₦airaland Forum

Nigerian man laments after his wife refused his request to bring his sick mother to their house

Chilipepper:
✓ Nigerian man laments after his wife refused his request to bring his sick mother to their house

It is one thing to have your mother visit as a guest for a day or two, but having her over on a longstay or worse, because she is sick, then you need to be upfront and better negotiate her stay and care with your marriage partner.

Does the man and his wife have space for her during her stay? Will the man be responsible for his mother's care throughout her stay, or is this a ploy to bring in another human burden for his wife to have to deal with? Conversely, the man can easily send his mother to a care home or something where she would be better cared for.

I no understand, so he need her permission to bring his own mother to his own house.
Make she go her Papa house if she doesn't want the responsibility.

What happened to the husband's sisters? If the man is not married, who will take care of the mum?

And to your comment, a reasonable man know that in situations like this, he needs 100% permission from his wife because who will be taking care of the mum? Is not the same wife? abeg try dey reason somethings well before you talk am out.

tanigororo:
I no understand, so he need her permission to bring his own mother to his own house.
Make she go her Papa house if she doesn't want the responsibility.

May we no marry werey as our partner,to spend the rest of our life with

Would she had refused if it was to be her own mother?

Na this kind of wife dey use attitude dey chase her husband family people from her husband simply because she sees them as a threat to their home

A woman who can't see and take her mother in-law to be like or even to be her own mother is a big red flag....

To think I once dated a girl who jokingly told me that she was happy my mom was late,cuz she wouldn't have loved to want a mother in-law,na from that day I realize say na agric fowl I dey date..

Kobojunkie:
It is one thing to have your mother visit as a guest for a day or two, but having her over on a longstay or worse, because she is sick, then you need to be upfront and better negotiate her stay and care with your marriage partner.

Does the man and his wife have space for her during her stay? Will the man be responsible for his mother's care throughout her stay, or is this a ploy to bring in another human burden for his wife to have to deal with? Conversely, the man can easily send his mother to a care home or something where she would be better cared for.

Who be this one

He should get a house for his mum, employ a maid for her, and move there for as long as the mother lives or until she recovers. I don't have time for useless women.

Sonnobax15:

May we no marry werey as our partner,to spend the rest of our life with

Would she had refused if it was to be her own mother?

Na this kind of wife dey use attitude dey chase her husband family people from her husband simply because she sees them as a threat to their home

A woman who can't see and take her mother in-law to be like or even to be her own mother is a big red flag....

To think I once dated a girl who jokingly told me that she was happy my mom was late,cuz she wouldn't have loved to want a mother in-law,na from that day I realize say na agric fowl I dey date..

Why would she refuse if it were her mother, and why should she consider her mother in law as her own? Have you forgotten that a wife is the only one that is not related by blood to her husband? You guys never miss to point that out, so I don't see why you are crying foul for her refusal to take care of her mother in law since she ain't a doctor. Moreover, it was stated that the man has an elder sister, and so it's fair that the sister should take care of her mom since they share a blood relationship.

We4all:
...Moreover, it was stated that the man has an elder sister, and so it is fair that the sister should take care of her mom since they share a blood relationship.

I don't think it is fair to suggest that the man's sister take care of her mother. She has her own life just as he does. They could both take turns in personally caring for their mother... after all, she is their mother, not just their sister's mother.

Kobojunkie:
I don't think it is fair to suggest that the man's sister take care of her mother. She has her own life just as he does. They could both take turns in personally caring for their mother... after all, she is their mother, not just their sister's mother.

Yep, you are right. But I was looking at from the angle where he felt it was his wife's responsibility and not his sister's. Besides, there is no way he can care for his mom without involving his wife. Infact, the bulk of the duties would be on the wife and not on him.

We4all:
➜Yep, you are right. But I was looking at from the angle where he felt it was his wife's responsibility and not his sister's. Besides, there is no way he can care for his mom without involving his wife. Infact, the bulk of the duties would be on the wife and not on him.

That should never be the case, unless he is paying her her worth as a caregiver.

Any reasonable person will first ask why the woman is refusing her coming, you can't just hear from the man and conclude after all the woman have a reason or more for her choice and decision that also needs to be attended to.

We4all:
Why would she refuse if it were her mother, and why should she consider her mother in law as her own? Have you forgotten that a wife is the only one that is not related by blood to her husband? You guys never miss to point that out, so I don't see why you are crying foul for her refusal to take care of her mother in law since she ain't a doctor. Moreover, it was stated that the man has an elder sister, and so it's fair that the sister should take care of her mom since they share a blood relationship.

So she has to be related by blood before accepting her mother in-law? thought when a woman is legally married to a man they become one.

Chilipepper:
What happened to the husband's sisters? If the man is not married, who will take care of the mum?

And to your comment, a reasonable man know that in situations like this, he needs 100% permission from his wife because who will be taking care of the mum? Is not the same wife? abeg try dey reason somethings well before you talk am out.

He needs permission is like saying you need to knock before you enter your own house

PerfectStranger:
➜So she has to be related by blood before accepting her mother in-law? thought when a woman is legally married to a man they become one.

This shifting of goalpost thing is really hard on my mind, abeg!

If both are indeed become one, then the man would not object to having his wife's old mother over and caring for her, abi?

Kobojunkie:
This shifting of goalpost thing is really hard, abeg!

If both are indeed become one, then the man would not object to having his wife's old mother over and caring for her, abi?

Hes d head of the house,his decision is final

PerfectStranger:
➜Hes d head of the house,his decision is final

Oh, so they are no longer one again. He is instead the head of the household, while she is his slave in marriage? Right, right! Shifting goalpost check confirmed!

Kobojunkie:
Oh, so they are no longer one again. He is instead the head of the household, while she is his slave in marriage? Right, right! Shifting goalpost check confirmed!

Wait fest, who would do the caring? There's really no big deal if the guy will do the caring. You shouldn't force someone else to care for your own mother biko. Maybe he needs to tell his wife that he would be providing all the care, I'm sure she won't have an objection then.

Yes. A peaceful and reasonable husband needs permission from his wife before bringing his sick mum to the house.

You think taking care of a sick old human is ABC?

Some people sef always quit their job just to take care of their sick parents. So what are you saying?

As a husband, I will just carry my sick mum com dump for another person's daughter? No...I no be mad person. I need her to agree first because 80% of the care will be from her.

tanigororo:
He needs permission is like saying you need to knock before you enter your own house

🤭

See posts of women on this thread.
I just dey laugh.

As a man, better take good care of yourself and plan for old age. Plan as if you don't have a wife. Very important.

Women are selfish by nature. As a man, you must also be brutal.

If she says you can't bring your mom, make sure you bring your mom, get a caregiver and change the locks of the house. Then, give a life ban to all her relations from visiting your house.

Let her go back to her parents house to get some home training.

Sonnobax15:

May we no marry werey as our partner,to spend the rest of our life with

Would she had refused if it was to be her own mother?

Na this kind of wife dey use attitude dey chase her husband family people from her husband simply because she sees them as a threat to their home

A woman who can't see and take her mother in-law to be like or even to be her own mother is a big red flag....

To think I once dated a girl who jokingly told me that she was happy my mom was late,cuz she wouldn't have loved to want a mother in-law,na from that day I realize say na agric fowl I dey date..

Lol ..As a man Try get money ...Care or employ someone to do the Job . NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE THIS CARE ATTITUDE my late wife treats my parents like hers. Infact we live like brother and sister ..like our parents gave birth to us. Same way I love her parents . Till today I ever see anyone like her. .I'm still searching though..Im still looking for such standards I have two lovely sons.11 and 8 . I'm looking for a baby girl who will take care of me when I'm old... Dear men try to have a daughter and train her well ..So she can always look out for you in old age .

PerfectStranger:
So she has to be related by blood before accepting her mother in-law? thought when a woman is legally married to a man they become one.

That is just a fallacy that humans have been brainwashed to accept. If a man and woman become one, how come we still hear cases of domestic abuse, murders and cheating? A man and woman can never become one because they are two different people.

xtianchris:
Lol ..As a man Try get money ...Care or employ someone to do the Job . NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE THIS CARE ATTITUDE my late wife treats my parents like hers. Infact we live like brother and sister ..like our parents gave birth to us. Same way I love her parents . Till today I ever see anyone like her. .I'm still searching though..Im still looking for such standards I have two lovely sons.11 and 8 . I'm looking for a baby girl who will take care of me when I'm old... Dear men try to have a daughter and train her well ..So she can always look out for you in old age .

Try to train your sons well so they can care for you in old age. Children who are responsible and empathetic will care for their parents regardless of their gender.

We4all:
Try to train your sons well so they can care for you in old age. Children who are responsible and empathetic will care for their parents regardless of their gender.

A girl child will do the needful.. Male Children hardly look back to their mother highest they can do is to provide funds and look for who to pay to take care. So please try get female daughter... E get why. My mom gave birth to 6 boys no girls .So I'm talking from experience..Left for me I would have adopted but I want my own blood.. Hope you get the message ..My boys are responsible but I always know they have their lives to live. I don't want to be a burden to anyone..So I'm already planning my life. I'm still young though just 33 ..

The permission of whoever will take care of your mother needs to be sought. If you have never taken care of an elderly man or woman, feeding them, making them their favourite meals, engaging them in small talks, or even changing diapers, and so on, you should calm down and learn. Even if you are going to employ a maid and pay them, you still need to be patient; otherwise, you may come home one day and find your parent halfway gone to the world beyond. No be by gra gra or cho cho cho.

Imagine someone who spends almost his entire day in the office raising shoulders 😂 The first step to prove this so called love for your mother would be to resign and spend at least 80% of your time with them. Anybody with an extra room and bed can invite whoever. Lol. It is insanity to think and demand that another person do your job for you because you married them with yam, coconut, and a keg of palm wine.

Acidosis:
The permission of whoever will take care of your mother needs to be sought. If you have never taken care of an elderly man or woman, feeding them, making them their favourite meals, engaging them in small talks, or even changing diapers, and so on, you should calm down and learn. Even if you are going to employ a maid and pay them, you still need to be patient; otherwise, you may come home one day and find your parent halfway gone to the world beyond. No be by gra gra or cho cho cho.

Imagine someone who spends almost his entire day in the office raising shoulders 😂 The first step to prove this so called love for your mother would be to resign and spend at least 80% of your time with them. It is insanity to think and demand that another person do your job for you because your married them with yam and a keg of palm wine.

Exactly why atleat a girl child is commendable...

xtianchris:
A girl child will do the needful.. Male Children hardly look back to their mother highest they can do is to provide funds and look for who to pay to take care. So please try get female daughter... E get why. My mom gave birth to 6 boys no girls .So I'm talking from experience..Left for me I would have adopted but I want my own blood.. Hope you get the message ..My boys are responsible but I always know they have their lives to live. I don't want to be a burden to anyone..So I'm already planning my life. I'm still young though just 33 ..

You are 33 with an 11 year old son. So, let me assume you married at 21 or had a son at 21. What was chasing you to start a family that early?

Maybe the woman is the bread winner of the house