₦airaland Forum

Nemesis0147:
e good sef
Let everyone rest for the main time

Is well my brother.
I wish she can understand with you.
Being a man isn't easy at all.

Exgee:
How am I going to survive it. I may die young.
Now if I need a help, same people I help can't come through for me because they will say they don't have. Wish my dad was alive

I don’t have a template or a handout for you,but learn to put yourself first,no matter what you do,they will end up calling you a bad person…

You sure don’t want to imagine what I’ve been through

E no easy for young men coming up at all.

ibechris:
E no easy for young men coming up at all.

I'm tired.............
Sincerely tired...............

I'm about selling my cooking gas and standing fan just to raise money to buy what I can survive on.

Exgee:
Sometimes I wish I could switch off my phone or change my line or even block them from reaching me.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the whole thing. I'm under intense pressure.

I'm not yet a father to anyone, yet I'm being overwhelmed with responsibilities. Its not like I have. I'm just struggling to survive but no one seems to understand.
I've tried to explain to my mum but it seems she's not getting it. Whenever they call, demands must be made. I hate to hear the unending complaints all the time.
There was a time I decided not to pick their calls for two months and I was reported to other family members, I was severely scolded and I had to repent.
I sincerely don't know if being a first born is a crime. I don't. Probably a curse. At age 26, I'm already now having grey hair, I've gone bald too, due to lofty and enormous responsibilities. Its not I have a good job. My salary can barely sustain me in terms of feeding.
Whenever I see their calls coming in, my heart jumps. God knows I wouldn't have any issues helping my own blood but in a situation where they know I'm still struggling and they seem not to understand simply because I don't complain is what is annoying me.
Anxiety is killing me.
My blood pressure is now higher than it should be.
I'm always having one-corner headache due to overthinking.
I'm just fed up with life completely.
I can't even save. I've deprived myself of everything. Even the basic things that I should have as a young man

Exactly what I was facing before I was so paranoid every call is billing was so frustrated and pay wasn't meeting up my needs as well . I started developing hatred and complained , I used every person's I meet that their family still supports them as more fuel to my anger and annoyance; but will you continue to be angry cause the billing wont stop till they go off someday out of this world. I had to change my mindset that they are my responsibility, I started setting out weekly money I should be sending it started with 5k weekly and it has risen to 20k weekly, this excludes drugs of up to 50k sometimes more monthly, aside lower priority billings, all I told God was to provide for me so I can comfortably provide for others. And so far God has been a magician. I don't go broke and I don't know how He does it. So change your mindset and everything will be alright.

eventainment:
Exactly what I was facing before I was so paranoid every call is billing was so frustrated and pay wasn't meeting up my needs as well . I started developing hatred and complained , I used every person's I meet that their family still supports them as more fuel to my anger and annoyance; but will you continue to be angry cause the billing wont stop till they go off someday out of this world. I had to change my mindset that they are my responsibility, I started setting out weekly money I should be sending it started with 5k weekly and it has risen to 20k weekly, this excludes drugs of up to 50k sometimes more monthly, aside lower priority billings, all I told God was to provide for me so I can comfortably provide for others. And so far God has been a magician. I don't go broke and I don't know how He does it. So change your mindset and everything will be alright.

I'm trying to adjust and reconfigure my mindset in this regard. All I can pray for now is for God to bless me so I can always help whenever the need arises. It gives me joy to do so.
Thank you for your input in this matter. I appreciate

AllBlack:
Pressure and Expectations.

E dey everywhere oh... even in Rich families.

I don't think it's everywhere

Some parents are not even rich but they are comfortable enough to provide for all their children till marriage. Likewise the children are independent (either self employed or gainfully employed) no one is a pest or dependent on another. Unless in time of celebration and they wouldn't be entitled to it.

These are common in a poor family where the parents had failed the children as the children didn't asked to be born into the world. The children grow up while the same parents depend on the children for survival while the younger children depend on the elder ones for survival. A average or rich man in the midst of so many poor family members and friends then if that person isn't careful, he/she is also poor.

Poverty and entitlement is the major cause of all these and the parents are the major cause of it.

This is the reason why it's quite difficult for children from poor family to break out of poverty.

No one should pressure you. If you have enough to take care of yourself and more you can extend to help. Take note, if you turned out a failure in life, everyone would detach from you saying “E nor help anybody”.

Take care of yourself first, because those begging you would do the same. I use you be in your shoes before! I can help anything including ants of the earth! But there is a flaw in that logic, because if you wind up dead, life will continue.

This is the result of men marrying without a good source of livelyhood. There by bring in children to face poverty

I am a private secondary school teacher. I have just 4 thousand Naira left in my account because in the last 6 days alone, I have spent almost all I have saved this year(about 300k) and even borrowed 100k from my bank just yesterday. I didn't spend it on myself, but on my sick sister (kidney issues). Everybody believes that as the first son, it is my responsibility. Nobody is bringing a dime for her treatment. I wonder at times if it is a crime to be the first son. The pressure is too much on me right now. My friends have asked me to lock up too just like my siblings have done, but how can I abandon my sister? My parents are late. They both died in 2022 and since then, the load of taking care of her has been on me.
The whole thing is just so overwhelming 😞.

All I can tell you is that it is well. Just do your best bro and leave the rest for God

akezn:
I am a private secondary school teacher. I have just 4 thousand Naira left in my account because in the last 6 days alone, I have spent almost all I have saved this year(about 300k) and even borrowed 100k from my bank just yesterday. I didn't spend it on myself, but on my sick sister (kidney issues). Everybody believes that as the first son, it is my responsibility. Nobody is bringing a dime for her treatment. I wonder at times if it is a crime to be the first son. The pressure is too much on me right now. My friends have asked me to lock up too just like my siblings have done, but how can I abandon my sister? My parents are late. They both died in 2022 and since then, the load of taking care of her has been on me.
The whole thing is just so overwhelming 😞.

All I can tell you is that it is well. Just do your best bro and leave the rest for God

I wish ur sister well and pray for God's healing.
May God almighty help us

you probably appear as a thorough gentleman. they know you dnt complain or talk dt is why they see you as the go-to person to always ask for money.

the tiredness and weariness will wear off if you let them know that you also have bills on your neck. you have nt been talking.
You need to speak up. "I don't have...." start learning how to say no.
dou it makes one uncomfortable when they genuinely ask and you cnt give but say no politely once in a while.

Dear OP, almost everyone in this country has passed through (or currently passing through) this stage. The solution to your problem is a very simple one! Aside your parents, I don't think you owe anyone a dime. And even then too, you have to be smart in your dealings with them.

In the early stage of my working life, I too was inundiated with calls from family members requesting one assistance or another. At first, I was giving them generously thinking I was being responsible until I became overwhelmed. Then, I devised a clever DIVIDE & RULE TACTICS to separate them from uniting on my hard earned money.

I had a sit down with my parents and told them what I can afford to give them monthly. I was consistent so they know how to plan themselves on whatever I give them. However, I assured them that should things get better, I will definitely increase their monthly allowance.

Each time they bring up expenses that involve other family members, I'll give it to them and deduct it from their allowance. Each time they bring up any other bill aside their monthly allowance, I'll give them as well and stylishly deduct it from their allowance. They will complain, shout, scream, threaten fire & brimstone but heck nothing will happen.

Eventually, they got the message and started dissociating themselves from other family members' demands so that it doesn't affect theirs. Whenever someone reaches out to them to seek my assistance on something, my parents will give them my old phone number which has since being blocked. From then onwards, I had peace and the billings stopped. Today as I type, even a village idiot has learned not to request anything from me because you'll only waste your airtime.

gerizzim:
you probably appear as a thorough gentleman. they know you dnt complain or talk dt is why they see you as the go-to person to always ask for money.

the tiredness and weariness will wear off if you let them know that you also have bills on your neck. you have nt been talking.
You need to speak up. "I don't have...." start learning how to say no.
dou it makes one uncomfortable when they genuinely ask and you cnt give but say no politely once in a while.

Exactly, it makes me feel uncomfortable when they ask and I can't help.

ravensckar:
Dear OP, almost everyone in this country has passed through (or currently passing through) this stage. The solution to your problem is a very simple one! Aside your parents, I don't think you owe anyone a dime. And even then too, you have to be smart in your dealings with them.

In the early stage of my working life, I too was inundiated with calls from family members requesting one assistance or another. At first, I was giving them generously thinking I was being responsible until I became overwhelmed. Then, I devised a clever DIVIDE & RULE TACTICS to separate them from uniting on my hard earned money.

I had a sit down with my parents and told them what I can afford to give them monthly. I was consistent so they know how to plan themselves on whatever I give them. However, I assured them that should things get better, I will definitely increase their monthly allowance.

Each time they bring up expenses that involve other family members, I'll give it to them and deduct it from their allowance. Each time they bring up any other bill aside their monthly allowance, I'll give them as well and stylishly deduct it from their allowance. They will complain, shout, scream, threaten fire & brimstone but heck nothing will happen.

Eventually, they got the message and started dissociating themselves from other family members' demands so that it doesn't affect theirs. Whenever someone reaches out to them to seek my assistance on something, my parents will give them my old phone number which has since being blocked. From then onwards, I had peace and the billings stopped. Today as I type, even a village idiot has learned not to request anything from me because you'll only waste your airtime.

This man ..
You're really very funny.
That was an intelligent move

You don't have to switch off or run away,call general meeting make them see and reason with you like what you earned and expenses

Exgee:
Sometimes I wish I could switch off my phone or change my line or even block them from reaching me.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the whole thing. I'm under intense pressure.

I'm not yet a father to anyone, yet I'm being overwhelmed with responsibilities. Its not like I have. I'm just struggling to survive but no one seems to understand.
I've tried to explain to my mum but it seems she's not getting it. Whenever they call, demands must be made. I hate to hear the unending complaints all the time.
There was a time I decided not to pick their calls for two months and I was reported to other family members, I was severely scolded and I had to repent.
I sincerely don't know if being a first born is a crime. I don't. Probably a curse. At age 26, I'm already now having grey hair, I've gone bald too, due to lofty and enormous responsibilities. Its not I have a good job. My salary can barely sustain me in terms of feeding.
Whenever I see their calls coming in, my heart jumps. God knows I wouldn't have any issues helping my own blood but in a situation where they know I'm still struggling and they seem not to understand simply because I don't complain is what is annoying me.
Anxiety is killing me.
My blood pressure is now higher than it should be.
I'm always having one-corner headache due to overthinking.
I'm just fed up with life completely.
I can't even save. I've deprived myself of everything. Even the basic things that I should have as a young man.

Nlfpmod

Pls take it easy as they will definitely survive with or without you

Though you didn't mention what they are requesting for

If it's feeding just try your best

If it's for stupid purpose don't promise them, just ignore after listening

For people who don't make complaints, people will always believe you have

As it is now, your mental health is your paramount value

If anything happens to you, honestly they don't have a penny yo contribute for you

Villa12:
✓This is what most average family in Nigeria are going through. Parents give birth with nothing for the children and ended up relying on the children as their retirement plan.
A man came to check up on his son in my area, not knowing the young man has packed out to somewhere else since a month plus. The man said his son had stopped picking his calls. The man left unhappy. The guy friend came out after the father left, telling us how the family wants to kill the young man with bills.
The worse part of it was that, the young man is into cyber crime, popularly known as Yahoo Yahoo
Most Nigerian parents are failure

Tell that young man who has to runaway and he will in turn tell you that you are wrong .😁

Exgee:
I'm trying to adjust and reconfigure my mindset in this regard. All I can pray for now is for God to bless me so I can always help whenever the need arises. It gives me joy to do so.
Thank you for your input in this matter. I appreciate

I don’t have access to the email connected to my nairaland account

My bro you will still block them o, have a fixed amount that you send to them every month and keep sending that regardless of weather they call to ask or not then just block them. They say a drowning man cannot save others from drowning. You Sir, are drowning already. If you develop stroke now, of which you are already showing the signs of high BP. If you develop stroke now, no body will pity you. If you drop dead now, life moves on. Be wise, you are not anyone's lord and savior.

Exgee:
I'm tired.............
Sincerely tired...............

I'm about selling my cooking gas and standing fan just to raise money to buy what I can survive on.

Then after selling your cooking gas, what will u cook with and how do u buy it back? Cooking gas is not a luxury that u can afford to sell. It is a necessity that u need to survive. Sigh

My current situation omo.

Just finished seeing one of my younger sisters through uni, and preparing to enroll the other one with the last born remaining.

Plus family billings wey join am.

My parents are alive, but omo everything falls on my shoulders.

Saw myself through school but I can't let my siblings (3 of them) be dropouts. Coz education is the best gift I can give them to avoid future demands of urgent 2k.

I dey push am dey go like that..... Got married last year. My life no fit pause for anybody own.

If u call me for anything, if I get, I give....if e nor dey I bone am.


That's why I keep saying parents should birth the number of children they can take care of.

Every nack no suppose produce pikin.

Do family planning.

Because of this fear .......I have resolved to have just one kid. Make my pikin no suffer wetin I suffer.

Mom007:
Then after selling your cooking gas, what will u cook with and how do u buy it back? Cooking gas is not a luxury that u can afford to sell. It is a necessity that u need to survive. Sigh

Its a difficult time for me.
I am not happy that I want to sell them. I'm not happy at all, cos the cost of replenishing them is definitely going to be higher.
Nobody to help. Nobody is going to save me

Learn to stand for yourself and put yourself first. You may have to call for a meeting and let everyone know you would like to help however, you yourself isn't doing well. As such, when they request and you tell them you don't have, it is because you don't have and you do not appreciate being pressured. If they choose not to understand, you have done your best. No need putting yourself under pressure as you are not Jesus of Nazareth and neither are you El-Shaddai!

gerizzim:
you probably appear as a thorough gentleman. they know you dnt complain or talk dt is why they see you as the go-to person to always ask for money.

the tiredness and weariness will wear off if you let them know that you also have bills on your neck. you have nt been talking.
You need to speak up. "I don't have...." start learning how to say no.
dou it makes one uncomfortable when they genuinely ask and you cnt give but say no politely once in a while.

You've said it all ................. .......................................

Exgee:
You're right.
I don't know what to do again

You are not ready..if you are ready..remove your sim card buy a new one and live your life.in six months put your old sim back call them. If the billing continue remove your old sim card again and put your new sim.

stacyadams:
You are not ready..if you are ready..remove your sim card buy a new one and live your life.in six months put your old sim back call them. If the billing continue remove your old sim card again and put your new sim.

Ok, I'm not ready. Thank you.
You can do same to your family members

Dear Exgee, I totally and honestly understand where you are coming from and what's currently going on through you.

I just hope you are okay now.

But at the same time, I want you to sit down and imagine this scenario;

God forbid if after all these frustration, anxieties, bad thing happens to you, won't your family continue living their lives?

Of course they will.

So why want to pressure yourself.

In fact they won't understand you because it's already their belief that as you are the first born, yet a male, it's your responsibilities to provide even though they know deep down that you are as ell still struggling.

That's totally wickedness.

Do not let your mental health be disturbed.

I hope and pray you are fine now?

Exgee:
Sometimes I wish I could switch off my phone or change my line or even block them from reaching me.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the whole thing. I'm under intense pressure.

I'm not yet a father to anyone, yet I'm being overwhelmed with responsibilities. Its not like I have. I'm just struggling to survive but no one seems to understand.
I've tried to explain to my mum but it seems she's not getting it. Whenever they call, demands must be made. I hate to hear the unending complaints all the time.
There was a time I decided not to pick their calls for two months and I was reported to other family members, I was severely scolded and I had to repent.
I sincerely don't know if being a first born is a crime. I don't. Probably a curse. At age 26, I'm already now having grey hair, I've gone bald too, due to lofty and enormous responsibilities. Its not I have a good job. My salary can barely sustain me in terms of feeding.
Whenever I see their calls coming in, my heart jumps. God knows I wouldn't have any issues helping my own blood but in a situation where they know I'm still struggling and they seem not to understand simply because I don't complain is what is annoying me.
Anxiety is killing me.
My blood pressure is now higher than it should be.
I'm always having one-corner headache due to overthinking.
I'm just fed up with life completely.
I can't even save. I've deprived myself of everything. Even the basic things that I should have as a young man.

Nlfpmod
Nlfpmod

Ignore them, including your mom.
If you call me all the time to whine, I simply block you temporarily.