₦airaland Forum

I lack the moral standard to even be the head of a WhatsApp group. I ruined my youngest brothers life.
All this while I had no idea how stupid I am. When my dad died in 2015 he left us nothing. Before then it was a struggle growing up. My dad lost is job very early in my life, 2002 to be precise. And I was born 1995, mind you I have always had this impulsive compulsive tendencies. Doing stupid things that will always get me in trouble. I have attempted suicide twice before I was 10 the first time I was caught drinking shaving powder by our house help and she dragged me to my dad, her and my dad gave me red oil to drink and then my dad dealt with me that day. Going forward I can remember I struggled in school. I was always last position in class. Reflecting back on what happened then and I remember I was always day dreaming and never focused in class. I might actually be dumbed too because during pre school I was not able to comprehend what was going on in class, I remember very well and I was 5 or 6 years old around that time. It was 10 years later my dad got a job at an oil company as a contract staff CSO and it was only for a year he had the job before dying 2 years later. During those 10 years it was real struggle I will call it serious underdevelopment. my dad had a job as a an operation manager for a security company during this time maybe for 2 to 3 years and was earning 50,000naira monthly to feed a family of 6. He got the job in 2007 after several years of delay about gratuity and severance payment from the bank he use to work before it collapsed. After waiting 5 years with no hope he then decided it was time to get a job before eventually he got paid 2009. I remember how much he got 1.2 million naira from his bank balance before the bank closed its operations in 2002 and about 6 million naira benefit. But my dad with very little financial literacy spent all the money within 2 years and it was during that time I had to stop secondary school in ss2 because there was no money.
But was able to get my secondary school certificate in 2012 when miraculously my dad got a job in the oil sector and that same year and got admission into the university. I must also state that I had no idea how naive and stupid I was because when I was growing up I used day dreaming as a coping mechanism during stressful time. And was so used to it I didn’t know myself and my environment and still battling compulsive and impulsive behavior. When I got into uni my dad had a good job and it was all glamor at first until the December of the year I entered uni my dad lost is job. I struggled during my time in uni that I couldn’t afford my school fee and feeding allowance. I did well during my 100 level with a CGPA of 3.9 and beginning of my second level the real struggle started because of financial stress that I started to find other coping mechanisms like gambling. And since I already struggled with impulsiveness ruined my life. But that’s not the whole story. I’m the second born of 4 boys. My younger brother attended the same uni as me after 2 years that I had enrolled and you should know now that it will still be a struggle. My dad did everything in his final year to make sure my brother got enrolled into the uni that he even slept in my friends hostel during the time he was taking my brother for admission clearance and all. Few months later he died. And now he left us with nothing but education and faith because in 2010 he became friend with an elder in our area and the elder invited my dad who was a Muslim to church but my dad was reluctant at first and said ‘why don’t you take my boys instead’ which he did and after months of persuading he finally followed the elder to church. It was even during the church Bible school that my dad received a call for an interview for the job at the oil company.
I was lost during my uni years and didn’t graduate. It was always as if a negative force pulls me towards bad thing.
The December before my dad died there was a church conference and he said I had to be there when I got there after traveling from school and my dad saw me, he wiped. Reason was because I was looking like I was really suffering. But my suffering was due to my own stupidity and not knowing reality.
January came and I was ready to leave for school, my dad had no cash so he called our church member and told her I really need her help and she told me to come to her and I went there in ikeja, when I got there she straight ahead took me to my moms blood elder brother living opposite her. I was shocked I always knew him but had no idea he stayed opposite her. And she told him as from today I am his responsibility. Which he agreed and right there wrote me a Cheque of 13,000 naira for school. The woman took me to the bank while bashing me seriously which made me sad and now looking at my life I know why I was an object of ridicule.
When I got home and explained the whole situation to my dad, my mom heard the conversation and straight ahead called my uncle and blasted him for giving me money because the both of them where not in good terms. And right there told my mom I was his responsibility moving forward.
My elder brother ( who didn’t leave the faith who is now married with a beautiful daughter in the UK) followed me to the car park tried to cheer me up and I left. A year later my dad died.
He left me and my mom and brothers with only the faith he showed us later in life.
But I was wayward. My uncle sent 10,000 naira monthly to me and paid my school fees from 200 level till final year. When i went to his office and told him I had an extra year he was disappointed and told me to leave.
Me and my mom and brother lived in a small 2 bedroom it was a struggle for us till I started to invest in buying crypto and gift cards in 2016 when I started to make little money and could even pay the house rent of 250,000 naira For my family. Saw my youngest bother could sing because he was always around me that time and I naively invested massively. Took him to shows at an early age of 16 to perform in big stages exposing him to alcohol and cigarettes and weed instead of investing in his education instead. Doing things out of touch because I couldn’t even tell right from wrong. And now I look at my brother and I see all my mistakes. Which hunts me everyday that i feel like killing myself. Because this damage is on me.
But I didn’t know my problem till I started to have money. As soon as I get money and I couldn’t keep no matter how much I try that was when I realized that I had an issue.
This issue as made me reflect on a lot of things and only now discovering that was out of touch with reality all this while because of my excessive day dreaming. But the compulsive and impulsiveness I was born with it.
And now I’m starting to feel terrible headache at the back of my head because I starting to think about this a lot especially in regards to my youngest brother. My dad will be in sorrow seeing him like this.

It never too late to have a fresh start, your have realized your mistakes, time to move forward. Your brother should be an adult now, he should be able to reason for himself. Show him the right path now. Seek advice from your elder bro in uk too

Cc

FrontPage please.

What an interesting story

So, in essence, what became of your brother?
How did your decision "ruin his life"?

You're still young to retrace your steps, don't wait further, this is the time.

U guys lack financial education.

I wouldn't want to start asking questions here but the thing is,u have to restrain yourself from certain behaviours now and not later.

If u don't do that now,u might ruin your life completely and without remedy. Remember,that ur father died because he was out of work faced a lot of challenges due partly as result of lack of finance Therefore,do not tow that path else u might be repeating the same calamity.

Plan your life early enough and put ur finances in order and continue to grow from there.

Hmmmm....you should start seeing a therapist to help guide your thoughts and see broader.

Your brother's upbringing was not entirely your fault, he is more your parent's fault. He was their responsibility, not yours. If anyone should be having headaches now, it should be your surviving parent.

Please go see a therapist for your sanity. It is well.

Your life never spoil finish. If your life don spoil, you no go get strength type long notes.. long notes shows there's still sanity. So get up and fix yourselves.

You wrote that your father left you "faith." So, make the most of that.

Ask God to help you and try all you can to use your experience as lessons needed to do better. The past is gone, start anew.

Do what you can to help your brother break free from the bad habits you introduced him to and, again, commit him to God. Some (or many) things are beyond us.

I pray that may God be with you all in Jesus name.

Dude, the past is gone. Learn from your mistakes and commit to intentionally improving yourself over the next year. Talk with your brother if you need to, but remember his life is his responsibility, not yours.

As a man, no one really cares about your struggles. That may sound harsh, but it’s reality. I grew up with even harder challenges, and your story isn’t unique millions in Nigeria have had it worse. So stop wallowing in self-pity and start fixing your life.

You’re an adult now. Stop blaming your dad. The real question is: are you truly ready to do what it takes to turn your life around, or are you going to repeat Daddy’s mistakes?

Parents don't take mental health serious.

Mariangeles:
So, in essence, what became of your brother?
How did your decision "ruin his life"?

Here
Took him to shows at an early age of 16 to perform in big stages exposing him to alcohol and cigarettes and weed instead of investing in his education instead.

chatinent:
Your life never spoil finish. If your life don spoil, you no go get strength type long notes.. long notes shows there's still sanity. So get up and fix yourselves.

Easier said than done. Mental health recovery is very very difficult without support

Ishilove:
Here
Took him to shows at an early age of 16 to perform in big stages exposing him to alcohol and cigarettes and weed instead of investing in his education instead.

Exactly why I asked what became of your brother?
Like, did he become a junkie afterwards or what?

Mideh95:
But the compulsive and impulsiveness I was born with it.

I feel for you. And your braveness wants to make me ask, “Where are your accusers? Who has condemned you” but yourself?

Just one thing. You see that bit above? You have the "compulsive and impulsiveness" that most people have who never learnt to control it, so you squandered the 'teacher' support your uncle gave you and led your younger brother astray too and are now regretting it.

Share this your post with your brother you led astray. The two of you sincerely and honestly supporting each other is better than alone.

Ishilove:
Easier said than done. Mental health recovery is very very difficult without support

True that. But it still starts from him.

you're not alone, move with clarity now.

Life struggles do affect the mental health of the struggling individuals but it's never too late to make amend n turn things around.

If this is true, you just have to stop spending your money on things that don’t matter and start spending on things that matter, possibly keep a journal, most importantly though you need an outlet to dispel emotional and physical and psychological stress and there’s no other channel I would recommend than the gym, starts lifting and gradual weight over load, meanwhile find your faith that will lead you to God, I’ll recommend finding Christ your own way, read the scriptures, collapse your experience and knowledge and sprinkle in some intellectualism, ask him for directions and each time you’re about to do something ask yourself what would Christ do? Reason is because Christ Jesus is non materialistic, kind and compassionate. Lay all your burden on him.

Impulsivity is a mild mental health challenge, similar to ADHD. Do you know the health battles millions of people are facing, yet they still adjust themselves to live a life of purpose?

As I read through your post, I see someone who chose the path of fa!lure, you are so full of excuses and want to live like your dad, the same dad you have blamed repeatedly in your post.

Your dad had opportunities which he didn't utilize well, from the 7 million bank benefit, to the oil company job, he didn't set up a business? Why have you refused to learn from his mistakes? You saw an uncle who gave you education, what stopped you from looking for jobs to clear the extra year you had in school? You just walked away making the educational investment a waste. Alright, People still make it in life without a degree, so stand up and find a job, stop giving excuses. How about starting a business? you made money from cripto, invest it. You can't throw away several opportunities, then blame people.

As for your brother, stop bothering, he will surely overcome his challenges. Look for a good pastor to counsel him/ pray for him, you can also seek a professional counselor. He will surely overcome. Discuss with your elder brother as well. Pray and hold onto God, plead with God to fix your life, you will be fine.

LilMissFavvy:
Impulsivity is a mild mental health challenge, similar to ADHD. Do you know the health battles millions of people are facing, yet they still adjust themselves to live a life of purpose?

As I read through your post, I see someone who chose the path of fa!lure, you are so full of excuses and want to live like your dad, the same dad you have blamed repeatedly in your post.

Your dad had opportunities which he didn't utilize well, from the 7 million bank benefit, to the oil company job, he didn't set up a business? Why have you refused to learn from his mistakes? You saw an uncle who gave you education, what stopped you from looking for jobs to clear the extra year you had in school? You just walked away making the educational investment a waste. Alright, People still make it in life without a degree, so stand up and find a job, stop giving excuses. How about starting a business? you made money from cripto, invest it. You can't throw away several opportunities, then blame people.

As for your brother, stop bothering, he will surely overcome his challenges. Look for a good pastor to counsel him/ pray for him, you can also seek a professional counselor. He will surely overcome. Discuss with your elder brother as well. Pray and hold onto God, plead with God to fix your life, you will be fine.

I never blamed him, just sharing my story. And I agree that I’m full of excuses. In effort to be better that was when I discovered my lapses and on my way to recovery . Trust me ma, mental health issue is not easy as you think and I feel it’s worst than every other health challenges.

Ketutrenches:
Seun mynd44 Dominique nlfpmod Pushkin

FrontPage please.

What an interesting story

And why did you have to quote the whole thing?

How many times your father died

One thing i have learnt so far is no matter where you are or aren't in life. Everyday you wake up you say your prayers before moving or talking to anyone and always hold God in your mind for guidance it helps a lot to stay grounded through out the day. And I promise you some days will still feel hopeless even when you talk to God every second but I promise you no one knows you better and Only God Jesus knows the truth and what's in peoples minds. Trust no one and forgive yourself for the decisions you made about your younger brother because afterall you are only human and no one on this earth walked perfect except Jesus obviously. Now you know better a lot can never repeat itself. Never stop being a big brother. Get a notebook, write ideas write plans execute while dwelling on your faith and hope because na still Grace dey run am. Good luck bro

Mideh95:
I lack the moral standard to even be the head of a WhatsApp group. I ruined my youngest brothers life.
All this while I had no idea how stupid I am. When my dad died in 2015 he left us nothing. Before then it was a struggle growing up. My dad lost is job very early in my life, 2002 to be precise. And I was born 1995, mind you I have always had this impulsive compulsive tendencies. Doing stupid things that will always get me in trouble. I have attempted suicide twice before I was 10 the first time I was caught drinking shaving powder by our house help and she dragged me to my dad, her and my dad gave me red oil to drink and then my dad dealt with me that day. Going forward I can remember I struggled in school. I was always last position in class. Reflecting back on what happened then and I remember I was always day dreaming and never focused in class. I might actually be dumbed too because during pre school I was not able to comprehend what was going on in class, I remember very well and I was 5 or 6 years old around that time. It was 10 years later my dad got a job at an oil company as a contract staff CSO and it was only for a year he had the job before dying 2 years later. During those 10 years it was real struggle I will call it serious underdevelopment. my dad had a job as a an operation manager for a security company during this time maybe for 2 to 3 years and was earning 50,000naira monthly to feed a family of 6. He got the job in 2007 after several years of delay about gratuity and severance payment from the bank he use to work before it collapsed. After waiting 5 years with no hope he then decided it was time to get a job before eventually he got paid 2009. I remember how much he got 1.2 million naira from his bank balance before the bank closed its operations in 2002 and about 6 million naira benefit. But my dad with very little financial literacy spent all the money within 2 years and it was during that time I had to stop secondary school in ss2 because there was no money.
But was able to get my secondary school certificate in 2012 when miraculously my dad got a job in the oil sector and that same year and got admission into the university. I must also state that I had no idea how naive and stupid I was because when I was growing up I used day dreaming as a coping mechanism during stressful time. And was so used to it I didn’t know myself and my environment and still battling compulsive and impulsive behavior. When I got into uni my dad had a good job and it was all glamor at first until the December of the year I entered uni my dad lost is job. I struggled during my time in uni that I couldn’t afford my school fee and feeding allowance. I did well during my 100 level with a CGPA of 3.9 and beginning of my second level the real struggle started because of financial stress that I started to find other coping mechanisms like gambling. And since I already struggled with impulsiveness ruined my life. But that’s not the whole story. I’m the second born of 4 boys. My younger brother attended the same uni as me after 2 years that I had enrolled and you should know now that it will still be a struggle. My dad did everything in his final year to make sure my brother got enrolled into the uni that he even slept in my friends hostel during the time he was taking my brother for admission clearance and all. Few months later he died. And now he left us with nothing but education and faith because in 2010 he became friend with an elder in our area and the elder invited my dad who was a Muslim to church but my dad was reluctant at first and said ‘why don’t you take my boys instead’ which he did and after months of persuading he finally followed the elder to church. It was even during the church Bible school that my dad received a call for an interview for the job at the oil company.
I was lost during my uni years and didn’t graduate. It was always as if a negative force pulls me towards bad thing.
The December before my dad died there was a church conference and he said I had to be there when I got there after traveling from school and my dad saw me, he wiped. Reason was because I was looking like I was really suffering. But my suffering was due to my own stupidity and not knowing reality.
January came and I was ready to leave for school, my dad had no cash so he called our church member and told her I really need her help and she told me to come to her and I went there in ikeja, when I got there she straight ahead took me to my moms blood elder brother living opposite her. I was shocked I always knew him but had no idea he stayed opposite her. And she told him as from today I am his responsibility. Which he agreed and right there wrote me a Cheque of 13,000 naira for school. The woman took me to the bank while bashing me seriously which made me sad and now looking at my life I know why I was an object of ridicule.
When I got home and explained the whole situation to my dad, my mom heard the conversation and straight ahead called my uncle and blasted him for giving me money because the both of them where not in good terms. And right there told my mom I was his responsibility moving forward.
My elder brother ( who didn’t leave the faith who is now married with a beautiful daughter in the UK) followed me to the car park tried to cheer me up and I left. A year later my dad died.
He left me and my mom and brothers with only the faith he showed us later in life.
But I was wayward. My uncle sent 10,000 naira monthly to me and paid my school fees from 200 level till final year. When i went to his office and told him I had an extra year he was disappointed and told me to leave.
Me and my mom and brother lived in a small 2 bedroom it was a struggle for us till I started to invest in buying crypto and gift cards in 2016 when I started to make little money and could even pay the house rent of 250,000 naira For my family. Saw my youngest bother could sing because he was always around me that time and I naively invested massively. Took him to shows at an early age of 16 to perform in big stages exposing him to alcohol and cigarettes and weed instead of investing in his education instead. Doing things out of touch because I couldn’t even tell right from wrong. And now I look at my brother and I see all my mistakes. Which hunts me everyday that i feel like killing myself. Because this damage is on me.
But I didn’t know my problem till I started to have money. As soon as I get money and I couldn’t keep no matter how much I try that was when I realized that I had an issue.
This issue as made me reflect on a lot of things and only now discovering that was out of touch with reality all this while because of my excessive day dreaming. But the compulsive and impulsiveness I was born with it.
And now I’m starting to feel terrible headache at the back of my head because I starting to think about this a lot especially in regards to my youngest brother. My dad will be in sorrow seeing him like this.