₦airaland Forum

samwash:
In that case report the whole matter to his family members, the elderly ones that can call him to order, let me talk from the Christian perspective, if he goes to church, report him to the head pastor and the church elders will call him to order.
But if he's from a Muslim background and he's also a Muslim, forget it, he hasn't done anything wrong according to islam, the only thing they will tell him is to take care of his children.
I don't know how old are you and the age gap between you and your siblings, if he's been talked to and nothing changes, na to go hustle for Una self go win ham last last.

My dad has never set foot in a church, nor have I, and he's not Muslim, but he believes in God, just that he's not churchy or religious, but I'm in my 20s and the oldest and my siblings are teenagers and adolescents.

May God just have mercy on all of us this life we just have to be careful

@op I have a similar life story to yours, although a lot of differences but there are similarities, so I can tell you that I can relate to your story very well

My verdict: Leave the house.
I can tell you that there's no amount of talk or admonishments from anyone that will change how your father behaves now, why? because YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD; the person occupying that space now is this woman. Even after talks, your dad might pretend to listen but will still go ahead in his behavior as long as that woman is still in the picture. As for your siblings, I don't know how young they still are but if you can find a family member preferably from your late mother's side that can take them in while you go hustle to support them until they're able to fend for themselves.

Baba na the only suggestion wey I fit give be this. Normally nothing concern me and another man family matter but like I said, I can relate to your story cos it's similar to mine. I don't know how old you are but I left my home after my mom died at the age of 15. Today I'm 30 and doing well for myself, now na my father dey beg to see me or hear my voice.

Also, like some monikers mentioned above, the real issue here is not the woman but your father. She didn't force her way into your home, your father brought her in and I don't think he's insensible enough to not know that she's drawing his attention away from hi children except maybe she don go lock am for somewhere... you know what I mean

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

Take her picture and post it here. We will take it from there.

delpee:
Have you tried talking to your dad about things that are of great concern like the school fees? Leave the woman out of it. You may not achieve much by dwelling on her matter. Focus on his
responsibility to you and your siblings.

Do you have older Uncles and Aunties that could be fair in assessment and that you can speak to?

Also please pray. God does move in mysterious ways to perform wonders in our lives.

I dropped out of school for a while because he refused to pay for something, I worked myself to God knows what before I was able to resume, he doesn't do anything in my life, I don't begrudge him, and I am not accountable to him either and he couldn't do anything about it because he lost the right to have any say in my life due to past transgressions and for that reason we're not close, so talking to him is out of it, I am not complaining because of me, like I said he doesn't do anything for me, I just want him to be fair to the little ones who can't stand up to him.

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

Take your father to Justice Court, they will make him committed to his responsibility. That's the only way you can help yourself and your siblings.

nasonaso:
➜Take her picture and post it here. We will take it from there.

If she decides to pursue legal solutions, na OP go chop sheet, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

Op in everything you will do please be very wise,do not have any form of physical confrontation with this woman at all,you can go to your family leader to report your father to them but be discreet in every thing you do and also find a means to carry your younger siblings in every of your plan.

Be wise and circumspect in this situation.

Have you tried talking to your dad? Of course in a respectful and reasonable way.
Don't judge him, don't castigate him over his choice of woman... Simply tell him that you respect his decision but one thing you want from him is that he should not neglect his duties towards you and your siblings.... Inasmuch as he does that I don't think that you have problems.

Again, I don't know how old you are but then you will have to be smart and take certain steps.
1. Don't confront the woman in any way. You may do that spiritually through serious prayers anyway

2. Be very observant. Observe all her moves but without letting it be obvious to her that you are observing her...

3. If your dad has documents of properties etc and you know where he has kept them, you may relocate them. Such women may have hidden agenda to take over everything. Your dad won't even know when he will hand over everything to her, and you guys will be completely stripped off whenever he does... So you have to be smart and bold

4. Keep praying for your dad. Prayer works especially IF he is under any kind of spell

5. I won't advise that you move out except if your siblings are old and strong enough to look after themselves while living with the woman. Exiting the house, you will be giving the woman more space and grounds to gain...

6. Find a family member or relative that your dad respects and confide in such person to help you intervene without the person betraying you as his/her informant.

You just have to be circumspect and tactful sha. Don't use youthful gra gra to handle the situation o. The primary problem is your dad while the woman is your secondary problem... I'm not sure that you would have complained if the woman is a decent and reasonable woman

WebLab:
Take your father to Justice Court, they will make him committed to his responsibility. That's the only way you can help yourself and your siblings.

Baba forget that thing, na me dey tell you out of experience... Justice Court ke.. Nigeria no be Yankee oh, especially for family matter

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

The best way to quench fire is not with fire but with water. Talk to your dad in a mature way about the neglect of your siblings. Then speak in a reasonable way with the other woman. Let her know what you like and what you don't like. But you should be ready to accept her as your father's present wife because I don't think there's anything you can do about that. Your father cannot remain single since your mother is not alive again. But let the woman know your likes and dislikes about her. Seek for ways to live amicably with her. Your right and the right of the woman can be protected in a way that nobody will be cheated. Don't hold grudges with the woman. Don't create enmity with the woman. I wish you the best.

natedensel:
I dropped out of school for a while because he refused to pay for something, I worked myself to God knows what before I was able to resume, he doesn't do anything in my life, I don't begrudge him, and I am not accountable to him either and he couldn't do anything about it because he lost the right to have any say in my life due to past transgressions and for that reason we're not close, so talking to him is out of it, I am not complaining because of me, like I said he doesn't do anything for me, I just want him to be fair to the little ones who can't stand up to him.

If none of your siblings can talk to him in terms of caring for them, you may need to involve close relatives that he can listen to.

The challenge with keeping quiet is that it will make life more difficult for your siblings over time. Except if you're capable of looking after them.

Someone needs to tell him that he's sowing bad seeds for his life in old age.

MrPresidon:
@op I have a similar life story to yours, although a lot of differences but there are similarities, so I can tell you that I can relate to your story very well

My verdict: Leave the house.
I can tell you that there's no amount of talk or admonishments from anyone that will change how your father behaves now, why? because YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD; the person occupying that space now is this woman. Even after talks, your dad might pretend to listen but will still go ahead in his behavior as long as that woman is still in the picture. As for your siblings, I don't know how young they still are but if you can find a family member preferably from your late mother's side that can take them in while you go hustle to support them until they're able to fend for themselves.

Baba na the only suggestion wey I fit give be this. Normally nothing concern me and another man family matter but like I said, I can relate to your story cos it's similar to mine. I don't know how old you are but I left my home after my mom died at the age of 15. Today I'm 30 and doing well for myself, now na my father dey beg to see me or hear my voice.

Also, like some monikers mentioned above, the real issue here is not the woman but your father. She didn't force her way into your home, your father brought her in and I don't think he's insensible enough to not know that she's drawing his attention away from hi children except maybe she don go lock am for somewhere... you know what I mean

On the contrary bro she forced her way in, she didn't start as a concubine, she started as an acquaintance who's trying to care for people who lost their mum, then she started sleeping over and sneaking around, then she stopped sneaking, then she started chipping in suggestions on family matters, then she started trying to enforce her views, then she became brazen and started staying for days, then she stopped hiding her immorality, I don see shege guy you no go understand.

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

your dad is far gone into her,if she tells him to chase you and your siblings he will do it without hesitating...he has been pussimatized.

Godmind2022:
The best way to quench fire is not with fire but with water. Talk to your dad in a mature way about the neglect of your siblings. Then speak in a reasonable way with the other woman. Let her know what you like and what you don't like. But you should be ready to accept her as your father's present wife because I don't think there's anything you can do about that. Your father cannot remain single since your mother is not alive again. But let the woman know your likes and dislikes about her. Seek for ways to live amicably with her. Your right and the right of the woman can be protected in a way that nobody will be cheated. Don't hold grudges with the woman. Don't create enmity with the woman. I wish you the best.

Then he should marry her, no be one ashawo go come dey dictate things with her child she carried from somewhere.

Be a man a have a talk with your father... He is still your father no matter what and you need his prayers.
Voice out your concerns and plans...let him know you need his prayers and assurances concerning your siblings... God bless and be with you.

Most people that die untimely death is due to marriage

MrPresidon:
➜Baba forget that thing, na me dey tell you out of experience... Justice Court ke.. Nigeria no be Yankee oh, especially for family matter

Did you try justice court in your situation, though? At least try it before putting it down.

Ur dad has gone loco if u have anyone or family member who can talk sense into him u probably need to involve them ASAP.

There's nothing as terrible as an irresponsible dad. I wi advice don't just talk to him but pray for him.

i don't know if ur dad has assets that need to be protected then u might need to be very smart and indirect with him. However if he's just irresponsible and broke pls move on with ur lives and build ur self and help ur siblings anyway u can. There are people in this world without parents who are doing everything to make something of their lives.

There are people who dad's where absent and they have made progress without him... Let that be ur motivation.

MrPresidon:
Baba forget that thing, na me dey tell you out of experience... Justice Court ke.. Nigeria no be Yankee oh, especially for family matter

Actually, Justice Court works. It's rooted in Lagos State laws which emphasises the responsibility of parents over their children. If they go there, he'll be made to pay the school fees and care for them especially since their mum isn't alive to share the burden.

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

See, if that woman is making life miserable for you and your siblings, then the woman is a wicked woman. If you have the opportunity of restricting her wickedness now, and you refuse to do it, she will make life more miserable for your siblings when you are no longer there. Wickedness resides in the heart of a person. Situation doesn't make a person wicked, it only brings out the wickedness already residing in the heart of that person.

She is probably the one financing your dad.

natedensel:
The problem is why can't she just LovePeddler herself and leave, why is she now trying to control a family she just invaded few months ago, now she's diverting every support my siblings are supposed to get from their father for her and her child, her grown up teenage child, did you read what I wrote at all? She's now my father's voice like she speaks for him now, isn't it logical to nip this in the bud before it becomes rooted.

The woman is gaining control because you guys are afraid of your father

there is a level of heat you will give that woman in that house and she will run for her dear life or better still ask your father to rent a new apartment for her away from you guys

Even if she do juju, na your father juju catch no be you

step up man!

How old are you and why haven’t you left the home??

MrPresidon:
Baba forget that thing, na me dey tell you out of experience... Justice Court ke.. Nigeria no be Yankee oh, especially for family matter

Justice Court resolves family issues on daily basis. He can just fill their form online and submit. I believe if the man is dragged to the place, he will have a rethink.

Leaving the house is the best thing, leave your father, he is the one responsible for all these mess. Don't fight for him, at least you can take care of yourself, find peace

You said he contributed to your mothers death, and he still contributed to the misery of his children, so leave him alone.

But make sure your younger ones are learning something that will help them stand on their two feet, as soon as possible.

Kobojunkie:
I am sorry, but why are you vindictively attacking the woman when the person who is destroying your family unit is not the woman but your father?

Your father chose this woman, allowed her to move herself and her children into your lives. The freedom the woman has in your lives is authorized by your father. So, what are you attacking and demeaning her for when all she does is as allowed by your very own father, whom you seem to think needs to be saved by you when in reality he is the very core of the problem you claim to have with this woman?

Someone give this person 2 bottles of udémé.

Without explicit permission from that man, the woman would not dare.

The father is weak and has lost his senses. Natedaniel, Kobo is right on this one.

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

In matters like this, you have to man up. Forget about the woman, concentrate on your dad. He may have been jazzed or he may be under a spell, or just under the influence of great sex. But that statement that he's treating you like he treated your mother raises some suspicion.

If they can try to lock a 20 year old with jazz, they can definitely do the same to an older man with cash.

Don't get confrontational with your dad, but investigate the matter. This is Africa!

natedensel:
My dad has never set foot in a church, nor have I, and he's not Muslim, but he believes in God, just that he's not churchy or religious, but I'm in my 20s and the oldest and my siblings are teenagers and adolescents.

There is a very serious problem here, if your father and you never step into a church. You better go and give your life to Jesus first, then accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, build yourself up spiritually before concerning yourself with family matters, or else you are risking your life.