how you never cared about them when they start asking questions later on in life... Maybe you should get a mediator to intervene.

I have tried, went to social welfare but they didn't show up. The wife's phone number is not even going through, they have told her to change her phone number so that I won't be able to reach her

stuffs2002:
➜There is no way you would understand how normal people thin[/b]k since you deliberately called him my friend when he is not. Just like you, I was only responding to comments on this thread and at no time [b]did I claim the individual concerned was my friend.
➜Secondly, why did you deliberately avoided the aspect where the fellow drove all the way from Ibadan to Lagos only for the ex-partner to deny him access to the child.
➜I agree that two wrongs does not make a right but why you chose to deliberately ignored the person that started the fire in the first instance.

That you think the way you think is normal.. is mind-boggling. If you were not talking of someone you knew— at least a neighbor or friend—, how the f-ck are you so certain he did not abandon his children as you pretend?

2. I did not avoid it. Such things are a given when it comes to divorce and breakups. Using that as an excuse or reason to altogether abandon another human being— a child from your own loins — is what is monstrous.

3. **rolls eyes***

In my case, I am not allowed access to my children. Infact I haven’t set eyes on them in 4 months. The wife blocked me everywhere, even Snapchat where I saved a video of my kids she got the notification cleared all chats n pics then blocked me. Tarnished my image to friend n family, yes I have a big part in the issue but it hurts me I am not allowed to see my kids. Infact she is planning on traveling out of the country with the kids. To make sure I never see them again. I refused to send any more money until I am allowed at least a weekend per month with my kids and a week stay with me during school holiday. It hurts me everyday when I think of it but what can I do? I currently don’t know thier whereabouts.

PattyMike:
➜In my case, I am not allowed access to my children. Infact I haven’t set eyes on them in 4 months. The wife blocked me everywhere, even Snapchat where I saved a video of my kids she got the notification cleared all chats n pics then blocked me. Tarnished my image to friend n family, yes I have a big part in the issue but it hurts me I am not allowed to see my kids. Infact she is planning on traveling out of the country with the kids. To make sure I never see them again.
➜I refused to send any more money until I am allowed at least a weekend per month with my kids and a week stay with me during school holiday.
➜It hurts me every day when I think of i,t but what can I do? I currently don’t know their whereabouts.

The courts denied you access to your children, why?

2. The children should suffer until the woman you are angry at decides she has had them suffer enough?

3. You contribute nothing to their upbringing and welfare for the last 4 months, you have not bothered to ensure you at least know their whereabouts, yet you want us to believe it hurts you every day?

Na all this una African stories dey make me understand well well why the same excuses here automagically earns one the label of a deadbeat father/mother.

Kobojunkie:
The courts denied you access to your children, why?

2. The children should suffer until the woman you are angry at decides she has had them suffer enough?

3. You contribute nothing to their upbringing and welfare for the last 4 months, you have not bothered to ensure you at least know their whereabouts, yet you want us to believe it hurts you every day?

Na all this una African stories dey make me understand well well why the same excuses here automagically earns one the label of a deadbeat father/mother.

You're just deliberately being malicious, perhaps to make yourself look good or something. Why should the dad take up responsibilities and be denied access to his kids? You're not talking about that denial at all!
Most of these ladies are vindictive, they'll brainwash the kids and say the dad is deadbeat to begin with. If the guy isn't present in their lives, only paying bills, it's like fetching water with basket.

Kobojunkie:
The courts denied you access to your children, why?

2. The children should suffer until the woman you are angry at decides she has had them suffer enough?

3. You contribute nothing to their upbringing and welfare for the last 4 months, you have not bothered to ensure you at least know their whereabouts, yet you want us to believe it hurts you every day?

Na all this una African stories dey make me understand well well why the same excuses here automagically earns one the label of a deadbeat father/mother.

Don’t judge!
I gave them the best life, best school, drive to school in the morning n pick ‘em up at noon. I live in a 3 bed duplex, they sleep in aircon rooms. She is with her parents, they moved from ajah to Epe and I don’t know the new address. Yes I have the option to send money to the moms acct without communication as she hasn’t picked my call in 3 months. She petitioned me to human rights and didn’t bother showing up, I drove 4 hours and all ended in futility. How can I seek the help of the court if there’s no address to serve them a notice. This same woman brags around her brothers are rich and she is capable enough to take care of the kids. Just one month of handling bills she run go human rights, I provided steadily for 2 years plus. Before I remember buy boxers for myself I spend all I earn on my family, 60% of my boxers are torn. I hadn’t bought clothes in over a year yet I am working and earning 7 figures. She knows those kids are my life, the best way to punish me is to take them away.

Do u know I attempted suicide the second week they left, I cried everyday the first week without my children. I would’ve died if not for timely intervention of my bestfriend. Don’t be quick to judge my dear friend.

Do u know I have been battling depression n suicidal thoughts for the past 3 months, randomly burst into tears when I see other toddlers with thier dad going to school. The shame n stigma of a broken marriage especially when everyone knows I’m the cause. She made sure everyone knew this, both family n friends home & abroad. I lost friends n business associates and almost lost my sanity, I go waka for road dey talk to myself lol.

Unfortunately I don’t blame her, she has become a monster of my own creation. Leave the marriage if that’s your decision but don’t punish those kids for my mistake.

My biggest weakness na my children, she knows and her family knows. Unfortunately my innocent kids have become a pawn in this dangerous game they’re playing.

Attached is my first n second from 5 months ago.

Kimikazi2:
➜You're just deliberately being malicious, perhaps to make yourself look good or something. Why should the dad take up responsibilities and be denied access to his kids? You're not talking about that denial at all!
➜Most of these ladies are vindictive, they'll brainwash the kids and say the dad is deadbeat to begin with. If the guy isn't present in their lives, only paying bills, it's like fetching water with basket.

1. Imagine me as a child asking you why my dad should withhold his responsibilities towards me, his child, in the case that he is not allowed to see me? Do I stop needing to be fed, catered for, nurtured, etc., because, for some reason, he is not allowed to see me? Why should the child have to suffer because two adults are not mature enough to set aside their issues?

2. My concern has never been about the ladies or the men's, but about the responsibility of parents to their children. So, stop bringing up meaningless issues between two equally immature, vindictive adults— withholding support from your child because the mother is not cooperating with you is a vindictive move against the child— and focus more on the fact that the abandoned child is caused to suffer needlessly, all because of what?

PattyMike:
➜ Don’t judge! I gave them the best life, best school, drive to school in the morning n pick ‘em up at noon. I live in a 3 bed duplex, they sleep in aircon rooms. She is with her parents, they moved from ajah to Epe and I don’t know the new address. Yes I have the option to send money to the moms acct without communication as she hasn’t picked my call in 3 months.
➜ She petitioned me to human rights and didn’t bother showing up, I drove 4 hours and all ended in futility. How can I seek the help of the court if there’s no address to serve them a notice. This same woman brags around her brothers are rich and she is capable enough to take care of the kids. Just one month of handling bills she run go human rights, I provided steadily for 2 years plus. Before I remember buy boxers for myself I spend all I earn on my family, 60% of my boxers are torn. I hadn’t bought clothes in over a year yet I am working and earning 7 figures. She knows those kids are my life, the best way to punish me is to take them away.
➜ Do u know I attempted suicide the second week they left, I cried everyday the first week without my children. I would’ve died if not for timely intervention of my bestfriend. Don’t be quick to judge my dear friend.
➜ Do u know I have been battling depression n suicidal thoughts for the past 3 months, randomly burst into tears when I see other toddlers with thier dad going to school. The shame n stigma of a broken marriage especially when everyone knows I’m the cause. She made sure everyone knew this, both family n friends home & abroad. I lost friends n business associates and almost lost my sanity, I go waka for road dey talk to myself lol.
➜ Unfortunately I don’t blame her, she has become a monster of my own creation. Leave the marriage if that’s your decision but don’t punish those kids for my mistake. My biggest weakness na my children, she knows and her family knows. Unfortunately my innocent kids have become a pawn in this dangerous game they’re playing. Attached is my first n second from 5 months ago.

1. You gave them the best life until you decided not to give them the best life anymore? Do you know how a child would interpret what you just said there? 😏😏😏

2. The kids are your life, yet you felt they ought to be denied this former best life you claim you once gave them because you had a falling out with the woman? 😏😏😏

3. I have attempted suicide myself, many times, but it was never over a kid or anyone else. So, yeah! 😏😏😏

4. Sounds to me like your depression is over the loss of what you used to have and not really over concern for your kids. If you really felt bad about the kids, wouldn't the first thing to do be to ensure they are eating well and living well wherever they may be? I am just asking out loud cause it sure seems to me like your depression and all is for some personal pity party — directed inwards — and not really out of real concern for the kids themselves. 😏😏😏😏

5. You don't blame her, but the kids are currently paying for it? I mean, the fact that you cut off funding of their formerly best life is proof that the ones suffering are the kids in this case.😏😏😏😏

These stories you are telling me here now, can you actually look your daughter or son in the eye today and repeat all of this as a reason for why they should no longer expect to get the best life from you? For real, the way many of you dey process issues concerning your flesh and blood na.... very terrible heart indeed. 😏😏

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

Just to avoid responsibilities on the child, if not why not take care of the child you brought to life even if you no longer wants the mum

Factcheck0001:
it's not like u think

My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.


The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.

The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied access.


Imagine how annoying that would b?

He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.

So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

In this case, is not his fault. But he should keep fighting to get access to his child. That's his child.

omoredia:
The next wife will not take care of the child as well as the child's mother. Thats why

I don't understand. Is that why he should abandon his child?

Gbadugbakun:
So that I can have time to focus on my new lover. Besides the child would remind me of my ex wife and I don't want that. So everything about her including her children would be divorced.

Her children? I'm sure. This is how many think 🤔

DarkJeddi:
You mean the same Mothers that makes a Man's life a living h£ll ,because he wants to be in his children's lives until he gives up for his mental health?

Are you sure? Then what happens to the children?

Toymax88:
Honestly u deserve a bottle of LEGEND BEER but my account is red.

This the the problem I'm facing. After divorce, I want to be paying school fees and some other stuufs but I was not allowed, they denied me access to both the wife and children. The funniest part is that these people are so poor. The children are not in school. I'm not even asking for the custody of the children because of their age.

I had gone to IBADAN from ILORIN 5 times and I was denied access. I have been calling or sending messages but they ignored.

Just to enroll the children in PUBLIC SCHOOLS and I wil be sending the SCHOOL FEES to the teachers or principal and HM. THEY DENIED ME A COMPLETE ACCESS

At least you know where she lives. Take her to court, her inability to enroll those kids into a public school is enough for the court to grant you full custody of your kids ( that's if you want to) when next you are visiting, take them to a police station and make sure you have enough evidence to back your claim in court.
Wish you all the best.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

Woman tells you the child belongs to her, like an asset or property and dashes off to her folks or otherwise with the plan that the man should just be paying but he is not allowed full access to the child.
E no go work! Shishi no go drop.
Tell the child whatever she likes.
The plan is clear. Me won't be financing a wayward baby mama.
This generation of ladies that will never let a man have a little authority or even talk without outright antagonism.
Bottom line: MOST WOMAN ARE TERRIBLY UNKIND TO THE MAN ONCE THEY HAVE A CHILD FOR YOU.
una know una self

bende7t:
Woman tells you the child belongs to her, like an asset or property and dashes off to her folks or otherwise with the plan that the man should just be paying but he is not allowed full access to the child.
E no go work! Shishi no go drop.
Tell the child whatever she likes.
The plan is clear. Me won't be financing a wayward baby mama.
This generation of ladies that will never let a man have a little authority or even talk without outright antagonism.
Bottom line: MOST WOMAN ARE TERRIBLY UNKIND TO THE MAN ONCE THEY HAVE A CHILD FOR YOU.
una know una self

What happen to your innocent children Sir? Which father will leave his own children and come take care of yours for you ?or whatsoever that happens to them is no more your concern because their mother annoys you?

uchennamani:
You can't divorce your child or children. You divorce only a spouse you are married to.

So, why the abandonment after divorcing your partner?

EverydayTipsfor:
I don't understand. Is that why he should abandon his child?

It's not abandonment? No woman will want her child to be raised by another woman

Kobojunkie:
1. Imagine me as a child asking you why my dad should withhold his responsibilities towards me, his child, in the case that he is not allowed to see me? Do I stop needing to be fed, catered for, nurtured, etc., because, for some reason, he is not allowed to see me? Why should the child have to suffer because two adults are not mature enough to set aside their issues?

2. My concern has never been about the ladies or the men's, but about the responsibility of parents to their children. So, stop bringing up meaningless issues between two equally immature, vindictive adults— withholding support from your child because the mother is not cooperating with you is a vindictive move against the child— and focus more on the fact that the abandoned child is caused to suffer needlessly, all because of what?

When the mum blocks access to the kids, it means she's capable of taking care of them without input from the man. How can I be sure that the money is being well spent when I can't even see the kids?
Ladies love to use children as pawns when they know that their ex-partners have soft spot for their kids. That's what I'm hammering on. I saw this firsthand. My aunt broke up with her husband while we were growing up and frustrated every move by the man to see his kids. She's always trying to get sympathy saying the man is terrible but I know how wicked she truly is....

[quote author=Kobojunkie post=135698274]From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.
You could be right, but think about it this way, how could he tell his child is being cared for properly and not that the money he is sending is being mismanaged by the mother if he doesn't get the chance to see the child? We shouldn't jump into conclusions when we don't have all the facts

cococandy:
Some men believe that once they lose access to the woman’s body, any child that came from that body is not their business anymore. Some of course. Before any cry-babies get in my mentions with nonsense

Cococandy, you have written well jare. Even Samantha125 . The fact you are women, made me to mention you; and it is interesting .

Men don't abandon their children especially if a male child is involved, but it is the bitterness of the divorced spouse.
Divorce is painful, why add another pain or stress to the equation. This is why the men just move.

if u divorce me and u carry the kids away. you are capable of taking care of them. otherwise you should have think in the best interest of the kids by leaving them with someone who could actually take care of them. not leaving and be asking for nonsense attention. telling me they are suffering. are they suffering because of my decision No so why should be the one paying for for ur decision.
if a wife want to divorce. talk to ur husband to be ex how the care of the children will be. beside I always. he who has the financial strength should be the one taking care of the children. I can't the paying u and be using my hard earn money to be buying milk for ur boyfriend.

To me no good reason to neglect your kids,
the kids are innocent.
You must take good care of them, even if your ex is denying you access to them, that cannot stop your responsibility as a father,you can be sending money to her account for future purpose.
When the kids grown your record will be visible.

Gbadugbakun:
So that I can have time to focus on my new lover. Besides the child would remind me of my ex wife and I don't want that. So everything about her including her children would be divorced.

This is a honest opinion right here..not some public opinion

Some people have dead conscience, if I spend more than what I drop at home on myself, I start feeling guilty and uncomfortable immediately. I prefer to go hungry for my family.

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

They have this mentality that taking good care of the child means taking good care of the mother.
I was advising a young man against this mentality a couple days ago.

Kobojunkie:
1. You gave them the best life until you decided not to give them the best life anymore? Do you know how a child would interpret what you just said there? 😏😏😏

2. The kids are your life, yet you felt they ought to be denied this former best life you claim you once gave them because you had a falling out with the woman? 😏😏😏

3. I have attempted suicide myself, many times, but it was never over a kid or anyone else. So, yeah! 😏😏😏

4. Sounds to me like your depression is over the loss of what you used to have and not really over concern for your kids. If you really felt bad about the kids, wouldn't the first thing to do be to ensure they are eating well and living well wherever they may be? I am just asking out loud cause it sure seems to me like your depression and all is for some personal pity party — directed inwards — and not really out of real concern for the kids themselves. 😏😏😏😏

5. You don't blame her, but the kids are currently paying for it? I mean, the fact that you cut off funding of their formerly best life is proof that the ones suffering are the kids in this case.😏😏😏😏

These stories you are telling me here now, can you actually look your daughter or son in the eye today and repeat all of this as a reason for why they should no longer expect to get the best life from you? For real, the way many of you dey process issues concerning your flesh and blood na.... very terrible heart indeed. 😏😏

Ogaaa ooo.KOBOJUNKIE....HABA
I have been reading your comment since. I just discovered you can hardly settle mattered between couples. It got to a stage I was thinking you may be single with you responds.
The question is that have you ever put urself in the position or experience such?
It takes two to proper parenting. And the roles of the father and mother can not be ruled out.
Be CLEAR I DONT SUPPORT FATHER ABANDONING THE CHILDREN, WHATSOEVER...
1. But Should a wife that cared about the children keep the children out of the reach of their father?
2. Should a wife that is forgiving and not self ago blocked the husband from accessing?
3. Did both understand marriage before they go into it?
4. Can we all be of the same character or grace to reaction to situations?
Those people are telling u what they felt, how they are in pains and disappointment despite sacrifices, which I think u have not experienced . Yet u come hear to give your one way advice..
I don't believe anyone is the master when it comes to marriage. Bcus we still have elderly people and Clergy still battling with marriage issues in their home.
See PRACTICAL MARRIAGE WILL HUMBLE anyone. Because it is two imperfect being. Let me shine more light to this for u. Some of those people u quoted wrong may not find the happiness in wife but children due to something best known to them presently. Now imagine taking your joy from you despite the sacrifice..
Both spouse should work on no room for divorce and if it happens, let those couples try to be at peace bcus of the children.
LETS PUT OURSELVES IN PEOPLE'S SHOES BEFORE COMMENTING.