₦airaland Forum

Zooposki:
Child support na your mate or you think America is as lawless as Nigeria. Oga, you go wound o.

thats where you are wrong. Modern men don't leave and stay in same country. you frustrate me in America, i leave you and the kids to move to canada or UK, let she and the government come and collect child support from me in another country.

this is 2025 madam, The game has changed

Zooposki:
Abroad, women are running away from men.

Las las marriages might no exist anymore… na babies agreements everyone go Dey focus on

tempex88:
✓ Everything you said is emotions.. Man wants to leave his wife cos he does everything...okay, what happens after. He still will do everything; this time he will even be more bitter with payment of spousal support in addition to all he did before

Spousal support ke? Where did you get that one from?

The man is complaining to you that the current condition leaves him emotionally and physically stressed, meaning something has to be changed since he is not happy. Are you suggesting he does nothing at all and remains miserable to hold on to the Married card?

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

The fault is yours. Allow women to make sacrifices to the marriage and relationship. If they remember their sacrifices ,they wouldn't misbehave ,let alone wanting to leave. They wouldn't want another woman eating their sweats. If you talk about divorce now, your wife is unbothered and would accept it cos she has nothing to lose.

Liazz:
I swear by Almighty God, I only demand she contributes like £350 out of about £2000. That's not even up to 20%.

Speak to your lawyer and her family first before you make the decisions

I don’t know your age oh but you sound like a young adult man… you are too young to put pressure on ur head..

Abeg life should be work and enjoy! Not work and struggle

Find balance, find happiness

YoungIncredible:
thats where you are wrong. Modern men don't leave and stay in same country. you frustrate me in America, i leave you and the kids to move to canada or UK, let she and the government come and collect child support from me in another country.

this is 2025 madam, The game has changed

Yeah, we know most fathers dont love their kids. Don't let the door hit you where the god lord split you on your way out.

BigDawsNet:
Las las marriages might no exist anymore… na babies agreements everyone go Dey focus on

Most women no longer even want children, hence the birthrate is fast declining. No amount of incentives from the government is changing their minds.

immortalcrown:
She is probably sending her money to her parents and her siblings. If she manages to save so much in the nearby future, she will tell you goodbye.

Hmm you sabi, you really got what is in her mind but I pity him sha..
It is not advised that families that are still hustling should both relocate to abroad because the man will cry when time comes...
But I don't know how you will not hear things like this from rich family
(both parents) Living in abroad

Zooposki:
Yeah, we know most fathers dont love their kids. Don't let the door hit you where the god lord split you on your way out.

.

so its about fatherly love now?, LOL.
a mother who loves the child will not watch the child father to carry loads of burdens that will kill him earlier before time or will get him bedridden.


like i said, the game has changed. go to JAPA twitter and see how modern men now handles situations.

if you frustrate a modern man, he leaves you with the kids irrespective of the country and move out for sanity and peace of mind. he will then be sending his little support from his new location and he will keep records of off little support for future purpose. That time the tiny support will be golden and well appreciated.

if you like , watch your man carry burdens of bills to death or pushed to moveout, then you will realize that to single handely raise two kids abroad as a woman no be beans .


by the way, i believe you are trolling anyways

YoungIncredible:
.
If you frustrate a modern man, he leaves you with the kids irrespective of the country and move out for sanity and peace of mind. he will then be sending his little support from his new location and he will keep records of off little support for future purpose. That time the tiny support will be golden and well appreciated.

if you like , watch your man carry burdens of bills to death or pushed to moveout, then you will realize that to single handely raise two kids abroad as a woman no be beans .

by the way, i believe you are trolling anyways

Oga, make una dey go o. Men add no value to a woman's life. Dey play. Make men date and marry each other.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

It's your fault

You really spoilt her while in Nigeria and that made it difficult for her to adjust in the UK.

Now you want to change her overnight.

You can't continue like this, you have to make her understand that in the UK, both parties put resources together to make things work

2. Reduce your monthly expenditure as well £2000 monthly...and everything coming from one party is crazy

Zooposki:
Oga, make una dey go o. Men add no value to a woman's life. Dey play. Make men date and marry each other.

The highest joke of the century 🤣🤣🤣

Man add no value to women’s live?

Who are the gender going to Shiloh every year ?
Which gender stays by the road side every night?
Which gender dominates onlyfans and all access?
Which gender runs private snaps?
Which gender wants to relax and be taken care off?

Which gender bills for a living?


Like I said earlier, you are a troll 😊🤣

YoungIncredible:
The highest joke of the century 🤣🤣🤣

Man add no value to women’s live?

Who are the gender going to Shiloh every year ?
Which gender stays by the road side every night?
Which gender dominates onlyfans and all access?
Which gender runs private snaps?
Which gender wants to relax and be taken care off?

Which gender bills for a living?


Like I said earlier, you are a troll 😊🤣

Women are wising up.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

If her argument is that it is your duty to provide as the husband then I ask:

Is it your duty to assist her with house chores like cleaning and washing?

Isn't that a woman's job traditionally speaking?

Some women can be so illogical and unreasonable.

It's not as if you are saying she must support all the time. Just even once in a while financial support she cannot bring!

Suggestion: Who does she listen to? Who does she respect very well? Her pastor, mother, sister? Talk to that person to talk her and see how it goes.

yemmit90:
Start a project in Nigeria that you will be constantly spend money on. It is because you have enough to settle all the bills, that is why she see no need to contribute.

You don't expect a woman to share house bills with you when she know you are more than capable to do it all alone. Trust me, the moment she know you don't have enough to cater for the family, she will start contributing. A good woman will never have money and see their children suffering.

Ask those whose their wives share bills with, you will discover that it is because their incomes alone can't settle the family bills. African women are not build in that way, they believes in their men as heads and providers. If you want a loyal and submissive woman, you should apply this tactic but if you want the one that won't think twice before reporting you to police for domestic violence, then you can apply force to make her contribute.

I pity you bro

Email me buddy…some things are better discussed privately. I think they should reduce 40 characters to 20 lol. Email - idagbaempowermentfoundation@gmail.com

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Adaumunocha:
She's probably not planning anything cos the man allowed her to be a full housewife back in Nigeria. So she probably got the mindset men should provide all as he did back home without complaining.
He should tell her how much to contribute monthly sha

He's told her already, £350 out of £2,000, but she insists she wouldn't. So now, what is your advice?

I'm here to read comments but I'm really surprised to see what a lot men going through in their marriage so sad , I think I need to learn a lot before going into marriage

in abroad. Remaining married is a team work. I financed 90% of our relocation myself.
me and my wife does not have a defined contribution pattern. we just have an unspoken understanding.
I pay the rent and buy some little groceries. she buys the major groceries and pays insurance, power, internet etc.
But, aside from the rent, we managed to get a pretty good deal on all the other bills. we also shop for groceries in a way that minimises cost (we know where everything is sold cheaper).
That way, we both manage to keep some savings in our individual accounts. But because the rent is more than 2/3 of our monthly expense, she still gets to save more than I do from her total income. I also let her keep all the government cheques we get.

You need to get your wife to contribute. If she refuses, u should intentionally leave out some bills ....like grocery bills for her to pay. lets see what she will do.

but just make sure it is fair.

You’re not being unreasonable. Your frustration is completely valid, and this situation reflects a deeper imbalance in your marriage—both financially and emotionally. Here’s why your feelings are justified and how to approach it:

Key Issues in Your Situation
1. Unfair Financial Burden
- You cover 100% of household expenses (bills, relocation, loan) while she keeps her entire income.
- Even if you earn more, marriage is a partnership—her refusal to contribute anything is unreasonable.
- Her attitude ("It’s your job as the husband" is outdated and exploitative.

2. Lack of Shared Responsibility
- You’re contributing financially and domestically (childcare, cleaning), while she only cooks.
- A fair partnership means both parties contribute in ways they can—whether through money, labor, or emotional support.

3. Disregard for Your Struggles
- She shows no remorse despite seeing you struggle to save while she keeps her full salary.
- Financially abusive behavior isn’t just about withholding money—it’s about control and entitlement.

4. Broken Trust & Resentment
- You financed the relocation alone, paid off a joint loan alone, and now fund daily life alone.
- Resentment will only grow if this continues.

What You Can Do
1. Have a Serious, Structured Conversation
- Avoid accusations but frame it as a team problem:
"Our current financial setup is putting a strain on us. I feel overwhelmed carrying all the expenses alone, and I’d like us to find a fair solution together."
- Propose a fair split (e.g., proportional to income or 50/50 on fixed bills).

2. Set Clear Financial Boundaries
- If she refuses to contribute, consider:
- Separating finances (you pay for only your share of bills).
- Reducing non-essential spending (e.g., vacations, luxuries) until she engages fairly.

3. Seek Mediation (If Needed)
- If she dismisses you, suggest couples counseling—a neutral third party can help her see the inequity.
- A financial advisor could also help create a joint budget she agrees to.

4. Evaluate the Bigger Picture
- If she still refuses to change, ask yourself:
- Is this the kind of partnership I want?
- Can I accept a lifetime of financial imbalance and disrespect?

Final Thought
You’re not wrong for expecting fairness. Marriage is about teamwork, not one person funding everything while the other hoards their money. If she won’t budge, this goes beyond finances—it’s about respect and whether she values your well-being.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Since you also help in house chores don't stop but tell her henceforth she will be paying half of the bills, when the time comes give calculate it and give her half of the money. From your own half pay for utilities and other things that require online payments.... You need to take a decisive action! No need of discussions, tell her that bills are shared equally in abroad... Let her use the her own half to buy groceries! If she refused to use her money do not be moved or because your kids are hungry or something like that behave as if you don't care... This is a serious issue if you give in to her rubbish you are the one that will face the music... When I first got Married me and my wife are both working her salary was even more than my own but I had some side hustles that make me earn like times 3 to 4 of what she has... So I was footing the bills, when the side hustles stop and I was depending only on my salary the woman was insisting that continue doing same, I told her it won't work infact I even make her pay for the Bills more than me! Just promising her that when things improve I will resume with the 100% as time goes on I latter got some promotions that I was earning like 350% more than her! And the side hustles resume fully, I bluntly refuse that we do 50/50 the only thing I pay differently outside the 50/50 is my kids school fees clothingns and other things like that. Not that I do t want to help her but for women they don't see that as help! They will eventually see it as their birthday right! My brother wake up and be a man... If it means scattering the marriage let it be she is the one that will suffer most! Infact relocate to another country na she go hear am. But be a man and take care of yourself.

OKOATA:
Why don't you trick her and the kids to Nigeria then, just seize her passport and forget her or better still just tell her you lost your job and you will be staying at a friend's place for the mean time. That way you can know what to do by staying with a friend or whatever to observe the situation. Tell her you also lost all you had to a business or something like that. That will show you her true colours so prepare for the worse.

I like this plan. let the op tell her he lost his job and then temporarily move out to another location. let us see if she will not carry the expenses by force.

Kaido:
Men are slaving their lives away in marriage.


Just have an exit plan out of that marriage. You are on your own.

Those people will continue to learn the hard way

peleson1:
Pls how long have you been in the UK ?

6 years

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Forget long talk, only receipts matter. There'll be no pity party at the family court.
Do not stop footing the bills! The only thing you can do is to start paying tithes.. to yourself.
Unlink all automatic Billings from your account/salary. Block all your cards or get new ones.
Send all bills money to her account directly from your account. Never do cash again Even if it's just £0.25, write it clearly what the money is meant for in the transfer narration. e.g gbenga's sch fees, uber, electricity bill, DMV fine, milk... You'll thank yourself later when family court time reach.
Tactfully reduce at least 10-20% from each bill and send for her to go and pay. Groceries £100, send her £85.What if she fails to pay them? Remember I asked you for receipts? You'll have evidence of compliance. She'll be the one committing tax evasion, embezzlement or whatever other financial crimes charge there is.

That your tithe Remove it. Invest it. Put it in a trust fund in your mother's name with you and your offspring as heirs. Just make sure it isn't spent or wasted in the home and can't be controlled and divided by a court order.
This "tithe" is not for your normal savings. It'll be your lifeline.
She'll be naturally forced to foot the remaining portion. Coupled with your records of already footing over 60%, Even the courts will not side with her.

samuelson06:
Hello bro, how long have you been there now? And how old are you now?

6 i would be 37 this october

justwise:
Do you have kids and what is their age range?

Do both of you work full time?

yes 7 3 1. Yes. My wife just droppped and resumed work. I started doing omugwo for my daughter. If na house chores, baby sitting, feeding, going to market i get am. In abroad nothing like man or woman. You go be both man and woman at the same time.

jesmond3945:
➜yes 7 3 1. Yes. My wife just droppped and resumed work. I started doing omugwo for my daughter. If na house chores, baby sitting, feeding, going to market i get am. In abroad nothing like man or woman. You go be both man and woman at the same time.

That na how marriage is supposed to be too!

Adaumunocha:
He made her a full housewife back in Nigeria sha. Perhaps that mindset still in her

And agreed she was not earning that much in Nigeria. But with the current state, she's only being wicked.

Itiskdg121:
Bro, that's women for you.

My advice for all men is "Prioritize yourself in all you do". Very important.
Refuse to be blinded by love, belief or religion. Be intentional about being selfish.

And above all, never be afraid to walk away at anytime.

My cent!!!

You're right, I live and work here in Italy.most married men(not all) are facing the same thing here. The wife won't contribute a dime towards the upkeep of the house but will be sending their money home to family and also buying properties in Nigeria while the man pay everything.


We rise by lifting others

Itiskdg121:
➜Bro, that's women for you. My advice for all men is "Prioritize yourself in all you do". Very important. Refuse to be blinded by love, belief or religion. Be intentional about being selfish. And above all, never be afraid to walk away at anytime. My cent!!!

With this, you are best advising said men to avoid women completely; maybe even encourage them to date themselves instead.