₦airaland Forum

I'm seeking your collective contributions on this matter:
I got married two years ago. I didn't really marry this lady. We dated for almost two years and one thing led to another, she took in. When she informed me, I thought she was just joking but I later discovered she wasn't joking. Immediately I noticed it was true, I began to pant. Fear gripped me so firmly. I began to worry. This was because, I was struggling in all aspects of life. She wanted to abort it but I kicked against it. I didn't want to have bloodstains on my hands, I'm not a murderer and will never be. I was convinced that the pregnancy was mine because she didn't give me any reason to believe she was disloyal to me.
She couldn't break the news to her mum out of fear, so I went to her house, sat her mum down & dropped the bombshell. At first, she was disappointed but later had to accept the reality of what had happened. She was 23 at the time and now she's almost 25 while I'm 28+. She's already done with her ND and I'm also done with my Degree. We lived apart. But as advised by the doctors during her antenatal period, she was asked to go live with me so we can be having regular sex to lubricate her vagina and make for easy delivery during labor, considering it was her first pregnancy. Immediately she put to bed, after two months, I lost my job. And since then, life has been quite tough so much that we can barely survive. Its even much worse that I don't have parents or older ones. She packed out to her mum's place and now she's threatening to travel from there to an unknown destination, probably to live with another man. She said I have not lived up to my responsibilities, and while she prays that God helps me, she can no longer bear the suffering.
If she does this, then I may be in trouble. This is because of my baby Boy. Her new man may lay claim to the baby if the new guy takes responsibilities for the child.
I'm really confused here!
To FACT-CHECK her claim:
I have actually not lived up to my duties but she knows how hardworking I am. Getting a job isn't easy at this time and we all know. However, I have continued to hussle relentlessly but I'm yet to succeed. When I was working, she lacked almost nothing that she ever needed or wanted, at least to the Best of my knowledge..

It is what it is.

Nlfpmod

Have you spoken to her mom?

What did she say?

Foodqueen:
Have you spoken to her mom?

What did she say?

Mom ke... Is there no father figure in the house?

Foodqueen:
Have you spoken to her mom?

What did she say?

The mom is stylishly in support of her moves

dingbang:
Mom ke... Is there no father figure in the house?

The dad is late and there's no father figure that she looks up to, and can listen to.

As a man, never be with a woman that has no father figure in her family. It will end in pain and regret.

Foodqueen:
Have you spoken to her mom?

What did she say?

Why not her dad?

You expected her mom not to support her? Women!

Since she left, let her go.
Focus on finding your feet again, then you can go for your son.

If you keep going after her, you will lose focus.
Don't worry about your son. He is safe.

Mariangeles:
Since she left, let her go.
Focus on finding your feet again, then you can go for your son.

If you keep going after her, you will lose focus.
Don't worry about your son. He is safe.

I thank you for your understanding. I'm not too disturbed or worried about her but my son. That little boy needs a father around him

Let her go with the baby.

God is great.

The mistake has already happened, you didn't plan we'll before everything happened. Believe you me, her mother is just pretending, deep down she's in full support of anything her daughter wants. It hurts to see your little baby far away from you, you guys should come to an agreement cos you both have rights to that child, wherever she's taking the child to make sure you're aware or track her location. I think you should just let her go and stay with the man of her dreams. You will be fine, focus on your futire, fix yourself, build yourself and you will definitely succeeded. Life happens!

For me, I'll advise you to focus on finding your feet first before running after her and the baby. As long as the child is a boy, he'll ask for his father when he's of age,that's if you're still struggling by then.

Get some of your family members to sit down with her and her mum. So you can all come to an Agreement (written down, with lawyers sef) on custody and care. How much you will send (no matter how little, still send), how regularly you will visit, how many times weekly you can call and speak to him, if he can come and spend weekends with you.

Don't leave him and then come and find him later. Because whomever she dates seriously will be that child's dad, you'll be his father (more like an Uncle mentally).

So, you were broke and having unprotected sex?.
Like two broke people having unprotected sex? Pretty sure condom and p2 isn't that expensive. But what do I know?

oga, your best bet is to leave her in the care of your close relatives, females especially, who are better off than you but from your submission, e no dey. Don't let the woman and the baby die because of love. Reach an agreement and face your life squarely and in a few months ,your fortunes will change for good. Mr Lubricator, this is actually the thing to do seeing as things are with you. A nursing mother needs all the nutrition she can get, because she's literally losing her bone mass and other nutrients to sustain the new born. If she see where she go dey get one or two meals a day, you no go like stop am bro. When things improve at your end, bring them back.

NassBoy:
I thank you for your understanding. I'm not too disturbed or worried about her but my son. That little boy needs a father around him

I understand you.
In as much as your son needs you, and you want to be there for him, you don't want to show up empty, right?
That is why you need to equip yourself, and you don't need distractions at this point.

Still, you need to know where your son is every now and then, for him to keep seeing you at least.
He needs you as much you need to be needed by him.

NassBoy:
I thank you for your understanding. I'm not too disturbed or worried about her but my son. That little boy needs a father around him

Ask her for custody of your son if you care so much and let her go about her business.

Mariangeles:
I understand you.
In as much as your son needs you, and you want to be there for him, you don't want to show up empty, right?
That is why you need to equip yourself, and you don't need distractions at this point.

Still, you need to know where your son is every now and then, for him to keep seeing you at least.
He needs you as much you need to be needed by him.

Alright Sis, thanks a lot for your kind words. May God crown our Efforts with Blessings. Amen. 🙏

Peakdesign23:
The mistake has already happened, you didn't plan we'll before everything happened. Believe you me, her mother is just pretending, deep down she's in full support of anything her daughter wants. It hurts to see your little baby far away from you, you guys should come to an agreement cos you both have rights to that child, wherever she's taking the child to make sure you're aware or track her location. I think you should just let her go and stay with the man of her dreams. You will be fine, focus on your futire, fix yourself, build yourself and you will definitely succeeded. Life happens!

Great input! 👏👏👏
Thank you Very much ma. Honestly, I also shared in your idea about her mum pretending not to be supporting her moves. She's in support actually and I've been able to find out it is true .
May God crown all our efforts with success

XY01:
So, you were broke and having unprotected sex?.
Like two broke people having unprotected sex? Pretty sure condom and p2 isn't that expensive. But what do I know?

I already know your type here, so I'm not surprised at your comment.. continue

Ejebleje:
oga, your best bet is to leave her in the care of your close relatives, females especially, who are better off than you but from your submission, e no dey. Don't let the woman and the baby die because of love. Reach an agreement and face your life squarely and in a few months ,your fortunes will change for good. Mr Lubricator, this is actually the thing to do seeing as things are with you. A nursing mother needs all the nutrition she can get, because she's literally losing her bone mass and other nutrients to sustain the new born. If she see where she go dey get one or two meals a day you no go like stop am bro. When things improve on at end, bring them back.

I understand you bro. I truly understand. I appreciate you. Thanks.

But wait o, which one wey u con dey call me Mr. LUBRICATOR again? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

NassBoy:
I already know your type here, so I'm not surprised at your comment.. continue

Hehehehe....next time always control your urge. If you had done that months ago, you won't be here asking for what to do

Sleeping with someone and impregnating them without any source of income to look after all of you after she gives birth is carelessness and irresponsibility on your end. You also didn't have the money to marry her (or why didn't you?), and therefore have no legal ties to her. It's probably why it's easier for her to up and leave you, and probably marry another man. You better focus on yourself now - get another job and move on with your life.

You just have to move on bro, let her go with your son and try to stay focus by hustling hard it will take time but believe me it will change. Then you can go back for your son.

NotOfThisWorld:
Sleeping with someone and impregnating them without any source of income to look after all of you after she gives birth is carelessness and irresponsibility on your end. You also didn't have the money to marry her (or why didn't you?), and therefore have no legal ties to her. It's probably why it's easier for her to up and leave you, and probably marry another man. You better focus on yourself now - get another job and move on with your life.

Why fo you ladies don't feel its also irresponsibility and carelessness in the part of the ladies? The both parties were careless not only him. I can't count how may times my ex girlfriend gave an ultimatum that if we don't have sex without condoms that she will break up, she personally harassed me into having sex without condoms for the first time in my life but i refused and stood my grounds. Assuming i faltered people like you will call the man irresponsible even when you know majority of the time it's the ladies who insist they don't want condoms. I forgot most ladies never accept accountability in their life.

NassBoy:
I thank you for your understanding. I'm not too disturbed or worried about her but my son. That little boy needs a father around him

A father is one who answers the needs of his children. You are still struggling to attend to your own needs so you is it now the needs of a baby you would attend to?

Bros, she is doing you good.

Wenonawde:
You just have to move on bro, let her go with your son and try to stay focus by hustling hard it will take time but believe me it will change. Then you can go back for your son.

Thank you Sir.
I am grateful for your advice....................

GoodSpirit:
Why fo you ladies don't feel its also irresponsibility and carelessness in the part of the ladies? The both parties were careless not only him. I can't count how may times my ex girlfriend gave an ultimatum that if we don't have sex without condoms that she will break up, she personally harassed me into having sex without condoms for the first time in my life but i refused and stood my grounds. Assuming i faltered people like you will call the man irresponsible even when you know majority of the time it's the ladies who insist they don't want condoms. I forgot most ladies never accept accountability in their life.

God bless you for this. You noticed I didn't bother replying her comment, cos I consider it senseless

I don't absolve her of any blame at all, as she has her own share of the blame. Idk how ladies sleep with men anyhow like this without any financial plan of their own if they get pregnant and expect the man to take on all the responsibilities. Both of them are adults and equally responsible for bringing a child into the world knowing neither of them have a job or money to take care of him.

GoodSpirit:
Why fo you ladies don't feel its also irresponsibility and carelessness in the part of the ladies? The both parties were careless not only him. I can't count how may times my ex girlfriend gave an ultimatum that if we don't have sex without condoms that she will break up, she personally harassed me into having sex without condoms for the first time in my life but i refused and stood my grounds. Assuming i faltered people like you will call the man irresponsible even when you know majority of the time it's the ladies who insist they don't want condoms. I forgot most ladies never accept accountability in their life.

IkeIgboNiile:
For me, I'll advise you to focus on finding your feet first before running after her and the baby. As long as the child is a boy, he'll ask for his father when he's of age,that's if you're still struggling by then.

okay if na girl child she won't ask? Africans! Who do una this thing

Villa12:
okay if na girl child she won't ask? Africans! Who do una this thing

He is not actually lying, you know. Child abandonment na culture for Nigeria. The only pause dey come typically when the child in question na boy. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣