₦airaland Forum

OP

Just have it at the back of your mind that
Your wife s family have no ounce of respect for you...

They are shameless and in their mind are still eating free money.. just guilt tripping you that their relationship is in the past

You can never satisfy such family even if you double hustle and increase giving them... As long as they are seeing to collect from the ex, theu will continue to collect and rub it in your face... The ex sef must really have enough extra cash to still spare to send to an ex s family...

I be man... Why I go dey still send money if no be say vested interest dey inside

budaatum:
➜They could collect from their ex-son in law and not tell their current son in law if they did not have a motive.

You mean there could be a motive directed towards their current son-in-law for them collecting money and gifts from the lady's ex?

Kobojunkie:
You mean there could be a motive directed towards their current son-in-law for them collecting money and gifts from the lady's ex?

Not for collecting, but for telling him, which they don't need to.

budaatum:
➜Not for collecting, but for telling him, which they don't need to.

You mean maybe it was to get him to do better in terms of giving them gifts and money?

Kobojunkie:
1. She started collecting money from him, or, as OP instead said, her in-laws collected money and gifts from him? You seem to be writing your own script here.

2. Trying to understand? Are you joking? If his wife keeping in touch with her ex was a red flag for OP, OP's mistake was marrying her despite that. Also, OP already made clear that he had no problem with her keeping in touch with the ex. My issue is, why do you keep making an issue of it when this is literally his own statement from the beginning?

3. Keeping in touch with an ex has nothing to do with having an open relationship. Please look up the meaning of the term to be sure why it should not be a part of this.

Kobo whether she is representing his inlaws...

Or they are representing her is same thing.

It's not different.


2 a mistake is what it is... a mistake. If op made a mistake due to whatever reasons the question is how does he move forward from they. Obviously he made a mistake allowing the friendship flourish from the start. And he may not have seen it as a bad thing.... normally it ought not to be but people take liberties for granted and weakness.


You are getting the context wrong in which I used the word open relationship!

duduade:
OP

Just have it at the back of your mind that
Your wife s family have no ounce of respect for you...

They are shameless and in their mind are still eating free money.. just guilt tripping you that their relationship is in the past

You can never satisfy such family even if you double hustle and increase giving them... As long as they are seeing to collect from the ex, theu will continue to collect and rub it in your face... The ex sef must really have enough extra cash to still spare to send to an ex s family...

I be man... Why I go dey still send money if no be say vested interest dey inside

You are right there surely...

Apart from being disrespectful to the man they are shameless and even have no respect for themselves. I mean the family. No matter how poor someone is they ought to reserve small respect and principles for themself!

brain54:
➜Kobo whether she is representing his inlaws...Or they are representing her is same thing. It's not different.
2 a mistake is what it is... a mistake. If op made a mistake due to whatever reasons the question is how does he move forward from they. Obviously he made a mistake allowing the friendship flourish from the start. And he may not have seen it as a bad thing.... normally it ought not to be but people take liberties for granted and weakness.
3. You are getting the context wrong in which I used the word open relationship!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The wife is representing her parents? Isn't this clearly a desperate attempt to make the wife guilty no matter what? Kai! 🤣🤣

2. Again, go back and read the OP. @OP made no mistake as he clearly affirmed his having no issue with his wife keeping in touch with her friend, who happens to be her ex. Stop inventing issues for argument's sake, abeg!

3. There is no context created by OP that warrants your use of the term "Open relationship". Nonewhatsoever!

Kobojunkie:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The wife is representing her parents? Isn't this clearly a desperate attempt to make the wife guilty no matter what? Kai! 🤣🤣

2. Again, go back and read the OP. @OP made no mistake as he clearly affirmed his having no issue with his wife keeping in touch with her friend, who happens to be her ex. Stop inventing issues for argument's sake, abeg!

3. There is no context created by OP that warrants your use of the term "Open relationship". Nonewhatsoever!

Once again look at the context I used open relationship initially...


He didn't have an issue with it doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake.


Why should her parents be collecting money from her ex? The connection between them is her isn't it?

brain54:
➜Once again look at the context I used open relationship initially... He didn't have an issue with it doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake.
➜ Why should her parents be collecting money from her ex?
➜ The connection between them is her isn't it?

Whatever mistake you think he had does not matter. OP said he has no issue with it. Get over it already.

2. Why shouldn't they? Are the parents married to OP?

3. The wife is still friends with this man. So why can't her parents relate to her friends?

Kobojunkie:
Whatever mistake you think he had does not matter. OP said he has no issue with it. Get over it already.

2. Why shouldn't they? Are the parents married to OP?

But it's that single mistake that resulted in op creating this thread...

And you think it doesn't matter?


@2 . Brings us back to my original comment. Adults ought to exhibit responsible behavior!

Feisu:
My wife still keeps contact with her married ex. She says they parted peacefully so they are still friends.
I didn't have an issue with it. But I recently found out he sends money and gifts to my inlaws and they are all so happy with that. Even celebrating this in my presence and saying I shouldn't be jealous or anything because their daughter knows she's married and their relationship was in the past.
This doesn't sit well with me.
I also know for a fact that my parents wouldn't accept unsolicited gifts from my ex or that of my siblings.

Your wife married ex dey Akwaabaa your assumed wife and her family dey in support.

Brotherman wise up

Feisu:
My wife still keeps contact with her married ex. She says they parted peacefully so they are still friends.
I didn't have an issue with it. But I recently found out he sends money and gifts to my inlaws and they are all so happy with that. Even celebrating this in my presence and saying I shouldn't be jealous or anything because their daughter knows she's married and their relationship was in the past.
This doesn't sit well with me.
I also know for a fact that my parents wouldn't accept unsolicited gifts from my ex or that of my siblings.

The ex and your wife still have feelings for each other. Your wife has told her parents the truth. They support it.

The ex might be having marital problems with his wife abroad and planning to marry your wife as his ex love. Your wife also will like to marry abroad man to japa from Nigeria.

Once that ex lands in Naija this December, he will k.nack your wife.


Just be prepared. It's coming.

So what’s going to happen after this. Voice out your discomfort, and also make it known that you too plan on getting gifts for your ex’s.

Kobojunkie:
You mean maybe it was to get him to do better in terms of giving them gifts and money?

Might be, but not necessarily. They might really just prefer the ex to the current, or be greedy.

budaatum:
➜Might be, but not necessarily. They might really just prefer the ex to the current, or be greedy.

I can't really say what motive they may have, if any, from the much information provided by OP. What I know is that the one that OP is married to is their daughter, not them. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman — It is not between a woman's entire family(herself included) and the man, like many people like to pretend when it suits them.

If the wife's family doesn't like OP for whatever reasons they may have, it's their prerogative. OP can't force them to like him. He can only focus on and work on his relationship with his wife, and them because she is their child.

Kobojunkie:
I can't really say what motive they may have, if any, from the much information provided by OP. What I know is that the one that OP is married to is their daughter, not them. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman — It is not between a woman's entire family(herself included) and the man, like many people like to pretend when it suits them.

If the wife's family doesn't like OP for whatever reasons they may have, it's their prerogative. OP can't force them to like him. He can only focus on and work on his relationship with his wife, and them because she is their child.

I do agree with you regarding the op and his marriage, and I think he should learn to mind his own business and keep his nose out of the business of his in-laws.

[quote author=Feisu post=137256472]My wife quote]

The answer to your problem is in your wife's WhatsApp messages to her ex

I think op should b very much careful dealing with such family n there's a yoruba adage... you can marry a bad wife if d inlaws r good...

Double0h7:
The message they are sending is to up your hustle! Do you gift them?

To up his hustle so that what exactly will happen?
Is he owing them??

Kobojunkie:
I can't really say what motive they may have, if any, from the much information provided by OP. What I know is that the one that OP is married to is their daughter, not them. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman — It is not between a woman's entire family(herself included) and the man, like many people like to pretend when it suits them.

If the wife's family doesn't like OP for whatever reasons they may have, it's their prerogative. OP can't force them to like him. He can only focus on and work on his relationship with his wife, and them because she is their child.

U make me laugh. It's not possible for op to ignore his inlaw. D wife will always listen to d family n if there's misunderstanding between them wu will help them settle...

francisbarrack:
➜U make me laugh. It's not possible for op to ignore his inlaw.
➜ D wife will always listen to d family n
➜ if there's misunderstanding between them we will help them settle...

He shouldn't ignore them since they are his in-laws by marriage after all. Neither should he impose his view or opinion on them since they are not under any obligation to like him simply on the grounds that he is married to their daughter.

2. Well, just because you are married to someone does not mean the person ceases to be an individual; the wife remains an individual even in marriage, free to listen to whomever she deems best to. In the same way, OP is also able to listen to his own parent, who may have reservations of their own about his wife; his wife is also free to listen to her own parents. Marriage does not change individuals, and it does not work to isolate people from their friends and family.

3. If there is a misunderstanding between the man and his wife, and they are not mature enough to resolve it between themselves, they should probably consider that they are not meant for each other after all.

The light is shining and the path is clear. But you can't see afar off yet. I guess when you get to see you would know you should have taken caution in time.

Go do dna first

ChybuzzDD:
To up his hustle so that what exactly will happen?
Is he owing them??

And this the question op needs to ask his wife and in-laws. I said that’s the message THEY are sending.

On a norms, them no suppose to Dey collect the money but then them no get respect for themselves and them Dey hungry so am sure they are the ones asking for money since he has a child with their daughter.

Feisu:
My wife still keeps contact with her married ex. She says they parted peacefully so they are still friends.
I didn't have an issue with it. But I recently found out he sends money and gifts to my inlaws and they are all so happy with that. Even celebrating this in my presence and saying I shouldn't be jealous or anything because their daughter knows she's married and their relationship was in the past.
This doesn't sit well with me.
I also know for a fact that my parents wouldn't accept unsolicited gifts from my ex or that of my siblings.

Never marry a wretched lady.
We sound like this because we know the reason.
Never Never wife any lady with a consumptive poor mentality from a wretched home.
It pays a lot and saves a lot of headache.
I still don't know how some ? hardworking dudes settle for such unproductive ladies?🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️
I can't mortgage my future & freedom 4such a person.

To cap it all, you still address such a Leech as your wife, hence still acknowledging her people as your in-laws.
By now you should be talking of DNA and Divorce in-progress except you are also an accomplice to this.

Kobojunkie:
Are they collecting it from him because he is her ex or because they have grown to appreciate the friendship they have with him, even though he is no longer with their daughter?

To put it another way, did OP have to buy his wife from her parents so that OP would now feel threatened by this man giving money to those same parents?

This is the main question

Feisu:
My wife still keeps contact with her married ex. She says they parted peacefully so they are still friends.
I didn't have an issue with it. But I recently found out he sends money and gifts to my inlaws and they are all so happy with that. Even celebrating this in my presence and saying I shouldn't be jealous or anything because their daughter knows she's married and their relationship was in the past.
This doesn't sit well with me.
I also know for a fact that my parents wouldn't accept unsolicited gifts from my ex or that of my siblings.

I see you creating a new thread that your wife travelled abroad in few months time.

This I have seen