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POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband - Family - Nairaland

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POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kiishii: 8:31pm On Sep 13
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by alterswerve(m): 8:39pm On Sep 13
So you won't Google.. POF is Premature Ovarian Failure

Wow.. See.. Truthfully, under the law, if he decides to divorce cos of this issue, you know he'll win, cos his lawyer will say you deceived him into the marriage.

It's a tough one.

He's really pissed cos he's feeling that he was deceived into the marriage. He could be wondering how many other things you're keeping from him ry now.

Do what he wants if your marriage is of very high priority to you and let him know you're doing it to show him how sorry you are and for peace to reign between both of you.

Always staying with the kids doesn't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to them, and let him know that too.

It's a sacrifice or penance I think you should make IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OF A HIGHER PRIORITY TO YOU THAN YOUR CAREER and his pay can take care of all y'all well.

My only scare now is that he doesn't begin to demand for more sacrifices from you. But looking at the positive side, if you submit, he may look back at this decision in the future and lift his ban on you working

Wish you the best

PS: You typed good. Big ups!

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kinggnicole(f): 8:48pm On Sep 13
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Belafonte(m): 8:50pm On Sep 13
Give him time, he'll come around. You did betray his trust by not informing him earlier. These things can't be rushed. Maybe he's wondering what else you are hiding from him. But I'd say give him time.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Xaos(m): 8:50pm On Sep 13
I don't want to say anything hurtful but I have to. Ma'am your husband is being a jerk. You guys are bless with three beautiful kids - is there anything greater than this?! Yes, you gambled. It's a wicked thing but it's in the past and it worked BTW. So he need to grow up and forgive you. Just carry on and tell your in-laws. All will be well.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Femsyn(m): 8:51pm On Sep 13
Hmm. Are you sure there isn't more to this? Cos I find his reaction way overboard.

You have three kids already, don't you?

Who gives birth to more than 3 children these days sef?

PS.: With this insensitive attitude of his, never ever leave your job. OK?

497 Likes 22 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Biglittlelois(f): 8:52pm On Sep 13
Things are happening in marriages ooo, me i'm here to learn, so early menopause is for real!! God help women.

Doctors in the house, is there any way to prevent this POF, early menopause thing


Lalasticlala, what do you think?

34 Likes 3 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by alterswerve(m): 8:53pm On Sep 13
Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

It's very easy for you to say leave..
This is a marriage with three kids.. Don't do this, please smiley

200 Likes 10 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kiishii: 8:55pm On Sep 13
alterswerve:
So you won't Google.. POF is Premature Ovarian Failure

Wow.. See.. Truthfully, under the law, if he decides to divorce cos of this issue, you know he'll win, cos his lawyer will say you deceived him into the marriage.

It's a tough one.

He's really pissed cos he's feeling that he was deceived into the marriage. He could be wondering how many other things you're keeping from him ry now.

Do what he wants if your marriage is of very high priority to you and let him know you're doing it to show him how sorry you are and for peace to reign between both of you.

Always staying with the kids doesn't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to them, and let him know that too.

It's a sacrifice or penance I think you should make IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OF A HIGHER PRIORITY TO YOU THAN YOUR CAREER and his pay can take care of all y'all well.

My only scare now is that he doesn't begin to demand for more sacrifices from you

Wish you the best

POF is also called early menopause,
Thanks for the advise.

20 Likes 5 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Alexk2(m): 8:57pm On Sep 13
You goofed big time by keeping such secret before marriage; it's called deciet and pls stop justifying your actions with such shallow reasons but the deed is done already and now unto the way out.
Don't talk to your parents until all other means fails...pls don't?
"Genuinely" say you're sorry and apologize while taking responsibility for your insincerity prior to now; don't try to justify or find excuse for your action while doing that.....I know you claimed you've done that severally but trust me, you may need to do it properly if you want him to understand.
If the above failed, look for someone he "respect" and listen to like his pastor or anybody that he respect dearly and talk to him/her about the whole issues and let him apologize on your behalf and talk to him.
If that one fall too which I doubt, then report him to his parents.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kiishii: 8:59pm On Sep 13
Femsyn:
Hmm. Are you sure there isn't more to this? Cos I find his reaction way overboard.

You have three kids already, don't you?

Who gives birth to more than 3 children these days sef?


There isnt more to it, i kept it from him before marriage that's why he's reacting this way, he said it was a risky gamble, and i have apologised multiple times.

I had triplets.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kinggnicole(f): 9:04pm On Sep 13
alterswerve:


It's very easy for you to say leave..
This is a marriage with three kids.. Don't do this, please smiley
Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by sholatech(m): 9:04pm On Sep 13
Honestly madam, if I'm your husband, I will forgive this easily. Most spouses have done worse and they have built successful homes.

Just pray to God to help him absorb this. God already shows he loves you by blessing you with three kids..you have male an female. I will call this awesome!

Please and please, don't resign your job.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Homeboiy: 9:04pm On Sep 13
young girls una dey see am so

Marry on time but una go dey form say u can't marry a man wey no de earn 200k


Well I already know that any man wey dey marry woman wey don pass 30yrs Na rescue mission he go so


It's like buying newspaper in the evening

123 Likes 11 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Biglittlelois(f): 9:08pm On Sep 13
Homeboiy:
young girls una dey see am so

Marry on time but una go dey form say u can't marry a man wey no de earn 200k


Well I already know that any man wey dey marry woman wey don pass 30yrs Na rescue mission he go so


It's like buying newspaper in the evening


Stop this guy, early menopause doesnt happen to most ladies, the ratio is 1:1000, it is very rare.

146 Likes 7 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kinggnicole(f): 9:10pm On Sep 13
Homeboiy:
young girls una dey see am so

Marry on time but una go dey form say u can't marry a man wey no de earn 200k


Well I already know that any man wey dey marry woman wey don pass 30yrs Na rescue mission he go so



It's like buying newspaper in the evening

Damn! Why so dumb?

153 Likes 13 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kiishii: 9:10pm On Sep 13
sholatech:
Honestly madam, if I'm your husband, I will forgive this easily. Most spouses have done worse and they have built successful homes.

Just pray to God to help him absorb this. God already shows he loves you by blessing you with three kids..you have male an female. I will call this awesome!

Please and please, don't resign your job.


Thanks for the advice sir.

28 Likes

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Homeboiy: 9:13pm On Sep 13
Biglittlelois:



Stop this guy, early menopause doesnt happen to most ladies, the ratio is 1:1000, it is very rare.


But girls should be careful

Madam, you have no cause for alarm

u already have 3 kids


your husband wants to kill u with emotions

be strong

39 Likes 3 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Kiishii: 9:16pm On Sep 13
Belafonte:
Give him time, he'll come around. You did betray his trust by not informing him earlier. These things can't be rushed. Maybe he's wondering what else you are hiding from him. But I'd say give him time.


Okay sir, thank you.

12 Likes

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by alterswerve(m): 9:21pm On Sep 13
Kinggnicole:

Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

Neither did I advise her to pray.

I was being practical. Clashing egos won't solve this problem. One person has to bulge and I gave her pros and cons of why she should and I also said she should take that route if her marriage is of very high importance to her.

Your advice is not bad if she's a strong feminist tho

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by appsdope(m): 9:25pm On Sep 13
Give him space. He'll come around.
Just take care of your self and kids.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Wilfredpat22(f): 9:26pm On Sep 13
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by PamaB(m): 9:43pm On Sep 13
Hello Madam, I sincerely feel your pain. At this point all you would do is try to please him. Don't let him feel like your refusing to quit the job, but make him understand why you need to keep the job. Show him lots of love despite his behavior, treat him like a king, take care of your children, pamper him , as long as he loved you, he will soften his heart that's for sure. Don't make the mistake of involving families yet, that should the the very last option. No matter how long it takes be relentless and make sure u add value.

56 Likes 1 Share

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by PamaB(m): 9:45pm On Sep 13
Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall
You are heartless. Pray you don't have issues.

Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?
Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by cococandy(f): 9:47pm On Sep 13
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB

53 Likes 3 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by Biglittlelois(f): 9:51pm On Sep 13
Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?


See judge and jury, you dont have sense, continue to claim female there, dolt.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by yettymuse(f): 9:54pm On Sep 13
My own concern is DON'T EVER QUIT YOUR JOB!

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by eniolorunfe: 10:07pm On Sep 13
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!!!

Whatever you do, don't quit your job....That man wants to break you finally, don't allow him.

You're really lucky, those children are a testimony of God's love towards you, don't let anyone make you lose sight of that.

Even people that have only one child don't stop living because of that, how much more you that have been blessed with 3.

It's God that takes care of children whether you quit your job or not. Let him know this!

Don't let anyone steal your joy... He is not your God.

Anyone that cannot forgive and let go has no business getting married in the first place.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by thorpido(m): 10:51pm On Sep 13
Sometimes people talk too much! angry
I don't support keeping secrets from your partner but at the level you were(after you had the triplets),all you had to tell your hubby was that you noticed your period had stopped coming.You didn't need to go into all that details!
It will bring distrust and make him react exactly as he is doing.Unfortunately,I don't know how it can ever change with him again.Men keep these things like a scar.
Keep apologizing and hope he can soft pedal.

Whatever you do,don't quit your job.

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Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by carammel(f): 10:53pm On Sep 13
If you like quit your job, sorry will be your case. Who says you cannot have more kids? There are women who have stopped seeing their periods yet they get pregnant.

He wants to render you jobless,divorce you and claim custody of the kids on the ground that you cannot take care of them while he brings in another woman to take care of them. He has everything planned out already.

Continue apologising to him, he will get over it and if he doesn't, let him do whatever he wishes.

69 Likes 4 Shares

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by jellybabee(f): 11:08pm On Sep 13
PamaB:
Hello Madam, I sincerely feel your pain. At this point all you would do is try to please him. Don't let him feel like your refusing to quit the job, but make him understand why you need to keep the job. Show him lots of love despite his behavior, treat him like a king, take care of your children, pamper him , as long as he loved you, he will soften his heart that's for sure. Don't make the mistake of involving families yet, that should the the very last option. No matter how long it takes be relentless and make sure u add value.
correct

17 Likes

Re: POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband by lonelydora: 11:16pm On Sep 13
Your husband feels you tricked him into marrying him. He should be thankful that at least, he has 3 beautiful kids mixed rightly.

You have apologized even though you were wrong by withholding such sensitive info.


No matter what, don't quit your job. The way he's going, he may seek for divorce.


The earlier you let both families know, the better for you.

16 Likes

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