₦airaland Forum

Zooposki:
Seems you are of no value to your wife despite all you have said here about helping financially and domestically. Sir, might you just be stretching the truth and little bit?

What are you saying I have been reading your selfish reply and if you got nothing tangible to say why not keep shut cos is not force to say something. He told you he does help in home chores and even beg the wife for a financial contribution to a family they both took and oath to protect, preserve and provide for at least 20%, meaning he takes 80% which is far the lion share and all you could say that you think he is of no VALUE to the wife, kindly read what you wrote.

The way some you women reason is not far from children reasoning...you give a child a biscuit and politely ask for some in it and you will notice the child frowning his/her face.

jesmond3945:
i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

abeg private chat him so that he won't die untimely.

UniQue84:
What are you saying I have been reading your selfish reply and if you got nothing tangible to say why not keep shut cos is not force to say something. He told you he does help in home chores and even beg the wife for a financial contribution to a family they both took and oath to protect, preserve and provide for at least 20%, meaning he takes 80% which is far the lion share and all you could say that you think he is of no VALUE to the wife, kindly read what you wrote.

The way some you women reason is not far from children reasoning...you give a child a biscuit and politely ask for some in it and you will notice the child growing his/her face.

Sir if he was of any value to his wife then her actions will reflect that. I repeat he is of no value, and the wife dont care if he leaves or stays. The truth they say is bitter and a hard pill to swallow.

Adaumunocha:
So why do you think she should change now? Kindly look for side hustles to add

Unbelievable!

tempex88:
I ask you a question, do you want to be right or be happy?

someone can be right and be sad, if he was happy he wont be in an open forum pouring out his mind. Your question has no direct correlation..with what the op is looking for or what I ask..right as how or happy as how.. ?

Kobojunkie:
if you have to trade in other to be happy, then what you have is not necessarily happiness, but a compromise you tolerate for a period.

Happiness is a decision not an emotion

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

OP I feel your pain... The issue is not, she is not supporting you with bills... the issue is she seems not to care about helping you lift some of your heavy burden and would rather see you get crushed under it... Apparently, she has a way out of it....

Put yourself first henceforth and apply wisdom in all you do

Zooposki:
Sir if he was of any value to his wife then her actions will reflect that. I repeat he is of no value, and the wife dont care if he leaves or stays. The truth they say is bitter and a hard pill to swallow.

someone that is not of value to you ...brought you to UK, even before that have been feeding her employed Ass, you gave him two children, you still think he is of no value from the wife point of view, No I disagree on the other way round she is the one that is of no value to the man, a selfish, stingy, self-centered, egoistic woman.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Interesting

Well in Nigeria, its doable for a men to pick all the home bills alone.

In UK. It is almost impossible. Your wife has told you you cant force her. That is the language you said she used. Hopefully, that should mean that she can "voluntarily" contribute, and you thank her profusely and not take it for granted.

There are many other great options people have put forward.

There is the option or threat of separation or divorce. The advantage is that asides the emotional toll, it does not put you in a worse financial state than you already are in. Just guide against any allegation of violence from you if that happens. That could give you a criminal record and kill off your earning potentials. If you are separated she takes on all of the domestic chores as well as starts footing lots of bills. So is worse off emotionally, physically and financially.

Another option is to escalate it to elders in both your families. It should be those who have stayed abroad before and so who know how hard it is for anyone whether husband or wife to singularly bear doing the house chores or paying the bills.

Alternatively, If you're not receiving enough to cover your bills and save without your wife's assistance, then be ready to cut your bills drastically. If it means you guys moving house to somewhere cheaper, and maybe even losing your car, then do it. If it even means relocating. If she has decided that her finances dont matter, then it really doesnt matter where you move the family to even if she looses her job. You still the one footing the bills. If you even want/ or threaten to send the family back to Nigeria unchallenged while you remain and earn in UK, you'd have every right to do so since she has gladly placed the patriarchal rights at you feet.



You should be ready to make this a major issue.
...but general rule is that you no too look her money sha. Just ensure reasonableness

Towma:
OP you sef,
STOP MUMUING YOURSELF!

If everything you wrote is true, then sit her down and tell her your concerns, let her understand how much of a burden it is for you to foot ALL THE BILLS.
Unless you are telling lies and you dont actually foot all the bills because I dont understand this type of inconsiderate behaviour she is displaying.

If after having a nice and civil discussion with her she still refuses to help with finances, then STOP HELPING HER WITH HOUSE WORK AND BE SELFISH AS WELL, IF SHE ASKS FOR ASSISTANCE THEN TELL HER SHE CANNOT FORCE YOU TO HELP OUT WITH HOUSE WORK.

It's not by housework, he is burning cash.

You don't need anyone to tell you that you married an insensitive woman as wife. The earlier you start activating your exit plan the better for you, otherwise it will end in tears. I've seen many similar cases which doesn't end well. It won't get better and she won't change.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Talk to your Pastor...they often listen to them lol...if she still doesnt change, you may stay in for the kids but have a plan B.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Liazz

Let her know that the UK isn't Niveria, that both spouses contribute financiamly.

If she re.ains obstinate, report her to your inlaws who live outside Nigeria. Insist they split how each of you will split the bills if need be.

If she refuses to change, simply following the spending formula arranged.

She's being very selfish and entitled.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Sit her down and talk some sense into her. This is the abroad,not Nigeria. Even if it’s groceries or something,let her commit herself to some bills.

immortalcrown:
She is probably sending her money to her parents and her siblings. If she manages to save so much in the nearby future, she will tell you goodbye.

Bitter truth

UniQue84:
someone that is not of value to you ...brought you to UK, even before that have been feeding her employed Ass, you gave him two children, you still think he is of no value from the wife point of view, No I disagree on the other way round she is the one that is of no value to the man, a selfish, stingy, self-centered, egoistic woman.

Sir, let the husband leave na, lets see who is of more value. Depending on the woman's labour and yet still crying hot bitter tears, instead of grateful tears on this fine afternoon in a public forum.

"Honey, when this house lease expires, i am moving out to get a small condo apartment that i can afford to foot the rent without getting crashed. so its up to you to either move with me into the small condo with the kids, or remain here and sort the rent while i send support from my new apartment, I don't need your opinion, i have already decided".

try this and thank me later. this is the exact approach my uncle used for his stingy wife in England. He moved out to a small apartment and locked up when his wife refuse to support. The wife ended up begging Nigerian community over there to help her beg her husband to come back home . she changed for the good after

UniQue84:
someone that is not of value to you ...brought you to UK, even before that have been feeding her employed Ass, you gave him two children, you still think he is of no value from the wife point of view, No I disagree on the other way round she is the one that is of no value to the man, a selfish, stingy, self-centered, egoistic woman.

Bro, Just ignore her. continuously replying her gives her more room to post all these. we know her type. very wicked, selfish, miser and cruel partners than every sane man should pray against never to encounter. Wickedness is the only definition of a working class woman abroad who watch her man carrying burden of bills while she seats down as a ediot doing nothing to help.

Zooposki:
Sir, let the husband leave na, lets see who is of more value. Depending on the woman's labour and yet still crying hot bitter tears, instead of grateful tears on this fine afternoon in a public forum.

i blame you?, we know your type na.
when you have lived off man's money for a very long time, it messes up with your orientation and mentality and gives you this foolish illusion that when one simp wised up and lives, another simp will come knocking on your door the next moment. it is not too hard to know a woman like you .


you think the man will be the one to loose when she will have herself and two kids to cater for on her own?, like i said earlier, i know your type,

sukerefakere:
Is she a content creator on TikTok?

No

GloriousGbola:
You are a mod on this platform so you know how it goes. Fp is full of made up stories with a goal of bashing women.

Unfortunately Seun has allowed this to happen so now I take any of these stories with a handful of salt.

Now we have an anonymous poster creating a thread where he claims he has lived in the UK for three years.

He has never lived or worked in America so where is he getting the term dime from. Brits use the word Pence for coins.

There are usually little things you can use to catch people lying. Like when people in us say they are using panadol (it is called Tylenol in the US)

Most importantly appliances like dishwashers and washing machines are not that expensive can be bought on credit and will immediately make life easier for the family. Within Nigeria people can say it is for the wealthy but in the west it is just a standard home appliance like a fridge or an iron

The story reads to me like one of those stories with a clear goal of demonizing women

Unfortunately poster has deliberately failed to add crucial info like what work he or his wife does.

I also find the story hard to believe because they are supposedly in the UK and have not found their feet. Any man in Nigeria will tell you that naija women play the game of my salary is for me, your salary is for the family. But they can afford to do that over here. No fresh immigrant family in the uk can afford to do that. Selfishness cannot trump reality.

I understand that some stories on NL may be made up but let’s not be quick to dismiss people’s real experiences just because they don’t fit a certain narrative.

Now about the word dime, I find your arguement ridiculous. You dey talk like say people no dey mix slangs these days. With social media, music, movies and all, it’s very normal for a NIGERIAN migrant in the UK to use American terms. Na today? And I still insist that the word was used more in the figurative context, and not literal. Anyways, the use of the word no mean say the story na lie, and it's a weak point to build your dismissal of the OP's post on

On appliances like washing machines and dishwashers, yes they’re standard in most UK homes, and not particularly expensive but you’re missing the actual point of the post which is that the OP isn’t angry about appliances, he’s upset about the principle of financial imbalance in the home. Whether it’s Nigeria or the UK, when both partners work and one person is shouldering all the financial burden while the other holds back, frustration and discontentment will set in. It’s not about whether they can buy a dishwasher or not, it’s about the wife not contributing financially at all to the home & family expenses.

Now, it's true that we don’t know exactly what jobs either of them do, but that doesn't invalidate his concerns. In fact, it raises more questions about transparency in their relationship. If you’ve relocated to a country like the UK, settling down financially takes teamwork, especially in the early years. No one should be forming my money is my money in a house where bills are piling up and one person is drowning in them. The idea that Naija women can afford to do that in Nigeria but not in the UK is part of the point the OP is making that his wife is behaving as if she’s still in Nigeria, expecting him to handle everything. That’s why he’s frustrated.

Lastly, let’s not throw around bashing women every time a man shares a negative experience in his marriage. People should be able to speak up when things aren’t working in their relationship, and others should be able to offer advice or different perspectives without being accused of pushing an agenda. The same empathy accorded to women who share stories of lazy, entitled men should be given to men who are sincerely confused and tired too.

tempex88:
you are being unreasonable...look away from her money.

You pay rent and feeding as well as support with the children and house chores, that's expected from any western man.

The moment you delete thinking of how to spend/ she spends her money in your head.......you will experience peace.

By the way, i was once like you.

This is a terrible advise. You are talking as if a wife is an acquaintance or somebody that doesn't have link to ones life.

Where is her pity on her husband, where is her love?

tempex88:
✓ Happiness is a decision not an emotion

I said nothing about emotions.

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

Once your beloveth wife finished building the house she's erecting in Nigeria, she'll find a good excuse to dump u.

U better send her back to Nigeria with immediate effect. She has always been a liab.ility. Even in Nigeria person no dey work, meaning she is a complete lia.bility and you still had the mind to take her abroad and expect her to contribute?

YoungIncredible:
i blame you?, we know your type na.
when you have lived off man's money for a very long time, it messes up with your orientation and mentality and gives you this foolish illusion that when one simp wised up and lives, another simp will come knocking on your door the next moment. it is not too hard to know a woman like you .

you think the man will be the one to loose when she will have herself and two kids to cater for on her own?, like i said earlier, i know your type,

Child support na your mate or you think America is as lawless as Nigeria. Oga, you go wound o.

All I can say as a man to a fellow man

You married an inconsiderate and wicked wife

I am sure she showed these traits years back when you both where in Nigeria but you overlooked it as you were really earning well

And you still went ahead to marry her

jesmond3945:
i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

A good supportive woman becomes crystal clear in minutes. Same thing for a bad woman but problem is the red flags in a bad woman re usually ignored or overlooked.

Kobojunkie:
I said nothing about emotions.

Everything you said is emotions.

Man wants to leave his wife cos he does everything...okay, what happens after.

He still will do everything; this time he will even be more bitter with payment of spousal support in addition to all he did before

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Stop giving her money for foodstuff. Let her take care of that and other little bills while you handle the others. Is she isn't willing to contribute to daycare, tell her to sit at home with the kids. If one party works day and the other night to avoid daycare, tell her you cannot take care of the kids while she's at work as you need focus on making extra income to maintain the home.
Why did you agree to another child when she wasn't supporting financially?

Zooposki:
Nobody came to help anyone. Forge your path and stop all these talk. We all were born alone and we will die alone. Stop listening to a misogynistic so called god created by man.

Oh please... its has nothing to do with God but Humanity..
All the best in your beliefs and endeavours... Ciao

OKOATA:
Why don't you trick her and the kids to Nigeria then, just seize her passport and forget her or better still just tell her you lost your job and you will be staying at a friend's place for the mean time. That way you can know what to do by staying with a friend or whatever to observe the situation. Tell her you also lost all you had to a business or something like that. That will show you her true colours so prepare for the worse.

Best advice ever.

A friend of mine suffered exactly this experience in Australia. Stoic fellow, he shared his burden with no one. I arrived and took him out and he unburdened his heart. We hatched a plan. It took over a year of deep seated preparations including but not limited to acting out a script that depicted him as the most loving husband ever.

They arrived Nigeria......Benin precisely and all hell was let loose. I cannot share the intimate details but I know she is now teaching in a dilapidated private nursery and primary school somewhere off Airport Road. It will be quite the task for her to complete the block of 4 flats the family started while she was a 'diasporean'. Meanwhile my friend threw a party. he is now married to a wonderful soul who almost worships the very soil his feet touches.

There is only one way out of this quagmire. You got yourself into it. Only you can set yourself free. She must not win ultimately.


Its in your hands.

Plan, plan and plan some more.

Do not share.

And then strike when it is least expected.

Good luck to you comrade.