₦airaland Forum

Good day Nairalanders. Please, I don't want any ridicule or abuse. Let's us be civil in our comments and responses, please. I hope this is not to much to ask for.

This my personal decision. I will be 37 this year, and lately I discover I wasn’t not wired for marriage maybe it’s because I love my personal space, and the phobia for marriage especially bad news I keep hearing about marriage lately, turning two lovers and friends into hard-sworn enemies, child custody dramas, alimony, divorce, physical and mental abuse, manipulation, even assassination, etc. I can't imagine sharing my space permanently with a stranger because of "feelings" and societal expectation call "marriage". I never hate women. To attest to this fact, I have female friends, friends with benefits who we all vibes together. At times, some come my place crashing and staying over for the weekend. But in all this, I don't think I can ever be committed to a long term relationship, making one woman a centre of my world, the whole thing look bizzare, and illogical to me, and I see as a marriage as a "necessary distraction" for a man in reaching his life and personal goals. On this note, I've decided to seek surrogate mother just to birth a child, a seed I can call mine. I'll love to pay off the person and she will never have any legal claim to the "product" of the surrogacy. Now I ask, what does the law says about this kind of surrogacy in Nigeria? Is it realistic?

So you want your child to suffer the consequences of your selfish decisions? Every child needs his or her own mother more than they need their fathers... No love can be compared to that of a mother's love... And I'm very sure that even you yourself are more close to your mother than your father.

I understand that marriage is not for everyone, but if you're not ready to have a joint custody with the mother, then I'd suggest that you abort the mission of having children.

You're on the right path. You have discovered yourself and that's the first step in life for a conscious human. There's nothing bad in securing a surrogate mother for your child. However, make sure you involve an attorney in all the processes.

Don't listen to the naysayers. Also, don't listen to the frustrated and bitter women. Moreso, don't listen to the bitter single mothers that became mothers due to their wayward and reckless lifestyle.

It is very commendable you know and understand yourself so well at this point in your life. Please stick to this and never be pressured into marriage to avoid complicating your life and that of the other party.

Now, about surrogacy, there are no strong laws and regulations currently in Nigeria guiding its practice. However, fertility clinics have contracts that can work for you and will definitely help you make the arrangements you seek. All you need is available finances.

All the best!
Please stay away from Marriage.

You already got the hack. This your position is well informed. Every smart dude should arrive at this conclusion.

thomas2024:
I'll love to pay off the person and she will never have any legal claim to the "product" of the surrogacy.

I cringed reading the above. You think taking care of and raising a child/children is easy? You can’t live with a woman, but you think you can care for a baby without the mother? E go shock you.

MufasaLion:
You're on the right path. You have discovered yourself and that's the first step in life for a conscious human. There's nothing bad in securing a surrogate mother for your child. However, make sure you involve an attorney in all the processes.

Don't listen to the naysayers. Also, don't listen to the frustrated and bitter women. Moreso, don't listen to the bitter single mothers that became mothers due to their wayward and reckless lifestyle.

Thank you. I'll surely involve my lawyer.

DBestDoc:
It is very commendable you know and understand yourself so well at this point in your life. Please stick to this and never be pressured into marriage to avoid complicating your life and that of the other party.

Now, about surrogacy, there are no strong laws and regulations currently in Nigeria guiding its practice. However, fertility clinics have contracts that can work for you and will definitely help you make the arrangements you seek. All you need is available finances.

All the best!
Please stay away from Marriage.

Finance is not even the problem. I once ask my lawyer friend about this surrogacy of a thing but she thought it was a joke. I even googled about it but I can't find laws or more regulations about it in Nigeria and that's why I put it out here in the open for mature minds like you. Anyways, I appreciate your response. Thank you Chief.

eniolorunfe:
I cringed reading the above. You think taking care of and raising a child/children is easy? You can’t live with a woman, but you think you can care for a baby without the mother? E go shock you.

What of women who died at childbirth? (Though not mocking them) Didn't their babies survived physically, mentally, intellectually without them?

Its nice that you are not considering marriage but the kind of idea you have is going to be a little bit difficult to implement practically.

If I have a do-over, I would get someone I like to get ptlregnsnt for me, take care of the child smile I am free as a bird. I will provide accommodation and monthly upkeep for mother and child and will occasionally visit. Most mothers in Nigeria may not want to let go of their child for a payoff.

Samantha125:
So you want your child to suffer the consequences of your selfish decisions? Every child needs his or her own mother more than they need their fathers... No love can be compared to that of a mother's love... And I'm very sure that even you yourself are more close to your mother than your father.

I understand that marriage is not for everyone, but if you're not ready to have a joint custody with the mother, then I'd suggest that you abort the mission of having children.

.

thomas2024:
Good day Nairalanders. Please, I don't want any ridicule or abuse. Let's us be civil in our comments and responses, please. I hope this is not to much to ask for.

This my personal decision. I will be 37 this year, and lately I discover I wasn’t not wired for marriage maybe it’s because I love my personal space, and the phobia for marriage especially bad news I keep hearing about marriage lately, turning two lovers and friends into hard-sworn enemies, child custody dramas, alimony, divorce, physical and mental abuse, manipulation, even assassination, etc. I can't imagine sharing my space permanently with a stranger because of "feelings" and societal expectation call "marriage". I never hate women. To attest to this fact, I have female friends, friends with benefits who we all vibes together. At times, some come my place crashing and staying over for the weekend. But in all this, I don't think I can ever be committed to a long term relationship, making one woman a centre of my world, the whole thing look bizzare, and illogical to me, and I see as a marriage as a "necessary distraction" for a man in reaching his life and personal goals. On this note, I've decided to seek surrogate mother just to birth a child, a seed I can call mine. I'll love to pay off the person and she will never have any legal claim to the "product" of the surrogacy. Now I ask, what does the law says about this kind of surrogacy in Nigeria? Is it realistic?

Since you have phobia for marriage, why don't you go for adoption?
Most mothers will not want to part with their babies.

This is Nigeria, the issue of surrogacy is not well understood here.
Don't be surprised that the surrogate mother will see herself as your baby mama and keep coming to You for money and more money.

Adoption will save you a lot of drama

It's your decision. Stick to it if you can't handle marriage.

Go ahead and discuss with right hospitals and legal advisers.

This is a very good decision. I'm also looking into something like this. Better still, you can freeze your sperm, or contact surrogacy agencies around you. Just that it's very expensive.

Or if you have any willing person who can agree to get her pregnant, that will be fine.

DBestDoc:
It is very commendable you know and understand yourself so well at this point in your life. Please stick to this and never be pressured into marriage to avoid complicating your life and that of the other party.

Now, about surrogacy, there are no strong laws and regulations currently in Nigeria guiding its practice. However, fertility clinics have contracts that can work for you and will definitely help you make the arrangements you seek. All you need is available finances.

All the best!
Please stay away from Marriage.

Why do I feel like you kinda sound bitter...

Why involve a child (an actual human being) in to your dysfunctional life. You’d only create problems for this human being because you would decide that 50% of who they are isn’t important. Children are not accessories, they are a living being with needs and rights of their own. Life isn’t some buffet you can pick your favourites bits from. Imagine if you die and leave this human being all alone in this cold world! Please just enjoy your life since you’re not interested in a family. Don’t be so selfish!

You know why you want such a life for yourself. I hope you have thought this through carefully and that it’s not just a whimsical decision made after the emotional and psychological heartbreaks or damage you may have experienced. If it isn’t, and you are confident that you can single-handedly raise a well-balanced child, then you can go ahead. Do your research and visit hospitals that offer surrogacy services. If you are eligible and it is feasible for you as a bachelor, you will be granted the opportunity.

✨

thomas2024:
Finance is not even the problem. I once ask my lawyer friend about this surrogacy of a thing but she thought it was a joke. I even googled about it but I can't find laws or more regulations about it in Nigeria and that's why I put it out here in the open for mature minds like you. Anyways, I appreciate your response. Thank you Chief.

If you need surrogate ladies, I can help u..... I can only help You get but ńa u go agree the rest with Ur lawyer oo

Having a child in your life will also take away your personal space, and its also you committing to a long term relationship with the child. These are things you cherish.
Raising a kid as a single parent can be real tough atimes. As cute and fun children are when its only you raising them they can almost take away your sanity, you don't get to time out because it's only you

I’ll be back with a response when my mind gets mature enough.

👩🏽‍🦯👩🏽‍🦯👩🏽‍🦯

Why not look for a lady willing to co-parent with you in same age bracket?

Miyovwe:
Why not look for a lady willing to co-parent with you in same age bracket?

I don't want.

Houseofglam7:
I’ll be back with a response when my mind gets mature enough.

👩🏽‍🦯👩🏽‍🦯👩🏽‍🦯

I'll be waiting.

Aydot99:
Having a child in your life will also take away your personal space, and its also you committing to a long term relationship with the child. These are things you cherish.
Raising a kid as a single parent can be real tough atimes. As cute and fun children are when its only you raising them they can almost take away your sanity, you don't get to time out because it's only you

I understand your point. Before doing a thing, I always ask myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. And before I come up with this thought, I've thought about it thoroughly, I just need to have a child of my own to also have what to live for, and if possible continue my legacy.

thomas2024:
I understand your point. Before doing a thing, I always ask myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. And before I come up with this thought, I've thought about it thoroughly, I just need to have a child of my own to also have what to live for, and if possible continue my legacy.

May I ask you, what is the longest amount of time you've spent with any child, by yourself?

Parenting is really, really hard.

And children will disappoint and hurt you, it's not all cute smiles and warm hugs. They're human beings, with flaws and red flags.

Also, what is your legacy?

Have you thought about the fact that perhaps your legacy may be served by fostering a child (who still lives in a 2-parent home) or mentoring a lot of children (who need a positive Uncle Figure in their lives).

Sometimes we want things for selfish reasons. And don't count the cost longterm.

I wanted kids, with or without marriage. Now I see the wisdom of a good marriage protecting children.

Surrogacy is very approved in Nigeria.
There is no lawyer that would think it is a joke, except she isn't well informed or you never had this conversation with her.

Fertility clinics offer surrogacy services and they ar everywhere. Since you said money is not a problem, you can check out meetsurrogatemothers on Instagram. Keep at least 7m. You will need about that for the whole process. From donor eggs, to IVF, surrogacy and birth of the child via CS.

It would be nice if more men can take this path. Let women rest from their whining.

pocohantas:
Surrogacy is very approved in Nigeria.
There is no lawyer that would think it is a joke, except she isn't well informed or you never had this conversation with her.

Fertility clinics offer surrogacy services and they ar everywhere. Since you said money is not a problem, you can check out meetsurrogatemothers on Instagram. Keep at least 7m. You will need about that for the whole process. From donor eggs, to IVF, surrogacy and birth of the child via CS.

It would be nice if more men can take this path. Let women rest from their whining.

Dey play

Most nigerian women want more than 2 children

Its hard to see women way no want children or want like one or two

Suicideboy:
Dey play

Most nigerian women want more than 2 children

Its hard to see women way no want children or want like one or two

Neither this thread, nor my post is directed at women who want children. Women who want children without the burden of marriage (or in its absence) are already having these kids and it is men whining about it.

My post was directed at men like the OP who want same. Surrogacy is very legal in Nigeria, they should go for it and stop claiming they only marry for kids. They don't have to marry!

Every family tree always trace both paternal and maternal roots.
Have you ever thought how your child will feel growing up without knowing his/her mother or having a known maternal root?

Onegai:
May I ask you, what is the longest amount of time you've spent with any child, by yourself?

Parenting is really, really hard.

And children will disappoint and hurt you, it's not all cute smiles and warm hugs. They're human beings, with flaws and red flags.

Also, what is your legacy?

Have you thought about the fact that perhaps your legacy may be served by fostering a child (who still lives in a 2-parent home) or mentoring a lot of children (who need a positive Uncle Figure in their lives).

Sometimes we want things for selfish reasons. And don't count the cost longterm.

I wanted kids, with or without marriage. Now I see the wisdom of a good marriage protecting children.

This your question is something worth ruminating about. I understand your view about if I long to have a child for selfish reason. You maybe right. We are all selfish. It's just that a lot of us are pretending not to be. I only derive happiness in fathering a child biologically. At the same time, I'm not against adoption because I'll likely adopt as well. Thank you for you perspective anyway.