₦airaland Forum

Esthered:
True, I am just a 16 years old keyboard warrior with no dream as it's just stories.

Where's the statistics to prove that are less than 1%?
You're right to yourself only and NEVER to people of high value who are doing exploits and making impacts

Isn't it better to ensure that you don't raise females or get entangled with us. I [b]see no reason a man won't encourage the women in his life to dream [/b]big. Anyways people like you are just superior here (I doubt but lemme massage a non-existent ego small) and never beyond the keyboard.

at the bolded, you can only encourage someone who is willing, else it's energy waste, talking from experiences,

Lionnation:
at the bolded, you can only encourage someone who is willing, else it's energy waste, talking from experiences,

Experience made you lump all women incapable of dreaming and achieving.

What if you change your circle? As I type almost everyone around me is doing either CFA or Masters or both and now I've applied for my masters and now struggling that CFA fever doesn't hit me. A colleague of mine a mum of 2 went as far as taking a loan to write CFA and she's a growing financial influencer with masters, ACCA.... It costs over 2m to write the course and paid in USD.

Reevaluate your circle again please and change that mindset.

You say a man should only procreate and provide. Then you go on to complain that children only look after their mother and wives don't care about their husbands. Can't you connect the dots yourself?

The mother was there for them, supporting them emotionally and so on. Of course, their bond would be much stronger. The man only gave the woman and children money and no other form of support. How can you compare?

As a man, if you want to be valued as a father and a husband and not as an ATM, providing financially is not enough. Do you have any emotional attachment to your job or business because of the money you get from it? You value people who actually care about you. People who are actually there from you.

Emotional bonds are very very powerful.

To your other points, we live in different times. Mind you, this is in UK. If they're in Nigeria, they have other people to help. In UK, you are on your own.

Couples need to be partners. Stepping in to support each other whenever needed, whether emotionally, financially, and so on.

In this case, it's obvious that the man didn't understand what his woman was going through. See how he's complaining about not having free time to do anything. It's obvious that he had that freedom when his wife was around but he took it for granted.

This is a good lesson for him. Hope they both learn from this and pull through.

casualobserver:
i find this kind of talk nauseating especially coming from a man.

the role of a man is to procreate and provide. the role of a woman is to procreate and nurture. if a woman decides to have other "dreams" outside her role, it is for her to make it work without disturbing the balance in her home.

the children belong to both parents. stop this nonsense of your children. The reality is that in life the children benefit the mother more than the father. most men end up ignored later by the wife and children in life despite having children wherasmost women end up being looked after by their children so stop this emotional gaslighting of "your children".

if you let your wife gaslight you with this "your children" nonsense by the time you find out youve been manipulated and what marraige is really about it will be too late. Most men who live to old age die miserable and with regret despite having children because they didnt prioritize themselves.

Support your wife yes but as a man dont be gaslighted into adding a role that is not yours, life is hard enough for men with little benefits or appreciation.

You totally missed the point. Put yourself in the woman's shoes. Forget about your generalizations and let go of your biases.

There are lots and lots of men who sacrifice their family for their happiness. And there are lots and lots of women who sacrifice their happiness for their family.

This shouldn't even be a thing. Both partners should compromise and meet each other halfway.

papyjaypaul:
"A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness.”

I hope he learns from experience and I am sure he will recover. The women probably think they won and laughing at him. It's a long game. It's not who wins, it's biology.

Look at it, even if he goes to court and they tell him to pay for the upkeep of the children, he already said he would do that. Will the woman be happy that another person will take care of her children? Will she be happy she doesn't know their condition later on? Will she be happy that later on, the children will forgive him above her because he took care of her and she left them? This is the same as men who leave their houses and abandon the children. I am sure he is shocked but he won in this matter. It shocks him because he thought she could handle them alone but it is a good thing she is teaching him a lesson. He will take care of those children and have support. Unfortunately, that's how it is. Men will get that assistance, even if they are deadbeat because women by nature will take care of children, it's biology, it's not morality. It's the woman who abandoned them that will not be able to take back what was hers.

Men, who are deliberate will also learn from their mistakes and from this quote, it looks like he is already learning. He should be happy she took flight first. It shows you what she could have done if you divorced her and let her take care of the children.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89H55vP_988


Women will act out of emotions but don't think about long term whether the decision is rational or practical. Good luck on donating your 5 children, they will always be yours.

bepositive11:
You totally missed the point. Put yourself in the woman's shoes. Forget about your generalizations and let go of your biases.

There are lots and lots of men who sacrifice their family for their happiness. And there are lots and lots of women who sacrifice their happiness for their family.

This shouldn't even be a thing. Both partners should compromise and meet each other halfway.

But I didn't spare him either. People are selfish I understand but there is something different here.

She took the passport away thinking it will prevent him from sending the children to Nigeria, where she is also going to. She wants him to learn a lesson but that's not a smart move. He can leave with the children and disconnect from the family forever. She will be the one looking for him.

He wanted to leave but still wanted to pay for upkeep of the children. Do you call that total abandonment?

You said we should let go of our biases. Looking at their actions, who sacrificed the family for their happiness here?

Kobojunkie:
Most men? Yet in over 90% of the cases, rather than fight for shared custody, many would rather the woman have full custody while they go off complaining of how much they have to send her as support.

Nigerian women need to normalize giving the man full custody of his children or at least settle for nothing less than shared custody.

Less than two percent of Nigerian women will give custody to their baby daddies because it is the only avenue through which they can spill their bile.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:
✓ Less than two percent of Nigerian women will give custody to their baby daddies because it is the only avenue through which they can spill their bile.

About 20 years ago, less than 2 percent of southern Nigerians supposedly got divorced. Fast forward to 20 years later, that number has more than ballooned. Women will eventually get there.

casualobserver:
I didn’t read your post because I know people like you and I know the heist of what you are saying before you say it.

Are you happy to have a well playing job and have a man who doesn’t work and stays at home to nurture and has entitlement to your money? Are you happy to fix your car yourself, deal with mechanics, plumbers, electricians etc yourself etc while your husband sits at home to nurture?

If you are not happy that your husband is not working or fix things around the house, does not handle things like dealing with the mechanic, then it means men have roles and despite what you say, you want a man to perform his role! We also want women who know respect and understand their roles. That I do something occasionally does not mean it is my role.

Simple!

Men & delusion of grandeur!

What is nurture biko?

This roles you are talking about like this sef....were they just added to the constitution?

Anyway, how about we deal with our individual "roles" while doing the collective "roles" together as well which includes nurture. That is if we go by those things you mentioned there as roles because ANYONE can deal with mechanics, plumbers, electricians etc. There are ALSO women who VERY hands on in the home.

cococandy:
Oh I wonder why. Probably has nothing to do with them thinking they don’t have a nurturing role in the family.

Women should also take up more FINANCIAL responsibilities in the home to enable the men have more time for the 'nurturing role'.

For starters... Women are entitled to up to 1yr maternity leave, while most men get 2days to 2weeks in most cases.. So it's logical to think the child will bond more with the mother.

Secondly, while the woman is on maternity leave, guess who takes up more work load to meet the increased financial responsibilities in the house.... YES... MEN DO.

So how do u really expect a man working more hrs n taking second jobs to meet up wt financial responsibilities to have AS MUCH TIME as the woman has with the child?

If the roles were reversed, will women also provide without complaining n telling the whole world they are feeding the man's generation?

NOTE: I don't support deadbeat dad's, but u can't compare the time a woman spends wt a child with that of the man.

cococandy:
Na you dey fight yourself.

You said men are not supposed to be nurturing.
In the same paragraph, you’re lamenting how your kids will abandon you in old age. You have no one but yourself to blame for that.

Be “masculine” all you want in exchange for a lonely old age. Your choice.

But I’ll have you know that real masculine men dote on and nurture their children as well. And in exchange, they don’t have to worry about being abandoned in old age.

I always advise men to prepare financially for their old age.. DON'T spend all your money being the 'father of the century', keep some money aside and take care of urself too.

Have u ever wondered where the money ur wife earners that she doesn't contribute to the house upkeep goes to?


Men should think..... Children may or may not take care of their parents... YES PARENTS (not just the dad) for so many reasons, including they not even having enough for their own needs.

vanvickie:
✓ Women should also take up more FINANCIAL responsibilities in the home to enable the men have more time for the 'nurturing role'....

in Nigeria alone, almost 50% of married woman currently serve as the breadwinners and at the same time the nurturers in their marriages. In most of those homes, the men don't occupy responsibility as nurturers...this I can bet. 😩😩😩

It ain't the woman failing to rise to the occasion here but Nigerian men; they, in their majority, refuse to consider that a man can and should either be willing to share responsibilities or at least take on other roles in the household when they are called upon to do so.

Make una stop to dey open mouth like say sense don abandon una tay! 🥱🥱

irumole1975:
took me experimenting and few life reality to understand how this work. As a man, it doesn’t matter how much u labor on ur family and kids, you’re not reaching any fruit of ur labor at old age. The children will chose their mothers no matter how low effort she was. Invest in ur future as a man and only do so much. Children send their mother abroad all the time you rarely see fathers in the picture. Now they’ll tell you it’s because u didnt treat them and their mother right, they isn’t true dong let them gaslight u. I’ve seen two different life scenarios where a man who labor so much only to get nothing. The woman enjoy everything.


Invest in urself as man.

Exactly what I'm saying... Invest and save for ur old age.. So that even if the children don't care abt u.. YOUR MONEY WILL.

#IT'S ONLY MONEY THAT WON'T WAKE UP ONE DAY AND TELL YOU IT'S OVER.... #THINKKKMKK

Kobojunkie:
in Nigeria alone, almost 50% of married woman currently serve as the breadwinners and at the same time the nurturers in their marriages. In most of those homes, the men don't occupy responsibility as nurturers...this I can bet. 😩😩😩

It ain't the woman failing to rise to the occasion here but Nigerian men; they, in their majority, refuse to consider that a man can and should either be willing to share responsibilities or at least take on other roles in the household when they are called upon to do so.

Make una stop to dey open mouth like say sense don abandon una tay! 🥱🥱

Maybe sense has abandoned u.

50%...where did u get the data from. Stop saying trash pls

Esthered:
Is there a better word to use? 😁

Yes..kiss me first 😁

Iceberg3:
Yes..kiss me first 😁

Na for here (NL) you dey find kiss....wetin I never see for here

For her to do what she did, it's clear that she reached her tipping point. Doubt that she'll have any regrets.

The man was about to sacrifice his family for his happiness. The woman did the same when she found out his plans.

But as I said earlier, no one should have to sacrifice their happiness and become miserable for their family. Both partners should compromise and meet each other halfway.

papyjaypaul:
But I didn't spare him either. People are selfish I understand but there is something different here.

She took the passport away thinking it will prevent him from sending the children to Nigeria, where she is also going to. She wants him to learn a lesson but that's not a smart move. He can leave with the children and disconnect from the family forever. She will be the one looking for him.

He wanted to leave but still wanted to pay for upkeep of the children. Do you call that total abandonment?

You said we should let go of our biases. Looking at their actions, who sacrificed the family for their happiness here?

Esthered:
Na for here (NL) you dey find kiss....wetin I never see for here

There's always a first time,nah...oya

Iceberg3:
There's always a first time,nah...oya

You wan kiss old woman.
Common face front jare.

Esthered:
You wan kiss old woman.
Common face front jare.

Yes nah....come closer and closer and closer....