₦airaland Forum

Adaumunocha:
So why do you think she should change now? Kindly look for side hustles to add

I have been scrolling just to see your gender's comment and I'm not disappointed.
He should look for another side hustle because his body is iron.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

bro I stay abroad and im married too. Can we talk privately? I'm willing to assist in my little knowledge and experience. Give me a heads up so that I'd drop my number

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Start with the Hakimi Format... Urgently start pushing funds to a Nigerian domilcillary account saved in foreign currency...make sure you have enough that whatever happens suddenly in the marriage you will not loose out financially... you married a selfish woman and what is keeping that marriage is what you are providing,the moment you stop she's out..God help you

Liazz:
I swear by Almighty God, I only demand she contributes like £350 out of about £2000. That's not even up to 20%.

It's the height of selfishness, ingratitude and wickedness! No need beating around the bush. I'm not a party to inviting outsiders to my marriage but have you spoken to someone she respects like a mentor?

Liazz:
I swear by Almighty God, I only demand she contributes like £350 out of about £2000. That's not even up to 20%.

What will she do with the rest?Man up and stop acting like a weakling.

You two should have joint finance for projects, that should take up to 50% of your income. 25% for the home and other bill. Then the remaining 25% should be personal savings.

This is what you should have done from the beginning. It's very unfair that you paid all that loan alone.

Sit her down, ask her what she did with her savings for the past 3yrs. Then tell her the new plan. If she really wants to be in the marriage, it shouldn't be a problem.

Adolfnigeria:
@ Liazz, i logged in after a long while just to advice you. It is not how much you earn it is how much you keep. Your WIFE Knows this.

These are the steps you should take and remember that as you do so. DO NOT BEAT HER OUT OF ANGER, or act negatively to her - she is sure to react negatively to you.

1. Start with House rent - Ensure her name is on the contract. You are both adults living in the UK, so both of your names should be on the contract. THis might be more expensive because of council tax. But you must do so to RESET her brain.
2. Every shared BILL. gas/ Electricity should also have her name on it.
3. Create a shared account for all bills.
3. WHen both your names are on the bill and they fall due - ask her for her payment. In case she does not make a payment, let it go into default.

DO NOT FEAR divorse, at this stage it best it goes to court. According to UK law you both are responsible financially, particularly if she is working.

What proportion of your earnings do you use for bills ? You wife should spend proportionally for fairness.

Please reach out if you need more advice.

This is the advice you need here, pls ignore any other contrary advise. But make sure you share duties equally too. @Liazz

onuku:
What if the wife does not communicate, or pretends to be an introvert?

How can someone pretend to be an introvert?

Does being introverted stops someone from communicating?
Introverts are best in communicating if you address it calmly. Lording over her will only bring more resentment. Fair enough he earns double, that's the rational that makes her keep her portion.

Kobojunkie:
Comprehension dey always escape una! See confusion... How can you be considered better than her when your every action seems motivated by your fear of her?🙄🙄🙄

No fears, rather security. It will create a balanced home. Once a woman starts to earn more than a man, there will be an imbalance in the home.
Don't worry I hope you don't fall prey. God help us.

Liazz:
It's funny right?
Maybe I'm even understating my reality. I didn't even state that I borrow money from her when I run out of money to sort bills. I run some professional courses takes a lot from me and she's aware, yet no help whatsoever.
The thing is I earn like twice as she much as she does, so she believes she should keep her share. Also, because she does all cooking, she believes she owes no financial obligation.
That's why I'm asking maybe my demand is out of place.

At this point, you have to make her contribute whatever percentage of your income you are contributing. If she claims for that reason she cannot cook, so be it. You guys resolve to fast food and once she realizes it drains more from the joint funds, she will align. That way, it isn't necessarily 50:50 but it gives room for growth of both parties without one feeling s/he is doing too much.

Adolfnigeria:
@ Liazz, i logged in after a long while just to advice you. It is not how much you earn it is how much you keep. Your WIFE Knows this.

These are the steps you should take and remember that as you do so. DO NOT BEAT HER OUT OF ANGER, or act negatively to her - she is sure to react negatively to you.

1. Start with House rent - Ensure her name is on the contract. You are both adults living in the UK, so both of your names should be on the contract. THis might be more expensive because of council tax. But you must do so to RESET her brain.
2. Every shared BILL. gas/ Electricity should also have her name on it.
3. Create a shared account for all bills.
3. WHen both your names are on the bill and they fall due - ask her for her payment. In case she does not make a payment, let it go into default.

DO NOT FEAR divorse, at this stage it best it goes to court. According to UK law you both are responsible financially, particularly if she is working.

What proportion of your earnings do you use for bills ? You wife should spend proportionally for fairness.

Please reach out if you need more advice.

Would be surprised if both names are not in the lease/utility contracts. If she's not listed, then one can't blame the wife fully since it implies the man wants to be the Lord.

Self-deception and lack of definiteness of purpose are the reasons you and others like you have always found yourselves in this kind of situation.

Liazz:
Funny enough, all I demanded wasnt even up to 20%, she says NO.

Sorry about that that. Perhaps you should involve her pastor or better yet, show her d part of the Bible that says wives are "helpmeet" to their husbands, perhaps that may sink into her.

Money has been mentioned by a man. They will rage and rage.

If someone can beat his wife because he paid her some amount of money, and they accept that, is anything else impossible on this thread?

citizen202:
Start with the Hakimi Format... Urgently start pushing funds to a Nigerian domilcillary account saved in foreign currency...make sure you have enough that whatever happens suddenly in the marriage you will not loose out financially... you married a selfish woman and what is keeping that marriage is what you are providing,the moment you stop she's out..God help you

Food for thought.

Baba plan your exit. You no marry better woman. There is no need to vex or para.

justwise:
Who buys the food in the house...

Who asks question without reading first?

Kobojunkie:
And when that same wife decides to bob other men while you are away, you go still dey form victim at that time, right? Una no dey ever learn at all, at all! 🙄🙄🙄

E no go better for her if she no Bleep other men. As long as I know which kids belong to me, the number of kids she has for other men while I’m away is none of my business. As long as I’m getting my own fair of sex when I’m around

irumole1975:
✓ E no go better for her if she no Bleep other men. As long as I know which kids belong to me, the number of kids she has for other men while I’m away is none of my business. As long as I’m getting my own fair of sex when I’m around

It is hard to believe this gobbledegook was posed by a grown individual.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Omo, una dey see things for marriage ooh. I don't understand how a woman will marry a man and not have the spirit or conscience to support. I mean, you guys are practically 'one' now...smh

Since she claims you're the head of the house,then command her to surrender all her money into your account

Zooposki:
Oga, make una dey go o. Men add no value to a woman's life. Dey play. Make men date and marry each other.

Is it not a man that sucks your brezz in bed?

EmperorIsaac:
And he will remain and keep footing bills! What makes her a wife?

To cook for the family

Ilekokonit:
In the UK if a man is not mean or stingy, his wife and kids will use him, squeeze him dry and then dump him. The man will spend his all empowering his wife and spend his all on wife and kids only to have the same wife turn their her kids against him once they reach 10 years and above.

Whenever I am walking down a high street in London and I see a happy looking Naija man pushing his baby in a push chair and the wife walks majestically beside him, I just look and laugh and feel sorry for the poor sod because 9 times out of 10, the man is being used and he WILL be dumped and kicked out of his children's life once the wife thinks she no longer needs his finances because the UK Government has now stepped into the husbands shoes as her financial provider as a single mum.

Baba, jut dey save furiously now that you have a good salary because as you know, no job is secure anymore in the UK and IF God forbid you lose your job, that woman will DAILY disgrace you and call you worthless in front of your kids and if you as much as protest her insults, she may even slap you and turn round and call the police and falsely accuse you of domestic violence and once you get kicked out and banned from going near the house, your wife will thank her stars as the UK Govt will reward her with single mother benefit payments on top of her salary thus making her salary plus benefits to be so substantial that she no longer needs you in her vicinity talk less of in the same house lest you stop the single mother largess that the UK Government is giving her.

Baba, as a man in the UK, if you are too responsible or if you are not stingy, mean, wicked or unpredictable to your wife, she will turn round and be these same evil things to you sooner or later.

Just look around you in the UK and learn from other mens experiences.

This is my uncles story. Lol. He was used and when he could no longer serve there purpose, he was discarded and barred from seeing his children.

irumole1975:
This is my uncles story. Lol. He was used and when he could no longer serve there purpose, he was discarded and barred from seeing his children.

Its more common in the UK than a lot of people realise and its one of the main reasons that a lot of men in the UK who have been so stung can dump any woman at the drop of a hat especially if she starts showing signs of being stubborn or beyond correction..

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

The truth is that she is actually your responsibility.

You're supposed to take good care of her (that-is, to the best of your ability -- don't go and do pass yourself).

As for the chores,, she is supposed to fully take care of that..
If she said that HUSBAND takes care of wife and family, then let's also take the other side of it to its extreme too.
WIFE SHOULD SEE TO THE HOUSE-KEEPING AND CHORES.

She cannot come to that angle and start claiming a feminist, but when it comes to provision, the man now becomes the man, and there won't be gender equality again..

That's where the bias comes in.

..

In summary..
All I am trying to say is that “You Should Resist The Manipulation”.
If she wants you to be the man, then let her be the woman.
And not, when it comes to some other things, gender equality comes in.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Start saving money for urself sharp sharp. It's about to go down. She get plans

tempex88:
you are being unreasonable...look away from her money.

You pay rent and feeding as well as support with the children and house chores, that's expected from any western man.

The moment you delete thinking of how to spend/ she spends her money in your head.......you will experience peace.

By the way, i was once like you.

Otondo. You and sense dey quarrel. Sorry

Just tell her the whole point of her working is to be useful and add benefit to the family. This is Uk not naija, she may as well sit at home and do all the chores. Do a list of all the expenses for the house and tell her which ones is she willing to pickup. Yes it is a man job to provide, but you are not bill gates and you will not come and die when she is also earning money. Also probe her to know what is she using all her money for if she cant support. My recommendation will be for you to split things 65: 35 or 70:30. Anything more than that will be disastrous. Women can be very funny and change so be careful. Most of them are just stingy, naturally not wired to provide and if they do not before long, you will see changes in her behavior, she will begin to resent you, see you as her equal or even inferior or not on her level. Once she start contributing, I will also recommend you buy her gift from time to time. Dont say because she has money and earns well, you will cease to buy things for her and assume she can use her money. It will back fire o. I learnt my lesson the hard way. No matter how much she earns buy things for her from time to time. God will take control my brother.