₦airaland Forum

Just watched a video where Biola Adebayo interviewed a woman; her husband sold her house and took her children. Sadly, this kind of thing is no longer rare.

Every day on social media, new stories pop up; women betrayed, broken, and drained. And with all this happening, I still find myself asking: how are people still falling victim?

Yes, I know. You can be careful and still get hurt. Nothing is guaranteed. But at the very least, you should try. Try to be intentional. Try to open your eyes. Try not to let pressure or timelines make life-changing decisions for you.

Until people stop going into marriage for validation or to meet society's deadline, marriages will keep breaking. You can't expect something solid when you're picking partners like you’re ordering pizza; hot, fast, and usually full of regret.

Know what you want before marriage. And more importantly, be honest with yourself; is what you want possible with the person you're choosing?

Do you want a friend or just a roommate? Do you want peace or stress? Do you want love or survival?

Go into marriage knowing it's supposed to be forever. Can you do "forever" with this person? Can you love and respect them even when they're at their worst?

Marriage isn't a costume you change when you're tired. It's a deep, binding decision. it's not something you can easily walk away from. Unlike friendship, which you can walk away from quietly, marriage leaves baggage. No one comes out the same.

Choose with sense, not just emotion. Stop ignoring red flags.

If you don’t want to be tomorrow's bitter viral post; "please help me, my husband did this...", then think now. Don’t enter blindly.

But if what you really want is to one day come online and post your own tragedy so strangers can gather; some to pity, some to judge or criticize, others to argue; then by all means, ignore the signs today.

There's no perfect manual to marriage. But one thing is sure: don’t marry your enemy. Don't marry someone that would make you wish you had even stayed single forever.

Every morning, look in the mirror and remind yourself: "I will never be a victim." It may sound small, but it helps keep your emotions in check.

We women are soft-hearted; we love deeply, we believe, we hope, and that's beautiful. But choose wisely. Don't let it become your downfall.

Kobicove:
It's a sign of the times, things have changed and these days most people are more concerned about immediate benefits

Well stated!

In fact, I am watching an African Magic Yoruba movie right now in which the wife was frustrating the life of her husband because things took a bad turn for him and she had to take care of living expenses. It just reminded me what an economic world we live in today; many people only value you (especially as a man) based on your economic value to them.

I'd rather not marry than settle for such a woman if only I could tell and I don't think I can live with such. It's a big blessing to marry someone that is kind to you.

cutecommend:
Marriage is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and not endured. And if several marriages lasted in the past, why are many marriages failing today? Why are several people scared of getting married, when in the past, it was not so.

Reasons Why Marriages Fail Today.

(1) Waste of Emotions in Dating: Some have wasted their emotions with wrong people while dating to the point that their current emotions may not be good enough for marriage. Marrying with damaged emotions or with a person that has damaged emotions may lead to divorce.

(2) Sex Soul-Tie: Sex soul-tie is like a covenant established during pre-marital or extra-marital sex. This is what probably makes some married persons go back to their exes for sex e.t.c. Some married persons may have to imagine their Exes during sex with their spouse, just to probably feel fulfilled.

(3) Too Many Bad Persons: The number of good people seem fewer than before, so picking a good spouse today is by God's grace.

Again, many people have red flags in them.

(4) Wrong Gender Equality: If a woman can submit to her boss or pastor, she has no tangible reason not to submit to her husband. Again, a man is not to share his responsibilities with his wife. He is to provide for her and love her.
If this cannot work, couples may separate for a while, get fixed and come back again.

(5) Undue High Standard: Looking for extreme expectations.

(6) Lack of Humility and Unwillingness to Change: A man with a bad character should not be preaching submission. He should change his ways.

If couples are humble and do well to work on themselves, marriage can go well.

No formula works

cutecommend:
Marriage is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and not endured. And if several marriages lasted in the past, why are many marriages failing today? Why are several people scared of getting married, when in the past, it was not so.

Reasons Why Marriages Fail Today.

(1) Waste of Emotions in Dating: Some have wasted their emotions with wrong people while dating to the point that their current emotions may not be good enough for marriage. Marrying with damaged emotions or with a person that has damaged emotions may lead to divorce.

(2) Sex Soul-Tie: Sex soul-tie is like a covenant established during pre-marital or extra-marital sex. This is what probably makes some married persons go back to their exes for sex e.t.c. Some married persons may have to imagine their Exes during sex with their spouse, just to probably feel fulfilled.

(3) Too Many Bad Persons: The number of good people seem fewer than before, so picking a good spouse today is by God's grace.

Again, many people have red flags in them.

(4) Wrong Gender Equality: If a woman can submit to her boss or pastor, she has no tangible reason not to submit to her husband. Again, a man is not to share his responsibilities with his wife. He is to provide for her and love her.
If this cannot work, couples may separate for a while, get fixed and come back again.

(5) Undue High Standard: Looking for extreme expectations.

(6) Lack of Humility and Unwillingness to Change: A man with a bad character should not be preaching submission. He should change his ways.

If couples are humble and do well to work on themselves, marriage can go well.

Your first sentence is the reason why marriages are no longer lasting. People now follow your advice. Our parents stayed put in marriage, in good and bad times.

Arostar2023:
✓ Your first sentence is the reason why marriages are no longer lasting. People now follow your advice. Our parents stayed put in marriage, in good and bad times.

And they gave us the Nigeria and Nigerian society as we have it today. Why would anyone suggest a continuation of the same old withi this knowing? .

Kobojunkie:
And they gave us the Nigeria and Nigerian society as we have it today. Why would anyone suggest a continuation of the same old withi this knowing? .

It wasn't their marriages that resulted to the state of things in Nigeria. It's the black man's inability to abandon what Ibrahim Shekarau called , "primordial sentiments". The above is made us abandon sensibility/unity in favor of tribalism and feudalism. The results are lack of patriotism and unbridled corruption.

Arostar2023:
✓ It wasn't their marriages that resulted to the state of things in Nigeria.
✓ It's the black man's inability to abandon what Ibrahim Shekarau called , "primordial sentiments". The above is made us abandon sensibility/unity in favor of tribalism and feudalism. The results are lack of patriotism and unbridled corruption.

What happened to the family is the unit of the society? 🤔🤔

2. Well the same black man is responsible for managing the unit of the society and what you have today-- the tribalism and feudalism, disunity among units---is the composite result of all of that managing going on.

Kobojunkie:
What happened to the family is the unit of the society? 🤔🤔

2. Well the same black man is responsible for managing the unit of the society and what you have today-- the tribalism and feudalism, disunity among units---is the composite result of all of that managing going on.

Yeah. According to social studies, the family is the smallest unit of society. But that is distinctly separate from the institution of marriage. Being faithful and steadfast in marriage, as well as being a good parent, doesn’t automatically translate to a better society. There are other factors that influence how society turns out. Marriage alone is not to be blamed.

Arostar2023:
➜Yeah. According to social studies, the family is the smallest unit of society. But that is distinctly separate from the institution of marriage.
➜ Being faithful and steadfast in marriage, as well as being a good parent, doesn’t automatically translate to a better society. There are other factors that influence how society turns out.
➜ Marriage alone is not to be blamed.

Well, a marriage is a type of family, is it not?

2. All of these you point to are intended to ultimately be of benefit to society, are they not? If they do not, then something is wrong somewhere, and that something has to do with either the ideas themselves or the particular interpretation given to those ideas within those units, right? For instance, if parents continue to churn out children who turn out to be, for the most part, unproductive non-law-abiding elements in society, are they really good parents? Is that

3. No one said marriage alone is to be blamed, but the blame is to be shared by the married in society since they, too, have a hand in raising many of the corrupt individuals in that country, including many of those who rule it.

Kobojunkie:
Well, a marriage is a type of family, is it not?

2. All of these you point to are intended to ultimately be of benefit to society, are they not? If they do not, then something is wrong somewhere, and that something has to do with either the ideas themselves or the particular interpretation given to those ideas within those units, right? For instance, if parents continue to churn out children who turn out to be, for the most part, unproductive non-law-abiding elements in society, are they really good parents? Is that

3. No one said marriage alone is to be blamed, but the blame is to be shared by the married in society since they, too, have a hand in raising many of the corrupt individuals in that country, including many of those who rule it.

Everyone has a share in the blame, not just the married folks . There are kids that came out of good homes and later chose to be rascals later in life. Adults make their own choices, you know.

Arostar2023:
✓ Everyone has a share in the blame, not just the married folks . There are kids that came out of good homes and later chose to be rascals later in life. Adults make their own choices, you know.

Kids that came out of good homes and were on track to becoming productive elements in the Nigerian society until those same kids decided against their training to become bad elements instead?Usually, kids start off rebelling early only to then settle on making better choices later on but what you described is the opposite meaning the foundation was not as good as it should have been. If the programming they were given by their parents can be so easily demolished and done completely away with, don't you see there that there is a problem with the upbringing they got?

Kobojunkie:
Kids that came out of good homes and were on track to becoming productive elements in the Nigerian society until those same kids decided against their training to become bad elements instead?Usually, kids start off rebelling early only to then settle on making better choices later on but what you described is the opposite meaning the foundation was not as good as it should have been. If the programming they were given by their parents can be so easily demolished and done completely away with, don't you see there that there is a problem with the upbringing they got?

From your submission marriage is to be blamed for the way things have turned out in today's world. So what exactly is your position with respect to marriage?

Arostar2023:
✓ From your submission marriage is to be blamed for the way things have turned out in today's world. So what exactly is your position with respect to marriage?

I think I more than made myself clear that since married couples make up a portion of the family units out there responsible for raising the citizens, it takes part of the blame --- not all of it . ,🙄🙄🙄

Marriage is marriage. Whether it is good or bad depends wholly on the quality of life and opportunities for advancement it avail both individuals in the marriage. In the case, the marriage produces children, the quality of citizens produced can be considered a co in contributing indicator as well.

Kobojunkie:
I think I more than made myself clear that since married couples make up a portion of the family units out there responsible for raising the citizens, it takes part of the blame --- not all of it . ,🙄🙄🙄

Okay. Now, that's clearer. I at first thought you were one of those anti marriages people

Arostar2023:
✓ Okay. Now, that's clearer. I at first thought you were one of those anti marriages people

I have never been anti-marriage. I am instead against the bullsheet lies people particularly the pro-marriage aka marriage-is-divine crowd spew regarding expectations and reality of things about the institution.

Kobojunkie:
I have never been anti-marriage. I am instead against the bullsheet lies people particularly the pro-marriage aka marriage-is-divine crowd spew regarding expectations and reality of things about the institution.

Marriage is divine It's the first institution established by God on earth. And if we follow His template on marriage, the outcome will always be good.

Arostar2023:
✓ Marriage is divine It's the first institution established by God on earth. And if we follow His template on marriage, the outcome will always be good.

That is only according to your particular delusion, though. Even the book you pretend to quote from instead submits that the care of the environment, the land and animals came before this marriage of a thing but of course, I expect you will disregard all of that to instead stand on what you wish to focus on instead.

Opay yarn

Kobojunkie:
That is only according to your particular delusion, though. Even the book you pretend to quote from instead submits that the care of the environment, the land and animals came before this marriage of a thing but of course, I expect you will disregard all of that to instead stand on what you wish to focus on instead.

What a shame! You put the cart before the horse and expect to make progress. Take God out of the equation and man becomes a beast.

Arostar2023:
✓ What a shame! You put the cart before the horse and expect to make progress. Take God out of the equation and man becomes a beast.

There are over 4000 different deities out of these, so which of them do we put before this horse of yours?

Also, the average Nigerian claims their marriage was as ordained by at least one God or another, yet the divorce rate, rate of violence, neglect and abuse in marriage among the religious mirrors that which is obtained from the non-religious. What use is this placing of a god before this cart that is Marriage?

Kobojunkie:
There are over 4000 different deities out of these, so which of them do we put before this horse of yours?

Also, the average Nigerian claims their marriage was as ordained by at least one God or another, yet the divorce rate, rate of violence, neglect and abuse in marriage among the religious mirrors that which is obtained from the non-religious. What use is this placing of a god before this cart that is Marriage?

Like I said before, God has given a template for marriage, but men (including Christians) chose to do their own thing. Putting the cart before the horse is going about marriage without taking cognizant of God's plan or template for marriage. Why blame God? Before you ask, some people, even non Christians, inadvertently follow God's template for marriage and so had a happy marriage.

By the way, the God I am talking about is Jehovah, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Not those man made gods, powered by unclean spirits AKA demons.

Arostar2023:
✓ Like I said before, God has given a template for marriage, but men (including Christians) chose to do their own thing. Putting the cart before the horse is going about marriage without taking cognizant of God's plan or template for marriage. Why blame God? Before you ask, some people, even non Christians, inadvertently follow God's template for marriage and so had a happy marriage.
By the way, the God I am talking about is Jehovah, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Not those man made gods, powered by unclean spirits AKA demons.

Christianity alone boasts of over 46, 000 different images (denominations) all claiming to reference the same God who is instead recorded be God only to Israelites. This means your particular delusions do not apply to Christians of other denominations so what makes you think your particular delusions should carry weight of any kind outside of your own denomination let alone religion?

Arostar2023:
What a shame! You put the cart before the horse and expect to make progress. Take God out of the equation and man becomes a beast.

so pastors and other people with crashed marriages did not put God first abi? Just dey play…

Hhh4444:
so pastors and other people with crashed marriages did not put God first abi? Just dey play…

Yes, they didn't. They didn't put God first in their marriage. They relegated God to the background and did their own things. You can't follow God and miss the road. Try it !

Kobojunkie:
Christianity alone boasts of over 46, 000 different images (denominations) all claiming to reference the same God who is instead recorded be God only to Israelites. This means your particular delusions do not apply to Christians of other denominations so what makes you think your particular delusions should carry weight of any kind outside of your own denomination let alone religion?

Denominations are man's creation. There is no denomination in heaven. Salvation is of the Jews, no doubt but Jehovah is universal. Father Abraham obeyed and walked with God, and thus became the father of faith. He showed his progenies (Jews) the way.

Genesis 18:19,
New Living Translation
I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.

Unfortunately many are still searching for God through various means (religions). Believe and receive Jesus into your life today and you shall be saved

Arostar2023:
Yes, they didn't. They didn't put God first in their marriage. They relegated God to the background and did their own things. You can't follow God and miss the road. Try it !

who something never happen to go think say na him get sense pass.

Arostar2023:
➜Denominations are man's creation. There is no denomination in heaven. Salvation is of the Jews, no doubt but Jehovah is universal. Father Abraham obeyed and walked with God, and thus became the father of faith. He showed his progenies (Jews) the way.
Genesis 18:19,
New Living Translation
I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.
Unfortunately many are still searching for God through various means (religions). Believe and receive Jesus into your life today and you shall be saved

. Denomination is of men, yet you belong to one of the over 46000 denominations that make up the religion of Christianity, meaning your deity is just an idol of the Israelite God and nothing of Him.🙄🙄

2. Salvation, according to the Israelite Books, is of the Jews and belongs only to Israelites, of whom the Jews are a subset. Your claim is not that you are an Israelite, but that you belong to a religion of non-Israelites who were magically added to the list of those to be saved by the words of their popes and their pastors. 🙄🙄

Abeg, make I hear word, o'jare! If you are don discussing the topic, simply waka pass! 🙄🙄🙄

Kobojunkie:
. Denomination is of men, yet you belong to one of the over 46000 denominations that make up the religion of Christianity, meaning your deity is just an idol of the Israelite God and nothing of Him.🙄🙄

2. Salvation, according to the Israelite Books, is of the Jews and belongs only to Israelites, of whom the Jews are a subset. Your claim is not that you are an Israelite, but that you belong to a religion of non-Israelites who were magically added to the list of those to be saved by the words of their popes and their pastors. 🙄🙄

Abeg, make I hear word, o'jare! If you are don discussing the topic, simply waka pass! 🙄🙄🙄

Nope, I am not done discussing the topic. I understand your confusion and skepticism. Here are some Bible verses to help you understand better.

Galatians 3: 6 - 9

Gal.3.6 In the same way, "Abraham believed God, so God declared him righteous because of his faith." (NLT)

Gal.3.7 The real children of Abraham, then, are all those who put their faith in God. (NLT)

Gal.3.8 What's more, the Scriptures looked forward to this time when God would accept the Gentiles, too, on the basis of their faith. God promised this good news to Abraham long ago when he said, "All nations will be blessed through you." (NLT)

Gal.3.9 And so it is: All who put their faith in Christ share the same blessing Abraham received because of his faith. (NLT)

Arostar2023:
✓ Nope, I am not done discussing the topic. I understand your confusion and skepticism. Here are some Bible verses to help you understand better.

I have moved on from your private delusions. You can continue yammering to yourself. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

CodeTemplarr:
The SoS mentality. Songs of Solomon mentality. Infact for same reasons, many marriages no longer happen talkless of lasting.

Abeg let me clarify what you mean by "Songs of Solomon mentality". I thought that is a good romantic write ups by King Solomon?

SlavaUkraini:
Marriage cannot last these days because both husband and wife are always looking outside for pleasure and attention

One of the major problem.

OgidiHerbals:
You've said it all summarily. Most divorces happens with LEARNED couples.

You are right. We claim to know too much, the men become so egoistic and nonchalant, while the ladies lost their feminity in the name of fighting for equality.