₦airaland Forum

Staying or living abroad can be very emotionally and psychologically draining, but your wife has clearly deviated from what should be couple's goals- teamwork and sustainable family growth. She's probably stacking up her money somewhere and waiting to manifest her real self. Be very wary of such a Deliliah.

Well, spend minimally. Save for your future. Because with this her attitude, she may abandon you in your advance age. Put your kids in the level of school you can easily afford. Feed your family at a level you can easily afford. Save. Save. Save. If she complains, tell her to get her desires with her own money. Be wise. Tomorrow may be too long...

We no send you message na. Enjoy the wife you married and took abroad,and let us face the problems in Nigeria first

Some women are not just considerate. Men are really going through a lot.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Start a project in Nigeria that you will be constantly spend money on. It is because you have enough to settle all the bills, that is why she see no need to contribute.

You don't expect a woman to share house bills with you when she know you are more than capable to do it all alone. Trust me, the moment she know you don't have enough to cater for the family, she will start contributing. A good woman will never have money and see their children suffering.

Ask those whose their wives share bills with, you will discover that it is because their incomes alone can't settle the family bills. African women are not build in that way, they believes in their men as heads and providers. If you want a loyal and submissive woman, you should apply this tactic but if you want the one that won't think twice before reporting you to police for domestic violence, then you can apply force to make her contribute.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Honestly, you have a wrong woman by your side and to make matters worst, you carry her go abroad una no dey listen but later una go come here dey disturb us with annoying stories. There are two things here; I am very sure you know this behavior of your wife before you travelled abroad with her. She can't just develop the behavior of keeping her money to herself while you spend yours, its been there but you ignored it. End note; you don't carry such women abroad rather, both of you should remain in Nigeria to avoid issues as you can manage it in Nigeria. Secondly, No woman who was supportive to you in terms of giving you the little she could afford while in Nigeria can not suddenly refuse to contribute bring aware that you were in debt for 2years and was paying up £10,000 and despite paying it off still continues in same behavior. You don carry wetin pass you, just pray you don't fall into depression in a foreign land. Also, I will not tell you what to do because the mistakes on your part is numerous, take a decision like a man and save your head. Inasmuch as there are lots of Nigerian ladies here doing a lot of negative things there are still good ones that contribute to run their homes some even sacrifice a higher percentage of their salaries more than their husband's, the few bad ones are always the ones making headlines making it look like Nigerian ladies abroad are bad which is not.

Advice: Take your time and discuss it over again with your wife and if she doesn't agree to what you say, forget about its because of my children that I'm doing this, kind of words, take a stand and follow it. Your mental health is very important. No dey over work yourself to put food in your house while your wife dey treat you like you are nothing, it's a sign of foolishness on your part.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

I totally understand this from personal experience, many may not understand this family dynamic, with very kids involved it becomes very complicated to make drastic decision. I have no right to encourage you to leave this marriage and share custody of children as that may cost you even more. All i can suggest to you is to try and cut down on non non essentials that will not affect the kids, do less of the house chores and have some rest. Above all, look after your state of mind else...you will kill yourself slowly.

Again i'm saying this from personal experience and we live in the same system.

jesmond3945:
i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

You bought properties in nigeria, UK, cars, still do philanthropic work

Still UK isn't a good place

Which year you go UK?

Come and do 50-50 in nigeria, still you might be this good

alcuin:
Lol... Exercise patience till he's in the grave abi?

Didn't you read that he has talked to her about the situation and she's not moved to change?

u think say I read the stuff? Just to kip space with this 40 characters on top of yo data . Nah to write anyhow and submit yor script to the BOT

Marriage issues is like a talking drum that has two sides.

Will advise you do what will make you happy in your marriage.
If cares are not taking most marriage now will make a lot of men go crazy cos women wan finish men with bills o.

[/b]Okunrin e dira o[b]

She is wicked,I don't even told my wife anything before she decided that we will both share the bill equally, despite she earn more than me,and sometime when.i come back she will have get me cloth despite she work at home.some women are just evil only thinking about thereself.

moneyissweet:
Greedy and selfish wife, baba start looking for another wife o. As e be like this you are in a wrong marriage. Next time marry person wey you and her element and zodiac sign matched together for partnership. No go marry again because of beauty or love. Marry person wey your element and her element is spiritually attached. E dey work like magic

Comrade, Zodiac or no Zodiac, ALL married men should start having EXIT plans. That gender is different especially when they change environments. As per the issues at hand, he should start saving. Spending £2000 per month is grossly unreasonable even if he earns up to £10,000 as an immigrant (doubtful though). The moment that woman gets all the legitimate documents, our guy should kiss the marriage goodbye without ANYTHING.
Thinking of another wife won't improve his fortune in the next five years no matter where he picks the woman from.
He should just create buffer around his finances and mental health. With that, he will come out stronger even if she strikes because she will deal with you when the time comes. I repeat, that woman will deal with you appropriately. So, prepare for the shock so you will leave unscathed

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

So why do you think she should change now? Kindly look for side hustles to add

Though my advice might look harsh or had to take but it is the only way to deal with a woman like Ur wife abroad.

If you are the main Visa applicant and she's dependent on you and you've reported her to people that she respects (provided she does) and she wouldn't change, seperate from her and the child for some months and let her single handedly carry the financial burden for some months, that will reset her brain or else u are in for a lifetime burden as long as you as together as a couple. A word is enough for the wise

BigDawsNet:
Abroad is not Africa where wife is expected to be just wife and wait for husband to settle all house bills.. both of you are expected to contribute if not equally then 60/40! But if you feel that’s not the case.. then file for a divorce.. but be ready to pay your child support! At least you can start ur life with someone else who is easy to support u

It’s well wit your family in Jesus name amen

Have faith

I swear by Almighty God, I only demand she contributes like £350 out of about £2000. That's not even up to 20%.

I don't understand how you people end up marrying nonsense

OKOATA:
Why don't you trick her and the kids to Nigeria then, just seize her passport and forget her or better still just tell her you lost your job and you will be staying at a friend's place for the mean time. That way you can know what to do by staying with a friend or whatever to observe the situation. Tell her you also lost all you had to a business or something like that. That will show you her true colours so prepare for the worse.

May you never run from wisdom, all this our women are after our lives 😥

kingthreat:
One day men will gang up against exploitative women. They won't beat the women but the simps that supporting the women.

Violence is your answer to marital issues? Do you go about beating anyone that "exploit" you?

Have you beating your boss at work?
Have you beating your governor, president or can you even beat your local government chairman?

The real simp is a man who couldn't handle his home.

How can you marry someone you can't talk to or reason with? And you are still in the marriage? Is that not "simping"

Any man whose solution to problems is violence is a weak man.

GloriousGbola:
someone claims to be in the uk but is still mixing up American and British currency
claim you do dishes when dishwaher can be bought cheaply

gerraria hia with your rd pill engagement

a man in based in uk coming to nairaland to look for advice from small boy incels who dont have gf

Someone brought up a topic, you didnt contribute rather spend all your energy on dismissing the person complaint

if every guys here are incels and redpill advocate, why don't you drop your number or email so that you can give him an advice.

God bless you.

Your message is very clear and valid.

I wonder, what the man is waiting for.

gr8ofnnetwork:
With all sincerity, either she will change or not, start planning your exit NOW that you can still hustle.
Adopt 80-20 principles to have some savings that can enable you to navigate the shock you will receive in the next two or three years from her. Start having indirect separation or divorce conversations because it MUST surely happen.
Remember, you are more vulnerable than she is. She have immunity. She is only waiting for the full legitimacy to strike you.
I repeat, start having exit plan especially investment back home. The system will surely throw you out the day you finally act funny or silly.
Don't touch her. Don't beat or abuse. But review your financial expenditures. Spending up to £2000 monthly as an immigrant is grossly unwise, you will soon perish financially when the system hits you. If you have Children, start brainstorming on a clear financial responsibility in the event she leaves you or you guys SEPARATE!
I repeat, adopt 80/20 so you can have enough savings in the next three years. Start investing back home now matter what you are earning.

I wish you good luck as you navigate the rough water of life.

To all guys out there, either your marriage is good or not, endeavor to have exit PLANs however sweet it might be today. Start throwing the message out indirectly to elicit reactions. You are never too good to be ignored or abandoned as an husband or partner. The world out there is mean and when your time reaches to be dished, you might be hit mercilessly!

ZombieDredd:
She is planning something most likely.

Prepare your mind for the worst.

Start saving in your own capacity for yourself

She's not planning anything. The woman was a full housewife back in Nigeria

Well said👍

Oil dey your head

Gdjjvdwtjbfdkuytrean

gr8ofnnetwork:
Comrade, Zodiac or no Zodiac, ALL married men should start having EXIT plans. That gender is different especially when they change environments. As per the issues at hand, he should start saving. Spending £2000 per month is grossly unreasonable even if he earns up to £10,000 as an immigrant (doubtful though). The moment that woman gets all the legitimate documents, our guy should kiss the marriage goodbye without ANYTHING.
Thinking of another wife won't improve his fortune in the next five years no matter where he picks the woman from.
He should just create buffer around his finances and mental health. With that, he will come out stronger even if she strikes because she will deal with you when the time comes. I repeat, that woman will deal with you appropriately. So, prepare for the shock so you will leave unscathed

bikefab:
Staying or living abroad can be very emotionally and psychologically draining, but your wife has clearly deviated from what should be couple's goals- teamwork and sustainable family growth. She's probably stacking up her money somewhere and waiting to manifest her real self. Be very wary of such a Deliliah.

He made her a full housewife back in Nigeria sha. Perhaps that mindset still in her

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Its your responsibility as a man 100%. Chest it, but stop doing any domestic chores, its her responsibility 100%.

Some of you are married to your enemies, the earlier you know it and decide the better for you!!!

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

[quote author=EmperorIsaac post=135898811]And he will remain and keep footing bills! What makes her a wife? [/quot

Best question so far ....?
What makes her liable or eligible to the freedom their types these days ask for - equality....?!
Them misguided ones

Image123:
You need to talk to your wife, not us. What do you want to hear from social media, leave her? You need to be a man, lead the house, make firm and REASONABLE decisions about the family finances. Let/make her trust you enough that she, the kids and her 'former' family will not suffer.

Be a man and lead the house? Referring to a man that wants to split bills?

The moment a man and his wife start sharing bills and chores, he loses his leadership status and authority.

Is she an Igbo woman because they are good at doing so

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Every marriage has an expiry date.
Every woman has a target for the man she is married to. When you hit a woman's marriage target, she disposes of you and moves up.
By getting her abroad, you have met her target of you and will move up soon.
Prepare for it.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

OP you sef,
STOP MUMUING YOURSELF!

If everything you wrote is true, then sit her down and tell her your concerns, let her understand how much of a burden it is for you to foot ALL THE BILLS.
Unless you are telling lies and you dont actually foot all the bills because I dont understand this type of inconsiderate behaviour she is displaying.

If after having a nice and civil discussion with her she still refuses to help with finances, then STOP HELPING HER WITH HOUSE WORK AND BE SELFISH AS WELL, IF SHE ASKS FOR ASSISTANCE THEN TELL HER SHE CANNOT FORCE YOU TO HELP OUT WITH HOUSE WORK.

Let her help you, contributing to the family is a must. You wife is an unreasonable being. What is she saving all her money for? That's why most men die young. Oga you are contributing to chores so she must contribute to finance. I am very sorry you married a woman who is not a team player. Tomorrow after you retire without achieving much she will ask what you have been contributing while she goes on an investment spree. The world will call you a failure not knowing you were shouldering all the responsibilities all the years and that's why you are broke.