₦airaland Forum

Emmanuel30a:
Since GOD hate divorce according Malachi, can't you avoid marriage...? Afterall, without marriage there can't be divorce... In other words, you should avoid men at all cost so that they would not tells you I love you...and would ask you to marry them...

no way to avoid men, just dat some of dem are bad,

dollytino4real:
no way to avoid men, just dat some of dem are bad,

If you can't avoid them, then don't say some of them are bad... If you can't avoid them, then you are your own adversary...that is doing anniversary...or you are own adversity that is attending university...

Klass99:
The same bible says - There are six things the LORD hates, no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.

Why is divorce always the only thing singled out as what God hates when it comes to a woman wanting to end a marriage? Sometimes it feels like Malachi 2:16 is used in a manipulative way to spiritually blackmail women into remaining in marriages that hurt more than it helps, like an abusive one or one fraught with infidelity.

I'm just thinking out loud! Please stick with your beliefs.

Who or what is blackmailing women into having boyfriend and doing marriage...?

dollytino4real:
ok u don't read Bible so no need to argue bible with u Sir

I understand the bible and I can tell you for free that the verse you quoted in Malachi does not support you staying in abusive marriage.
It is actually better for a man to divorce his wife than to abuse her. But God hated both.
If you die in an abusive marriage you didn't obey God o.

SmileDance:
I understand the bible and I can tell you for free that the verse you quoted in Malachi does not support you staying in abusive marriage.
It is actually better for a man to divorce his wife than to abuse her. But God hated both.
If you die in an abusive marriage you didn't obey God o.

ok, if u divorce, u will remain single till u die n if u remarry u are committing adultery and it is sin and sinners will go to hell. So those are some of the reasons we stay

dollytino4real:
ok, if u divorce, u will remain single till u die n if u remarry u are committing adultery and it is sin and sinners will go to hell. So those are some of the reasons we stay

If the unbeliever departs, he should depart.
Any abusive partner will be treated as an unbeliever. (My opinion)
Also, it is better to remain unmarried after a divorce, live peacefully and take care of your children than die in an abusive marriage.

dollytino4real:
ok, if u divorce, u will remain single till u die n if u remarry u are committing adultery and it is sin and sinners will go to hell. So those are some of the reasons we stay

I am interested in this conversation.

Ok, do you think that God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage? Or what is your definition of abuse here?

bukatyne:
I am interested in this conversation.

Ok, do you think that God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage? Or what is your definition of abuse here?

abusive is anything dat causes u disorder or discomfort monetary emotionally verbally nonchalant my own will be different from urs my own is nonchalant he don't care about anything concerning me n my relatives

SmileDance:
If the unbeliever departs, he should depart.
Any abusive partner will be treated as an unbeliever. (My opinion)
Also, it is better to remain unmarried after a divorce, live peacefully and take care of your children than die in an abusive marriage.

not all leads to death, some the women keep silent or the men they are shy to talk, me i dey talk o. I know no body can help me but myself but it gives a sigh of relief

dollytino4real:
not all leads to death, some the women keep silent or the men they are shy to talk, me i dey talk o. I know no body can help me but myself but it gives a sigh of relief

It is well, those women that died too didn't think they will die, and even if it doesn't lead to death, it is still dehumanizing, you deserve better

SmileDance:
It is well, those women that died too didn't think they will die, and even if it doesn't lead to death, it is still dehumanizing, you deserve better

dis Africa and Nigeria where women are seen as second object, na who get money n get back up fit dey stand after divorce o! If not u go turn ashy overnight because of feeding

dollytino4real:
dis Africa and Nigeria where women are seen as second object, na who get money n get back up fit dey stand after divorce o! If not u go turn ashy overnight because of feeding

Lol , this woman I like your candour (frankness) I hear you on this and I feel you. Money and back up are not impossible things to achieve though.

Klass99:
Lol , this woman I like your candour (frankness) I hear you on this and I feel you. Money and back up are not impossible things to achieve though.

yes o, they are not impossible to get but still follow my brother, i don calculate my cost of leaving, to stay with my children alone and do small business guy i made 360 degree u turn. And stayed

dollytino4real:
➜ dis Africa and Nigeria where women are seen as second object, na who get money n get back up fit dey stand after divorce o!
➜If not u go turn ashy overnight because of feeding

But what stops an African and Nigerian woman making her money and backup before marriage or in marriage?

2. Most ashy's actually have it so much better than women in toxic relationships, fa! So, what gives you the audacity to look down on them?

dollytino4real:
➜yes o, they are not impossible to get but still follow my brother, i don calculate my cost of leaving, to stay with my children alone and do small business guy i made 360 degree u turn. And stayed

OK! So, what about the cost of staying on with the children? Was that equally factored?

Kobojunkie:
OK! So, what about the cost of staying on with the children? Was that equally factored?

the cost of staying back with the children os not much, he pays 4 d rent and atleast brings food so we all manage to stay

Kobojunkie:
But what stops an African and Nigerian woman making her money and backup before marriage or in marriage?

2. Most ashy's actually have it so much better than women in toxic relationships, fa! So, what gives you the audacity to look down on them?

look down on who fa!? Even if u make trillions b4 u enter toxic relationship, it will drain u, ur money and ur self worth shikina

dollytino4real:
➜the cost of staying back with the children os not much, [b]he pays 4 d rent and atleast brings food [/b]so we all manage to stay

. What about the mental and emotional toll it takes on your kids and their future? Most women in abusive relationships who have a hard time leaving it were themselves raised by at least one abusive caregiver in their childhood. Many of them also had at least one caregiver who claimed to have endured abuse for their sake, and so for many of the same reasons, they too find themselves having a hard time leaving the abusive relationship they find themselves in.

Rent and food will not make the future that likely awaits them go away. So?

dollytino4real:
➜look down on who fa!? Even if u make trillions b4 u enter toxic relationship, it will drain u, ur money and ur self worth shikina

If you truly believe this, what then makes you believe you will be able to save up and whatever else you claim you plan to do as he continues to pay rent, and provide food in that toxic situation?

dollytino4real:
yes o, they are not impossible to get but still follow my brother, i don calculate my cost of leaving, to stay with my children alone and do small business guy i made 360 degree u turn. And stayed

I'm a lady not a man. Is it possible to temporarily separate, find accommodation within close proximity and let the children split their stay between you and their father?

Instead of taking the children with you full time, explore the option of co-parenting. The reason why some separated and divorced women get into trouble is because they leave with the children and they are not financially capable. The moment you do that you make it easy for the men to take their hands off of their responsibility to the children.

In fact some intentionally do it as a way of punishing you for leaving. They say let me see how she will survive without me because you were majorly dependent on the man to begin with, then you now carried other people who were dependent on him along with you (i.e. the children)

When you co-parent though I think it forces a man to still do his duty by those children. They cannot be hungry and in the same house with him and he will do nothing na, unless he is a very wicked person. You are right when you say only women with money or support can leave and not only survive but thrive.

One woman I am aware of has been with SEC since her NYSC. She served there and SEC retained her afterwards she grew through the ranks and is now a senior manager. She single handedly raised her 3 children by herself paid their fees through good schools and all. Her marriage wasn't even an abusive one her husband was just an insecure man who didn't graduate school and so as her career took off and she began to grow it made him feel jealous and bad, in spite of her best efforts to show that my growth and success, is ours, it's for the whole family, her hubby just didn't see it that way.

Klass99:
I'm a lady not a man. Is it possible to temporarily separate, find accommodation within close proximity and let the children split their stay between you and their father?

Instead of taking the children with you full time, explore the option of co-parenting. The reason why some separated and divorced women get into trouble is because they leave with the children and they are not financially capable. The moment you do that you make it easy for the men to take their hands off of their responsibility to the children.

In fact some intentionally do it as a way of punishing you for leaving. They say let me see how she will survive without me because you were majorly dependent on the man to begin with, then you now carried other people who were dependent on him along with you (i.e. the children)

When you co-parent though I think it forces a man to still do his duty by those children. They cannot be hungry and in the same house with him and he will do nothing na, unless he is a very wicked person. You are right when you say only women with money or support can leave and not only survive but thrive.

One woman I am aware of has been with SEC since her NYSC. She served there and SEC retained her afterwards she grew through the ranks and is now a senior manager. She single handedly raised her 3 children by herself paid their fees through good schools and all. Her marriage wasn't even an abusive one her husband was just an insecure man who didn't graduate school and so as her career took off and she began to grow it made him feel jealous and bad, in spite of her best efforts to show that my growth and success, is ours, it's for the whole family, her hubby just didn't see it that way.

my babe, u try to type dis full sunday school message, i don't want to divorce him o! Just want him to feel our Absent from him then see if he will change and add value to our lives around him,

Kobojunkie:
If you truly believe this, what then makes you believe you will be able to save up and whatever else you claim you plan to do as he continues to pay rent, and provide food in that toxic situation?

no way my dear, my service money finished in it. My npower money went into stomach infrastructure without nothing to show, i still believe God 4 my change of story

dollytino4real:
➜no way my dear, my service money finished in it. My npower money went into stomach infrastructure without nothing to show, i still believe God 4 my change of story

Huh?

Kobojunkie:
. What about the mental and emotional toll it takes on your kids and their future? Most women in abusive relationships who have a hard time leaving it were themselves raised by at least one abusive caregiver in their childhood. Many of them also had at least one caregiver who claimed to have endured abuse for their sake, and so for many of the same reasons, they too find themselves having a hard time leaving the abusive relationship they find themselves in.

Rent and food will not make the future that likely awaits them go away. So?

it makes my boys hard and are willing to hustle on their own without anyone forcing them because they see what their father is doing without me even telling dem anything negative about their father, na a father will drop 1500 for 3kids n I till nite they see things

dollytino4real:
➜ it makes my boys hard and are willing to hustle on their own without anyone forcing them because they see what their father is doing without me even telling dem anything negative about their father,
➜ na a father will drop 1500 for 3kids n I till nite they see things

Your children are having to grow up too fast because of what they see their father doing, meaning they miss out on a lot of the the social, mental and emotional skills they are meant to acquire as kids. And somehow you are Ok with this?

2. You are their mother and are supposed to protect them from all of that harshness. So what are you doing? Nothing? Just leaving them to the harsh reality that is the father you chose for them?

Kobojunkie:
Huh?

yes o, i just thank God 4 life n the kids i ve, dem dey sweet me as they see dem o, they will say mummy no worry i go buy u big house 🏠 big car no run away , pentalker word 4 tiktok

Kobojunkie:
Your children are having to grow up too fast because of what they see their father doing, meaning they miss out on a lot of the the social, mental and emotional skills they are meant to acquire as kids. And somehow you are Ok with this?

2. You are their mother and are supposed to protect them from all of that harshness. So what are you doing? Nothing? Just leaving them to the harsh reality that is the father you chose for them?

nothing o! My dear hope on God and pray 4 our change of story and encourage them to be good,

dollytino4real:
➜ yes o, i just thank God 4 life n the kids i ve, dem dey sweet me as they see dem o, they will say mummy no worry i go buy u big house 🏠 big car no run away , pentalker word 4 tiktok

Dem dey sweet you, how? The mere fact that you popped them out is the sweetness of having them? No care or mind for the impact that all of this harsh reality is in fact having on their mental, emotional, and social intelligence? No worries about the impact of watching all of that toxicity, that is, your relationship with the father you chose for them, on their lives later in their adult years, would be?

dollytino4real:
➜nothing o! My dear hope on God and pray 4 our change of story
➜and encourage them to be good,

Why do you keep deflecting to this deity of yours when the decision to have and keep them where they are is all yours?

2. Ever heard the saying, "Action speaks louder than words?" You encourage them to do good while you yourself don't do good by them...to what end?

Kobojunkie:
Why do you keep deflecting to this deity of yours when the decision to have and keep them where they are is all yours?

2. Ever heard the saying, "Action speaks louder than words?" You encourage them to do good while you yourself don't do good by them...to what end?

i don't do evil as u think, who no get money na evil person or wetin

Kobojunkie:
Dem dey sweet you, how? The mere fact that you popped them out is the sweetness of having them? No care or mind for the impact that all of this harsh reality is in fact having on their mental, emotional, and social intelligence? No worries about the impact of watching all of that toxicity, that is, your relationship with the father you chose for them, on their lives later in their adult years, would be?

their future is in God's hand . And their future is great good luck ebele how far

dollytino4real:
➜i don't do evil as u think, who no get money na evil person or wetin

Most people who do evil to others do not even realize it. Many of them think of themselves as victims of the evil of others, while conveniently ignoring the evil they perpetrate against those less than their own selves. And the saddest of it all is that most of them are also religious people... yeah, always claiming there is a god somewhere looking out for them.

Your children are less than you, and only moments ago, you boasted of how the harsh reality of life in the toxic relationship you chose to remain in has impacted their very childhood; they have been forced by it to live life in a hard way. Yet you don't see how wicked all of that really is. Is it that you never thought their childhood should have been protected or something? 😩😩

Anyways, I am not trying to condemn you or judge you. I am merely trying to get you to realize how you are not a victim but a perpetrator in all of this wickedness against your children. If you had no children at all, this would have been much different since you, as an adult, have every right to live your life in the sickest, saddest way you want to. However, with kids involved, you are the perpetrator— your husband and you are in league— inflicting trauma against the very present and futures of all those innocent beings. 😩😩

No amount of hiding your acts behind the mentions of a god or other religious gobbledegook will change this. 😩😩